I don't know if I can do this...

[lotsahats]

I'm just a few months away from filing for bankruptcy. I have an approximate date set, it's just a matter of saving up the money for an attorney. But now, the reality of what I'm about to do is starting to sink in, and I'm getting scared. The closer I come to that date, the more panicked I become.

I can't afford to get cold feet. I know that. I have to do this. There's no way around it.

If anybody out there can relate, I can sure use some encouragement.

Help!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Just about all of us can relate to your fears. This is a business decision, plain and simple. As long as you are honest, don't hide assets (if any) and in need of relief, your BK will go smooth. You are one in thousands who have and are to come due to this depression we are in.

There is no need for cold feet as you have us here to back you and answer your questions as well as sweat out any problems with you. This is what this forum is about. Taking care of each other. Fear not, once filed your whole world starts to get better. Practice your "new start" right now. 'Hub

[HHM]

That is why this forum exists, read the stories of the people here. no one regrets filing, the only regret is not filing sooner.

I mentioned this in another post, inherently, humans can adjust their "norm" to even very bad circumstances (think of hoarders). Once that happens with your financial life, (living with the calls, the lawsuits, the stress), that starts becoming the norm such that you cannot even remember what it was like to live without financial stress. At that point, bankruptcy seems like change, so not only must you overcome the inherent fear of change, but also the fear of the "perceived" unknown. The perceived unknown is simply the fear of the scarlet B, but there really is no scarlet B until you go through bankruptcy. However, overcoming those fears can be too much for some so they go on suffering.

[karm43]

I am right there with you! I am planning on fiing in few months too. Scared something will go wrong, not to mention embarrasing, even if I only know. I am so thankful for this forum!!!!!

[keepsmiling]

I totally relate. It's pretty scary. BUT...
We are all here to hold your hand every step of the way.
Close your eyes and DIVE IN. It's like getting your flu shot. (I am terrified of needles). Just do it cuz it needs doing.
Then come here and we'll keep you company and drink virtual shots all night long if necessary

[oregonpilot]

a big DITTO.
For nearly a month after talking to atty i was pretty much mentally paralyzed, could bearly keep any sane thought in my head.

[panda]

The fear of the unknown and living by our credit scores, makes it difficult to see how things might be on the other side. For a very long time bankruptcy was like the red light district that normal people hear about and stay away from. Now it is the normal for many of us that once would have never contemplated going this direction. Once here, you realize that you are now one of many of the new normal and it will fit more easily as time goes on. We have found that pulling ourselves through the bankruptcy was the most difficult thing we have ever done, making the decision to go this route was terrifying, once we were on the other side our new normal became normal, and we are doing quite well, as are the others we find ourselves in company with.

We may be able to reassure you things will be fine, and I don't believe all of us could be wrong, but I also know living through it is the only experience that counts for any of us.

One day at a time is all you can do, then before you know it things will have moved along and you will be able to look back, see where you came from to where you are and be able to believe for yourself that things will be OK.

What you are going through is normal, and we have each been in your shoes. Best wishes for you as you move through the difficult time, and get to the other side.

[malf1204]

I worried and had a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure a way out of my financial situation. I always paid my bills and here I was one of those people who was not paying his bills. The day I made the decision and made peace with that decision I slept like a baby. People understand. You will feel better if you just make your decision and make peace with that decision.

[discouraged]

I just wish I'd found this forum earlier than I did and had quit throwing money away by paying the cc's. Best thing I did was to get out of that rut and realize I WAS throwing my money away. As my financial counselor pointed out, I'd probably paid them 10 times over by the time she convinced me bk was an option.

[lillymarlene]

I am now 13/48 months in, and of course I should have filed years ago. Things are so much more peaceful now, living on a cash basis. The way I lived for the past 10 years was not a "normal" way to live. Moving one debt around to pay another, having a mailbox stuffed with bills, dodging creditors; just never getting those cards paid off.

I am just so grateful I could use the bk option.

[jange]

lotsahats, I think anyone that has filed especially a ch 13 can relate. 5 years is a very long time. It is very scary, I was scared when we first met with the attorney, I was scared when we signed the final papers and he filed that same night, I was scared at the 341 meeting. Unlike others here my district 341's were not 2 minute meetings, our trustee, read all the paperwork asked questions and had a few objections. But my attorney worked everything out, my payment did go up, mainly due to a bonus and raise I got between the date we filed and the 341.
At the time my payment seemed high and I was scared I wouldn't have enough money to get us through the month.

But almost 2 years later we are doing ok. Some months are better than others, we have had several expensive unexpected bills that came up, but we managed.

I am no longer scared to answer my phone, though I do still check caller id. I sleep through the night, no longer waking in the middle of the night panicking and worrying about how I was going to pay everything, still eat, buy necessities like medicene and gas.

I do not regret filing, I regret that we got into the situation that we had to file and waiting as long as we did to file.

[IamOld]

'HATS. We were all scared :-) but take this from someone who also should remember this :-)

There is nothing to fear but fear itself!

[Drazil65]

There are several milestones throughout this process, each one will get you a step closer to a fresh start. One of the first is the realization that you cannot pay your bills without robbing peter to pay paul. This is one of the hardest as you cannot change what you don't acknowledge. BUT, you can start to take control back (one of the reasons this step is hard is because you feel out of control), First, make at least 3 (more if you need to) "free" consults with bankruptcy attorneys. These are free consults and you will gain alot of information dependent upon your situation and whether or not you will/should file. Second, get obsessive, knowledge is power, start to read all the stickies at the top of each category, this act alone will make you feel better.

Start to plan and prepare once you become familar with the process and start talking with attorneys. This is your decision about the business of your life, a business decision. Big businesses, banks, real estate developers, your neighbors, your relatives etc make this same decision every day, you would be surprised. We weighed our options back in June and started making appointments for our consults in July, we planned to file somewhere between the end of October to middle of November with a drop dead date by the end of year. We are signing our final papers next Friday the 2nd of December and attorney will file soon after. We feel good about decision, have planned each step and have taken our lives back. Good Luck.

[basketsbears]

Hi,

I know how you feel as well. We have talked about filing for about 2 years! We ended up going to a credit counseling agency to pay back our unsecured debt, and all was going OK, but then our rental home just kept putting us behind. BOA would not work with us at all (another story) so here we are. The thousands we spent paying that back over the last couple of years, were probably just wasted. We will miss our first payment with them Monday.

I am so sad that we are in this situation as well. After I got divorced about 15 years ago I filed as I ended up with all the debt from our marriage (long story, I truly think my ex's family paid the judge - was in a very small town), so even though the situation is a little different with my husband's rental house, I cannot believe we are going through this again.

I am trying to keep this in perspective as a business decision. I am 54 - no real retirement to count on. My husband does have military retirement, civil service and VA, which we are very thankful for, but I need to also start thinking about that. My goal is to have wherever our home is to be fully paid for by the time we are retired.

(((Hugs))) to you and your family. We are all in this together!

[chiwawa]

I was scared, worried and all of the above. I filed this month CH7 given up the house the house is under water; I have lost my job 2 years now. Waiting for 341 meeting, does not know if we can rent a place because of the bk. Thanks to everyone on this site has given me the support and the knowledge of planing ahead until the day I filed.
Thank you