Originally posted by TheBajan
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AC....
Believe me, I know what you are saying. To answer a few of your questions... my mom is still fairly young (65 this past Feb) and in much better health than she thinks she is. She has never spent a day in her life being independent. Although, in her mind, she has. My mother has never taken care of herself and I am very aware that her expectations are that I will be there to entertain her, as well as being her maid, and generally just constantly affirming that she is loved. Yet with all that in mind, we have known for years that this day would eventually come. I feel the responsibility to care for my mother very deeply.
We built our home with a full apartment attached for the sole purpose of taking care of her. We've never used the apartment but it's finally going to serve it's intended purpose. The idea behind it wasn't to isolate her from us but rather to give her a place of her own because I am very aware that we all need that. I know I do. Her and I are very different people. I have two sisters who stayed close to her (geographically speaking). I was the one who put distance between us. My mother has a need to control. When I say this, I'm not talking about the normal mom control issues, I'm talking about someone who needs to control everyone within her environment. My sisters let that go on. I didn't. For that reason, I have been the 'lost sheep' of the family. Anyway, I digress.
The point I want to make is that I understand my mother. I know what she expects. I know what I'm willing to give. I know how to say no. I know which battles are worth fighting and which battles to stay out of. God willing, my mother still has many, many years left. She has spent the better part of her life with a victim mentality and I don't expect that to change. All I know for sure is that the only reason she is willing to come stay with me is that she has exhausted her welcome with everyone else.
With love and respect, I thank you for your prayers. I certainly need them.
Believe me, I know what you are saying. To answer a few of your questions... my mom is still fairly young (65 this past Feb) and in much better health than she thinks she is. She has never spent a day in her life being independent. Although, in her mind, she has. My mother has never taken care of herself and I am very aware that her expectations are that I will be there to entertain her, as well as being her maid, and generally just constantly affirming that she is loved. Yet with all that in mind, we have known for years that this day would eventually come. I feel the responsibility to care for my mother very deeply.
We built our home with a full apartment attached for the sole purpose of taking care of her. We've never used the apartment but it's finally going to serve it's intended purpose. The idea behind it wasn't to isolate her from us but rather to give her a place of her own because I am very aware that we all need that. I know I do. Her and I are very different people. I have two sisters who stayed close to her (geographically speaking). I was the one who put distance between us. My mother has a need to control. When I say this, I'm not talking about the normal mom control issues, I'm talking about someone who needs to control everyone within her environment. My sisters let that go on. I didn't. For that reason, I have been the 'lost sheep' of the family. Anyway, I digress.
The point I want to make is that I understand my mother. I know what she expects. I know what I'm willing to give. I know how to say no. I know which battles are worth fighting and which battles to stay out of. God willing, my mother still has many, many years left. She has spent the better part of her life with a victim mentality and I don't expect that to change. All I know for sure is that the only reason she is willing to come stay with me is that she has exhausted her welcome with everyone else.
With love and respect, I thank you for your prayers. I certainly need them.
no surprise to me at all that you are such a good daughter.
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