Does it Get Any Better?

[HopefulInOhio]

Guys, I need to find a way to get my mind off of this debt.

I have been separated the past year from my husband who is screaming and yelling he will never agree to anything I've worked up in a dissolution, so I have to file divorce. My attorney wants $3500 for that. Okay....

I have used credit cards to make it for he was doing very good on child support, but then stopped. He is being a total ass and I'm about broke. If not for student loans, my daughter and I would be homeless. I have reported him to CSEA..he is thinking because we haven't filed legally yet, he doesn't have to pay anything for her...right.

So, now I have to come up with money for the divorce attorney...PLUS I have $20,000 in credit card debt. In order to file for bankrupty, a bankruptcy attorney has offered to do it for $1500. Okay...

I am going nuts here..my hours have been cut at work and I don't make a great wage anyway, I go to college full time, I have a teenager.......I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm only behind 2 months on 2 cards..the other 3 are current.

Any advice on what to do first..maybe send these CC companies letters..2 I've talked to on the phone and act like they care, then ask me if I'd like to schedule a payment for the next day anywhere from $200 or more..if I had that, I wouldn't be broke.

I think I'm going to draft letters, explaining my impending divorce, cut work hours and see where it takes me. My phone calls get me nowhere. Maybe in writing they'll listen...??

Who knows....I'm just at my wit's end......a deadbeat husband/father, I'm broke and I worry over debt until I'm ready to throw in the towel. All I hear from him is that HE's broke.......he makes $17 an hour, works over 40 hours a week..and I barely get 20 and I make half of his salary.

Where in the heck do I get money for both attorneys and not lose my mind in the process? My family is not rich so I'm done for, I do believe.

Any advice? I've never felt this low in my whole life.

[Minnymouth]

Okay.............. TAKE A DEEP BREATH - LET IT OUT REAL SLOW....... AND SHRUG YOUR SHOULDERS TO GET THE TENSIONS OUT.......... THEN SCREAM ONCE REAL "LOUD"............

Ahhhhh, stress relief.........

Okay, now............

Get a "stiff upper lip" - get your emotions under control - AND TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS......

1. Contact your local Child Support office that he is not paying child support.. in Ohio they hunt them down like "dogs".... (mininum time for non-payment of child support is 1+ years in the pen.)
2. Apply for aid while you are there.... this includes food stamps, help with your electric/gas bill...
3. Find a bankruptcy attorney that will handle a BK case for you by paying installments... possibly find a free one thru Legal Aid......
4. Contact Legal Aid regarding an attorney for your divorce.....

Do you have any assets? Home, auto, retirement etc???? Is property jointly owned?
Is his name on the bills and credit cards also?
Do you owe student loans?

Get back with us with info and part of this we may be able to help and support you.....

[HopefulInOhio]

Hello...thanks for listening. I'm just so stressed out here..I feel there is no end in sight. Between work, school, my daughter going thru the teenage thing, money, and this deadbeat jerk....I'm nuts. I've wanted out of this marriage for the LONGEST time...he keeps holding out and I have gone broke over it. But, the one good thing...it got me back in college to get my computer science degree. I sometimes feel I should quit to just support me and my daughter....almost like I'm not gonna make it if I don't. I just get so depressed over all this.

Here's some answers for you as best I can:



1. Contact your local Child Support office that he is not paying child support.. in Ohio they hunt them down like "dogs".... (mininum time for non-payment of child support is 1+ years in the pen.)

Already did that..he was voluntary at first, but now the payments are only when he feels he's got the extra money. I, on the other hand, have paid for everything that has to do with our daughter.



2. Apply for aid while you are there.... this includes food stamps, help with your electric/gas bill...

I applied online for HEAP..stbx pays the electric. I don't worry too much about food, for I take care of my parents weekly, saving them money on home health..they immediately wanted to pay me, and I said no..but they insisted, throwing fits, so I told them I would only take groceries when I buy theirs. And, believe me..I am the biggest coupon clipper there is and can find food bargains anywhere...I can stretch out weekly grocery bills like nobody's business. I've done this for my parents for 3 years now. I still may look into food stamps though if things get super tight.



3. Find a bankruptcy attorney that will handle a BK case for you by paying installments... possibly find a free one thru Legal Aid......

In this town, they all want the upfront fee, so I'm going to call around to get one in the next town..hopefully they have installment plans - somebody has to!!!



4. Contact Legal Aid regarding an attorney for your divorce.....

Already have, and they said it may be a 5-6 month wait. If not, I'll have to try to find a cheaper attorney.



Do you have any assets? Home, auto, retirement etc???? Is property jointly owned?

We own a home together..I have 1 car in my name only. He has retirement from his state job that he started 3 years ago. Where he worked at before..he withdrew it all..worked there for 14 years..took out almost $30,000..he dwindled that money away so fast, I have no idea what he did to help our family in the slightest. He cannot account for any of it. I see a gigantic gym in the garage full of $$$ equipment..most likely more than half is out there. To him though...it's already spent...and I can do nothing about it...we'll see.



Is his name on the bills and credit cards also?

Nope...all in my name. He has his own - 2 I believe.



Do you owe student loans?

Yep, $6,000. Other secured loans is the mortgage and my car.



AHHHHHHHHHHH...I'm just going nuts today. I hate this feeling of not knowing where I'm headed or how to get there. So hard to do...

[miss puff]

*sending hug your way*

what your going through is hard. Not only pending BK but divorce too. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. You are not alone. We are here. Hopefully we can help you find your way.

[HopefulInOhio]

Thanks, Miss Puff.

I tell you what..I don't even know how I wake up some days. I get so tired due to all going on. My stbx has done nothing with our daughter for a year..a whole year. What kind of coward does that to his child? It might be easier to just give up - but I can't. I have her here..sometimes she's my only saving grace. It's what keeps me going. Not only do I have to worry about myself, I have to put on a brave face for her and I tell ya..it's not easy.

Some days I just want to scream. All he says is how ashamed and broke he is - he had an affair - but who cares? He chose to do it and don't try to get me to feel any of that blame.

I just want my life back where things are not so much of a struggle. Just too much going on...

[alh]

Don't wait until things are "super tight" to apply for for food stamps. Sounds like they are now. Apply for the food stamps. Especially with a daughter. It's pretty easy and having them takes away one more thing to worry about. You may even be eligible for medical.

[HopefulInOhio]

Hello al!

Medical is taken care of - she and I have dental, vision, and health insurance thru my husband. Looks like this divorce is going to drag out quite some time, so he can't cancel us for a while. Even if he does, I can pick up insurance at my job - not the greatest but I can get it.

Just may do that with the food stamps. I've got to go there anyway for my child support to be enforced..might as well sign up for it...

Thanks!