We all should not have shame... here is why...

[HopeinHorizon]

After reading a certain thread where stones were being thrown... I got to thinking...

Sure, none of us made the brightest decision regarding money, but you know what, this group has some of the most honest, hard working men/women I have "met" in a long time.

There are people that are willing to sacrifice their time and energy to help a stranger through a very difficult time. (not many people do that anymore).

We all came from all walks of life, but are willing to share our stories so that others can learn and hopefully avoid the mistakes that we have made.. (not many are willing to do this either)

I think we should have NO shame... If there were more people like the ones that are present on this board, the world would be a different place.

We can have a small sense of shame regarding money, but all of us our rich in heart, spirit, and helpfulness... I would take any of those over money any day...

Which brings me to my next thought... are we all this way because we have been humbled by bankruptcy and tough times or is the reason we found ourself on tough times because we didn't believe in screwing over the next person to get ahead?

[HopeinHorizon]

Thats what I mean... are we all too honest for our own good???

Is that what got us into this mess in the first place, we weren't willing to stab people in the back to get to bigger and better places??

[Minnymouth]

You may have a POINT,

My mom always told me I'd give everything I owned away to someone else if they needed it (and that's true)......

I've never stepped on the back of another person - to get where I was going in life.....

I always felt like honesty was the best policy..... DUH (unfortunately a lot of the rest of the world does not feel that way)...

I always felt like if I was a good person - life would be good to me.... and that's not so......

Bankruptcy was a NO,NO in my family.... until I had no other way to solve the problem.....

Now I'm the deadbeat of the family..... but my conscious is clear - I did what I had to do!!!

Am I ashamed, NO - just wish I could have solved the problem another way!!

My thoughts,

Minny

[Titan]

I always felt like honesty was the best policy..... DUH (unfortunately a lot of the rest of the world does not feel that way)...

You are not kidding there. I tried to work with the credit card companies honestly before filing, and got absolutely nowhere.

Which brings me to my next thought... are we all this way because we have been humbled by bankruptcy and tough times or is the reason we found ourself on tough times because we didn't believe in screwing over the next person to get ahead?

We have been humbled by tough times, and we were too honest for our own good.

Some of us trusted people we shouldn't have, and made decisions that we wouldn't have made had those we trusted been truthful (this is what hurt me the most.)

All we can do is become wiser from our experiences, and try to help those going down the same avenue.

[Minnymouth]

Titan,
Credit card companies will not work with you until they hear the word "bankruptcy" - then they are all ears!!! To late then!!!

[Titan]

Titan,
Credit card companies will not work with you until they hear the word "bankruptcy" - then they are all ears!!! To late then!!!

Yeah, I found that out. I really enjoyed talking to one particular creditor. They nailed me with a late fee and increased minimum payment by $44 because the due date was 2/5/05, which was a Sunday. I pay most of my bills via Internet, and I paid this bill 2/3/05, the previous Friday. So why the late fee?

Because my payment posted at 7pm Central Time, not before 2pm EST as they claim it to be on their Web site. I calmly tried to explain the futility of a Sunday due date, considering that mail isn't delivered on Sunday. I explained that if I were to go to their payment center on that Sunday and jam my payment through their mail slot, they would have to accept it.

They reluctantly agreed to waive the late fee, but would not reduce the minimum amount due. So I enjoyed their call; they asked me if I was ready to bring my account current today. I said, "No." When asked why, I was oh-so-sweet when I told them I had filed, and gave them attorney name and number. The collector about died when I told her no; I don't think she was ready for that.

[SinkingFast]

I grew up in a family that did Community things.

My parents were big into Boy Scouts when older brother was a kid. Mom got into doing things for Girl Scouts when us girls came along. Mom helped out with PTA at school, was the phone call person for lots of different groups we were part of. Mom and Dad worked the concession stand when I was in High School band to help raise money for new band uniforms. Just a part of who we were as a family.

I used to do the same thing. I PTA'd when our kids were in Elementary School. Got burned big time. Then I was on the Board of the Local Little League. Got burned there too. I was involved for the sake of getting things done and having a better club, group, activity for the kids in the community. Everyone else was there for some sort of political gain they fabricated in their own pea sized brains. So I quit signing up "wholesale" to help out. I started picking and choosing what I wanted to do. Help a little here and there. Stay under the political radar, enjoy myself by contributing in some small way, and help whatever event be better for my involvement.

We're in financial straights because we do what's right. Not what's necessarily financially advantageous. And a series of unfortunate events. We kept hoping things would correct themselves and we'd dig our way out. Instead the hole got deeper and deeper. So here we are.

[jane taylor]

I've been "guilty" of being too generous as well. I grew up in a very controlling household where I was afraid of everything I spent even after I'd left home. My parents got my bank statements every month and would berate me if I'd made a mistake in my checkbook--especially one where I'd fall below the minimum amount and they'd have to pay a service charge. I got the attitude of "Dammit, I'll buy whatever the hell I want." Not a good thing!

Then came the babies, medical bills, unemployment, etc. BK is also taboo in my family of origin--huge disgrace. All my brother talks about is money, stuff, and power.

While I hate like everything any of us have to be here, I'm glad we're here for each other. There are some really strong shoulders here that I've been able to cry on. It's comforting to know we're not in this alone.

[debtisbad]

My "mistake" was buying a house in Georgia. I have talked about it before on this board. The house was gorgeous. It was a 6 month old resale. It had an all brick front, cement siding and was 3 full stories. It had a southern style front porch with lots of decking. It sat on a hill and had a nice view. It is a very well known subdivision in Atlanta. Anybody living in Atlanta would know it.

The problem started when I pulled out my front drive. It was a Saturday morning and I glanced up and bricks were laying in my front yard. The porch was dangling off the house. Essentially the house had to be rebricked all the way from the basement. 3 full stories of brick. Quotes I got were in the 30k to 50k range. I called my homeowner insurance to let them know. They cancelled me immediately. My bank required homeowner insurance so I ended up paying approx. 2,800/yr. I was on my own as far as that house. Saw atty in GA was told "happens all the time". No protection. GA laws do not require licensing of builders so there is no control. The are throwing up homes like mad because of all the northern transplants. Sometimes county inspectors must visit 40-50 homes per day. They are most likely "drive by" inspections. Anybody who does not believe this do a search on GA homebuilding. My dream home was my nightmare. Then of course, ad my husbands job loss from LU and you have a recipe for disaster.

[debtisbad]

One more thing the house was inspected before closing. The inspector could never have found that the brick ties were missing and the angle iron was a 2x4 under the windows.

[SinkingFast]

WOW, Debt!!

There were reports like that in the news about houses in a subdivision on the Kansas side of the state line when we lived in Kansas City. Not bricks falling off the houses. Houses falling off the hillsides.

They showed, on the news, this one couple's house. They came home from work one day, went to sit out on the deck to have a drink before dinner, and the deck was gone. Fallen off the hill. Next day or so later, they came home from work and the back half their house was gone as well. The news crew had film footage of quite a few homes in this very ritzy, expensive neighborhood that were in the same shape.

I feel for you.

We had a neighbor who had to have their house rebricked years ago. The house wasn't even 15 years old at the time. Evidently, the company that had made the brick left a screen out of the process and their brick was fired with impurities in it. Made the brick very porous. Over time, with weather, the brick began to crumble. They tried to go back on the brick company, but the brick company had long since filed BK and gone outa business. I believe the neighbors paid something like $15,000 and that was 17 or 18 years ago.

Our neighbor told us the original owners musta known there was a problem as well. They didn't see it when they bought the house, but the chimney had already been rebricked from the gutter line up. The original owners attached wooden latice work to the side of the chimney and planted something that would grow up the latice and cover the difference in the brick. Our neighbors' inspector never even noticed the different bricks when he did the prepurchase home inspection.

Again, I feel for you.