Guys, I'm Close to Losing It

[HopefulInOhio]

I had posted before about how I'm going to be going thru divorce, plus going to have to file bankruptcy.

The phone is starting to ring now. I sent out letters to the 2 credit cards companies I am behind on so we'll see if they can work out hardship payments..something. Who knows.

I am almost flat broke. I have my student loan coming in September, so I cannot file my divorce until then. September 5. I am on so much edge, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

I talked to a bankruptcy attorney and he can file for me for $1500. He says it may be safe to file before if my divorce is not going to be messy. Who knows? My stbx is very unreliable, so I have no idea how nasty he'll get. It could drag out for months.

But then, he says to maybe NOT file for bankruptcy yet, because the judge will see me debt free and try to dump debt on me.

All I have in my name is my 97 Taurus, my $4000 student loan, and our house, which I want bought out of. My stbx and I have no other bills together. I can't see what debt he will dump on me, for I don't even make $9 on the hour while my stbx makes $17. I work 20 hours if I'm lucky.

I am now having to fight the stbx on getting child support thru CSEA, I go to college full time, my 16 year old and I are not seeing eye to eye here lately..

I'm nuts..just nuts. I had a friend today tell me to get another credit card or 2, pay off my smaller amounts with them, then file bankruptcy in the new year in January. Isn't that bad, knowing I"m gonna have to file anyway..getting another card, then file to discharge it in a few months?? I don't think that would be legal..kind of dishonest...right?

I don't know what to do or how to do it. I just feel so stressed and worn out. And, to top it off..I turn 40 next Wednesday. Never in my life would I know I'd be at this stage in my life at 40.

Husband walks out the door due to an affair, and my life falls apart. I can feel my heart beating quicker by the day. I just want this to end. I want someone to walk in here, take my hand and tell me they'll help me. I have no one. My stbx has nothing to do with our daughter and I am doing it all for her..financially, parental, discipline...........and he feels he's justified in saying I'll get nothing in this divorce? Amazing....

I almost feel like I'm gonna have to quit college. I have no idea how to support she and I like this. And, there's no way to get the classes I need around a full time job..they are at odd times of day and I don't know alot of full time jobs giving you the ability to leave for class. I've looked, and have found nothing yet. Plus, starting a new job is another stress to add to my list.

All I want is a break...just a break. I will fight to the finish to be able to finish my degree, but I have no idea how to live if I'm not supporting us more.

I'm just lost right now. And ranting........sorry..

Thanks for listening.

[BassBoy]

First off, take a deep breathe and let it out slow. Close your eyes and think of beautiful place, like a waterfall or a mountain, for just a couple of minutes. Get your bearings together. Open your eyes, and then look in the mirror and tell yourself, "This is not going to break me." You need to look this right in the face and say, "You WILL NOT BEAT ME!" "I'm going to win!"

We are right here for you. None of us will turn our back on you. You will see this through, and we'll make sure you do.

Next, do not get another CC or 2 and rob Peter to pay Paul. #1; Taking on a loan or credit with no intentions of paying it back is fraud.....so.......don't even think about it. #2; Robbing Peter to pay Paul will not put an end to this. It will only prolong the inevitable.

No matter what happens, keep thinking about yours and your childrens well being. Take care of you and them. This is just a small bump in the road and you will get over it. Yes, BK won't be easy, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[miss puff]

Hopeful, I am going to PM you but I have to run to soccer right now. Hold on tight, hang in there. Check your pm in about 2 hours or so. *hugs*

[HopefulInOhio]

Thanks you guys..I just needed to get it out in writing..I held it in all day - had a meeting at work and just couldn't pay any attention to anything. Just a very bad day. It was just very hard to not talk about it all day long.

I'll look for your PM, MissPuff..thanks..

And, Bassboy..that's what I thought..using another credit card would be fraud. The gal that told me this has never filed..easy for her to say it..but I can't do that and ruin what I know has to be filed already. Thanks!

[debtisbad]

Hopeful,

I just pm'd you. I hope your doing ok!!!

[Danielle1981]

Take a deep breath....your drowning in a glass of water. I have 3 kids, work full time and go to school 3/4 time. It's harder yes....but not impossible. Life sucks for you right now.....but you're taking it in all the wrong way. Do not under any circumstances look at the entire picture all at once....that's the quickest way to get overwhelmed and discouraged. Take one problem and work on that one and dont' look at anything else until you have that figured out.

[SinkingFast]

Take a deep breath....your drowning in a glass of water. I have 3 kids, work full time and go to school 3/4 time. It's harder yes....but not impossible. Life sucks for you right now.....but you're taking it in all the wrong way. Do not under any circumstances look at the entire picture all at once....that's the quickest way to get overwhelmed and discouraged. Take one problem and work on that one and dont' look at anything else until you have that figured out.

Wise words, Danielle!!

I was going thru the same thing as you Hope. Everything was just so overwhelming. I still have moments. In the shower the other nite I worried about Christmas. It was terrible last year and I fear it'll be the same again this year.

But I step back and deal with each minute of each day. I actively try not to think ahead. I wake up in the morning and plug away until I go to bed at night. And I try not to think about tomorrow or beyond.

Maybe focus on the here and now. Put everything else out of your mind but what's on the agenda for the next few moments, or hours, or that day only.

Let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.

[jane taylor]

It is so hard not to worry about tomorrow!! I find myself doing the same thing way too much! With my dh's surgery, this fibromyalgia or "the rheumatiz" as Grandmother called it, and teenagers, life gets to be overwhelming. Deep breaths do help--A LOT!! I am trying to make myself start exercising again as that helps with energy level as well as stress level.

Know that you can always PM me. There a few benefits to filing BF--increased knowledge (tough way to study law, my husband and I are closer than we have been in years, and I've met some awfully nice folks

Hang in there, 'hon, and God bless--

Peace--
jane

[edwards2]

Hopeful...you have come to the right place for support and help...let us be your lifeline. We are not licensed shrinks but rest assured we all know what you are going through. It is an extremely stressful time but please take the advice of these guys...one day at a time. I tended to look at the big picture too and stayed in a constant state of anxiety. We are so sorry you have to pile on the stress of a divorce on top of everything else but you will get through this. You are stronger than you think and you do have a child who needs and depends on you..that is your first priority. I put on that false face for my child too even though inside I was a nervous wreck but that is what we mothers do. Let us help you. We dont, as they say, have a dog in the race but have been right where you are and let me tell you this forum was my survival kit. Post anything you need to ask us or if you just want to vent but you can be sure filing BK is not fatal and this too shall pass.

[SinkingFast]

It is so hard not to worry about tomorrow!! I find myself doing the same thing way too much! With my dh's surgery, this fibromyalgia or "the rheumatiz" as Grandmother called it, and teenagers, life gets to be overwhelming. Deep breaths do help--A LOT!! I am trying to make myself start exercising again as that helps with energy level as well as stress level.

Know that you can always PM me. There a few benefits to filing BF--increased knowledge (tough way to study law, my husband and I are closer than we have been in years, and I've met some awfully nice folks

Hang in there, 'hon, and God bless--

Peace--
jane

Jane,............... I can truly identify with your comments about financial woes and illness.

The last 2 months my SIL was alive, my brother called me every day. Multiple times each day. All he could think about was her. How sick she was. Hoping each new treatment would finally bring an end to her illness and allow him to take her home again.

When you live with illness, it's totally different. I certainly do understand that.

[HopefulInOhio]

Thanks guys! I had a better day today, for I tried to just focus on today alone..worked somewhat, but I still had the worn down feeling. I'm eating okay, just not sleeping good.

I feel so blessed to come here and just blurt out my life and to not have anyone tell me I'm crazy. Believe me..lol..I'm not crazy. Would never contemplate suicide for I really do love life..just not right now... I'm just very overwhelmed with finances, my teen daughter, and this divorce. I've got so many irons in the fire that my head is reeling.

I know there's gonna come a day when this is over..probably a good year from what I see and hear of divorce and bankruptcy both. But, I am determined to get it done. I know some of my days are gonna be very bad still and I'm gonna panic, so you may hear more from me in the days to come.

Just a little warning...... and heads up there, guys...

Anyway, thanks all..I don't even know how to say thanks for the shared panic you've all felt. Makes me feel better today.

[lrprn]

Thanks guys! I had a better day today, for I tried to just focus on today alone..[edit] I know some of my days are gonna be very bad still and I'm gonna panic, so you may hear more from me in the days to come.

Just a little warning...... and heads up there, guys...

Anyway, thanks all..I don't even know how to say thanks for the shared panic you've all felt. Makes me feel better today.

So glad to hear today was a better one for you, Hopeful! Hope you keep coming back - we're all here to help each other.

[BassBoy]

Hi Hopeful,

Glad to hear you had a better day today. Feel free to blurt it out anytime. Believe me, it helps to get it off your chest. You can't just bottle it up because it will overcome you.

[SinkingFast]

We're here any time you need an ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. And we're here to root with and for you too.

Glad you had a better day today!!

[Anj]

I'm divorcing now too - in the middle of a 13... and I know it feels to be completely and utterly STUCK in this mess - but I also know, my mess is no more tragic than anyone's here - and that my problems are all fixable - I just have to keep myself focused!

I am glad that things are improving for you and hope they continue to do so. I have no idea how I am going to handle life without my stbx - but I am hopefull and it will get better, and this chapter will be closed as I keep taking small steps forward... I know you will too - and beyond a shadow of a doubt... do whatever you possibly can to stay in college - the reward will be so sweet!!!!

(((((hugs))))) Hang in there - A