How long before you filed and why?

[2bdebtfree]

Thank you

I did charge a down payment on a cruise for all of us in January. The cruise isn't until April of 2011. I cancelled the cruise and today actually emailed the agent to put it back on my credit card. I explained to the kids "I know you are probably disappointed but we really can't afford the cruise" They seemed disappointed at the time but now I think they are over it. I told them my mom will rent a cottage next summer for two weeks on the beach down the cape and we'll stay there. They are fine with that. I told them each they could bring a friend. I don't give them everything they ask for anyways. I'm on the road teaching the kids about sales, and coupons and especially the clearance rack.

My daughter works now at the supermarket and she loves to go the mall. I'm trying now to teach her to put some in the bank and budget the rest of her money left for whatever she needs. makeup, when they take a walk to the corner store - how much she'll spend there, etc.

I think they understand somewhat. We will just have to cut back a bit more and hopefully I'll be able to teach them what I didn't learn when i was younger.

[tobee43]

Originally Posted by 2bdebtfree
I'm not sure what to say to my kids when I put my 'foot down' and say no we can't get that. They are 15. I don't think I'll tell them we are bankrupt, but I do want them to know I'm watching spending more closely now. I don't want to put our problems on them now. They don't need to worry about 'losing the house'. They should be concentrating on being a kid. What do you tell your kids as you are buckling down.

thank you

NO...simple, yet direct.

[tay666]

I'm not sure what to say to my kids when I put my 'foot down' and say no we can't get that. They are 15. I don't think I'll tell them we are bankrupt, but I do want them to know I'm watching spending more closely now. I don't want to put our problems on them now. They don't need to worry about 'losing the house'. They should be concentrating on being a kid. What do you tell your kids as you are buckling down.

thank you

I think a lot of that would be based on how much info they had on finances up until this point.
Our kids always had a pretty good idea of our financial situation.
We never had a lot of money. So they understood that everything was a trade off. If they wanted this, then we wouldn't be able to do that.
So they were involved all along to a certain extent.

When things got bad, I just told them. Sorry, we can't do this, and you won't be able to get that either. They understood things were tight.
My daughter really understood, as she was never really about having stuff.
I took her to a concert in August of 08 and she understood that meant no presents for her birthday at the end of October. She would rather have the memories of the concert than a bunch of stuff for her birthday that would soon be forgotten.
My son, while understanding was a bit more affected. He was always about having the latest styles, the newest games and movies, etc.
He adjusted though.

Just remember. IF you don't have it, you don't have it.
Get used to paying cash for everything. And when you run out, that's it until next pay day. It's easier to say no, when giving in means not having food in the fridge.
The kids may whine and cry about how their life will be ruined if they don't have such-and-such. But if you make up for the lack of stuff with more time, and doing actual stuff with them, it can help with the transition.
And depending on the kids, it could actually help them prepair for entering the real world in a few more years.

[tobee43]

ssmdem: I'm in the same boat, stopped paying in May and can not file till November. I hope I can sqeak by without a judgement but if it happens I will try and buy some time

even if they do get a judgement after the chapter 7 is discharged, your atty will be able to have the judgements removed from the records...each will cost you to have removed, however, of course, well worth it.

[Fallonedward]

Same advice I was given by my attorney. Last payment on both of our cards was in May. We have one with Citi, one with Chase - both balances of about $25K each. Since we're at the 90 day mark with both, the calls are starting to get more frequent. Up until now, not alot and not very aggressive. The last few calls have been though --- very pushy, "will have to escalate to next level", etc. They have both offered a hardship program with 0% for a year -- we're pretending to act interested to try to stall. But they're both now mentioning possibility of upcoming suit. I can't file until December so trying to play their game as long as possible. My attorney did say that if we do get a summons, the first thing to do would be to request verification of the debt -- which will buy us enough time that we won't have to worry about a judgment before we file.

I will say, even though in my head I know we're okay time-wise. Doesn't stop me from worrying and stressing. And I'm sick to death of the phone calls. Wish I could pull that bankruptcy trigger right now. I do think I'm going to go ahead and pay the attorney retainer fee now though so that when it does look like they're going for the suit, I'm telling them I'm filing and give them the attorney information. Hoping that will make them think twice and not do it so I won't have that additional headache. I figure that's going to be in 1-2 months from the way they are talking, but yes, I know, they could just be threatening too. Both do know that we have talked to an attorney though and have noted it in their records.

ssmdem: I'm in the same boat, stopped paying in May and can not file till November. I hope I can sqeak by without a judgement but if it happens I will try and buy some time

[tobee43]

As for me. I can retire from my job when I'm 46, next year, with a pension check every month. I will have to find a job as my children will be starting college in a few years. Who will hire me? I'm older. Not realling any training. I may just have to stay where I"m at. It's very difficult to find a job.

I'm scared for the kids we are raising. Years ago the kids used to out of the house at 18. Now they don't leave until close to 30. Poor kids. Hopefully, things will change for the better for all the kids.

you might be best off staying at that job. i know what we had to do was wait until one of was able to collect pension and one ss....we had two in college....so i understand...and don't forget grad school!!

both mine went to grad school and paid themselves although we paid for books and computers etc.

the kids had to take loans and take responsibility for themselves which is what i taught them from day one....both were in college at 17 with their own checking accounts...we made them pay their own bills...they BOTH worked...now one is male and female...they are both the money makers in their family and funny enough BOTH married 1st grade teachers...i thought that a bit odd. but they are both good with money because they learned from the start.

[2bdebtfree]

older people no one wants to hire...period...the younger ones in charge are intimidated by us...even though we mean no harm with what we have learned and just because we are as old as them moms and dads...LOL but not really funny...they view us as a threat. so what are we to do...no jobs...no way to recoup...what we have lost.

My husband is 48 and when he is able he is out looking for a job. He has gone out and I know the economy is really bad right now, but basically without coming out and saying it, he is too old for the type of work he does. He is not trained in anything else. He is construction worker. He went to school for plumbing a couple years ago and nobody wants to hire a 48 year old apprentice. Despite his health problems, he is going out an looking for work when he feels good.

As for me. I can retire from my job when I'm 46, next year, with a pension check every month. I will have to find a job as my children will be starting college in a few years. Who will hire me? I'm older. Not realling any training. I may just have to stay where I"m at. It's very difficult to find a job.

I'm scared for the kids we are raising. Years ago the kids used to out of the house at 18. Now they don't leave until close to 30. Poor kids. Hopefully, things will change for the better for all the kids.

[tobee43]

Tobee, we feel the same way, since we both lost our jobs and are in our late 40's, erly 50's we don't have time on our side. Plus most companies are not eager to hire older workers and because of that we would probably have to convert to a 7 if they tried to put us in a 13...getting a good lawyer is so important

fallonedward...YOU are so right...and it is difficult for some to understand that when you over one side of the curb...it's impossible to make up what we have lost simply because of lack of time..not that i so much like to think about that, but it's just fact.

older people no one wants to hire...period...the younger ones in charge are intimidated by us...even though we mean no harm with what we have learned and just because we are as old as them moms and dads...LOL but not really funny...they view us as a threat. so what are we to do...no jobs...no way to recoup...what we have lost.

so we settle and are happy with less...we are...really and honestly more happy now than ever...

[2bdebtfree]

Thank you.

Tay - Good for you guys your wife got approved the first time. That must be a some weight lifted off your shoulders. SSDI for my husband was just waiting on one test's results and they test that was given to him wasn't a complete test. SSDI got only partial results and denied him. He went to have a full test 2 more times and failed it. It was a Pulminary Test. If they got those results I bet they would have approved him. Anyhow, we retained a lawyer for the appeal and just have to wait it out. It will be helpful to be approved but until then i can't rely on it and have to make do on my salary.
You sound like its much better now.

I remember when I first had my kids. I didn't have credit cards. I always had cash at the end of the month. My mortgage and salary have gone up since then but I think in comparison it's pretty much the same amount so I think now I would have cash left over at the end of the month. I'm actually looking forward to it.

Maybe tonight I can sleep better than I have been since I see some light now at the end of the tunnel.

This forum has been a lifesaver for me. It's been a great help to me.

I'm not sure what to say to my kids when I put my 'foot down' and say no we can't get that. They are 15. I don't think I'll tell them we are bankrupt, but I do want them to know I'm watching spending more closely now. I don't want to put our problems on them now. They don't need to worry about 'losing the house'. They should be concentrating on being a kid. What do you tell your kids as you are buckling down.

thank you

[Exployer1234]

It took about 2 years before I filed. I understand about feeling stressed all the time. It took me getting judgement to say it was time to file BK. I tried everything prior to filing, but nothing seemed to work. Hang in there it will be worth it after you decide if you are going to file. It is like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

[tay666]

Nomore - I was in panic mode and probably stilll am. I understand. I have the same here with my husband's medical issues. Appealling SSDI's denial. My 2 teenagers. Everything. It's alot to deal with. Hang in there. As people are telling me, it will get better.

I can totally feel where you are coming from.
That was me for a long time.
I was basically handling everything on my own.
My wife was diagnosed as bipolar the summer of 06.
By fall, things spun completely out of control. She quit taking her meds and totally lost it. Hospitalized for a couple weeks and new meds.
Things would be sort of ok for a month or two, then the cycle would repeat.
This lasted well over a year.
She couldn't handle the stress of even talking about the finances.
So, I dealt with all collections calls, letters, research.
While working both my 3rd shift factory job, and a few hours construction in the mornings. Just to pay the house, utilities, co-pays for all the wife's scripts and Dr visits and put food on the table.
Our youngest was in high school, and our oldest was still living at home. He was working but only making enough to pay his car payment and insurance. Occasionally he could spare $20 or so that I could use to put gas in my car.

Those were the darkest days.
Too broke to do anything. Let alone think of filing BK.
Always worried about what may happen with my wife at any given moment.
Trying to hold everything together so the kids could have some kind of 'normal' home life. They new of our financial situation and some of my wife's problems (didn't tell them the worst of it)
And trying to figure out how to make more money to start digging my way out of it all.
I was (and still am) basically trapped in the job that I have.
First, because there aren't a whole lot of options around here, and still don't have dependable enough transportation for heavy commuting.
But mainly because there is no way we could afford the minimum of 3 months with no insurance coverage. Not with 12 different medications and a minimum of 4 doctors visits a month. My shop might not pay well, but we have free family medical coverage. I don't pay one cent towards my insuarance at all.

But things have finally turned around.
Time and patients have taken care of most of our problems.
My wife's condition is pretty much under control now.
She got approved for SSD on the first try (that's how bad things are, pretty much got instant approval, just had to wait the 6 months from the last time she tried working again)
So now we have a second income.
Our son is out on his own, and holding his own.
Our daughter is now in college well on her way to becoming an engineer.
Our BK should be done by the end of October.
And our house will be completely paid off by the summer of 2013.

The only thing left is to upgrade our vehicles, and repair the house.
(since I was sure we were going to loose it until Ohio increased the exemption, I didn't put any money into repairs. Not that I had much that I could have used, but when I did, I didn't see much point in throwing money into something that wouldn't be mine in the near future)

The point to this big long sob story?
As long as you keep your head, you can work your way through just about anything. Just take things one step at a time, and don't ever give up hope.

[Fallonedward]

you got that right...i know a chapter 13 may work for a few...those that are talked into it...when they should go 7 is what really gets me....i hate to repeat this over and over again...but chapter 13 new laws were designed by the banks and the atty's that line their pockets with the payments these poor people make...

we went to atty's that insisted we go 13....and walked right out...if they couldn't figure out how to get us into a 7 they were not the atty for us...but remember we lost our jobs...had little or no chance of ever being able to recoup at our age..so it is different for everyone...maybe a chapter 13 is good for 25 year old with a great future?

Tobee, we feel the same way, since we both lost our jobs and are in our late 40's, erly 50's we don't have time on our side. Plus most companies are not eager to hire older workers and because of that we would probably have to convert to a 7 if they tried to put us in a 13...getting a good lawyer is so important

[Fallonedward]

Our situation is that we had double job loss within days of each other and only I was able to find another job but at a fraction of what I used to make. Hubby has been looking for 5 months and lots of interviews but no offers.

As we started blowing thru our savings our family attorney stated that we should consider BK because of all the medical bills we have racked up thru the years for our diabetic child...

So it will be 6 months from the point we first started thinking about this till we file...and I'm still nervous as can be each and every day about doing this

[ccsjoe]

Congrats 2bdebt and thanks for sharing!!! Hang in there, you're going down the right path now as that first meeting is always one of the hardest things to accomplish...a lot of realizations at that time.

[ssmdem]

I think you will be ok b/c if even you do receive a summons it usually takes a few months before trial. If you do receive a summons make sure you answer the summons (according to your court procedures) and file a request of documents (you can research examples online). That usually stalls them for 60 days.

Good Luck!

Same advice I was given by my attorney. Last payment on both of our cards was in May. We have one with Citi, one with Chase - both balances of about $25K each. Since we're at the 90 day mark with both, the calls are starting to get more frequent. Up until now, not alot and not very aggressive. The last few calls have been though --- very pushy, "will have to escalate to next level", etc. They have both offered a hardship program with 0% for a year -- we're pretending to act interested to try to stall. But they're both now mentioning possibility of upcoming suit. I can't file until December so trying to play their game as long as possible. My attorney did say that if we do get a summons, the first thing to do would be to request verification of the debt -- which will buy us enough time that we won't have to worry about a judgment before we file.

I will say, even though in my head I know we're okay time-wise. Doesn't stop me from worrying and stressing. And I'm sick to death of the phone calls. Wish I could pull that bankruptcy trigger right now. I do think I'm going to go ahead and pay the attorney retainer fee now though so that when it does look like they're going for the suit, I'm telling them I'm filing and give them the attorney information. Hoping that will make them think twice and not do it so I won't have that additional headache. I figure that's going to be in 1-2 months from the way they are talking, but yes, I know, they could just be threatening too. Both do know that we have talked to an attorney though and have noted it in their records.