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    Told my wife

    Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

    It's over.

    I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

    Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.

    #2
    How did she react? Did you get castigated?

    Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
    Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

    It's over.

    I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

    Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.

    Comment


      #3
      When I read 'castigated' it translated in my mind as 'castrated' ... which might be equally bad, I suppose! These are both survivable, though, and I hope it's not really over for you!
      Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

      Comment


        #4
        I hope that by "over" you mean that the cat is out of the bag. Hopefully, you can now work on your relationship since I'm sure the word "trust" came up in the conversation. I trust that you'll do the right thing; just as you have by coming clean.
        Chapter 7 (No Asset/Non-Consumer) Filed (Pro Se) 7/08 (converted from Chapter 13 - 2/10)
        Status: (Auto) Discharged and Closed! 5/10
        Visit My BKForum Blog: justbroke's Blog


        I am not an attorney. Any advice provided is not legal advice.

        Comment


          #5
          Justbroke said it better than I did. And although your wife may have hurled some words around, do remember, if she's been blindsided by this, she needs time to get her head around it. She needs time to reflect on how much burden you've been carrying by keeping it to yourself, and to realize WHY you shielded her from this. It's not all self-pride, is it? You were protecting her from the sleepless nights and panic you have been experiencing.

          Financial struggles are a huge wedge that plays a big part in many marriage breakups. But your marriage can survive this if you both figure out quickly that you need to get on the same side together and battle this issue and protect your little family. Not use it as a bludgeon against each other. Keep firmly in your mind your sense of the qualities that drew you to her. And remember the qualities that drew her to you are still there and always were there. It might have seemed like silly human pride keeping you from letting her know about the debt, but your intentions were good. You were trying to be the man she thinks you are. And you know what? You ARE that man. Show her that!
          Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
            Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

            It's over.

            I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

            Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.
            PLEASE 'Blackgoose', keep your current thread active. We look for the response there, not in a new thread.

            OK young man, you did not say how it went. You posted so murder was not into your ordeal. Tell me now, for the good or the bad, have you had some release in the tension of this situation?

            Say no and I'll tell you that your are not truthful. It has to at least settled your soul a bit. Do not tell me she could not see something wrong. Wives has a fifth sense.

            OK friend, now that the major hurdle is over, stick with us and go on to finding a new lawyer that you can address better than "FU". LOL.

            Good work. 'Hub
            If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

            Comment


              #7
              "Wives have a fifth sense." Umm... 'Hub? that would be SIXTH. (Not that we need it, most of the stuff we're supposed to be so intuitive about is really obvious, anyway. Oh, wait, that's that pesky sixth sense in action again!
              Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
                Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

                It's over.

                I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

                Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.
                Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction to me. If I am understanding correctly, I am sorry to hear it didn't go well. Regardless-- it HAD to be done. Give her a little time to get her head wrapped around it, maybe even send her a link to this forum. She needs to understand how many "normal" people wind up here.

                Keep On Smilin'

                Comment


                  #9
                  She told me she would never be able to trust me again. You guys I'm sorry but right now I don't even want to type. I'm in a hotel room. Away from my kids and my wife. I just wish the tears could wash away a little bit of the pain and heartache I'm feeling. I just want it to go away. Heartbroken!!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hang in there friend. Keep posting and don't do anything rash. Lots of caring people here to help you get thru this.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Don't let this become something bigger than it is. Hopefully once the shock wears off your wife will be able to sit down and talk about it. In the end, money means nothing so don't let messing up your finances become a reason for a life of despair. We have all been there to some extent and to a person we'll all say at the end of the process bankruptcy was the right thing to do. If you start to feel overwhelmed and depressed go find some one to talk to. A minister, a good friend, a counselor, some one. Don't try and go this alone. This forum is full of people who are willing to help and offer support but if you need something more go for help. Please.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
                        She told me she would never be able to trust me again. You guys I'm sorry but right now I don't even want to type. I'm in a hotel room. Away from my kids and my wife. I just wish the tears could wash away a little bit of the pain and heartache I'm feeling. I just want it to go away. Heartbroken!!
                        My friend: You are not the first to say the words you have. By the fact that you became "A MAN" and 'fessed up, your wife will eventually understand. On the other hand, if there are unknown reasons she would "flake out" you gave an excuse for her to do "whatever". That would have come anyway. Ignoring that possibility, she will settle down.

                        Eventually, things will settle down. You "broke the ice" and it HAD to be done. Do you possibly think this would not come out? Would a funeral be better when you drop dead at 27?

                        Your wife is not going to abandon her family. She is hurt of course. In my opinion, a SHORT apology would accompany the fact that it was time for you to "FACE THE FACT" that you have made debt not only for you but for her and your family. You are NOT the only one who have lived beyond your means. WE ALL HAVE. It's called bankruptcy.

                        The adult thing now is to face it, face her, and face your responsibilities. Cry of course. We and I have cried many times over our/my mistakes in life. I am in a second marriage. This says a lot after 23 years with my childhood bride. Both my children by her told me I should have left ten years before. I have a wonderful wife now and this is our 23rd year.

                        Mistakes are part of learning. Welcome them. What won't kill you, makes you strong. You are a strong man. You took our advice, yet it was your OWN decision and a wise one. You know it would come out worse from a lawyers lips.

                        Your wife will get over this. She will. Do NOT over apologize, you did the right thing. 'Hub
                        If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Thank you guys. I am grateful for each of your comments and feedback.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            I would like to talk to someone tonight. I don't have any family so is there a hotline or group you would suggest?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              it says suicide but there are also crisis lines for talking:http://suicidehotlines.com/utah.html

                              Comment

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