It's time.

[lorelei]

I first came to this forum in the summer of 2010, when I was confronted with the cold, stark reality that a bankruptcy was in my future. I was in a panic then. I was earning $50,000k plus a year but was saddled with credit card and student loan debt, plus I was supporting my partner who was unemployed for more than a year. I was headed for a Chapter 13.

Immediately, I stopped using and paying on my credit cards. I haven't used one since early July 2010. I thought it was impossible, but I don't even miss the cards now.

And then ... I waited.

I waited first to get out of the 60-day look period on credit cards. Then I waited some more until a cash gift my parents gave me to help me make a down payment on a car cleared the six-month look-back period. And then I waited again because I was about to graduate from grad school and I thought maybe starting over in a new job in a new career might bring my earnings into the promised land of Chapter 7. I waited because I needed to have a small surgery and I knew I was about to incur considerable medical bills.

And then the unthinkable happened. I lost my job in June 2011. In fact, not only did I lose my job, but I went home that night to find a water line had burst and my house was now - literally - under water (OK, I exaggerate a little, more like half a foot deep throughout the basement). The city shut off the water and told me I couldn't live there until it was repaired. Yes, I somehow managed to lose my job and temporarily my home all within six hours. Talk about a bad day.

But it was a blessing, too. Unemployment was a crash course on what I need vs. what I want. I had inklings of it already and had learned to live without credit. But I didn't really learn what it was to only buy what I must have and go without whatever I wanted until then.

And I realized one of the things I wanted but did not need was my house. I couldn't pay the mortgage anymore. The bank (BoA) told me to "do my best." I decided that doing my best was letting it go. But let it go slowly, thank you. Let me have time to prepare.

It has been a blessing in disguise. I found a new job in December. It pays 40 percent less than my former one, but I am happier here. I am now solidly in Chapter 7 land. I am working with a HUD counselor to negotiate with my bank and hopefully arrange a short sale.

And I'm ready now. I'm ready to finally file for bankruptcy. I'm at the point, finally, where thinking about it brings a sense of relief, not more anxiety. I'm taking the stack of updated papers and documents to my attorney tomorrow.

It's been a long road to get here. I've learned a lot of hard lessons along the way.

I'm ready.

[AngelinaCat]

Congratulations, Lorelei, I know it was hard, but thank you for sharing this wonderful story with the members. This will give hope to so many that come here full of anxiety and stress, and help them realize that BK is not the end of the world, but is a New Start.

Please let us know how it goes tomorrow!

[lorelei]

Oh, gosh, was it ever heard, Angelina. I cried all the time the first few weeks after I came to the realization that bankruptcy was the only real solution for me. I felt like such a failure. I was so ashamed!

That's another lesson I learned in this. Your worth is not financial. You can't find it in your bank statements or your credit score. It's in what you bring to the world, what you do for people around you. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.

I remember getting a call from one collector who was particularly nasty. I told him, "You're using a phone to harass me and try to make me feel bad about not being able to pay. I use a phone at a crisis intervention center to answer suicide calls and help keep people alive. Nothing you can do or say is going to shame me." Well, that shut him up!

Don't lose sight of all the good in you through all this. Someday when we're no longer here anymore (hopefully some day far, far in the future), it's the things we've done for our friends, family and even strangers that will be remembered. No one at BoA is going to remember who I am or care that I couldn't pay my credit card bill or mortgage. We aren't our bank statements. We're so much more.

(But there won't be much to report tomorrow, I'm just dropping off papers to my attorney's assistant :-) )

[lotsahats]

Good luck, Lorelei! I'm right behind you. A week from today, as a matter of fact.

[StartinOver]

That's another lesson I learned in this. Your worth is not financial. You can't find it in your bank statements or your credit score. It's in what you bring to the world, what you do for people around you. I know it sounds trite, but it's true.

I remember getting a call from one collector who was particularly nasty. I told him, "You're using a phone to harass me and try to make me feel bad about not being able to pay. I use a phone at a crisis intervention center to answer suicide calls and help keep people alive. Nothing you can do or say is going to shame me." Well, that shut him up!)

Boy did you nail the important stuff in these two tightly written paragraphs. Good on you!

[Nofilb]

Good stuff! I know I think I'm a failure but then I read messages like this and think it's going to be alright - for all of us! I learned the hard way. We haven't used credit cards for about a year now and I really don't miss them. Aside from having a house or someplace to live and a car loan, I really could care less about credit. The finance industry is all about building bigger empires and making more money. I tried to work with my creditors and they refused to work with me. I'm tired of paying $420 a month on a CC with a $9K balance and have about $70 go to principal. I'm doing the means test a week from Monday. Good luck to you!

[Drazil65]

Wow, you're awesome! The best of luck to you. One thing with the house and mortgage, once you surrender the house in the chp 7 you're done. Do not stress or worry about doing a short sale (especially if it is BOA ) I think so many of us here have been down that road with them. If you were able to do it before hand (as in you already have a buyer and an offer) you might have been successful with it. But after the fact do not do their work for them, you do not need to worry about it after filing and discharge. Save your money and prepare to move on, you should have a while with the amount of time that foreclosures are taking.

Good Luck and keep us posted!

[lorelei]

Thanks for the advice, Drazil. Basically, I'm just looking to do whatever buys me time. I talked with both my atty's legal assistant today and my housing counselor, and it looks like I can at least stay in through the end of this year, maybe 12 months total (or more, who knows). Looks like I'll ride out my state's 90-day waiting period between a notice of default and notice of sheriff's sale (to give us time to meet with a housing counselor) and then, as the bank is getting ready to file notice of a sale, I'll file bankruptcy, which will buy me another couple months. And then the sale, and then the 6-month redemption period. I've become quite the master of delay through all this.

Anyway, the upshot is: Things are going to get better.

[OhioFiler]

Nice pre-planning your bankruptcy in regards to your mortgage and your house. More people should behave this way as an option to live rent-free for a year or two.

[SweetGeorgia]

Good for you, lorelei! And I agree with OhioFiler - I wish more people were able to plan WRT the house/mortgage this way. I believe that it can make a big difference in how you come out of it; delaying foreclosure now may mean WAY more financial stability for you a year or two off.

You've certainly lived through some tough days (especially the one losing job and being flooded out, jeez!) and you probably know by now that not everyone learns, grows, or becomes a better person because of adversity. You have, and that's a real accomplishment. Those experiences could really help on the crisis phone lines, I bet. I hope you continue that work if you're still doing it.

The first BK attorney I talked to was so incredibly mean to me on the phone, so much worse than my bill collectors. I ended the conversation as soon as possible, and still found myself in tears! It's not a joke and it's not cute to abuse people who are already vulnerable and fragile. I so wish I'd kept that jerk's name or number, grr. I was lucky to find this site early on, and I soon stopped feeling guilty.

Good luck!

[Fargo]

lorelei,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My hubby and I recently made the decision to file bankruptcy. We are retaining a lawyer next week. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I stopped paying our unsecured debt. I had a restless night because of feelings of guilt and shame. My thoughts about bankruptcy have drastically changed over the last few months. I had been laid off twice in five years, became very ill for a year, and still have not found a job. Through it all, I thought we would manage to pay our bills. We tried and struggled the last several years. With mounting medical bills, it has become impossible for us to keep up.

Then, I started researching bankruptcy and thought no for a long time. Then one day I found this forum and just began reading. I couldn't believe how positive people were. I learned so much in a matter of a few hours of reading. We know this is the best decision for us but the emotions are every where right now. It's been so enlightening to read people's stories about how better their lives became after bankruptcy. Although it has only been a few months, we are are enjoying lives without credit cards. We are in the process of creating a budget for post bankruptcy life. It's a great relief to know that we will be able to live on one income and be able to save money for the first time in years. You really helped me today so I say thank you!