I'm new & I have questions

[Worried Mom]

Miss Puff: Your mom may surprise you and be more understanding than you think. You might want to start easing her into the idea. My son hasn't filed yet, but I don't think he has too many options open to him. Right now, I don't even think he can afford an attorney. This does seem to be a nice group and I've seen many people with similar stories. I think he'll be comfortable here.

[BassBoy]

Welcome to our Family Worried Mom!

Like miss puff, I too couldn't tell my mom. SHe had always instilled in me the value of money and how it important it was to be wise about it. Then, the S#*! hit the fan and we just had to file and I felt like I failed and I would have been a huge disappointment to my parents. After we had filed, I finally told her, and although she couldn't have been able to offer financial help, she would at least been able to see me through the first stage of our BK.

Your son is lucky to have a wonderful Mother. Hey, we should call you Wonderful Mom instead of Worried Mom.

[jane taylor]

Hello Worried Mom!

Just skimmed through this thread as I've been out with my dh who had surgery yesterday. Your son is SOOO lucky!!! All I get is lectures from my parents and disapproving comments/looks or ignoring from my brother! Yesterday all my mom could focus on was how we were going to pay the hospital bills and my teenager's sloppy room (admittedly, it WAS awful, but I had "bigger fish to fry yesterday)! Unreal!

I already feel like a piece of __________ (you fill in the blanks!).

Yes, the trolls are good for comic relief as long as my estrogen level stays where it is supposed to be!

Your being there for your son and giving him access to appropriate resources, not to mention prayer which all mothers do, religious or not, is huge.

Sorry if I'm incoherent, but I am sleep-deprived. Just wanted to say your son is very blessed to have you for a mom and that I am always up for adoption

Peace,
jane

[Danielle1981]

Thank you very much but I don't need a lecture on parental responsibility. It's not my place to share the details of his debt here and it's certainly not your place to assume he's a victim of poor parenting.

My questions were primarily about phone calls. Hopefully he will be signing up here once he has internet access. If he chooses to share the details, he can. It's not my place to do it.

ETA: I should add, I am just trying to do some legwork for him while he's without internet. I'm compiling a list of sites for him for resources. I'm not a meddling mom.

I don't think anybody thinks that. There's lots of moms here and believe me we understand. Besides that he's an adult....time to talk to your boy no longer applies.

Besides that no matter how old he gets he'll always be your baby....at least that is the way I view it with my kids.

[Danielle1981]

I am in Nevada, most posts get deleted from Nevada, ask minnie, I posted my story and she deleted it, and it was sincere.

I am just a troll now.

ROFL.....OMG....you know what you're right.......




HAHAHAHA......I'm sorry what else can you do with people like this?

[Danielle1981]

I might need to consult with Minny before I give you some wholesome aplple pie advice. Be patient as I think about how I can help. I can say one thing don't try to gamble your way out of this. This weekend I played in a tournament with $4,500 and came back with only $3,800. I really didn't have $700 to lose. Me and maybe Fedler will get back with you.

Man o man....but was I ever so tempted to offer him some "whole apple pie advice"........now I might never get the chance......

[miss puff]

Well it seems our old friend has been banned

What? Again? I thought he was just posting about how Minny just gave him another "sincere" chance. LOL-I'm probably going to get slammed for this, but I kinda thought he was funny

Thanks for your kind reply worried, I hope someday I will be able to tell my mom. Maybe when all is said and done and I have done well for myself again. You should recommend to your son the Nolo book on chapter 7. Has good information on all aspects of filing ch 7. He could then hopefully make some informed decisions on what he wants to do. Good luck

[Worried Mom]

Thanks for the recommendation on the Nolo book. I had forgotten about that.

Sorry about poor ursodumb He was fairly easy to spot. I did not know about Fedler. Are they one and the same? I found UR to be rather amusing and probably harmless, but Fedler just pushed all the wrong buttons.

I probably should clarify, so you don't think I'm some sort of saint or something. When I first found out about my son's financial difficulties I don't think I reacted very well either. I'm probably guilty of making him feel stupid and ashamed, but what's done is done and now I want to be able to help him to move forward.

I think he'll find some comfort here, a lot of people seem to have gone through much worse and are managing to get their act together. It's got to be tough going it alone and this looks like a fantastic support group.

[AMISLANDER]

My thoughts today

I would imagine that your son is probably disapointed in himself to say the least about the financial situation he finds himself in. If he does decide to file, the worst days, in my opinion, was the day I had to name all of my creditors & balances to the lawyer that handled my case and the day I had to pay the lawyer because it just reinforced the issue. I cried in the office, on the way home & threw up at home.

I seriously let everything get out of hand and it was just the finality of what I had previously allowed to happen become another part of my history. I didn't get myself in all this debt on my own but I had to pay the lawyer on my own, go to my 341 on my own, and continue to deal with the knowledge that it's all on me regardless of how I got into this mess. I would never have thought that I would be $55K in debt with credit cards...I was not raised that way. I still battle with the shame but I try to keep it lighter by knowing I'm not the only dumb dumb and it seems that bankruptcy has become like divorce, more the norm than not. Not that it makes it any better but it just seems like the times we live in are insane.

We are pushed to think that extravagances are the norm....they aren't.

I sometimes just sit back and thank the person upstairs that I've been as fortunate as I have been.

This board is full of people with way more answers than me on the technical aspects and they will gladly listen to you and your sons needs. I just tend to reflect a bit...and sometimes add some humour as to where I'm coming from with my bk issues ...

[GoingDown]

There's nothing you can do to stop the calls. Your number is on your son's permanent skip-trace file. You will be called forever. Even if he files bankruptcy, there will always be some collection agency that doesn't follow the laws.

Passing along nasty collection agency messages to your son won't do any good. It'll probably just contribute to the downfall of your relationship.

Time to talk to your dear boy about financial responsibility. Especially emphasize the part about paying his debts and avoid spending more money than he makes. Since he didn't learn it in school, it's up to you. Or find him a professional financial counselor.

I suspect Fedler is a collection agent.

And he's wrong. There is something you can do to stop the collection calls to your number.

First step: buy a phone recorder-- one that allows you to record telephone conversations with these collection agencies and creditors. You can buy one of them at Radio Shack. They are not very expensive and worth it.

Next, find out who is calling you. If their phone number is listed on your caller I.D., then call them back (with your telephone recorder recording everything) just long enough to find out what the name of the collection agency or creditor is. You can usually then "Google" them to find their postal mailing address. If necessary, you may have to talk to them and ask them for the name and address of their company.

Once you have their name and address, send them a Cease and Desist Letter by certified mail with return receipt requested. State in the letter that they have the wrong phone number and that you do NOT owe them any money and are NOT responsible for the "alleged" debt whatsoever, and that you demand that they cease and desist from any further communication with you. Also state that you will be recording all future telephone calls from them and saving them as evidence to use against them if you file a complaint against them with the FTC and your state's attorney general, or if you file a lawsuit against them for violating the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act.

Most debt collectors will stop calling you at this point. If they don't stop calling, then file complaints against them, and perhaps file a lawsuit against them.

[shanmarie]

That's pretty cool GoingDown, I didn't know that stuff either. Y'all give great advice on this forum. I'm glad to have found it myself. We have been discharged from our bk but boy did we have our time with those CC's. We had a caller ID and that was our salvation. As soon as most would get the recorder, they would hang up. Oh and THEY NEVER GIVE UP! I'm not sure what to do with myself now that the phone doesn't ring though. I once told a CC that I was so glad they called because I needed someone to talk to and began talking about current events in the news and they had nerve to hang up on me! LOL Sometimes I would ask them their first name and begin talking to them about crap stuff and calling them by name like I'd known them forever, and they would hang up. I started having fun with them. LOL When they really ticked me off was when they called my work and talked to my boss just to leave a message for me to call them. That's when I called them up and told them not to contact me at work (and followed it up with a letter), which your son can do if they are calling his work. That made them stop calling my work. None of them were ever able to contact anyone in my family because all the numbers that they had on file back when the bills were incurred were old and out of service, so I got lucky on that one. I did know that they would try that though. I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. I'd try what GoingDown said to do and see if it works. And they are right, no matter if you change the number, they'll find out the new one. The only escape is bankruptcy if you can't catch up and pay the debt. You and your son hang in there.

[miss puff]

Hi Worried Mom, just wondering how your son is doing?

[Worried Mom]

He's still hanging in there. No internet access yet, so he hasn't had a chance to stop by. Hopefully, he will get it connected shortly and start dealing with things. Thanks for asking.