I'm new & I have questions

[Worried Mom]

Hello everyone, I've been following this forum for a few months now and finally got myself registered. What a great, supportive group of folks here. My son is in bad financial difficulty. Hopefully, he'll be joining this forum as soon as he has his internet service restored.

He's lived in another state for the past 5 years but must have put this phone number down on some of his applications because I am getting tons of them. The phone calls were making me a nervous wreck and I finally purchased a device for my phone that does an excellent job of keeping the nasty calls away so that's no longer a problem for me. I have never actually spoken with any of them but I've passed on some of the nastier messages to him.

Question: Should I be answering these calls? Should I just say he doesn't live here and to please stop calling? I really don't want to deal with these people.

Another question: I've been trying to read up on the laws in his state. I noticed that there is a statute of limitations on debt that varies from state to state. Does this statute apply to the state in which you reside, or the state where you incurred the debt?

I feel bad for him. He's not a deadbeat, he's just in over his head and I don't see any way out for him other than bankruptcy.

[Princesskina]

Honestly when I stop by mom mothers place and I answer the phone and they ask for me knowing its a CA I usually say she dosen't live here.

[Worried Mom]

I've heard that too, that's why I'm afraid to even pick up. I'm hoping they will eventually just give up. I love caller ID. As for getting an unlisted number, I've heard that they are able to find those as well. We've had this number for almost 30 years so I hate to part with it.

[Fedler]

There's nothing you can do to stop the calls. Your number is on your son's permanent skip-trace file. You will be called forever. Even if he files bankruptcy, there will always be some collection agency that doesn't follow the laws.

Passing along nasty collection agency messages to your son won't do any good. It'll probably just contribute to the downfall of your relationship.

Time to talk to your dear boy about financial responsibility. Especially emphasize the part about paying his debts and avoid spending more money than he makes. Since he didn't learn it in school, it's up to you. Or find him a professional financial counselor.

[Worried Mom]

Time to talk to your dear boy about financial responsibility. Especially emphasize the part about paying his debts and avoid spending more money than he makes. Since he didn't learn it in school, it's up to you. Or find him a professional financial counselor.

Thank you very much but I don't need a lecture on parental responsibility. It's not my place to share the details of his debt here and it's certainly not your place to assume he's a victim of poor parenting.

My questions were primarily about phone calls. Hopefully he will be signing up here once he has internet access. If he chooses to share the details, he can. It's not my place to do it.

ETA: I should add, I am just trying to do some legwork for him while he's without internet. I'm compiling a list of sites for him for resources. I'm not a meddling mom.

[Bobby'sGirl]

Welcome to the forum

And I suggest you will find the ignore feature useful (under miscellaneous in the User CP); a few posters are here not to help but to just make snide putdowns.

Caller ID will be about the best you can do with the collectors in the short term; I have found my FAX line useful to give an earful to numbers I have ID'd as the most obnoxious callers. Just transfer that call over and "SCREEEEEEE>>>>"

Until your son figures out his options you can look over the info "sticky posts" and maybe print a few things off and send them to him via snail mail to help until he is on-line again.

[lrprn]

Thank you very much but I don't need a lecture on parental responsibility. It's not my place to share the details of his debt here and it's certainly not your place to assume he's a victim of poor parenting.

Good for you, WorriedMom! You are 100% right to stand up for what you are doing. Your son is lucky to have such a caring person in his life. 99% of the folks here in the forum will be incredibly supportive and caring, and you can ignore the other 1% or click the red triangle on the post so our moderators know there's an offensive post on the boards and deal with it accordingly.

About the calls....if you are not the co-signer on your son's debts, the collectors are allowed to call you only to ask for your son's contact information (which obviously you do not have to give them).

According to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, [15 USC 1692c] Section 805(c): CEASING COMMUNICATION: " If a consumer notifies a debt collector in writing that the consumer refuses to pay a debt or that the consumer wishes the debt collector to cease further communication with the consumer, the debt collector shall not communicate further with the consumer with respect to such debt."

There's an excellent example of a letter you can send by registered mail to each creditor at http://fair-debt-collection.com/Disp...ng-letter.html . If the creditor continue to call you after that, you can take legal action against them and win at least $1000 from each of them plus your lawyer costs.

[SinkingFast]

Welcome, WM!!

Your son is lucky to have such a wise and resourceful Mother. BK is enough for many of our parents to stomach, just hearing the word. Let alone our parents helping research and learn.

I commend you for being a "Let's deal with the situation" kind of Lady!!

Generally Creditors will get your new number one of several different ways. They'll call your neighbors, friends, and/or relatives posing as someone who MUST get in touch with you. Sometimes a neighbor or relative will give the phone number out. Also, Creditors track incoming phone calls. If you or your son were to happen to call one of the Creditors from your home phone, they can get your number that way. There are other ways of getting your contact info as well.

Chances are, most any Credit App your son filled out has your phone number listed for contact purposes. You may not have seen the worst of the phone calls yet to come.

I'd suggest Caller ID, and/or an answering machine to screen calls with. Answer when you recognize family and friends. Let other callers talk to thin air until you know if you wanna chat with them or not.

[Worried Mom]

Thanks to "most" of you for your advice. I was kind of thrown for a loop getting a lecture on my first post here. My son has made some poor financial decisions but I'm not ready to throw him under a bus. He hasn't asked for financial help and I'm not in a position to give him any, so this is the least I can do to help.

He has a job that he likes and he has a room in an apartment. He's been without a phone for quite some time, which is probably a blessing. He hasn't mentioned being called at work, so I don't think they have tracked him down yet. I just don't see any way out for him other than a chapter 7. He will still have to pay off his student loan.

The good news is that neither my husband or I have cosigned on anything, so the debt is all his. He is also unmarried and childless, so he won't be dragging anyone else down with him. I'd like to see him get a fresh start, develop some financial responsibility and be able to get on with his life.

For now, I am managing the phone calls. I have a device hooked up to one of my phones where I can flag the bad numbers and send them off into oblivion. The phone doesn't even ring when they come through and they can't even leave a message on the answering machine. I don't even know if all the calls I have flagged are for him. Unknown callers, blocked calls, private calls, anonymous callers and those numbers that I have decided I don't want just ring off into outer space. I'm only taking calls from local area codes that display a name and number. As a bonus, I'm also missing calls from charities, the Democrats, the Republicans, surveys, alumni associations etc. I hope this thing doesn't break, because I will be screwed.

Does anyone have an answer to the other question I asked in my original post about the statute of limitations on debt? Here is the original question:

"Another question: I've been trying to read up on the laws in his state. I noticed that there is a statute of limitations on debt that varies from state to state. Does this statute apply to the state in which you reside, or the state where you incurred the debt?"

The reason I ask, is that I have offered him the option of moving back here. At least he would have a roof over his head and food if things got really bad. It looks like these debts can still come back to bite you even after you've filed. The state he is living in is much kinder to debtors than this state. I think he will probably be better off where he is.

Thanks to those who showed a little compassion. You're great.

[CAB_44]

WELCOME WM~
I am new here myself...been about a week now~ This is the GREATEST FORUM!!!! Everyone here has been excellent with the info~ sorry you had a bad poster, but hey~ I got TOTALLY BASHED on MSN, just focus on the positive HERE!!!
I have a son that I worry about too~ so hang in there.....
Something I can contribute to your situation that I have had experience on in the last few weeks...the CC companies have called me ferociously~ but here in that last few days~ since I haven't been answering and have just let my answering machine pick up...they've just kind of slowed down...and almost stopped.........I think they must have updated my Credit report...HAHAHA~ figured out..."oh crap~ she's not paying anyone.....hhhmmmmmm"..... they probably have figured some things out...especially since I've always been ontime.....until this month that is....
hang in there, they'll probably slow down or stop...caller ID is great....and then let the answering machine pick up~ if you don't have one...get one!!!!!
Again I say WELCOME!!!!!
CAB

[lrprn]

Another question: I've been trying to read up on the laws in his state. I noticed that there is a statute of limitations on debt that varies from state to state. Does this statute apply to the state in which you reside, or the state where you incurred the debt?

The reason I ask, is that I have offered him the option of moving back here. At least he would have a roof over his head and food if things got really bad. It looks like these debts can still come back to bite you even after you've filed. The state he is living in is much kinder to debtors than this state. I think he will probably be better off where he is.

Statutes of limitations (SOLs) are very tricky. Here's a good website that explains the ins and outs of SOLs well - http://www.fair-debt-collection.com/...explained.html

Do you feel comfortable sharing which state your son lives in now and which state you live in? We can try to answer your questions more specifically for your situation if we know the states involved.

Something else to keep in mind...if he moves back home, that also impacts how and when he could file bankruptcy. Most states allow a debtor who moves to another state to file bk in the new state after 730 days (about two years) of residency. If your son needs to file before that time passes, then most states will require him to file in the state he lived the longest in during the prior 180 days before moving - a challenge if he isn't living in his former state any longer, but not insurmountable. A few states will allow him to use the federal exemptions if he's lived in his current state for less than two years.

Hope this helps, and please ask any other bk or credit questions you are wondering about and we'll answer everything we can.

[ConnieS]

Worried Mom

Pay no attention to that post. You'll soon learn to recognize a TROLL when you see one.

Welcome to the forum. I am new here too, will be filing for Chapter 7 this Thursday. Everyone here has been wonderfully supportive and helpful and I am sure you will find a lot of advice and help for your son's situation.

[Worried Mom]

Do you feel comfortable sharing which state your son lives in now and which state you live in? We can try to answer your questions more specifically for your situation if we know the states involved.

IPRN: Mr. Worried & I are in New York state and my son is in Nevada. Nevada seems much kinder to their residents. It would be better for him to file in Nevada, but if he were to move back after he files, I'm not sure what happens. I will check out the link you left. Thanks for your help.

Oh my, I did not know your trolls had multiples. Interesting. I'll hold off on the ignore button for a while. They are good for comic relief.

[lrprn]

Oh my, I did not know your trolls had multiples. Interesting. I'll hold off on the ignore button for a while. They are good for comic relief.

Oh yes, WM - never a dull moment here! Just have to resist the temptation to respond to the trolls once you know who they are. If you do respond (which is exactly what they are hoping for), it typically just escalates the abuse....sigh....so hard to understand those few who revel in any negative attention they can reel in. Glad you have the online 'smarts' to spot one quickly!

[miss puff]

Okay, I have my answer. Your son doesn't need any more stress, doesn't have the cash to pay them. Why upset him further, he is probably under a ton of other pressures. While I am no expert, and my life is a big mess, I would do the loving thing and (this is me) tell them he is not home, don't direct them to his whereabouts. Think about the wave of calls he will get, overwhelming to say the least. Those companies have already reported him late, and started screwing his bureau over, lets focus on his well being to hell with there's. After he files those guys will disappear, and life will get better. This puts a nuisance on your shoulders, but who can handle it better, you or him. Keep the caller id going and count the days till he files.

Best of Luck

A troll

Thoughts other posters?

why, YRU, did you actually post something nice? Wow, I'm impressed, must have had a good day on the slots.

Welcome Worried Mom. What a wonderful woman you are for supporting your son through this very dificult time. Most people are so ashamed of bankruptcy, myself included, that it is hard to reach out and share the burden with someone. I really wish I could tell my mom and have her be so supportive throughout all this. I hope he appreciates who he has for a mom. And please do send him this way when he can get internet service again. While I can't tell my mom that I am broke and struggling and in over my head, I can tell these people and they won't judge me too harshly. Good luck and again, welcome!