Can I vent?

[Intoodeep80]

AMEN to that!!!

I hate people who judge when they have not walked in your shoes.

My God, isnt this the truth.

I have a good friend of which I havent told about my bk (and will NEVER) because she criticizes another friend we have mutually for filing chapt 7. She keeps on saying "Joe is going to get what he deserves after hes out of bankruptcy - they are going to be delegating his money and watching him for 10 years!" She has no idea whats she talking about whatsoever.

Several times Ive told her thats not true, maybe in Chapter 13 you have to pay back for x amount of years but in chapter 7, you are free to start over after discharge. Yet, every time she brings it up she repeats this very line like shes some kind of bk specialist or something

[debtmonster]

My DH likes to say "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" whenever I'm down... and he reminds me that many people we know are just a paycheck away from BK so they shouldn't judge.

AMEN to that!!!

I hate people who judge when they have not walked in your shoes.

[BK2008]

I love this thread
DW told her 23 Niece that we were filing the next thing I know I am being attacked by the know it all little BXXXX she has absolutely no clue what she is talking about. She sent me a 6 page email about how I should see a finical adverse and they can fix it all. After about 7 emails I finally talked to her father as it turns out she quite her job her husband of 1 years got fire and they have not made their mortgage payment is 3 months. Then he told me that also ran up over 60K in CC debt. This is all in 1 year.. She has a master’s degree in philology but just got a job in a nursing home for 8.25 an hour. Now I know I made some mistakes and I have also had some disasters that happened one right after the other. Both cars carping out at the same time
I told DW that her niece is OFF out Christmas list

Niece is too funny! SHE is telling YOU what you should be doing, while she is three steps on the road to what the rest of us here are doing or have done??

Gotta love people. People that don't know and have never been there have all kinds of bright ideas on how to fix it. And 90% of the advise is BS. Kind of like raising kids, everyone has a better idea and how you're doing it wrong. Sheesh!

I'd take her off of the birthday, wedding anniversary, and the 7th anniversary of removing-her-braces list!

[BK2008]

This neighbor was a friend... not telling the neighborhood.

My DH likes to say "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" whenever I'm down... and he reminds me that many people we know are just a paycheck away from BK so they shouldn't judge.

So I wish you the best with you in-laws.. I know how hard that must be. I would ask your DH to speak to your FIL about backing off.

Probably closer to half a paycheck away from disaster. I know I was.

[paintinrosesred]

This neighbor was a friend... not telling the neighborhood.

My DH likes to say "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" whenever I'm down... and he reminds me that many people we know are just a paycheck away from BK so they shouldn't judge.

So I wish you the best with you in-laws.. I know how hard that must be. I would ask your DH to speak to your FIL about backing off.

[debtmonster]

I told our neighbor we were doing a foreclosure because she kept asking when we were putting the house on the market.... And she was going to find out anyway.. being a neighbor... now she doesn't speak with me.
So sometimes best not to tell anyone... not even family. We aren't telling family.

Yep! I'm afraid of the same thing. Once you foreclose, you've just instantly killed the resale value of all of the surrounding homes. In a way, it's totally unfair to the people. I'd be pissed off, too, if I were to keep my home and people were foreclosing around me.

On the bright side, hey... you're helping that lady get lower property tax! So needs to shut up.

I'm going to try avoiding to tell my neighbors that we are foreclosing. I want to stay in the house as long as possible so I can raise money for a new car and to save up the THOUSANDS of dollars I will need to rent. I know we'll need a good $3,000 for moving expenses and then at least $3,000 to $5,000 down for to rent a private home from somebody.

[debtmonster]

yes you can vent, kick, scream, pull your hair out, bite, yell, b*tch, break something and whatnot...no one said this was going to be easy or not stressed out for everyone involved.

Eventually a calm, cool & collected effect does happen

I remember when I vented on here, I was "judged" by several people on here. Not good.

[Never_Again]

Feel free to vent!

You already know this, I am sure, but it seems that you might want to seek a counselor for the marital issues.

Also, if your FIL went to the bank and pulled YOUR credit without YOUR permission, he is a criminal (that act is illegal). So he certainly can't take the moral high road here!

I hope that you can change the living, as well as even the employment situation. I think that you two need it!

A bit of shame with this is probably a good sign. Do not let it consume you! This could be a great thing for you and your husband, and your relationship, if you let it drive the two of you closer. If he will not leave his mommy and daddy, then you may have some more decisions to make.

[TEW]

I love this thread
DW told her 23 Niece that we were filing the next thing I know I am being attacked by the know it all little BXXXX she has absolutely no clue what she is talking about. She sent me a 6 page email about how I should see a finical adverse and they can fix it all. After about 7 emails I finally talked to her father as it turns out she quite her job her husband of 1 years got fire and they have not made their mortgage payment is 3 months. Then he told me that also ran up over 60K in CC debt. This is all in 1 year.. She has a master’s degree in philology but just got a job in a nursing home for 8.25 an hour. Now I know I made some mistakes and I have also had some disasters that happened one right after the other. Both cars carping out at the same time
I told DW that her niece is OFF out Christmas list

[scubaman]

This thread had made my day. I have been so screwed up over this mess I feel like a piece of dog crap. But I came up with this affirmation, " I might have failed, but I'm not a failure" yeah it works for awhile and I just say hell with it. I have shared with way to many people so now they either tip toe around me or give me that look like I have a tumor on my face. I have decided not to do anything in a social gathering right now other than movies etc because I can not act HAPPY right now and I'm not a good phony.
I don't have a poker face and my face tells it all. I hate that part of who I am I cant hide out even in my own head. One my family are so supportive and healthy in supporting me - they show me the love and I am very grateful for that, including my closest friends and Mate are my life preserver.
THANKS FOR LISTENING

[Help!]

Vent away! This is going to be a very stressful time for you and having in-law drama is going to add to the frustration. We were lucky in that we made a fresh start in a new state away from my husband's family in a place where we knew no one and no one new us. I don't think our marriage would have survived if we had to go through our BK with his family sticking their noses into the middle of it. It is so devastating and the last thing you need is more criticism. The key to surviving BK is to stay positive. Distance yourself from negativity.

[DM20]

Paintinrosered - sorry you had such crappy neighbors! Our neighbors lost their house and I felt terrible for them and the kids too! You never know when you will find yourself in trouble.

[paintinrosesred]

I told our neighbor we were doing a foreclosure because she kept asking when we were putting the house on the market.... And she was going to find out anyway.. being a neighbor... now she doesn't speak with me.
So sometimes best not to tell anyone... not even family. We aren't telling family.

[WoodSprite]

So getting rid of the boat is going to raise some eyebrows because its my passion and I have a lot of boating friends.

Oh, I hear that. We told everyone we sold our paid-off CRV because we needed to raise money for a septic system (which is actually what we did with most of the proceeds - besides paying our lawyer), and because the CRV was reminding us of the carjacking (which is what started us on this path). Not untrue, just not the whole story. I don't know what I'd say if we didn't have those handy explanations. NOT, as you say, that it's anyone's business.

Its caused me lots of anxiety and sleepless nights...My parents were the type to never have a credit card, very old school. Big savings, pay cash for everything. Im verry sorry I didnt follow in their footsteps and feel like crud.

I come here and find solace knowing that there is life after bk. I cannot wait until the day that Im debt-free. Its such a burden to carry.

Yep, me too. And lots of us. This forum has saved my sanity, and has really allowed me to get some perspective on the whole sorry episode. Some of us have been talking about this on the "Lifestyle adjustments" board (see "http://www.bkforum.com/showthread.ph...ferrerid=15486"), and I just love this thought:

This is the way I see it... for me to do anything but make the best possible use of this reset button would be immoral, and for me to do everything I can not to end up here again would be almost criminal!

Hang in there, Intoodeep...those hamsters will dance for you too!

[Intoodeep80]

Yeah, my parents would die of shame. I grew up hearing them tsk tsk over people who "cheat" and bankruptcy is definitely cheating, in their opinion. In mine, too, in many ways, and I am experiencing enough guilt as it is. To me, bankruptcy is kind of a public declaration that "I Suck." I have very gossipy siblings, though, and at least one of them had to know due to special circumstances, so I'm pretty sure my folks will eventually find out. It will hurt them, and I am sorry for that.

Omg, LOL. I feel the same way!! Its caused me lots of anxiety and sleepless nights. My parents were the type to never have a credit card, very old school. Big savings, pay cash for everything. Im verry sorry I didnt follow in their footsteps and feel like crud.

I come here and find solace knowing that there is life after bk. I cannot wait until the day that Im debt-free. Its such a burden to carry.