Facing the Truth

[titanic]

I am new to this forum. Since reading some of the stories , I feel my husband and I can go to our initial consultation next Monday knowing we are not alone.

Up until this point, we had convinced ourselves we could pull ourselves out of the mess we are in.........after three years of ignoring how serious our downhill journey was, we took the first step by making an appointment.

The mental anguish has played serious havoc on our marriage, the ache in my solar plexis is for real, and I'm amazed my hair hasn't fallen out.

Will keep you updated.

Titanic

[dovette7]

Hi Titanic,
I was new here about 7 months ago when I too realized the bottom was falling out. I'm glad you found this forum because it was truly a lifesaver for me. Knowing I was NOT alone and that people here truly care about your wellbeing and offering their sound advice made a big diffrence for me. My marriage suffered, my health suffered, and I was in mental anguish. So I understand this is an extremely hard time for you. This is a wonderful place to find answers from people who have already been there or just to vent if you need too. I wish you well.

[wrinkleigh]

Also realize, facing the truth is truly the hardest part. You are now on an uphill journey. The hard part is behind you.

We are here for you, and have all been right where you are now. Please come here for support, I know this board helped me keep my sanity through my ordeal.

[$$only4ever]

Welcome to the forum. This forum was my life line when I filed. Everyone is wonderful here. I have been coming here since I filed 2 years ago. This forum is great. Everyone is so helpful. Now and again, I may have a question, but it is just nice sometimes to have the support of good people.

[titanic]

Thanks to all......

The hardest part of all is looking at my two boys, and feeling like we are failing them........

Titanic

[spell]

Making the decision to move forward it usually the hardest part.
From there on out, it's mostly paperwork.
And in a chapter 13, those darned payments.

Your boys? Your doing this to improve things for them.

[wrinkleigh]

Titanic,

I have 2 small girls, and I know what you are feeling.

Please realize that you are not failing them. You are making a business decision that will make the quality of their lives, and yours better .

What you did in the past does not even matter anymore. It is the decisions that you make today and the rest of your life that count. We are human and do make mistakes, learning form them is what is important.

Now go home, give those two boys a big hug and tell them that you love them. After all THEY are what is important in the grand scheme of things.

HUGS to you and your family.

[DeadManCrawling]

Thanks to all......

The hardest part of all is looking at my two boys, and feeling like we are failing them........

Titanic

Titanic is an old friend of mine, we live a few miles apart, and she and I have spoken so many times about her bk and mine. Here's a link I wrote, that should help clear your head on this aspect:

http://www.bankruptcyforum.com/showthread.php?p=89200#post89200

Glad to see you made it back on



-dmc

[tofargone]

Welcome,

I am right there with you, I have 2 small boys 8 and 4 so I know what you mean. My wife and I agonized over the decision for over a year, finally we had to make a choice, we either sold everything we had and started over with nothing, or we took the hit and filed. I can honestly say the last month has been one of the best we have had in over 3 years. No more threatening phone calls, no more disconect notices, no more worrying which check would bounce first.

Its tough to do, but I know for us it was the right thing.

Good luck and whenever you have a question or just need someone to talk to you know where to find the forum.

[CA3kids]

We have three kids, all teenagers - one almost 20, and I definitely know the feeling of being as though I have failed them. I have been worrying myself sick about all this so I can really relate to your concerns, but I am convinced after reading this board and many books and other sources that this is the best thing to do for our family at this time.

At this point, we realize, as high income filers with two recent job losses, failure to increase income to previous levels, steady health insurance premium increases, etc, that the only way for my college student to get loans in his name for this fall is for us to file. Otherwise the school thinks we, as his parents, should take out more student loans to fund his college next year, since he is already getting scholarships totalling $20,000 per year. He has been saying he will take out loans himself and at least this way we are hoping he can get govt loans for a lower interest rate rather than private ones. Of course we are also hoping his school will give him aid, but we have to wait and see about that.

He will work this summer to earn spending money, as he always does, and next summer will get a better job with more pay to help with more college expenses, but by filing chapter 13 we can at least give him a chance to go back to school this fall.

Of course there are other reasons for us to file, namely, we can't meet our cc obligations even after months of switching to 0% interest cards, paying more than minimum when we could, etc. We've just had too many car repairs that we've had to charge since we were barely hanging on as it was.

I am actually looking forward to meeting with our lawyer next Tuesday (after our three consultations, of course!) so we can get a better handle on what our payment will be. We are hearing that we will possibly have more income to keep after we file, as we, like so many others in this group, have been living on minimum expenses in order to pay cc's and it looks like our lawyer will take the federal expenses for our area. We'll find out in the next few weeks!

Best of luck to you in your decision. Your kids are young and most likely won't know what's going on, and might even be happier once you make your decision and are hopefully less stressed!

[lrprn]

The hardest part of all is looking at my two boys, and feeling like we are failing them........

Welcome, Titanic! Glad you found us!

Failing your boys would be continuing to slide downhill financially ignoring the obvious financial trouble you are in. It's important for our children to understand that everything in the world doesn't go as expected, and think of the wonderful lesson you are teaching them about how to have a problem and deal with it effectively. That's not failing - that's providing an excellent lesson for your boys that will last a lifetime. That's what good parents do.

Again, welcome! Post questions, vent as needed, and celebrate your successes with us. As already said, you aren't alone.

[jane taylor]

I can so relate to what you are saying about feeling as if you've failed your kids. I have two teenagers and one who would gnaw off his arm just to have an old beater to drive to and from school and work. I know that we did the right thing, but it has been so hard. We had an offer from my parents to pay off all our debts, but I said NO to that and the emotional "interest" that would ensue.

None of us has gone hungry, been too cold or hot, has gone naked, or without medical treatment.

Hang in there and feel free to vent. These folks know what a rollercoaster ride this is!

Peace,
jane