Question For ya'll...

[red_rider]

How do you handle the feeling of having to file a BK? I know for me it has been the most stressful and demeaning thing I have ever done to myself. I find it hard to "look" friends and family in the eye and tell them thank you for the understanding. I don't care how many people tell me they understand it still makes me feel inadequate and irresponsible. This entire process has taught me one heck of lesson and I will never let myself be put into the situation again. I am just curious how others deal with it...just want to know that I am not alone...

[Graphic]

Well I don't tell many people aside from my parents. Also my uncle, who filed BK 5 years ago... now he makes 350k a year and is smart with his money. Honestly though, yes I think to myself damn how did I let myself spend money like that when I should have known better. Hindsight is 20/20. I just look at it as it's my chance to redeem myself. Everyone makes mistakes some way or another.. when it becomes bad in my opinion is when you repeat those mistakes over and over.

So don't worry about what people think. Many people file bankruptcy as sometimes things just happen because of certain situations. I guarantee you there are going to be lots of people filing from New Orleans situation. No one WANTS to file bankruptcy, but then again no one has found out where the money tree is planted at yet either! (well some of us more than others but you get the point)

So anyways just try to hold your spirits high and move on with life.. there's more to life than just worrying about bankruptcy, although, it is a pain in the ass at times.

[Minnymouth]

Red Rider,
Believe me when I say "we all know how you are feeling"!!!
We have been there, done that!!! We have beat ourselves up, made excuses for our behavior and bad luck, cried, drank, and etc.........
We stay away from mirrors because we didn't like what was looking back at us....... we all felt like "failures"..... too ashamed to admit we couldn't pay our bills.
We worried about "what the neighbors and family would think?".

Well when it's all over and done with you will be saying:

1. Why didn't I do this sooner, it IS MY RIGHT to claim bankruptcy?
2. Who care what the neighbors think? - at least I'm doing something about my situtation!.
3. Doing this has made me aware of my faults and has shown me a better way to handle my affairs.
4. NO credit card company is worth me having a heart attack and leaving my family alone and in financial stress.
5. I am NOT ALONE in doing this - many others have and are walking the same path as I am...... it's called my "support group on the bankruptcy forum"......
6. There is "life after bankruptcy" and I have been granted a "new beginning" for which I will use to the best of my ability in the future for me and my family.
7. Theres no shame in filing bankruptcy - many of my family and friends NEED TOO but won't...... and it just keeps their lives in a turmoil.

Now, does that help. If not, there is much more we can say to you to let you know that YES, there comes a time in your life that you MIGHT have to claim bankruptcy to get your life back.............

We're here to help, support, and chat with you during the bk process. Lean on us, we're here to help!!

Welcome to our family..................

[Minnymouth]

Red rider,
Your avatar show a "broken man or woman"!!! I want to see that change in the next few months to one of a confident individual who knows they have done the right thing to straighten their life out........
No one "wants" to claim bankruptcy - some of us are forced into it by circumstances beyond our control. Some of us by our own hands! But at least we are aware there is a serious problem and its not going to go away.... by wishful thinking....

[AMISLANDER]

I knew it was going to happen sooner or later...

How do you handle the feeling of having to file a BK? I know for me it has been the most stressful and demeaning thing I have ever done to myself. I find it hard to "look" friends and family in the eye and tell them thank you for the understanding. I don't care how many people tell me they understand it still makes me feel inadequate and irresponsible. This entire process has taught me one heck of lesson and I will never let myself be put into the situation again. I am just curious how others deal with it...just want to know that I am not alone...

...it was at it's peak when I went back to the lawyer and sat there and had to explain that it all boiled down to substance abuse...and the bk is the last issue of money to deal with from my situation. I cried. I got drunk. I threw up, the day that I actually signed my john hancock on the bk paperwork. But, I was served with a judgement last June and had no choice.

[bkfiler]

filing bk is just a process. you file the paperwork. it gets reviewed to see if you deserve it. you get discharged. simple as that. the bk laws were created to help people.

if i remember the article i posted right, 1 in 51 homes in america file for bk. do not be ashamed. it is not like it was once before. there is no stigma anymore. and besides it is smart to manage your future by filing bk now if needed. there is no reason to live the remaining years under a debt load that you will never recover from.

its over. what was done is past. you are not gaining from it. its not aploy to become richer. its a fresh start and you are allowed it by law.

unless and until you go through your own internal 'process' regarding your bk it wont be over. think about what the bk really means for you and your future. what it allows you to do. remember the mistakes from the past and move forward.

its a very good day for all of us.

[red_rider]

Thanks for all the encouragement guys...it really does mean a lot to me. I know there are others in the same situation (maybe worse) but I cannot help but feel like an outsider with the circle of friends I hang out with. Most of them would give me the shirt off their back but I wouldn't think of asking for help. I got myself into and it is me who will get myself out. I know it takes time and eventually it will be a better situation. Right now it is just hard to realize that I am even in this position. I have decided to give up on settling down until I can get my own finaces in order and unfortunately some people cannot understand that. I just want to be on my own two feet again before I make another life changing decision. Again, thanks...

[gunsmoke]

I must be disfunctional <"I don't thing I spelled that word right" I'm not even bothered about filing. I'm bothered that i'm broke. I've told family and friends in passing conversation that i'll soon be filing. I think everyone at work knows. I really don't care. I just want to make sure that I benefit from this ch.13 as much as possible.

[jennga]

The only persons who know about my bk are DH and attorney, BIL, and anyone who knows how to look at Pacer and by chance looked me up.

I felt really horrible about filing, could not believe I was actually doing it. I honestly believe what has helped me most is this forum. Initially I didn't tell anyone because I was too embarrassed. My healing has come from here, I would talk to anyone about it now. This forum helps normalize the event and put it into it's proper perspective.

Keep coming here, read all you can and post as much as you need to. I promise you that by the time you get to your day of discharge you will not feel like the broken man in the avatar. Hang in there.

[Anj]

We are twice filers -
We filed Ch. 7 - 4 1/2 years ago and did great - never racked back up the CC debt - got a new van and payed religiously - we even bought a new home 3 years after the filing... Then the worst - I was unemployed for 9 months and things spiralled downhill from there.

When we filed 7 - we told parents only
Now - not a soul - only our creditors and lawyer

We are now in Ch 13 to save our home - are we ashamed - NO WAY - are we dissappointed in ourselves - sure, you can beat yourself up - but after Ch. 7 - we have lived very modestly and without CC's. Life happens - we move on - and for the next 48 months, we will be paying for life's mishaps.

My husband and I have always looked at it like this - you do what you have to do. I didn't choose to lose my job - I payed my mortgage every month - but got behind in taxes - so we were put into the foreclosure process - we didn't mount thousands of dollars in CC debt - but that's why we are all here - for different reasons, so to feel bad or guilty isn't ok. You should feel like you are taking steps to do the right thing!!

Hang in there!!! A