Dealing with the stress of...not paying?

[feelingnutsy]

It's mind-boggling not to pay the first few bills---as we're so used to
and have been taught all our lives---but necessity dictates---you adjust.

[Protected]

Thank you for your post.

[Amanda123]

The guilt will hang around for a while, but it does get easier with time. BK has its own stresses, but I am actually sleeping better now that I'm not worried about all those CC payments or the mortgage we could only afford on two paychecks. There's something really satisfying about focusing on paying for real, tangible living expenses (like groceries, school clothes, and health insurance) and living within our means again.

I can relate to this. I paid our electric and gas and phone bills in full this month. It has been a very long time since I paid them in full AT THE SAME TIME.

I appreciate all of the responses to this thread. Today is the first missed payment of almost 400.00. Yikes. I never thought that could happen.

[wnguyen]

Yes, it's really stressful, to the point that I even couldn't eat anything for the whole day and couldn't sleep during the nights either. If you're not used to phone calls, then maybe it's time to prepare. Since I wasn't expecting many phone calls before missing payments, the calls were coming in every five minutes (yes, five minutes), as I have more than 20 creditors, and the intensity just increased as you're more into default. Some even called me after 9 in the evening and the voicemail getting full in the matter of hours after I cleared them. The conversations started at normal business tones and getting harsh later on. I was so tired of those that I even turned the phone off for days. Later on I learned that not answering them would give me a peace of mind temporarily. I don't mean to scare anyone but that's what I had to tolerate.

[stormy]

When I got divorced in January I thought I could dig myself out of the hole-of-debt I was left saddled with. Well I quickly figured out that I couldn't and after trying to work things out with my creditors I finally decided to file for Chapter 7. I missed my first payments in July and you know what; my attitude towards my CC's changed dramatically. I found out just how much of a "preferred" customer I really was when the phone calls and harassment started not to mention the lovely interest rates they decided I deserved. So now my attitude towards them is a one-finger salute; never again will I own a credit card!

[researchnerd]

The guilt will hang around for a while, but it does get easier with time. BK has its own stresses, but I am actually sleeping better now that I'm not worried about all those CC payments or the mortgage we could only afford on two paychecks. There's something really satisfying about focusing on paying for real, tangible living expenses (like groceries, school clothes, and health insurance) and living within our means again.

[ccsjoe]

I understand now. My first missed payments will be tomorrow. But...my wife and I need health insurance which we haven't had for 2 years, our IRS withholdings need to be adjusted upward so we don't have another huge tax bill, and our little one needs food, clothes, school, etc. Basic choices. Still feel guilty, but well over it. Bracing for the train wreck of calls to start, but encouraged that I'm meeting with and retaining our bk attorney on Friday.

Thank you all for sharing and for your encouragement.

[sunshinepa]

In the same boat here..........just stopped paying after 28 yrs of over 800 credit score. It actually sent my blood pressure from 116/61 at 60 yrs old to now being 146/83......willl probably stay that way and need to go on meds but made my decision, will not turn back.

Pitiful what cc companies did to those of us who payed on time, even paid extra.........then whammo because of debt load....raised mimimuns, rates and etc after a bailout.

I will file in Jan/Feb due to some balanace transfers but am over the feeling I have to NOT EAT to pay them.......now expecting calls to start as most cards will be due next week.

[justbeach03]

rebuilt,
I have often wondered if caring too much for others has, in part, lead me to this very point, yet...it was my decision. However, given the few people who have thanked me along the years for their jobs or their benefits...I have faced a minor personal crisis on whether it is the American Way to be more self-centered. I refuse to accept this, but I will much more inclined to cut loose certain unappreciative employees in the future. I wish you the best!!

Amen! Struggled for years and got not a single "thanks" from many employees. They rushed out to ride that unemployment check...the one that those of us who have gamble eveything on- can't get. I am definately a little cynical as to WHY I tried so hard, when noone else seemed to care or be grateful for the 38 jobs provided. Selfishness abounds in this country. I'm taking my BAILOUT with a smile and no hateful thoughts to anyone else here going through the same thing!

[wnguyen]

I also had a 15 year good credit history. My first missed payments were Bank of America and Jared Jewelry last October. At first, I somehow felt a little guilty because that was the first time in my life I knew that in the next 30 days on my credit report there would be two 30-day late accounts. However, I had to make a choice between feeding myself and my family with the most basic daily needs and paying to keep my credit good. Had I found this forum at that time, it wouldn't have cost me $1100 minimum payment on the BOA account. At that time I was still not sure of thinking of BK. One missed payment led to another and another, and six months later, I had tons of them on most of my accounts, and by the time I decided it's time to file, my credit has bottomed out with charged-offs, collections and even pending lawsuit. I don't intend to tell you my story but sometimes, letting it out can make it a whole lot better. Now I know that I'm not alone out there when some people got even better and longer credit history than mine. Thanks all of you for sharing your experiences.

[humuhumu]

Wow. Well said. I feel exactly like you do. The strain of caring about your employees over your self for the longest time, and in the end, you can't afford to keep them anymore, and they don't even remember you.

Everything you said is like my exact situation. I have not decided to file yet, but preparing in case.

What's crazy to me is that I employed up to 50 people at some points, and many are now on unemployment, and if my business now doesn't make it, there is no safety net for those who employed those now on unemployment.

Crazy. But I guess the safety net is Bankruptcy.?.?

rebuilt,
I have often wondered if caring too much for others has, in part, lead me to this very point, yet...it was my decision. However, given the few people who have thanked me along the years for their jobs or their benefits...I have faced a minor personal crisis on whether it is the American Way to be more self-centered. I refuse to accept this, but I will much more inclined to cut loose certain unappreciative employees in the future. I wish you the best!!

[empowered]

ccsjoe,

It sounds like you need to forgive yourself for things not working out. I used to believe that it'd always work out for me, until it didn't. But, really, with credit cards the entire system is stacked against us. And the past ten years marked the fall of what was a booming economy, so most of us are seeing and being affected by both sides of that coin. Having such a drastic change occur takes a lot of people down. But you know all this. The thing is, imo, is that you need to forgive yourself for making a mistake, misjudging circumstances, being human.... You're holding yourself to such a high standard -- the companies that aren't receiving payment from you will almost certainly not appreciate how responsible you are, how responsible you've been, once you miss even one payment. They're not worthy of your self-punishment.

Try to let yourself off the hook.

Best.

[rebuilt]

Wow. Well said. I feel exactly like you do. The strain of caring about your employees over your self for the longest time, and in the end, you can't afford to keep them anymore, and they don't even remember you.

Everything you said is like my exact situation. I have not decided to file yet, but preparing in case.

What's crazy to me is that I employed up to 50 people at some points, and many are now on unemployment, and if my business now doesn't make it, there is no safety net for those who employed those now on unemployment.

Crazy. But I guess the safety net is Bankruptcy.?.?

[humuhumu]

ccsjoe,

You are in good company, despite your current circumstances. You will find out who your friends are (or aren't) but thank goodness we are in the US where we have a second chance. Friends abroad do not have the relief of the bankruptcy system, so they live with the stress forever. No relief - ever. And we know some very successful people who are now unable to meet their financial obligations. they are good people!! I am focused on being thankful for my family, health and the friends who do not superficially judge me for filing. I have been a huge drone in this credit system, paying outrageous 'universal default' credit card fees when they jacked up my rates - and I did it for two YEARS. It has been a huge shift, but for me, over a long period of time. I had a card with not pre-set limit. Luxury cars, multiple houses, built-in responsibility to take care of others at the expense of my own lifestyle, tons of employees. It happens. Now, I actually feel like I hold people who had to lived through bankruptcy in HIGHER esteem than others. We face the music and finally acknowledge that we cannot overcome the huge machinations which are the credit card and finance companies. I wish you the best. May the force be with you.

[ssmdem]

[On the iphone I noticed that if you hit the button on top it will stop ringing/vibrating but not hang up on them. If I press ingnore it will hang up on them.

If they call my cell phone, I hit IGNORE all the time. I don't care if it hangs up on them or not. They've got my home number which I do answer and talk to them when I am home. One of them asked in a conversation if the cell number was correct, and I said, "Yes, it is - but I'm going to keep hitting ignore everytime because I'm not using my cell minutes to discuss this with you. You have a number to reach me. There's no reason to continue calling my cell phone." She said she'd make a note of it - whatever!

I have Verizon and have keyed all the numbers in online that I have received calls from and it blocks them from even ringing my cell phone. That has helped tremendously with my stress level. My cell phone rang 5 times one afternoon when I was having lunch with a friend.