Can I vent?

[GreenInkOnPaper]

New update:

You may remember that DH has a Focus that he is going to include in his BK. It's not running, and AGAINST my wishes, his dad had the car towed to his work place (he owns a small business). I didn't want it towed there because it's not a great area of town. Low and behold - someone smashed the driver's window last night. I hate to say "I told ya so..." but really!

[No Gravy]

So now he's filling out all the homework the attorney I've never met sent home with him....and he wants me to help. I handed him a slip of paper with his mother's phone number on it and suggested he call her for help. Yes, I'm evil.

Buhahahaha!!! OK, *that* plan I can get behind

The "filing divorce to get his attention"....not so much. Not that it's any of my business, and not that you asked. But this is bringing back some bad memories for me, of my ex, who is the reason I've been single since '93.

My ex was an alcoholic and a mama's boy. Never lived away from his mom until we got married. THERE WAS A REASON. There were also a lot of lessons for me in that 2-yr marriage. Lessons I wouldn't wish on anyone.

[GreenInkOnPaper]

And- he's filing alone. We do own a home jointly, and I don't like the advice "his" attorney gave him.

[GreenInkOnPaper]

More aggravated than furious. The furious stuff has already passed. I just keep my mouth shut about all things financial. He's got his accounts, I've got mine.

[Tbornetun]

So now he's filling out all the homework the attorney I've never met sent home with him....and he wants me to help. I handed him a slip of paper with his mother's phone number on it and suggested he call her for help. Yes, I'm evil.

Not evil, I would be furious. I would have done the same thing. Is he planning on filing individually or joint? What an #$#@$. I could not live with a husband that made a decision like that without me present. If this is how it operates with the inlaws, you will be glad to be out!

[GreenInkOnPaper]

So now he's filling out all the homework the attorney I've never met sent home with him....and he wants me to help. I handed him a slip of paper with his mother's phone number on it and suggested he call her for help. Yes, I'm evil.

[No Gravy]

Yep! I'm afraid of the same thing. Once you foreclose, you've just instantly killed the resale value of all of the surrounding homes. In a way, it's totally unfair to the people. I'd be pissed off, too, if I were to keep my home and people were foreclosing around me.

It really only matters if they're trying to sell soon, or looking to refinance. Otherwise, if they plan on living in the house as they always have, what's it to them? If all any homeowner is thinking about is resale...then that's part of the problem.

I thought I was the only one (in my neighborhood) for the longest time. Then I pulled up some information on my house, and saw 4 adjacent houses were all short-sale or foreclosures, with tons more on the surrounding streets.
[/QUOTE]

[No Gravy]

Thanks for letting me rip. I just get so aggravated that everything I say is wrong, he knows better, it's all my fault, blah-blah-blah. We find an attorney that we really like, but no! His dad makes an appointment with someone HE wants DH to talk to.
He works for his parents.
We live in a house owned by his parents.
His dad went to the bank and pulled MY credit. DH and dad have the same name. I'm 44 years old and find constant interference irritating.
I'm seriously thinking of filing for divorce, and I don't take that sort of thing lightly.
Now, back to our regular programming.....

Damn...I was just about to ask "Are you guys like, 18-19 years old?"

Aside from the BK issue, and the beyond-over-bearing in-laws issue, DH seems to be holding on tight to those apron strings, which allows the in-laws behavior to continue.

Good luck, hon.

[GreenInkOnPaper]

All true!
I am filing for divorce -- but not moving out. Just making a point: You don't need a wife. He's not going to tell me what to do with my money. He's not going to tell me what to do with my time. And for damn sure, his 'rents aint gonna have any say in my life - period.
He's a good hearted man - just completely programmed to do mommy and daddy's will. That's not husband material. I love him to pieces and going to stick with him, just on my terms.

[Stilltheone]

Update:

I went off and left my laptop open to this very page, and guess who sits his butt at my desk and reads it? Like I say, NO PRIVACY!
Anyway, he's upset that I had my letter notorized. Says that it was a waste of time...I said that obviously I hope that's true.
So, just to bolster my point, he goes WITH HIS DAD, not his wife, and meets another attorney. Guess what? His dad gives the guy $500, and retains him. Never mind that the guy gives DH what I feel is misinformation. What do I know? I asked DH how he was going to account for his dad paying the attorney...No clue. Oh well. I tried to help.
So, I told DH that I will prolly go ahead and file for divorce. I'll just be a girlfriend. Obviously, he doesn't need a wife.

OMG, didn't read this part before I last posted.

I would be TICKED OFF if my dh went and got an attorney without letting me be present.

Just a side note: My parents paid for our attorney, in full, without a problem. In fact, they GAVE us a check, in our name, and didn't even write it out to our attorney's office.

[Stilltheone]

DH is filing 7, we're in the final planning stage. Everything's going well, found whom I think is a good attorney, etc.

One problem.

In-laws.

His parents are making me NUTS~ asking way too personal questions, assigning blame, acting like they know EVERYTHING about BK, and they know NOTHING. DH decided to let the bank come get his non-running Focus, and his dad freaks. "NoNoNoNo!" he says. "They'll sue you!!!" he says. "I'll make the payments" he says. Yeah, lets blow $425 a month on a payment and insurance on a car that is being surrendered. But he won't listen to a word. Not even an attorney! ARG! He is driving me nuts!!! The BK is all he wants to talk about. It has caused tension and hard feelings between my Hubb and me. Just really sucks.

Ahhh. Thanks!

HA, at least you didn't include your inlaws in your bankruptcy, like I did to mine.

My inlaws made us sign a contract about 3 months prior to filing. Included with the contract was a 4 page letter about how nasty we were.

Upon filing bankruptcy, I called my MIL and told her how we had filed. She didn't "get it", until after our court date. She called, "fishing" for info....half expecting for us to say that we'd pay her back.

It's been almost a year since we received our "letter", describing what pieces of dirt we are...and it's been a quite year without them.

Vent away girl!

[gymbo]

Omg!

That did NOT really happen!!! He really went to an atty. with his Dad and retained him without your input???
That is CRAZY!

And am I understanding correctly that he is upset you had your letter notarized and not upset that you think she may have a hand in your death someday???? That's more CRAZY!

I say, get through the BK, move far away from the rents, and see if you relationship is worth saving.

I have an evil MIL who tried early on to meddle in our lives but I told my H (sorry I can't add the D right now, just can't) that when she challenged me he had to side with me whether he wanted to or not... or we were done.
It did the trick. She backed off.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this added stress.

[TEW]

Ms. 'Paper, my Father and Mother were in your diagnosis of your problem. My Father was a Sociopath. Google this please and there are ten signs or more. Does DH fit anymore than two? If so, he sees only himself as a Sociopath is a very selfish person.

A true loving DH or DW loves the other without fault and unconditionally up to a point. I would die for my DW, and she for me.

Mrs. and I shall pray hard for you. I do think you have it well in hand.

Put a passworded screen saver on your computer. If it is your computer, it is private. 'Hub

Mine too hub look at arrested development also living with someone stuck in terable 2s for life

[AngelinaCatHub]

Hey, thanks everyone for the encouragement!
Obviously, bigger issues are at work when a 38 year old man still lets his parents ride rough-shod. He's an only child, and seriously- he never spent a minute alone until he graduated from college and bought a house. When Mrs. C called from work and stated this, I said "he has not grown up". They ran his first wife off, and they're close to running me off, too. My Father was also an only child and my Mother was seen as adversary to them. I am familiar with what you say. So, somethings are very difficult - if not impossible - to change. I love the guy with all my heart, but like everyone, I do need SOME privacy. I wrote a letter, had it notorized, and gave a copy each to my mother and my dear friend. It basically reads, " If I should die while I'm married to Mr.X - please investigate his mother." If you did this, you have far stronger feelings than you are voicing here.I'm really sorry that some of you have had to deal with family and so-called friends that get in your chili because of your finances. The way I look at it, life's what happens while you're making other plans. I think that's attributible to John Lennon. People are more to me than what they have - or don't have - in the bank, on credit cards, what kind of car they drive, how big their house is. That's just material crap that doesn't care when you are sick, heartbroken, or lonely. I feel like the people who get together here are sometimes better friends than I have in "real" life. You have stated real WISDOM. It is true. I'm sure a lot of you feel the same. Have in the past with X. Although our posts may be met with "tough" love at times, usually the underlying message is a helpful one. So, thanks again to everyone who chimed in. This is what we are here for. We love you without knowlege or pre conceved motive, under any circumstances. We are here for you and also ourselves.
Green Ink

Ms. 'Paper, my Father and Mother were in your diagnosis of your problem. My Father was a Sociopath. Google this please and there are ten signs or more. Does DH fit anymore than two? If so, he sees only himself as a Sociopath is a very selfish person.

A true loving DH or DW loves the other without fault and unconditionally up to a point. I would die for my DW, and she for me.

Mrs. and I shall pray hard for you. I do think you have it well in hand.

Put a passworded screen saver on your computer. If it is your computer, it is private. 'Hub

[AngelinaCatHub]

Hey green wow you said it all there. I am taking a break from moving boxes from the basement I finished in a house I no longer want. When I first told DW we could no longer afford to keep the house she was very upset. But then I told her it's only sticks and nails. What we have is what the important thing. At the end of the day I think what is important is how we conducted ourselves during our stay on this earth not what we own.

Very good and also accurate TEW. Best post I have seen you make and very inspirational. 'Hub