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    Get to know me, advise please!

    Hi Everyone, I've been lurking on here for a long time, i've made a couple posts and comments but not too many. I checked this forum out a lot when I did my previous bankruptcy. Right now I just want to write a little bit about me and explain my situation and see if anyone can relate.

    Back in April 2002 my husband and I filed a chapter 13 bankruptcy, we were 23 years old. We had split up and reconsiled after 6 months (divorce papers were filed), during our separation we both incurred a lot of debt, as many of you know finances are big a streser, so we filed a Chapter 13. After 2.5 years into the plan we had a baby boy and after consulting a new attorney we decided to reaffirm our second mortgage and our vehicle loan and convert to a chapter 7, the chapter 7 was discharged in June 2005. Well, now we are here again.....I feel like such a failure. We are signing papers to file chapter 13 again on October 9. We ended up buying a new house, which we were able to afford, and then 4 months after moving we found out we were pregnant again (completely unexpected, first child was conceived after much fertility assistance, second got conceived while on birth control). When we purchase our house, my parents were watching my oldest son (no daycare charges)....he was an only grandchild, then came my niece, then 2 more neices, then my newest addition. Grandma and grandma no longer babysit.........here comes an additional $600/month, grandma still was watching baby for me, then grandpa passes away in August, grandma can't do it anymore, here comes another $400.00 for childcare....husband gets hospitalized for collapsed lung, out of work for 5 weeks ($5000.00 bill now)! I was already barely making it, increased gas and everything (I have a 70 mile communte for work each day), haven't received a raise in 3 years! I didn't have an economical vehicles, I had an SUV (I am surrendering this, and just purchased a impala last weekend which will get double gas mileage). Husband and I have been at eachothers necks for several months because we don't have money to even really get groceries, my 4 year old just asked me last night, "mommy, why are you never happy", I just cried and went into my room and closed the door. I just don't know what to do anymore, then I get a call from my grandma a little bit ago saying she wants the $2000.00 back, that my grandpa borrowed me in 2005 and said I didn't have to pay back, she said sorry, but I want it. I DONT' HAVE IT! I am so scared that the trustee is going to tear me apart at the meeting of creditors, especially since I went and purchased a new vehicle right before filing and am surrendering one (but I'm saving $275.00/mo at least doing this), and because of the past bankrutpcy. I just dont' want to be a failure anymore. I want to get a long with my husband and be a good mom. Any advise.

    #2
    Hi

    I am relatively new to this forum also, and have found it wonderfully supportive. I found a few other forums on bankruptcy and people were so rude! So I'm glad both of us found a supportive place where we can get good advice and won't be judged for making mistakes. I really don't have any advice, but I wanted to say that I'm in the same boat and I understand.

    I also have a previous Ch. 7 filed Nov. 2000 and I'm not sure if I should file Ch. 13 or not.

    I hope that everything works out for you. Hopefully you are able to get the fresh start you need!
    Filed Ch. 7 Pro Se: 12/11/08
    341 Meeting: 1/7/09
    Trustee's Report of No Distribution: 1/9/09
    Discharged: 3/10/09

    Comment


      #3
      God bless your family..

      Comment


        #4
        [B]Hi Everyone, I've been lurking on here for a long time, i've made a couple posts and comments but not too many. HI

        Well, now we are here again.....I feel like such a failure.
        DON'T, I filed when I was young myself, I built up my credit tremendously, I got into gambling and here I am again,12 years later NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT. Everyones life is different, things change, things happen. but don't beat yourself over it. We're all in here for different reasons. We're certainly not failures.

        husband gets hospitalized for collapsed lung, out of work for 5 weeks ($5000.00 bill now)! Thats horrible I hope he is recovering ..

        I get a call from my grandma a little bit ago saying she wants the $2000.00 back,
        grandma will have to be included in on the debt (should be!), sorry grandma

        I am so scared that the trustee is going to tear me apart at the meeting of creditors
        Trustee is only interested in how much disposable income you MIGHT HAVE to be able to payback the creditors, it doesn't matter how you got into debt (everyone has their reasons, and certainly mine wasn't the brightest) but I was never torn apart about it nor was gambling ever mentioned, you'll be fine!


        especially since I went and purchased a new vehicle right before filing and am surrendering one (but I'm saving $275.00/mo at least doing this), and because of the past bankrutpcy.
        THAT was a smart thing to do, giving up a gas guzzler for something more economical, YOU NEED TRANSPORTATION. Just show that you are paying as scheduled, you'll be fine!

        Best Wishes to you ! Catchmeifyoucan
        July 2006: Filed Ch13 :blink:
        Oct 2006: Converted to Ch7 :clapping:
        Jan 2007: DISCHARGED :clapping:
        Nov 2007: CLOSED :yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:

        Comment


          #5
          May I send you a cyber hug????
          My husband and I have been at each others throats too, my kids have been upset, my mother wants money. I feel ya. We just had our 341 last week and yesterday I fell and irritated an older back & neck injury to boot. Im quite cranky.
          Dont be so hard on yourselves. It sounds like you are trying your very best. Im so sorry about your husbands health. May I ask what happened? You dont have to answer, it just sounds so awful.
          Im sure the trustee will only care about what money you have he/she can get the creditors.
          I have a good pla off this board who just filed again. She had a 13converted to a 7, finished & now is back to 13 all in eight years. Bad health, sick kid, layoffs...life happenes. What can we do?
          Go get yourself a good lawyer, talk it out and maybe you will feel better.
          Good luck and best wishes. Hang around here, its full of good people and great advice.
          WAM
          ch7 8/07 CLOSED: 11/07 Rebuilding and saving.
          WAMU unsecured $2,000 Capital One unsecured $500
          PAID OFF MONTHLY!!!

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you so much you guys. It sure feels good to know I'm not out here alone. You asked what happened to my husband's, here's the store. His collapsed lung, honestly all we were doing is driving back from an afternoon with the boys in the pool at grandma's and he couldn't breathe anymore. He said it felt like something was stuck in his chest. We went the the ER, they told him they were busy with a trauma that it would be 3 hours before they could see him and to go to the urgent care down the road (i was parking the car with the boys), he had no breathe so we just hurried at got to urgent care, there they took an x-ray and called the ambulance, back to ER we went. His lung was 100% collapsed. That was on a Sunday, he was hospitalized, then they tried to take the chest tube out on Thursday, within 1 hour, collapsed again, put it back in, then took it out the following Monday, then when they took it out, again, it went down (only 10%)....they let him go home, off work for a month, couldn't lift anything, not even our baby. He's better now, but they say he has a 50-60% chance of it happening again. They said it was just a spontanous pneumothroax, meaning a collapsed lung that just randomly happend. They said that smoking probably contributed to it, but that it happens to tall/slender men in their 20's.

            Whatamess - I hope your injury gets better.

            Comment


              #7
              Hi Klux,

              Stuff happens. You are not a failure. Hug those babies hard!!!
              sigpicPersevere: "To continue a course of action, in spite of difficulty, opposition or discouragement."

              Chapter 13: Discharged 03/15/2010. Closed 05/19/2010::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:

              Comment


                #8
                Klux, thats a pretty scary story. I never heard of that before...eek. thanks for taking the time to share.
                I hope things look up for you soon.
                WAM
                ch7 8/07 CLOSED: 11/07 Rebuilding and saving.
                WAMU unsecured $2,000 Capital One unsecured $500
                PAID OFF MONTHLY!!!

                Comment


                  #9
                  It really doesn't matter how you got here, you are here to try to make a fresh start and improve life for yourself, your kids, and you husband. I can't honestly tell you where all my debt came from. Could maybe explain about half of it, the other half ??? Now I track everything I spend, have Microsoft Money software to make sure I never spend and not know what happened to the $ a few months or even years later. I feel so bad for you, sounds like you've had it pretty rough. I just filed yesterday, chapter 13, so am really just starting out on the adventure to re-gain my life back. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey!
                  Filed CH 13 September 17, 2007
                  Plan Modified July 8, 2009 from $1100/month to $400/month due to change in income, finally discharged in July of 2013!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by klux View Post
                    I just dont' want to be a failure anymore. Any advise.
                    My little brother went through a serious lung surgery where they ripped his back open from top to bottom to repair it. I did not think he would make it but 20 years later he is still alive and pushing forward. He was a big smoker and a pot smoker and all kinds of stuff but he is still with me after all that. Her has done better than all the kids.

                    Ever since my accident I have been feeling like a failure. I just cannot figure things out how & why things turned so ugly for me. One day I am up & all seems well, then comes the mail & I am ready to pop a bottle of pills and end it all.
                    All people really want is a little comfort now and then, comfort knowing that all will be fine, even when you see know way to do that.

                    Then someone was telling me that this up & down thing is normal for the brain to do because it is trying to reconcile everything we are overwhelmed with. It is not so much we are failures as it is we have so much responsibilty piled on us all at once and learning how to cope and make things work makes us feel like a failure. Being sad like your child mentioned is not a bad thing. I think that is awesome that a child so young can sense your pain and want to understand. That to me is a beautiful thing even though I know you are not happy about that.

                    I am constantly telling people how unhappy I am right now and how I wish I could die...AND I MEAN THAT ( I have never had those kind of thoughts before). But then the next day something beautiful happens, something free that I usually take for granted. Up and down, up and down. This is new for me because I have never been on this train. I see things I never noticed before...things that have always been there.

                    It is not possible to understand everything at the same time. It is not possible to even know that we will be alive tomorrow. While there are no guarantees in anything I have found some peace in knowing that there are no guarantees. I don't know how but just accepting that fact has helped me from day to day and put a different perspective on life. When I was young nothing mattered- I could have lived forever, but then came Mr Pain with Mrs. Problem as I am constantly staring at blank walls with no answers. Maybe I am not supposed to know any answers until later??

                    Someone else told me that at this time next year I will be stronger for going thru all this and things will roll off my back like water. So if it is true that we get stronger from all this, then that cannot be a bad thing, can it?

                    Just do not blame yourself for everything.

                    Comment

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