I hate it came to this

[Meh]

Hi guys,

I have tried to do all that I can do to make good on my debts but the time has come for me to file BK. In mid March, I had a meeting with a BK attorney a friend of my had good dealings with and he laid everything out for me. I passed the means test for Ch7 and I am now trying to put back money to purchase a used car in the future. I made dumb decisions and I have NO ONE to blame for my situation but myself. My main issue is that I feel a huge moral obligation to my creditors. They loaned me money in good faith and I feel obligated to pay it back at any cost. I have been just making it for the past few years and I feel as though im spinning my tires. My balances aren't going down by much, but my bank account is constantly on Empty, and it's not because im out having a good time either. Maybe im naive and stupid, but my word is all I have and I feel like im going back in it now by filing for BK. I have lurked here for a while and I see that most people have a huge sense of relief after they file BK and all their debts go away, but I am feeling a lot of stress at the thought of "walking away" from my obligations. I have around 50K in debts (around 7500 of which are student loans). I guess the reason I feel so horrible is because I feel as though I have failed. Im trying to stay positive about the fact that I will be almost debt free once all of this is over and done with. Notwithstanding, I feel like crap. Can anyone offer any advice?

[OregonMom]

I think we all felt like this at one point in time. You know you can't discharge the student loans, those are yours to keep. As my husband said today we probably paid back what we owed the credit card company, it was juss all of the interest that was getting us. We had a 341 meeting today and it was a huge relief. Good luck!

[Meh]

I do understand that I will keep my student loans, which is fine. The amount is so small as I was careful to not have to take out any private student loans for my education. I am about a year away from obtaining my undergrad, but I will be going off to medical school in a few years and that has me a little worried. I know it can be hard to get private student loans with a BK on credit and I have no credit worth co-signers but if things go the way I hope to God they will, i'll be able to go to an In-state school and can more than cover the full cost of tution with the Federal loans. I see what you're saying about the interest rates. Ive probably paid my balances 10 times over, but the interest is killing me!

[NoMoreRed]

Best advice I can give is to hold your head high and learn from the experience. Many of us are here for similiar reasons or from circumstances that are well outside of our control, but the bottom line is that you are exercising your legal rights. The same is done by the largest companies in the world (including your creditors). In fact they do it multiple times which makes one wonder if it isn't part of their business plan. LOL The biggest difference is that most individuals have morals and a conscience which make the thought of filing tough, but it's quite simply a business decision.

Good Luck and remember.......things will get better.

[Meh]

Best advice I can give is to hold your head high and learn from the experience. Many of us are here for similiar reasons or from circumstances that are well outside of our control, but the bottom line is that you are exercising your legal rights. The same is done by the largest companies in the world (including your creditors). In fact they do it multiple times which makes one wonder if it isn't part of their business plan. LOL The biggest difference is that most individuals have morals and a conscience which make the thought of filing tough, but it's quite simply a business decision.

Good Luck and remember.......things will get better.

^^Thanks, I needed that.

[AshShep01]

OMG.. you sound just like me right before I filed. Things happen "Life Happens".. Don't feel bad about your choice. It happens to the best of us. The stress will still be during the process of your BK.. But after you file you will feel a little better. We have all been where you are before. Just make this a learning experience. Don't make the same mistakes twice.

Filed 02.15.09
341 Meeting 03.25.2009 NO Assets

[LuciluS]

I felt the same way you did last Sept. after faxing our information to a Debt Counseling business and received a phone call, they couldn't help..go see an Attorney. I took the forms I'd received from the Debt Counseling with us when we met with an Attorney and received our packet to complete.

I came home and cried for days which didn't help my mental or physical state as I am a disabled woman. Then I went to filling out the paperwork. I started with the Asset side first and literally for 3 months I went to EBay, Craigslist, or just typed in used yada yada for sale in Google and printed out the best price. It was depressing to find out the furniture I inherited from my grandparents wasn't worth 3/4 of what I thought it would be, but in the long run it's advantagous LOL!.

I've talked to all of our Creditor's (15) at least once since we quit paying late Sept. 08 and gave them our Attorney's name, address and phone #. All of them were very nice, including Bank of America. Since then, two have turned them over to a debt collection agency.

Phone calls picked up in early part of March since we didn't file in February like I told the creditors. Why? Need some income to drop off (Attorney didn't quite look at total income) plus I just had skin cancer surgery and want a clean bill of health which I should receive in August. I've told the ones who called in March, I have skin cancer and not filing until I get clean bill of health. Again, those who called were nice. Even one wished me good luck with my surgery

Credit Card companies raised the limits on our credit cards several times. I know from reading on this website, newspapers, magazines & internet, they know to expect some Debtors will file bankruptcy.

As someone said on this message board, Filing Bankruptcy is a Business Decision and that is the phrase I let run through my mind so I am able to carry on with life (including sleeping much better).

I know we have paid off all we've charged on our credit cards plus more; therefore, I don't feel bad for not paying on them and am concentrating on Preparing for Bankruptcy on 9/30/09.

Luci

[willbfree]

Me too. I can tell you after the past few months my views on repaying my debts changed enormously. MEH we all have been in your shoes and it does get better. We just filed last week and that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Once our 341 meeting is done I will be able to take a deep breath again. As someone else pointed out keep your head up. You are one step ahead of the pack admitting that you need some help with your finances.

[downsized]

You're in good company. My dh and I are feeling the same way. He recently lost his job and he was the primary source of income. We went from a decent salary to low income in a day. We've talked to an attorney and have an appt to get the process started next week. I never charged anything with the intent of defaulting, but circumstances have changed drastically and we have to do what we have to do. We'll all be ok.

[Brighterdays]

wait until the phone calls come and then tell us how you feel about your creditors. I know a good person should feel the way you do, but after you figure out how horrible and ruthless these companies really are, I think you'll feel a lot better about your decision.

[pa308]

I agree we've all felt this way.

For a long time I felt that I could pay them all off. I'd do balance transfers to this one to get the rate down. Made the foolish move of taking a 401k loan to pay one down. But I could never really get them down.

The lightbulb moment for me came when BofA raised my rate ( from 5.99 to 29.99%) even though I had never been late with them. When I called the rep advised me that it was based on my financials. At that point I was livid, but like I said it was the light bulb moment. They knew what situation I was in and in my eyes was pushing me further along the brink. They made their business decision, and now I had to make my business decision (to file).

I felt like I failed my family for some time, but fortunately my wife was supportive and we've worked through and I think have become stronger.

Even being discharged for over 6 months those feelings of failure, and what could I have done differently come back, but it is what it is. Once that acceptance comes and you can move on you will be happier.

[Billssuck]

I'm right there with you. Just saw an attorney on March 26th (retained him) and am getting my paperwork together to file the third week of May. I too feel bad for not paying my debts as agreed. But like another person said, having Wells Fargo call me 10 times a day (and I have told them I have an attorney) they still keep calling and it's making me mad. I'm feeling like a I made a deal with the devil for my soul with them. I can't wait to feel some relief...

[Flamingo]

Feeling like that is totally normal before filing and is a major reason people who need to file delay filing which just puts them further in debt. It took us a year to see an attorney after the job loss that caused a 70% drop in our income. I was scared, embarrassed, and just prior to filing thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown but what set me straigiht was a co-worker (HR manager) who knew our financial plight and sat me down one day and told me she had filed chapter 13 3 years prior and what brought her to that point and that she burst out crying in the courtroom to the trustee that she felt so bad because she had brought herself to this point and was the cause of all the debt accumlation and she had no other choice. Everyone feels some sort of emotional issues when there is bad financial stuff going on. The key is to realize it is a life event, file, learn, make the necessary changes in your life and get beyond it.

[Clover329]

I don't know if this will help you or not, but I'll explain how I look at things. I used to think that bk was the worst thing you could do (financially speaking) because you put yourself into the situation and you should do whatever it takes to get yourself out of it with out renegging on your responsibilities. However, now that I am older and a little wiser, I truly see it as a business decision like NoMoreRed said.

Corporate America can be very greedy. They will do whatever they can to make money off you and if that means charging you 20%, 25% or even 30% interest and dropping your credit limit so far down that the next month when the interest hits it puts you over your limit, then they whack you with a $39 charge for that! I say f*** them. Sorry for the harsh stars. :P

I bet that if I went through ALL my credit card statements and added up all the interest and fees that I have been charged over the years, it would total more than all of my spending combined. Then compare that to all the money I have paid to the cc companies, I have probably paid back all that I have purchased and then some.

Also, in my younger and more stupid days, I took out private student loans to pay off credit cards. Those I will never get rid of and now, my psl's total twice my yearly take-home pay.

This is going to be quite controversial but I look at it now as, you did it once, you learn from it now move on. But don't get yourself back into the situation and mindset of "oh, it's ok if I don't have the money to pay for it, I can just file bk again".

It's like how some women use abortion as a birth control method. A few years back, I got pregnant and it was definitely not the time to have a child, so I had an abortion. I do not regret my decision at all because if I had kept it, I wouldn't have been able to finish my associates degree and move on to get my bachelors degree. I would be stuck in a mind-numbingly horrible job with no means of a way out, at least not for a LONG time. Right now, I am in the process of transferring to a new school and a new city. I would not be able to do this with a 2 year old. However, I know of women who have had numerous abortions and I think that is horrible because it is completely irresponsible (in my eyes). They have the mindset of "oh it's ok if I get pregnant because I can just have an abortion". Uh Uh! No, wrong.

Abortion is not a birth control method and filing bk is not a way to stay out of debt.

**Please note: I tell this story as an analogy for the OP. Maybe they understand it, maybe they don't. Please do not start a discussion about pro-life vs pro-choice. And if anyone takes offense to this, I apologize in advance. Please do not take it as a hit towards you or anyone you know. I am expressing my opinion and you have the right to yours.

Thank you,
Clover

[broken64]

Your feelings are absolutely normal. We are all going through this together. Everyone is at different stages, but none the less we are or were in the same boat. You will feel better as the process goes on. Yes it can be very nerve racking at times but end result will hopefully be a fresh start for all of us. So take a deep breath. You are not a loser in any way and you have a great support system here. So continue to read and write, that is what gets me through the day by day process. My 341 is on the 23rd so I am getting closer. I think every step that you get through makes you feel a little better. Good luck in your process.