Wow...I think it's really sinking in that I feel really AWESOME!

[Jacey]

I've been reading posts tonight, and trying to remember what my life was like before I started this ball rolling. American Express due the 2nd, JC Penney due the 3rd, Visa due the 7th, Dillards the 10th, Chase MC the 15th, Discover the 21st, Home Depot 25th, utility bills all over the place, house payment late on the 15th, popping out of bed in the middle of the night because I realized a cc payment was due that day and I was afraid I'd miss it and incur the wrath of the penalty APR. I sat and stared at the computer the day I missed my first payment 11/9/10 after maintaining an immaculate credit report for my entire life..........fast forward to today, and I have not worried in weeks. My mailbox is empty, my phone is silent, I have gotten over my shame and guilt for the most part, and my stomach doesn't feel like someone just sneaked up and scared me. You don't realize how many muscles are tight and tense until they relax finally, and mine were that way for almost ten years. This feeling is worth the job loss that forced me to face reality, worth the lawyer's fees, worth the humiliation of sitting through a 341 with a childhood friend/lawyer staring at me across the table, and worth the HOURS I've spent thinking about the why and the how. I'm so much happier, and I'm glad my credit rating sucks. Everyone acts like that's a downer, but for me it's like I'm an alcoholic and the whole planet just ran out of liquor forever. Temptation free!

Thank you to everyone here that chewed me out when I thought about cashing in my IRA to get rid of debt because of the newspaper listing. I don't care about that anymore, and you were right...there was bigger news 2 days later. It made me mad, but it made me pause and consider it all over again. Thank you for the time you guys put in to make ignorant a@@es like me understand the process. I have become a more understanding, patient person and I love some people that I never thought I would before. (what with me being so much better, smarter, blah, blah, blah...what a jerk) Life is indeed like a box of chocolates, and I have discovered that I could eat the toothpaste flavored ones over and over and be happy!

[bluemartini]

I loved reading your post.

The part about the tense muscles really hit home for me... right now I feel like a big bundle of nerves.

When this is all said and done I am going to get a bottle of champagne and a massage!

Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck.

[AngelinaCat]

Congratulations Jacey!!!!

I have been following you, and have noted how much more relaxed you seem since you filed. That is great that you have come to these realizations. We veterans can only say how well you will feel after taking the BIG step so much without being believed. Once you experience these things yourself, then you begin to understand...

Congratulations again!!!

[justbroke]

The biggest step for me was walking into the Clerk of the United States Bankruptcy Court in the Federal Building! After much grief because I had a camera and a cell phone in my backpack (as well as a laptop!), and having to run over to a nearby hotel and give the bellman $20 to watch my backpack... nothing felt better than walking out of the courthouse!

I had only $20 when I left home that day and had about $10 left. I still felt like a million bucks!

[chicagoannie]

Jacey - what a great post! I remember you freaking about the BK filings being public record and published in your local newspaper. I have no doubt whatsoever that you did the right thing for yourself by filing. Eliminating that tremendous amount of financial stress has likely added years (HAPPY ONES!) to your life.

[oregonpilot]

So awesome Jacey. Also, been following your story.
When i read about your worries of the newspaper "announcement" i remembered my biggest fear was seeing someone I had wallpapered for at my 341 or seeing someone i knew when watching a few days of 341's.

I don't miss those days of my shoulders being in my ears from stress...life is pretty great. I can relate to ALL your feelings!!
Good luck to you and ***smile***

[Panacea]

I loved reading this! Thanks for sharing it and this part is exactly how I used to feel ALL THE TIME before BK..."and my stomach doesn't feel like someone just sneaked up and scared me"

[SunshineGal]

Congrats Jacey...so glad to hear you're feeling better!

[StartinOver]

This is a great post, Jacey! You've expressed very well what that stressful gerbil wheel of debt feels like. Love the imagery you used, captures it all exactly. Especially the contrast between your stomach feeling like someone just sneaked up and scared you, and being all tight for ten years, contrasted to the widening acceptance with gratitude of options you'd have turned your nose up at before - the grace and freedom to actually enjoy "the toothpaste flavored ones!" I laughed right out loud when I read that! I haven't filed yet, but just deciding to and reaching a conclusion with our attorney about when to do it has settled me to looking for joy as I let go of all the trappings and attitudes that accompanied trying to have it all, and keep it all when most of the having dried up.

I love particularly what you said about "I have become a more understanding, patient person and I love some people that I never thought I would before." Doesn't it feel good to get over ourselves and be free!

[tobee43]

ditto with all the PP's comments....you have come a LONG way...and it FEEL great!!!

congrats to you!

[Jacey]

Thank you all so much, and yes it does feel good to "get over myself" and look around with new respect for people who have had a hard time. Bankruptcy is a powerful, life-altering tool and I'm glad I finally used it! I'm sure the discharge will be icing on the cake, and I'm never going to have any "minimum payments" again!

[discombob1]

Jacey... what a great way to turn a negative into a positive. I love how you share the lesson you have learned... the "judge not lest ye be judged" lesson applies well here. On top of that we all now have our freedom and you celebrate that beautifully.

Funny how many of us don't realize we are enslaved until we are free. For me, it's still an incredible feeling having no credit card bills, no debts... and savings in the bank for emergencies. Such a unique feeling and I'm grateful every day. So glad you are enjoying your (almost) fresh start!

[Jacey]

Thanks, discombob1! I'm sure you are still riding high from a fresh discharge, and congratulations! I'm sure that feeling will be even more amazing!

[discombob1]

Jacey, it's an incredible feeling. Can't wait until you get your very own happy hamster dance!!

[ValleYum]

Yay for you Jacey!!!! I, too, stalked, ermmmm I mean read your posts about your pre-filing worries and was wowed by your post!

Congrats to you. You won't believe how great your hamster dance feels!!