Ever feel guilty?

[turnedleaf]

We were discharged yesterday () and thats wonderful. It really is. We had a very, very simple case, no asset or objections. The hardest part of the whole thing was filling out the forms. Our credit has remained surprisingly good and we were approved today for a car loan up to $45000 at 8.75% (obviously, not using even half of it...).

We are easily making it now, and my DH is just beside himself with joy.

I feel awful. I feel guilty, like this should have been so much harder or that we should have been "punished" more. I wish I could say that the need for BK wasnt our fault, but it was. We were stupid and lived like Kings when we couldnt afford it. And now, its all gone. All that overindulgence has been sucked up by the creditors. And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

[AngelinaCat]

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

You are making perfeect sense. We feel bad in a way about some of it, but really, you have to look at it as a 'business decision'. You and DH made some bad decisions, and you couldn't work your way out. Now, this good business decision gives you a chance at a 'New Start.'

Now, that said, you both cannot just go back to 'life as normal', i.e. start running up the cards again. You have got to get yourselves on budget and stick with it. Use cash. When the cash runs out, thats it.

My best~~~~

[liz417]

First of all CONGRATS ON THE DISCHARGE!!!!

What great news on the car loan (especially being right out of BK)!!! Now go live your life and start over!!!

Good Luck!!

[AngelinaCat]

Oh yes, I'm sorry......CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

My manners at times......

[justplaintired]

Congrats on the car loan!

I don't feel much guilt. I feel more like I failed somehow. Like I wasn't suppose to end up in BK. That wasn't my plan for my life. So I don't feel guilty, just that I did a really bad job managing our lives. That's why I really don't ever want another cc. I can accept I am bad with them. I am an excellent person at paying my bills, there were always on time, even if it meant we had to use the cc to eat.

Don't let the guilt get to you, you're only doing what you had to, it's was simply a survival method. You have survived BK now, so get out and enjoy living within your means. No more living like Kings, just simple folk, getting by with what you make!!

Good luck and congrats on the discharge!

[AngelinaCatHub]

Congrats on the car loan!

I don't feel much guilt. I feel more like I failed somehow. Like I wasn't suppose to end up in BK. That wasn't my plan for my life. So I don't feel guilty, just that I did a really bad job managing our lives. That's why I really don't ever want another cc. I can accept I am bad with them. I am an excellent person at paying my bills, there were always on time, even if it meant we had to use the cc to eat.

Don't let the guilt get to you, you're only doing what you had to, it's was simply a survival method. You have survived BK now, so get out and enjoy living within your means. No more living like Kings, just simple folk, getting by with what you make!!

Good luck and congrats on the discharge!

[Tabbygirl]

The thing to remember is that you are *learning* something from this experience; you feel badly because you feel remorse and realize you could have made better decisions. That's part of being contrite about your experience; I personally would worry about the person who doesn't feel remorse.

That said, it's a fresh start. I personally held off filing for years because I thought I could get ahead but I realized that for me, the stress outweighed any benefit paying off my ex-husband's massive debt would have. Yes, it'd be better if I could have paid it off, but reality bites--it wasn't going to happen without winning the lottery.

Take care and I am sure you will feel better; I believe that a certain amount of guilt is a sign of good character, if that's any consolation.

[soleprop]

Take care and I am sure you will feel better; I believe that a certain amount of guilt is a sign of good character, if that's any consolation.

i agree. and yes i feel some guilt every time i hear about how bad the economy is and the credit crunch, blah blah...i start thinking 'i'm part of the problem now' and i realize that i'm contributing to the tougher credit environment that's coming up all around us...people will have a harder time qualifying for credit because of bkers like me, rates and prices will go up, landlords and loaners and employers and whoever else will be more conservative...and then i realize hey!!! that's all great news!!!!! why? because it means people will be reset to living within their means again, using their paychecks instead of the cotton candy density of credit.

it's sad we have to goon up our finances to figure out that we just need to live more simply. but i got the message loud and clear. and that education, that growth - it pretty much squashes the guilt.

[TEW]

We were discharged yesterday () and thats wonderful. It really is. We had a very, very simple case, no asset or objections. The hardest part of the whole thing was filling out the forms. Our credit has remained surprisingly good and we were approved today for a car loan up to $45000 at 8.75% (obviously, not using even half of it...).

We are easily making it now, and my DH is just beside himself with joy.

I feel awful. I feel guilty, like this should have been so much harder or that we should have been "punished" more. I wish I could say that the need for BK wasnt our fault, but it was. We were stupid and lived like Kings when we couldnt afford it. And now, its all gone. All that overindulgence has been sucked up by the creditors. And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

[justplaintired]

Thank you so much, I know you're right! Somedays and we all have them we feel down and today I guess was my day. Kids go back to school tomorrow and that's very depressing to me, yes I am weird I like my boys at home, besides it feels like summer is over and oh how I hate winter. LOL Anyway thank you for those nice words and sorry for being a downer there.

You are oh so right, I have learnt, never again will cc control my life. It's just not worth it in the long run. All that crap it buys is just that crap!

[magyar123]

Don't feel guilty. You made the right decision. You were in debt, creditors/collection goons were hounding you, kept on piling on fees, raised your interest rates to predatory/loanshark level rates.

[downwardspiral]

Congrats on your discharge and car loan. That's fantastic!

I understand how you feel. I felt the same way, for a long time. I couldn't sleep at night. I felt so iresponsible. But it happened. I didn't mean it to. I made a lot of mistakes and some things were out of my control. I agree with the others, look at it as a business decision. YOu did what you needed to do to survive. Just don't fall into old habits. Enjoy your fresh start.

[b_girl]

And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

Totally relate! Some creditors I don't care...they sucked the life out of us with their high interest rates...the way I see it, they got paid and paid again for the items we purchased, so no guilt there. But as for our hometown bank..well, I did feel guilty, too, but when it's a choice between their welfare and ours, well, ours is the most important. They have the resources to recover, we're back to square one (negative one in some areas). Filing bankruptcy is definitely a business decision, so don't feel overly guilty...however, it's wise to learn from the mistakes that led to this path. In our case, deteriorating health which led to a loss of income led to our bankruptcy...an unforeseen event, but if we hadn't been living large in our own way, it might not have hit us as hard as it did. Live and learn, heh? I know we have.

[downwardspiral]

that's all great news!!!!! why? because it means people will be reset to living within their means again, using their paychecks instead of the cotton candy density of credit

I totally agree with that. So many people are living way beyond their means. Once I came forward with my financial problem I was shocked to see how many of my friends and coworkers were in the same boat.

[AngelinaCatHub]

i agree. and yes i feel some guilt every time i hear about how bad the economy is and the credit crunch, blah blah...i start thinking 'i'm part of the problem now' and i realize that i'm contributing to the tougher credit environment that's coming up all around us...people will have a harder time qualifying for credit because of bkers like me, rates and prices will go up, landlords and loaners and employers and whoever else will be more conservative...and then i realize hey!!! that's all great news!!!!! why? because it means people will be reset to living within their means again, using their paychecks instead of the cotton candy density of credit.

it's sad we have to goon up our finances to figure out that we just need to live more simply. but i got the message loud and clear. and that education, that growth - it pretty much squashes the guilt.

Yes it may take another depression for this Country to realize what really counts. When I was a teenager, my parents could not afford to give me a car. Yet in today’s world, some parents slap a new BMW in the drive when their daughter turns 18. (or similar gifts without costs) How we became “I need it now, and Wal*mart has it so I’m gonna get it now", is what our whole society has learned. In the old days, grandpa’s and parents during and after the war (WWII) were more cautious.

I remember my Dad made good money. $80.00 bucks a week. Their house a “Levette” ticky-tacky box was only $4,700.00. I pint of milk at school was 2 cents. There were NO credit cards only Store credit. I remember Sears cards and I remember my parents in the ‘50’s going down that primrose path to debt. There is no blame here but there SURE IS AN EDUCATION, and it is for us to pass this on to others if they will listen. ‘Hub