Did anyone have a baby while in a 13?

[chloe0724]

Just curious. I am 31 and would like to be a mom, but we are just starting our adventure into a 13. I just wanted to see if anyone else had a child during your 13 payback. I'd love to hear your expierence and advice.

[Martha13]

chloe0724,

Hello there, I have been lurking on/off for a while, and decided to register today just do I could reply to your post I had a baby when we went thru Ch13 in 2001...we filed in April, and the baby was born in June. I also had another baby when we were able to get it discharged in Oct. of 2003. I found the discharge process much more stressful at the time (mainly because we were also re-fy'g, selling, and buying a home ALL at the same time. yikes.) However, as far as the intial filing went, I found it much less stressful to actually have filed. I was so worried about debt, and getting into the Ch13 was one of the best things ever, if that makes any sense. I was able to relax a bit about finances. Not saying the Ch13 process was all fun and games, but as we all know, being in debt without a way out is the absolute pits. I wish you all the best!

[chloe0724]

Thanks Martha. Did you find it much harder to make ends meet because you had already established a monthly payback amount? I know that if we hadn't decided to do this, then my husband and I would have never been able to afford to have a child. Atleast now we have a chance!!

[Martha13]

Well, I do remember thinking we've gotta make this payment to the trustee (and the mortgage) above ALL ELSE!! And there were times where it was harder than others...but having that one payment, as opposed to a dozen credit card pymts, car pymt, taxes, etc looming over our heads, seemed alot easier to manage. And I used to feel the same way-how on earth could we ever afford kids? And now there are 3 of them We are unfortunately finding ourselves in the same boat 7 years later, but don't let that discourage you one bit. Our current situation has more to do with a layoff and a volatile mortgage we have now--as well as other poor choices..and I'm hoping we can avoid filing again...but for the past several years we've been able to get back on our feet quite nicely. Old habits are hard to break, however..

[Sickofthe13]

I had 2 children when I filed (2005) and then had another in 2006. I ended up going back to work when he was 7 mos old, working part time, so that helped. If your just starting your family, the initial costs will be overwhelming if you cant get your hands on hand me downs from family/friends and dealing with childcare adjustments. You will also have a babyshower, so that can help greatly. There are ways to adjust and to do around it, and there are a ton of websites that help young families make ends meet. I think everybody needs to pay attention to being budget conscious....gas and groceries arent getting any cheaper!

[chloe0724]

Sick,

I love your picture!!! Too Cute!!

Thanks for the advice!!

[StevieD]

Hi All...I have not posted in a while but wanted to add to this thread. My wife and I adopted a child during our 13 (began the process prior to the 13). Luckily in Ga we were able to get adoption assistance from the state which helps to cover childcare. The addition has been stressful at times but the overall experince has brought us closer in our relationship. PS. We already have 3 other teenagers: 2 from my previous marriage and 1 from her previous.

[Mark80]

I have been told by others before that adjustments can be made once in Chapter 13 to help take in consideration of child expenses? My wife and I are due in September so I am waiting until fall to file to be safe. But I could swear someone mentioned things could be adjusted?

[MOMof3]

We filed in Feb 07 & had our daughter (3rd child) in April 07. We were able to include all of the future expenses for her in our filing...daycare, formula, diapers, etc... I was NOT able to factor in my 6 weeks of unpaid leave, but having the lower payment at the onset allowed us to manage to save up for it. Our trustee did not bat an eyelash over our daycare costs or any of the other expenses we added. We have been doing very well in our chapter 13--our kids are doing just fine and have everything they need. I wish I didn't have to work, but that's another story. Good luck!

[chloe0724]

I was told that if you request a lower payment for any reason, that your whole case would be reopneded and you would have to go through the whole thing again,

We just filed, and I truly hope that what our payment is sticks. If it does, we should be able to have a baby during our plan and still swing it.

[MajorMike]

My wife and I discussed...no kids til this is over. We'd never be able to do anything if we had one now. We want to be able to do SOME things, like travel or go out to dinner etc...
We probably will decide not to have one at all but know we're not ready right now...even though we're older! LOL

[chloe0724]

That's the issue Major for us. I'm 31 now and if we wait till we pay off the 60 months of payments, I'll be 36. Not the best age to begin trying. Lot's of health concerns and such.

My husband and I have talked it out and if it happens, we'll find a way to make it work.

[Elf]

I think that I need to share the other side of this, too.

My kids want to have kids.

They went to college, got good jobs, got married, bought houses, and finally feel like they are stable and able to take on the responsibility of raising a family.

Children are a huge responsibility. They deserve good planning. I didn't do so good as they got older. My CH13 happened on the heels of trying to put kids through college. Kids are a HUGE financial and emotional burden.

The BK will adjust to compensate for a kid- but you will still be on a shoestring.

Is that the plan that you have for your kids? A life on a shoestring?

I do not know you, or what kind of a parent you would become. But I am a teacher, and I see the results every day of children of parents who had children without the resources to get them started on the road to a succesful life.

We have a biological drive to have kids. That is our drive-- but our kids pay the cost of our drive and desires. It's a good question that you ask; however, extend that question to further out in your life than what the new payment will become.

Whatever it is-- it will not ever leave you enough to do for your kids what you know they deserve. You will be frustrated and sad.

Be careful with your decision. Your kids deserve the best that you can give them. Your best is probably still a few years down the road. Lots of women are currently giving birth at 36. It's not the end of the world.

Elf

[chloe0724]

Elf,

I can appreciate your response. My Mom is also a teacher and my dad was a police officer. They never had money to spare, but managed to raise two kids. I would think it would be better to be tight before they get older because they aren't aware of it. If we were to have a child, say three years into the plan, then the end would be in sight and the child would only be two when we finished our 13 payments.

I don't think this would be irresponsible. I think that living with the plan for a full 3 years will help us to be more sucessful as parents. My husband and I have already been living on our proposed payment plan budget for several months now. We truly understand what got us to this point and have been in counseling to take care of the issues we have had. While we are not perfect, I know we will be able to be great parents and this whole thing will cause us to be better role models to our children when it comes to managing money.

[MOMof3]

Chloe0724,

I have to totally disagree with the previous poster. Having money does not translate into being a good parent or successful parent. The ONLY resource your child needs to get off to a good start in school is your involvement & love. The most successful kids in school are the ones whose parents are involved & active in school & with their child. You can have all the money and “resources” available to your child, but if you don’t take the time to read with them, help them with their homework, paint with them, sing with them, etc..., then it doesn’t really matter.

That being said....

If money & your bankruptcy are to be a factor in your decision to have a child, then I would let you know that we are currently in a 13 payment plan and we provide our three kids with everything they need financially & most of what they want as well. We live in suburbia & things are not cheap. My youngest is 13 months and I pay quite a lot for her care because I won’t settle for less than the best. My other two are in public school, my oldest in the gifted program, and we are able to buy books on the book orders, go on field trips, go to the movies with friends, go to Hannah Montana concerts, play sports, etc... So what if you have to live on a budget and plan for expenses---most people do! I think it’s great that we are teaching our kids that they have to wait to get their rewards, that mommy & daddy can’t just buy whatever they want, that sometimes we have to say no because the money isn’t there---these are valuable lessons that I wish that I had learned early on in life. And the baby, well, she’s oblivious to it all because as long as her mommy & daddy are there & she gets her baba & blanket and snuggles—that’s all that matters to her.

Since you are already past 30, I think it would be wrong to suggest that you should wait another 5 years---when the risks for health issues get higher. I would rather have a healthy “poor” child over the alternatives any day! Plus, speaking from experience, the physical parts of pregnancy get worse the older you get. My pregnancy at 32 was way harder than my pregnancies at 24 and 26 (although there weren’t any complications!)

So, if you and hubby want to start a family, then GO FOR IT!! There is nothing that puts your life into perspective more than a child.

Good Luck!!