Announcement

Collapse

Forum Rules (Everyone Must Read!!!) (updated: 04/28/2015)

Welcome to the Bankruptcy Forum. Bankruptcy (BK) Forum is known as BKForum.com and will be referred to as BKF hereinafter. In order to ensure a long term success of our vibrant community, we have established certain rules and guidelines to which everyone must adhere to. Please take your time to carefully read our rules, before you start to participate in the community.

Things you agree to do:
BKFORUM.com (BKF) users agree to use the search function before starting a new thread. This prevents duplicate discussions and allows for better organized topics.

All BKF users agree to read the sticky posts which may be available at the top of a forum page. These Sticky posts often contain valuable information. They may also outline more rules and guidelines specific for that particular forum, stickies are put in place by that forums moderator(s) or admin(s).

Things you agree not to do:

All BKF users agree not to call people names or write a post simply to make a personal attack, or get a negative reaction; this behavior is not allowed on our forum. The use of derogatory language aimed at anyone will be severely dealt with. There is no need to agree with each other, or to even like each other. However, by signing onto BKForum.com you agree to treat each member and guest with the respect they deserve. No threats or personal attacks will be allowed.

All BKF users agree not to discuss, engage, or encourage any behavior or activity which violates the law. Discussion of drugs, violence, murder, theft, vandalism, fraud or any other issue which could be used to help individuals break the law is strictly forbidden.

All BKF users agree not to "bump" old threads, unless there is a specific benefit to the community by doing so. But in most cases, please don't post in very old threads, instead start new threads.

All BKF users agree not to attempt/use another members account. It is against BKF rules to use any account other than your own. Impersonating another member will result in an immediate ban. It is also against the rules to open more than one account in your own name without permission from a moderator or administrator. If you have been banned for any reason, it is against the rules to open another account. If you were banned temporarily and you are caught using another account you will be banned permanently. Choosing a moniker which is similar in either sound or spelling as a moderator or administrator is strictly forbidden.

All BKF users agree not to private message any moderator, admin, or other member with questions related to their personal circumstances (Questions about the forum or issues with the forum are ok). This forum only works when members share their experience and insights with everyone.

Things you agree not to post:
All BKF users agree not to post any derogatory/racist/or sexist remarks. This includes attachments, links and all information contained within posts, signatures, and avatars, failure to comply with this rule will result in a permanent ban.

All BKF users agree not to post any copyrighted or trademarked information without the express written permission of the owner(s) / proper citation of source.

All BKF users agree not to post any real names, addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses, social security numbers, or any other personal details (their own or other people's).

All BKF users agree not to post links, pictures, attachments, videos, or the like of pornographic content, objectionable material or extreme violence, whether cartoon or real.

All BKF users agree not to use BKF for advertising purposes without a written contract between yourself/company/agent and the administration of BKF. Blatant advertising will result in a ban.

All BKF users agree not to spam the forums. Spam includes but is not limited to posting erroneous, non-relevant-useless, off-topic, or meaningless posts. Spam may also include posts which contain no text, or large areas of blank space between lines. Simply posting emoticons without text is considered spam. BKF is the largest bankruptcy message board and all the content is intended to help other users. Please help us improve the quality of our forum by making sure that your posts are well-worded, spell checked, grammatically correct and syntaxed.

Regarding actions of moderators and administrators:

The forum is no place to air out your opinion or be judgmental of our staff and its capabilities.

All BKF users agree not to abuse or mistreat moderators or administrators. It is against BKF rules to post any information regarding bans or any other action taken by a member of the moderating or administrative team. If you wish to discuss bans or warnings please do so via PM. To place a complaint against a moderator, send a PM to a super moderator. All Moderators are equal, any decision made by a moderator must be adhered to. If a moderator tells you something you do not like, do not go to another moderator looking for a different answer. If you are caught doing this you will be banned. The moderators work as a team and respect the decisions made by their peers and will help enforce them unless an administrator tells them differently.
If you have an issue with how the forum is run, then notify one of our administrator and we will look into the situation. We have in the past and still do appreciate any input that you offer this forum. But critical input and/or judgmental postings towards the staff will result in you getting banned.


Should you find a thread offensive or out of line, then notify a Mod in a PM so they can evaluate the situation and do the action deemed necessary.

All moderators do have active "other" lives outside of the forum and help moderate this forum in their spare time throughout the days and weeks.

If you have a problem with a member or Mod follow the proper channels of reporting it.

BKF reserves the right to delete any posts which contain anti-BKF comments or discussion. Any bashing of moderators or administrators, or any of their discussion or actions will also be deleted, and the responsible posting party(s) will be banned. Any public anti-BKF advertising, communication, or posts on another forum will result in permanent bans as well.

All warnings and bans are decided by individual moderators and administrators. Warnings are preferable to bans however, for serious offenses and repeat abusers bans will go into effect. The length of the bans can vary from several hours to permanent.

All messages posted or sent including through PM are the property of BKforum.com.

All BKF users agree not to advertiser on the forum (Niether by posting, private messaging or using your signature). If you are a company/attorney/legal adviser wishing to advertise on the site or sell a product, you must contact the head administrator and inquire about our advertising packages.

All bankruptcy related opinions expressed on BKForum.com are those of their authors and not necessarily of BKF, its staff or representatives.

You agree not to copy any material/post/content from BKF without written permission from our head administrator .

By posting on this forum you agree to these terms and conditions, including any punishment deemed appropriate by moderators or administrators in the event of an offense.

Administrators/Moderators can change these rules at any time without prior notice.
See more
See less

Told my wife

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Told my wife

    Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

    It's over.

    I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

    Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.

  • #2
    How did she react? Did you get castigated?

    Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
    Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

    It's over.

    I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

    Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.

    Comment


    • #3
      When I read 'castigated' it translated in my mind as 'castrated' ... which might be equally bad, I suppose! These are both survivable, though, and I hope it's not really over for you!
      Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

      Comment


      • #4
        I hope that by "over" you mean that the cat is out of the bag. Hopefully, you can now work on your relationship since I'm sure the word "trust" came up in the conversation. I trust that you'll do the right thing; just as you have by coming clean.
        Chapter 7 (No Asset/Non-Consumer) Filed (Pro Se) 7/08 (converted from Chapter 13 - 2/10)
        Status: (Auto) Discharged and Closed! 5/10
        Visit My BKForum Blog: justbroke's Blog


        I am not an attorney. Any advice provided is not legal advice.

        Comment


        • #5
          Justbroke said it better than I did. And although your wife may have hurled some words around, do remember, if she's been blindsided by this, she needs time to get her head around it. She needs time to reflect on how much burden you've been carrying by keeping it to yourself, and to realize WHY you shielded her from this. It's not all self-pride, is it? You were protecting her from the sleepless nights and panic you have been experiencing.

          Financial struggles are a huge wedge that plays a big part in many marriage breakups. But your marriage can survive this if you both figure out quickly that you need to get on the same side together and battle this issue and protect your little family. Not use it as a bludgeon against each other. Keep firmly in your mind your sense of the qualities that drew you to her. And remember the qualities that drew her to you are still there and always were there. It might have seemed like silly human pride keeping you from letting her know about the debt, but your intentions were good. You were trying to be the man she thinks you are. And you know what? You ARE that man. Show her that!
          Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
            Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

            It's over.

            I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

            Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.
            PLEASE 'Blackgoose', keep your current thread active. We look for the response there, not in a new thread.

            OK young man, you did not say how it went. You posted so murder was not into your ordeal. Tell me now, for the good or the bad, have you had some release in the tension of this situation?

            Say no and I'll tell you that your are not truthful. It has to at least settled your soul a bit. Do not tell me she could not see something wrong. Wives has a fifth sense.

            OK friend, now that the major hurdle is over, stick with us and go on to finding a new lawyer that you can address better than "FU". LOL.

            Good work. 'Hub
            If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

            Comment


            • #7
              "Wives have a fifth sense." Umm... 'Hub? that would be SIXTH. (Not that we need it, most of the stuff we're supposed to be so intuitive about is really obvious, anyway. Oh, wait, that's that pesky sixth sense in action again!
              Figured out we were in trouble: (Wait, we're in trouble? ) Stopped paying creditors: Aug 2010 Filed Chap 7: Apr 29, 2011 341: Jun 1, 2011 Report of no distribution: Jun 1, 2011 Discharged Aug 2, 2011

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
                Well guys I broke the news to my wife about the cc debt.

                It's over.

                I don't know what to do or where to go from here but it really does not matter anymore.

                Thanks to everyone for your time and advice.
                Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction to me. If I am understanding correctly, I am sorry to hear it didn't go well. Regardless-- it HAD to be done. Give her a little time to get her head wrapped around it, maybe even send her a link to this forum. She needs to understand how many "normal" people wind up here.

                Keep On Smilin'

                Comment


                • #9
                  She told me she would never be able to trust me again. You guys I'm sorry but right now I don't even want to type. I'm in a hotel room. Away from my kids and my wife. I just wish the tears could wash away a little bit of the pain and heartache I'm feeling. I just want it to go away. Heartbroken!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hang in there friend. Keep posting and don't do anything rash. Lots of caring people here to help you get thru this.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Don't let this become something bigger than it is. Hopefully once the shock wears off your wife will be able to sit down and talk about it. In the end, money means nothing so don't let messing up your finances become a reason for a life of despair. We have all been there to some extent and to a person we'll all say at the end of the process bankruptcy was the right thing to do. If you start to feel overwhelmed and depressed go find some one to talk to. A minister, a good friend, a counselor, some one. Don't try and go this alone. This forum is full of people who are willing to help and offer support but if you need something more go for help. Please.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Blackgoose View Post
                        She told me she would never be able to trust me again. You guys I'm sorry but right now I don't even want to type. I'm in a hotel room. Away from my kids and my wife. I just wish the tears could wash away a little bit of the pain and heartache I'm feeling. I just want it to go away. Heartbroken!!
                        My friend: You are not the first to say the words you have. By the fact that you became "A MAN" and 'fessed up, your wife will eventually understand. On the other hand, if there are unknown reasons she would "flake out" you gave an excuse for her to do "whatever". That would have come anyway. Ignoring that possibility, she will settle down.

                        Eventually, things will settle down. You "broke the ice" and it HAD to be done. Do you possibly think this would not come out? Would a funeral be better when you drop dead at 27?

                        Your wife is not going to abandon her family. She is hurt of course. In my opinion, a SHORT apology would accompany the fact that it was time for you to "FACE THE FACT" that you have made debt not only for you but for her and your family. You are NOT the only one who have lived beyond your means. WE ALL HAVE. It's called bankruptcy.

                        The adult thing now is to face it, face her, and face your responsibilities. Cry of course. We and I have cried many times over our/my mistakes in life. I am in a second marriage. This says a lot after 23 years with my childhood bride. Both my children by her told me I should have left ten years before. I have a wonderful wife now and this is our 23rd year.

                        Mistakes are part of learning. Welcome them. What won't kill you, makes you strong. You are a strong man. You took our advice, yet it was your OWN decision and a wise one. You know it would come out worse from a lawyers lips.

                        Your wife will get over this. She will. Do NOT over apologize, you did the right thing. 'Hub
                        If I knew it all, would I be here?? Hang in there = Retained attorney 8-06, Filed 12-28-07, Discharge 8-13-08, Finally CLOSED 11-3-09, 3-31-10 AP Dismissed, Informed by incompetent lawyer of CLOSED status, October 14, 2010.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thank you guys. I am grateful for each of your comments and feedback.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I would like to talk to someone tonight. I don't have any family so is there a hotline or group you would suggest?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              it says suicide but there are also crisis lines for talking:http://suicidehotlines.com/utah.html

                              Comment

                              Unconfigured Ad Widget

                              Collapse
                              Working...
                              X