Ever feel guilty?

[shabam]

You can start with Bank of America!

I owe quite a bit to those guys. Do they run you through the ringer or something?

If we know who the bastard lenders are, we can "plan" to send our debt their way..

[Cali]

You would be amazed at how many people actually do pay some creditors back.

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?

[epiphany]

Ya know, growing up, my Dad would constantly fret about bills. We never went without but we were never were given anything extravegant. I went to an all girls private high school (they did splurge on my education) where there were many rich girls who were afforded all the luxuries, including cars that they would immediately go out and wrap around a tree. Their Daddys would replace those with vehicles of equal or greater value.

I had my first dabble with credit at the age of 18 (way too young for most if you ask me). And it was like Xmas every day. I never thought about the long road. All I knew is that I could get XYZ when I wanted it.

My parents used credit cards but it wasn't until about 10 years ago that I discovered that they paid them off in full each month. They are and always have been (except for their mortgage which has long since been paid for) completely debt free. I wish they had taught me this growing up but I'm guessing that they thought I knew it or would glean it.

And to the OP: I never felt guilty when I decided to file BK. I saw creditors raise my finance charge because I was late on a different cards which had nothing to do with them. I too had an account with a local credit union (who services my employer) and I tried to work it out with them but they turned nasty.

I felt some shame filing BK but no guilt. The shame has pretty much passed. I'm good with it and enjoying have so many less bills to pay.

ep

[Flamingo]

If you do feel guilty about filing BK on a certain creditor, ie your local credit union, department store etc., you can still pay them back. There is no law against that. If that would make your conscience feel better, then save up what you owed them or even a small portion and give it to them. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.

MNBK7guy - I saw some responses to your posting above and most people feel "burned" by some creditors but I totally know where you are coming from. There could creditors listed in your filing that are not the "big banks" or big creditors but smaller creditors or, as you say, your credit union, that you have maybe had a credit card with or have been with for some time and feel bad about the whole thing. In fact, in the letter we received from our attorney after our discharge, it was stated that if you want to pay back on your own any debts that were discharged in BK, that is your option and you can do it. It's when they try to collect after discharge is when there is a problem, but you volunteering to pay anyone back is totally up to the former debtor. If one really has the interest in paying back certain creditors after discharge and they are better off at a certain time after filing and want to do so, that is totally up to them and can be done. Remember, there are folks out there that stiff it to creditors also just as folks say creditors stiff it to them. The numerous postings on this site over the years about people wanting to run up their credit cards to the limit and then file just proves that point. They do not intend to pay the amounts back so they are in plain words stiffing creditors but to them that's OK because since they were late for payments or could not pay bills and interest rates/fees went up, they are not at fault - it's the creditors fault. All one has to do is read the contract signed at the time the credit card or loan was taken out - terms were agreed to as to what can occur when certain events occur.

I am not stating all this to side with anyone cause Lord knows I have experienced having a ton of debt to deal with and no money to pay...but it was my fault, not the creditor's fault, that put me in that place. Lots of folks don't like to hear that it's so true.

[soleprop]

i'm paying back one of mine. he was included because he had to be, but in my mind i know that if anyone is going to get money i sweat and stress for, it will be him. he invested in me/my business with absolutely no schemes to get a return off of it. he's what lending should be about.

[Stilltheone]

The only person I feel *guilty* about is my mother in law. She loaned us $1500 for the downpayment of our house and we included her in our bankruptcy. We chose not to pay it back to her because there were some things said to us BEFORE we filed that really hurt us, deep down. Had those things not been said to us, we would probably pay her back, but we're choosing not to.

[soleprop]

ouch that's a tough one. i don't blame you for your stand on it at all, but i bet she grudges over it for a lonnnng time.

[Stilltheone]

Yeah, it was a tough spot. She loaned it to us back in '04 and made us sign papers in Dec 07...right before we filed. Had she not made us sign papers, we wouldn't have had to include her, technically.

When she made us sign a contract, she also included a 4 page letter, telling my husband how horrible he was, what a disappointment he was....It was pretty heartbreaking for him to read...that $1500 made such an impact on his mother, that she felt the need to write such terrible things about us.

She hasn't seen us or her grandkids for almost a year. She calls my husband at work every now and then. She wasn't really "into the grandkid" thing, so I don't think she particularly cares about them....which is fine by me. Our kids have my parents, who go above and beyond what they need.

Still, it's sad because I know my husband would like for his mom to see our kids...and she could care less, it seems.

I don't have certain creditors that I feel bad about, but certain *purchases*....Like we charged our downpayment for our car back in November ($800)....we charged a trip to Disney over Christmas, we bought furniture in December that no one's come after...

[Cali]

I wouldn't have signed anything if I were treated that badly. That is so sad.

[No Gravy]

In our society, I think it's normal to feel like a failure...but don't. To recognize that something isn't working (i.e., your finances) and to take steps to rebuild/reorganize is both smart and necessary for your and your family's survival. Your welfare is more important than any lendor's. Remember, they have a lot more resources than you do. If you can recognize some mistakes you made in the past which led to bankruptcy, then learn from them and go on. Don't judge yourself harshly...there are enough people out there who will do that for you.

Thank you for your kind words Your last line made me giggle, because when I read it I thought "Yep...my family will!"

The reasons I'm feeling like a failure right now involves them. They don't seem to get it that I can't afford what I used to, or that I don't have money right now to do what they thing I should do.

My dad died in January, and his memorial service is in 2 weeks, 2 states away. His wish was to be cremated and his ashes scattered in a specific place in New Mexico, a place that is only accessible this time of year.

I don't have the money to go. In the past, I've always just "made things happen", no matter the cost. Things are different now, *I* am different now. To say that's not being met with any level of understanding whatsoever would be an understatement.

[No Gravy]

Yeah, it was a tough spot. She loaned it to us back in '04 and made us sign papers in Dec 07...right before we filed. Had she not made us sign papers, we wouldn't have had to include her, technically.

When she made us sign a contract, she also included a 4 page letter, telling my husband how horrible he was, what a disappointment he was....It was pretty heartbreaking for him to read...that $1500 made such an impact on his mother, that she felt the need to write such terrible things about us.

She hasn't seen us or her grandkids for almost a year. She calls my husband at work every now and then. She wasn't really "into the grandkid" thing, so I don't think she particularly cares about them....which is fine by me. Our kids have my parents, who go above and beyond what they need.

Still, it's sad because I know my husband would like for his mom to see our kids...and she could care less, it seems.

I don't have certain creditors that I feel bad about, but certain *purchases*....Like we charged our downpayment for our car back in November ($800)....we charged a trip to Disney over Christmas, we bought furniture in December that no one's come after...

Are you sure we're not related? I'm so sorry. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work.

[No Gravy]

And to the OP: I never felt guilty when I decided to file BK. I saw creditors raise my finance charge because I was late on a different cards which had nothing to do with them. I too had an account with a local credit union (who services my employer) and I tried to work it out with them but they turned nasty.

I think creditors get greedy and add to the situation that drives many of us to filing BK by their "loan shark" tactics. Before I was late on *any* account several accounts suddenly went from 9% to 29%, 36%, and in one case 38.9%.

Unless I won the lottery and could pay in one gigantic lump sum, I could never have paid it off. Never. Then again, I'm sure that's what they were hoping.

[No Gravy]

I am not stating all this to side with anyone cause Lord knows I have experienced having a ton of debt to deal with and no money to pay...but it was my fault, not the creditor's fault, that put me in that place. Lots of folks don't like to hear that it's so true.

There is a lot of truth to that statement

[Phillymanhere]

TurnedLeaf,

I appreciate the sense of responsibility you have and I certainly appreciate your sadness over having defaulted on your little local credit union. (Of course, your little local credit union probably has some kind of insurance in cases like this and they have probably filed for it and gotten some money for your defalt).

But here's the big picture. You really don't need to feel guilty because life is really hard at times. If you're having an easy moment now, you can enjoy it because there will be many many times in your life (in all of our lives) when things are too hard for no reason.

Furthermore, I say you may not be as well off as you think.

1.) Do you have money saved for potential layoff--say 6 months to a year's worth of family living expenses?

2.) Have you got money saved to pay for a year's worth of health insurance, in the even that you guys lose your insurance coverage. Individually purchased insurance is much higher than insurance received through employment. (This would be in addition to #1.)

3.) Have you got adequate long-term disability insurance, in case you or your family member gets injured on the job in a serious way and can't work for years?

4.) Have you got a half million or more in your 401K plan? Depending on what age you retire, your standard of living and how long you live, we could easily "need" $2 million or in our 401K's to have a really secure retirement. You there yet?

I say take the "ease" of your situation and use it to get ahead of the curve by addressing all four of the above situations. Unless you have completed #1, #2, #3 AND #4, you don't have it easy. You're just thinking you have it easy because you're blocking out a number of things facing you. Which unfortunately is what people facing bk tend to do, underestimate the expenses facing us.

Good luck.

[Stilltheone]

Are you sure we're not related? I'm so sorry. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work.

LOL....Ya know, I don't blame her because we *did* owe her the money, plain and simple. I can't fault her for that. What I DO fault her on is the nasty 4 page letter. Just because we owed her money doesn't give her the right to "talk smack" about us, KWIM?

What put her over the edge was when we pulled up in our Cadillac Escalade, yet we owed her money. That was the straw that broke the camels' back, so to speak.....it broke her AND US. LOL

Ah well, it's over with now and now we don't speak. Perfect for me.