Anyone know anything about restraining orders?

[Dirk Squarejaw]

My divorce was final 5/19 and my ex-wife and I had been on pretty good terms even after her cheating on me for a few months at work. In fact, at one point during the summer we were even thinking about dating again. She was very remorseful for what happened, said she should have never filed and worked things out, etc. The guy started beating her and she got out.......

Then, things fell apart between us and she went back with Mr. Abusive. Not a big deal as we hadn't started seeing each other again or anything. However, she also started causing a bunch of drama between our friends that we still shared which was tough. She also keeps talking on the phone and threatening people because she thinks that either I or one of my (and her former) friends will try to make her lose her job because she signed paperwork back in June or July stating that he beat her, they took pics, and he is no longer allowed around her at work.....yet they are still seeing each other outside work.

We all know about what they are doing, but my friends and I could care less. However I don't appreciate her little threats and this guy she is dating is a certified nutcase as he has already called and threatened my friends and I. As a teacher, I really don't want contact from either of these nutcases especially if they would decide to show up at the school.

I have an email that she sent me with the same threat of "if either of us lose our job because of you and your friends, I know people and there will be hell to pay". With the fact that her boyfriend has already called and threatened us before, this could be just her talking or maybe they would come up here and do something to us or our property.

Would this be enough to get a restraining order against her? What about her BF? I have nothing in writing from him, but I do have a friend who recieved the same threatening calls from him.

I'm afraid that when I start the whole BK-thing, she will go even more insane and will go from drama-starter to either damaging property (house, car, motorcycle) or show up at the school where I teach and I don't need that.

[DisneyGirl]

I'm so sorry for your situation. I don't know about restraining orders myself but did google and got this. I don't know if it's any help or not.

Good luck to you!

Getting a Harassment Restraining Order

How to Get a Restraining Order

[Minnymouth]

Do yourself a "favor"................many times a restraining order does more damage than good!!! And can lead to violence.

Try to just ignore her and the harrassment (that's what it really is). As long as it doesn't jeapordize your job, when she/he calls just say can't talk right now and hang up. Do not answer e-mails and block theirs.
This woman is "out of your life" - leave it that way (unless you have kids involved).

There's "no reason" WHY she should know that you filed bankruptcy - unless you tell everyone she knows that you did. It really doesn't concern her one bit.

If it all still continues then consider the "restraining order"..... this means they are not allowed to contact you for any reason... and not allowed within 500 feet of you or your premises. Some restraining orders are good for 3 years.

How you deal and react to her/him will determine what they continue doing. Don't encourage them, respond to them, etc. When they realize it doesn't matter to you the fun in doing it is over.....

If you have to put them under a restraining order, be sure to talk to your supervisor at school before you do and let them know the circumstances and what's going on....... don't you jeapordize your job, nor let them.....

Try avoid using the "restraining order" as that only adds fuel to the fire most of the time..... especially in these type of cases.

[kiddles]

I gotta disagree with Minny...I work in Domestic Violence. The most dangerous time is the ending of the relationship - even if yours wasn't the one that was violent. Her violent relationship with current BF CAN blow up in your face.

I would strongly suggest filing for a Domestic Violence Order - it's basically the same as a restraining order, but it is for situations where the parties are or have been in a relationship. Some states call them different things - but your local Adult Protective Services office can tell you what it's called where you are, and where to go to file one.

And you can include her BF in it, as well. Once it's issued, make lots of copies. Give one to your boss, and keep one with you all the time. There are laws to prohibit descrimination or retaliation by a boss or by an employer for having a DVO, and if she violates it and comes to the school, the office can call the police and have her arrested (even if she's not disorderly at that time) because she's in violation of a DVO. BF, too.

Proactively protecting yourself from her behavior is a good thing. Waiting to see how much she will escalate is a recipe for trouble.

[Minnymouth]

That's okay to disagree with me, no problem there.

My suggestion was ignore her actions first, then do the restraining order.... if necessary.

Many a person has lost their life - over a restraining order - that pushed someone over the edge enough to be violent.

It's real easy to say "fill out the paperwork" - when your not the one on the receiving end of everything. There's an old saying - "if a man wants you dead - nothing will stop him till you are"....and a piece of paper that says "restraining order" means very little.

Sometimes a restraining order is not the answer - logic may be!!!

Just my opinion....

[cathywhite4495]

I was in a very abusive marriage and was worried about getting a restraining order for the reasons Minny gave. However, the advantage is that if they DO violate the order, they are immediately punished. Without the order, they can keep emailing, calling etc and there's not a whole lot you can do about it. Obviously, I don't know these people but they sound like the types to try to stir up as much sh** as possible. They will be mad about an order and will probably make lots of noise to their friends but they might fear the order enough to back off and just think mean thoughts. I think it would also help if your supervisor knew about it and then they would know you weren't engaging in their drama but trying to remove yourself from the situation.
Sorry for what you're going through. On the upside, I know how very very happy I am to be free of that kind of drama and I'm guessing you'll start feeling that too as time goes on.

[Dirk Squarejaw]

There's "no reason" WHY she should know that you filed bankruptcy - unless you tell everyone she knows that you did. It really doesn't concern her one bit.

See, the problem is that she will find out about the bankruptcy as soon as I stop paying my unsecureds. And nothing makes this girl angrier/happier than money depending on the situation. We have a joint loan that I was assigned to pay back to the lender. It is not alimony, support or any of the other "non-dischargable" divorce items and our decree has nothing in it pertaining to bankruptcies, etc. It’s a line of credit that was taken out by both of us and it was dumped on me when we were divorced along with our house and darn near everything else. We did our own paperwork and now I wish I’d sold some stuff around the house to have afforded a lawyer at the time, but that’s in the past and now bankruptcy is the only choice. All I know is from previous experience, she will go postal when this happens.

[familyof7]

We had 2 loans that were co signd loans we filed and the canceled the debt never went after the co-signer it was big names like 1st franklin and citi. Do the restraining order because you have more authority to throw them in jail if need be dont wait til they try something

[danaf]

if it were me, and i felt truly threatened (which is not pleasant) - I would definately get a restraining order. Better to be safe than sorry.

i can't tell you how bad i wanted to get a small gun for safety reasons. i was in an incident when i was 27 where i thought i was going to be killed and it was over nothing! it was late, i was in manhatten getting on the west side highway and i bumped the guy in front of me. i was young and stupid, and got out to see if there was any damage. there wasn't. but the guy was really pixxed. i offered to him to call the police so we could file a report and as soon as i took out my cell he grabbed it and threw it. i swear to god, i thought i was dead. and then thank god and guy driving by stopped to ask me if i was ok to which i said no. he got out of his car with a bat and told me to go, which i did!!!! God bless that gentleman.

since then i've wanted to get a gun cause' ya never know but it's nearly impossible in NY to get a permit.

so i sort of digressed. if i felt truly threatened then yes, i would get a restraining order. i would also bring my friends along to the court as witnesses. chances are they are just stupid bullies but i watch way too much law and order - lol.

good luck!!!!!

[HeatherB]

[QUOTE=danaf;110944]if it were me, and i felt truly threatened (which is not pleasant) - I would definately get a restraining order. Better to be safe than sorry.

i can't tell you how bad i wanted to get a small gun for safety reasons. i was in an incident when i was 27 where i thought i was going to be killed and it was over nothing! it was late, i was in manhatten getting on the west side highway and i bumped the guy in front of me. i was young and stupid, and got out to see if there was any damage. there wasn't. but the guy was really pixxed. i offered to him to call the police so we could file a report and as soon as i took out my cell he grabbed it and threw it. i swear to god, i thought i was dead. and then thank god and guy driving by stopped to ask me if i was ok to which i said no. he got out of his car with a bat and told me to go, which i did!!!! God bless that gentleman.
QUOTE]


Holy crap! That would scare me to death. I think I would have had a heart attack.

You know, the sad thing in all this is that you couldn't actually thank that gentleman. I wonder sometimes if these "God sent" people realize what an impact they have on our lives.

I'm glad you turned out okay. Hope the same for the kind gentleman.

[HRx]

Definately get the a restraining order...and keep the authorities informed of all threats and incidents that occur. And keep all recordings/emails/letters etc of threats that you might recieve. Keeping call the police if threats don't stop!! It's thier job to protect and serve!! If you feel strongly that your life is at risk, convey this to the police, and make a written statement articulating so!! A restraining order is going to protect your life per se, but it can definately play a major role in prosecuting the person(s) harrassing you!!