Guilt over filing

[HOMEBODY]

I am about to file within a few days. All paperwork complete except for the counseling certificate. I am feeling so guilty over filing. I owe about $60,000 in credit cards, $100,000 in equity lines of credit where the 2nd loans would be wiped out because the house is not worth that much anymore..

I have always been very responsible except that with 2 rental properties my tenants forced me to consider BK. I have had houses vacant for a few months, tenants destroyed the properties requiring over $5,000 to repair plus the loss of income and now the houses are not worth what I owe.

I know that once I file there is no going back and I will be too embarrased to admit to people that I have filed for BK but it is the only way I can start having a decent life where I can think of myself instead the banks and the tenants. I am 54 years old and will be spending the next 10 years paying off loans and not saving for my retirement.

I work really hard and make a decent income, but it all goes towards paying things off. Right now my business is doing good, but there is no guarantee for next months. It has taken me 6 months to come to this point of actually filing within a few days.

Just wanted to vent and see how everyone felt just before they filed and after they filed. thanks

[ohiogal]

Don't feel bad. It sounds like you did all you could. Some things are outside of your control.

I felt the same way, before I filed. I bought a house in 2002, back when I had a full-time job where I was getting lots of overtime, and had money in the bank besides.

Then my hours got cut. My mortgage went up. Levies passed, raising my property tax. I made some repairs on the house, and didn't have the money to cover the mortgage and utilities anymore.

What to do? I started putting expenses on my credit cards, thinking I'd pay them off as soon as my hours came back. Then I started taking out cash advances to pay the mortgage. The credit balances started climbing, and I couldn't pay them off.

My hours didn't come back. The job market went south, and I couldn't find secondary employment to cover what I needed. My mortgage and credit card balances kept going up. My hours got cut AGAIN.

See where I'm going? I did everything I could - took money out of my 401K, sold stuff, closed a few CC accounts and went on payment plans - all temporary solutions that didn't fix the overall problem. I tried to modify my mortgage - no luck. The bank couldn't do better than knocking $40 off my mortgage payment. Even Obama's plan didn't help me, because the calculation is based off your gross income, not what you actually get to take home.

Finally at the beginning of this year, I said to myself, "I can't do this anymore." I had given the credit card companies every dime I could, ditto my mortgage. The jobless rate where I live is 14% - no chance of finding a secondary job that would cover what I owed.

So, I girded my loins and made the call. Do I feel bad about it? Sure - I was raised to believe you honor your debts, and when you make a promise, you keep it. But I also know that I'm at the end of a very long rope, and there just aren't any other options. What can you do when you don't have any money?

I filed in March, my 341 is in May. I can sleep at night, and I actually have money in the bank where before I was scrambling to cover a deficit just about every week. I've had to cut back, trim corners, and I still need to find another job if I want to have savings and buy the things I want (NOT on credit!!!), but I no longer feel like I'm drowning in a deep hole with no way to get to the top.

Does bankruptcy suck? Sure it does. Is it the end of the world? No, it's the beginning of a new one. Good luck! :-)

PS When I told my closest friends that I was filing, every single one of them said the same thing: "I know a lot of people who are doing that." You are NOT alone, and you are NOT a bad person!! Remember, God doesn't care what your credit score is. :-)

ETA, since we're all disclosing our ages: I'm 46.

[RuthCB]

I have some of that, but actually, not so much after coming here. I am 61, well past the age of most filers. My business of 37 years tanked and I used credit to prop it up the last three years..mostly the last two actually. I knew it was the right thing to do when I was doing my taxes. I said to my accountant of 30+years, " I am thinking about bankruptcy".
He said, "GOOD".
I am so shaky because starting on April 30, I will be missing my first payment on a line of credit, then as May progresses, I'll be missing payments on five other cards. I'm not looking forward to the phone calls. I've retained a lawyer who I really like, and I plan to file the second week in June.
It's too late for me to start over. I will just eek it out until I draw early Social Security. Thankfully my husband has a job so we won't be out of our house. We have always lived frugally anyway, since my business wasn't THAT much of a money maker.

I also thank this forum for making me realize that I shouldn't wait. Reading the stories of those who waited and waited and worried so much, made me take action.

[MzPriscy]

I too feel guilty and understand. I will be filing this week. I have immense credit card debt I have struggled to pay. It is a non ending battle for me as I pay bills, only to end up charging because I do not have enough cash after paying all the bills. I know I have all the blame in what is happening to me but I cannot find a way. I have even used a partial settlement I had to pay bills but the interest rates are killing me.
I cannot but help guilty and like a dead beat. I am 37 years old and a college grad who recently went through a divorce and just could not get back on my feet. It seems for a while I was making all the wrong choices. I do pray this is the right one.

Thank you for letting me vent.

[blockhead]

Just wanted to vent and see how everyone felt just before they filed and after they filed. thanks

Not guilty that's for sure. Fed up I had to do it. Yes.

[sofarsogood2]

I filed a 13, not a seven, but within a month I didn't feel guilty anymore, just relieved. Always lived within our means, but nobody lives (or at least nobody did until recently) expecting large cuts in pay and hours. We could have managed a cut- but not that big.

Don't feel guilty- this is one "finance" law that works in our favor to help us start again. Think about how many times Trump has filed BK- do you think he feels guilty?

Stuff happens.

Best wishes!

[nc73]

Remember filing bankruptcy is not a crime, so don't feel guilty. It's that simple folks.

[HOMEBODY]

My biggest concern right now is telling my grown children. I also have a bond for my line of business and when I first got the bond they ran my credit record to make sure I had over 700 credit score. So I hope they dont have to run my credit again this year when I have to renew my bond otherwise I will not be able to get a bond and wont be able to do business or perhaps pay a much higher premium for my bond. Not sure how that works, but right now it is my main concern.

Also, I've read some of the threads that said that you can be found on google as having filed for BK...In my business people would google my name or my business name to find me or find my business. I hope it doesnt show up there.

I just have my days when I think its the best thing to do and others where I think that eventually I will make enough money and pay my creditors off. Right now I can pay them off, but it means doing without for me...not traveling, not shopping..and the biggest, not saving for retirement. Then I think, these banks are not going to care about me when I am old and cant affort to live on just social security.

Anyway..I am getting very close...might do it on Wednesday. The calls are coming in about 20 times a day and I really dont know what to tell them when I do answer the phone which I avoid.

Right now I've stopped paying CC and I have been able to save close to $2000 cash in my safe deposit box. Never have been able to do that.

[HOMEBODY]

Did Trump file for BK personally?. I think he has filed for his corporations. Correct me if I am wrong as I will feel a lot better about it. He sure is a happy go lucky man.

[biotechsolution]

It's just a business decision but realize the 2nd's won't be wiped out in a chapter 7 filing. They will only be wiped if your giving up the houses. In a chapter 7 the liens will still survive, they will be able to foreclose once the value of the property returns, including all the late fees and interest.

[HOMEBODY]

I know..I am gambling on having them discharged and then saving the money and offer them a settlement to clear them.

I owe $742,000 on my house with a $83,000 2nd. It is valued at around $600,000. I think it will be a while before it is back up to over the $800,000 that I owe.

I am hoping that after about 1 year I can offer them 10% on it.

I initially paid $825,000.00, gave a downpayment of $80,000 and a 2nd of $80,000 and had a balance of about $667,000.00 but because it was a negative, it started adding all the interest. Now I have modified it and only pay 1.19% and pay close to $2,000 a month on the principal. So I am paying about $24,000. In about 3 years I will have paid off all the negative that accumulated and I'll be back on track.

[music12]

i never felt guilty because the things that led to my filing involved essentially fraud by the corporation that became my creditor. i fought and fought and fought until i just realized that i am too small to fight the big guys. i decided that if i get a stronger position in life at some point, then i will be able to get the media involved, but at this stage i just did not have any way of winning. so i filed bk, which as it turned out was a big lose for them, seeing as all they cared about was bleeding me for money. one side effect was getting rid of some credit card debt, but i really did not lose any sleep over a credit card company - they will be just fine without my money.

now that my life is starting to come back together - it had been completely destroyed by this corporation - i can see how good the decision to file was. i am free of that crap and everything i will earn at my new job will be 100% mine. pretty cool.

[awnmwn]

I can relate to the guilt feeling! We just filed a week ago & the guilt and shame I have felt the last few weeks has been unbearable at times & caused much anxiety! I am still catching myself asking if I have 'forgotten anything', 'was there more we could have done to prevent this', etc...
Most of my creditors (CC's) I've been with for many years My husbands work these days can't guarantee the same income week to week or month to month like it used to though (construction)!

+++Positive thoughts for a better economy SOON+++

[CashMoney]

I think everyone who files feels the same way. Guilty, sick to your stomach, can't sleep, can't sleep, can't sleep! I have to say that is was hard to do, but we are so glad we did. You will get through it. This site helped me out so much! I will NEVER borrow money again for anything. I have learned my lesson. CASH ONLY !

[killinstinct]

It's your right to a fresh start! Let the morality aspect of it go...it is your legal right and a perfectly legitimate business option. It's YOUR bailout!! Do you think Wall Street feels guilty about theirs?