Non-Filling Husband is IRRATE!

[JackBondLove]

He really has been supportive- especially with the failing business and him supporting my son (ex hasn't paid direct child suport in years,- but working on that), just really pissed that he's now being dragged into it and doesn't want any reprocussions on credit, retirement or taxes or ANYTHING. Hopefully, things would never get "THAT" bad, just trying to prepare him.

By supporting *your* son, do you mean the product of yourself and some other man, or of your current husband? It sounds like you are saying that he is supporting some other man's child. And now you are complaining that he is not being supportive of you in the BK? I think that you should feel blessed that you have man so devoted to you. There are very few men who would agree to shoulder the cost of raising another man's child.

An easy way out of this predicament is to have an official divorce, and then do the BK, and afterwards you can get back together (probably not getting officially married for a year after the discharge, or whatever.) He can go rent a cheap apartment somewhere to establish his official residence outside your household.

[justbeach03]

Bond- Please read the complete string before you comment!

[AngelinaCatHub]

By supporting *your* son, do you mean the product of yourself and some other man, or of your current husband? It sounds like you are saying that he is supporting some other man's child. And now you are complaining that he is not being supportive of you in the BK? I think that you should feel blessed that you have man so devoted to you. There are very few men who would agree to shoulder the cost of raising another man's child.

An easy way out of this predicament is to have an official divorce, and then do the BK, and afterwards you can get back together (probably not getting officially married for a year after the discharge, or whatever.) He can go rent a cheap apartment somewhere to establish his official residence outside your household.

Bond- Please read the complete string before you comment!

Jackbond and I made the same mistake. Sorry as your initial post was a little confusing to we older guys (speaking for myself). Could be we are males as well. LOL.

Anyway, Mrs. and I in another ordeal filed divorce papers for strategy reasons, not for lack of love. BAD advice as the mere fact of filing those things caused us undue strain. Our (stupid) lawyer suggested that in a civil case. We quickly dismissed that Motion and vowed never to do such a thing. It is still a vile memory for us. 'Hub

[mountanddo]

By supporting *your* son, do you mean the product of yourself and some other man, or of your current husband? It sounds like you are saying that he is supporting some other man's child. And now you are complaining that he is not being supportive of you in the BK? I think that you should feel blessed that you have man so devoted to you.

I'm sorry, I had to respond to this because even if he did read the post wrong this comment is just wrong. Because her husband is supporting her child from another marriage she shouldn't complain because he isn't supportive of her in her BK and she should be grateful someone is taking on that responsibility? Seriously? What kind of thinking is that?

There are very few men who would agree to shoulder the cost of raising another man's child.

I think there are quite a few people out there that take on the responsibility of raising other people's children and frankly a lot of them are women. Even if the parent that doesn't have custody pays child support it generally isn't enough to raise a child. With the divorce rate over 50%, there are millions of children being supported by non-custodial parents. In fact, you may find there are more men supporting other children then men paying their child support.

This just makes it sound like the OP did something wrong and she should just feel "blessed" that she found someone. Marriage is about supporting someone in "good times and bad". It sounds like from the original post that he is being supportive and that he's just ticked because his personal information is being scrutinized and that is understandable. But then again, life happens and you have to deal with it.

Perhaps in reality HE is the one that should feel "blessed". We only know a cliff notes version of the story.

At any rate, the fact that the OP needs to file BK and needs the support of her husband has nothing to do with if he is helping to raise her child financially at all.

*end of my rant

[justbeach03]

Mountan- Thank you! I was livid at that post and didn't want to say anything more than I did. You're correct- all I wanted was info on how they handle non filling spouse and how much personal info of his will be out for all to see. As I said before he is a DEAR SWEET HUSBAND! thx for ranting for me.

Hub- Sry if I confused you guys. DV does sound like BAD advice, glad you dismissed it!

[btbeme]

Beach - sorry to hear about the strain. My grandfather once told me that there is nobody in the U.S more powerful than a BK trustee...except maybe for a BK judge. Imagine the strain and strife that would come as a result of having to be compelled by the court to present the required information. Cooperation with the court is paramount. And, hey, we all understand the feeling, believe me. Your DH is not alone...but whatever the court seeks, they shall get.

[JackBondLove]

I'm sorry, I had to respond to this because even if he did read the post wrong this comment is just wrong. Because her husband is supporting her child from another marriage she shouldn't complain because he isn't supportive of her in her BK and she should be grateful someone is taking on that responsibility? Seriously? What kind of thinking is that?

Ask just about any man whether he would want to spend his hard earned money on someone, and I guarantee you that spending on a kid that is not his would not be a choice. A man who does support such a kid would only be doing so as a precondition of having a relationship with a woman who happens to have such kids. And in virtually all situations, the women would be working and earning an income, so it wouldn't be his money that would be supporting her kid. I'm a bachelor and I've had a few dates with single mothers, and every single one of them stated quite plainly that they would always work to support their kids, so as to make potential suitors not think that they would be in the position of having to support her kids. Now with a blended family (i.e., "Brady Bunch"), this would not be such an issue as both parents would have their own kids to help support.

I think there are quite a few people out there that take on the responsibility of raising other people's children and frankly a lot of them are women. Even if theparent that doesn't have custody pays child support it generally isn't enough to raise a child. With the divorce rate over 50%, there are millions of children being supported by non-custodial parents. In fact, you may find there are more men supporting other children then men paying their child support.

It truly is a sad state of affairs that folks don't take the vow of marriage seriously anymore. (And BTW, nowadays, women are the ones who file for divorce at like 3-1, and it's not because the husband is a bum, etc., but more likely because the wife just doesn't "feel" it anymore ). I suppose that it makes sense that women have an easier time helping to take care of non-biological children since they have evolved as the "mother's baby" gender rather than the "father's maybe" gender. As a (heterosexual) man, I can only comment on how a man would feel about it.

As for men supporting their stepkids rather than their own kids, I don't really believe it, other than for the reason I mentioned above - i.e., as a necessary payment to stay in the relationship. (And in some cases, those fathers may be thinking that there is more doubt in that "father's maybe".) A single mother and her child is a package deal - you either belly up to the bar and take both of them, or you look for a maiden. Such men decide to take the package - and stay with the package so long as the marriage is good (and I guarantee you that a man in a situation in which he is supporting his stepkid would have a much lower tolerance for problems in the marriage.)

This just makes it sound like the OP did something wrong and she should just feel "blessed" that she found someone. Marriage is about supporting someone in "good times and bad". It sounds like from the original post that he is being supportive and that he's just ticked because his personal information is being scrutinized and that is understandable. But then again, life happens and you have to deal with it.

Perhaps in reality HE is the one that should feel "blessed". We only know a cliff notes version of the story.

The OP did nothing wrong, but IMHO she sure does seem ungrateful that her husband is having a hard time helping her do the paperwork, when he is helping support her kid - something that men are definitely not hard wired to do! The man who marries a single mother is always lionized by the community because there is such a natural aversion against doing so. And yes, I'll let you call me a cad for not wanting to help support a single mother (another community meme.)

I suppose that if her husband continues to relent. then she can make a determination if she wants to break her vows and just file BK, or if filing BK is so important, then she can break them. And like I said, she could always temporarily break them as matter of course.

[mountanddo]

Ask just about any man whether he would want to spend his hard earned money on someone, and I guarantee you that spending on a kid that is not his would not be a choice. A man who does support such a kid would only be doing so as a precondition of having a relationship with a woman who happens to have such kids. And in virtually all situations, the women would be working and earning an income, so it wouldn't be his money that would be supporting her kid. I'm a bachelor and I've had a few dates with single mothers, and every single one of them stated quite plainly that they would always work to support their kids, so as to make potential suitors not think that they would be in the position of having to support her kids. Now with a blended family (i.e., "Brady Bunch"), this would not be such an issue as both parents would have their own kids to help support.



It truly is a sad state of affairs that folks don't take the vow of marriage seriously anymore. (And BTW, nowadays, women are the ones who file for divorce at like 3-1, and it's not because the husband is a bum, etc., but more likely because the wife just doesn't "feel" it anymore ). I suppose that it makes sense that women have an easier time helping to take care of non-biological children since they have evolved as the "mother's baby" gender rather than the "father's maybe" gender. As a (heterosexual) man, I can only comment on how a man would feel about it.

As for men supporting their stepkids rather than their own kids, I don't really believe it, other than for the reason I mentioned above - i.e., as a necessary payment to stay in the relationship. (And in some cases, those fathers may be thinking that there is more doubt in that "father's maybe".) A single mother and her child is a package deal - you either belly up to the bar and take both of them, or you look for a maiden. Such men decide to take the package - and stay with the package so long as the marriage is good (and I guarantee you that a man in a situation in which he is supporting his stepkid would have a much lower tolerance for problems in the marriage.)



The OP did nothing wrong, but IMHO she sure does seem ungrateful that her husband is having a hard time helping her do the paperwork, when he is helping support her kid - something that men are definitely not hard wired to do! The man who marries a single mother is always lionized by the community because there is such a natural aversion against doing so. And yes, I'll let you call me a cad for not wanting to help support a single mother (another community meme.)

I suppose that if her husband continues to relent. then she can make a determination if she wants to break her vows and just file BK, or if filing BK is so important, then she can break them. And like I said, she could always temporarily break them as matter of course.

This response is really so unbelievable I'm not even going to address it. The only thing I will say is that I can understand why you are a bachelor and I'm sure I am speaking for all women out there that you should stay that way...forever.

[Nufsayd]

This response is really so unbelievable I'm not even going to address it. The only thing I will say is that I can understand why you are a bachelor and I'm sure I am speaking for all women out there that you should stay that way...forever.

Totally agree!!!!

[justbroke]

From my personal observations, I've seen both. I've actually witnessed women who stay with a man because he takes care of her children; not because they are particularly in love with the man. I've also seen men not interested at all in dealing with the children or caring about the children in a relationship where the woman has one or more children (young or otherwise) at home. I've also seen genuine love for the children as well as the other person in the relationship.

So, to me, this means that people are different.

[AngelinaCatHub]

From my personal observations, I've seen both. I've actually witnessed women who stay with a man because he takes care of her children; not because they are particularly in love with the man. I've also seen men not interested at all in dealing with the children or caring about the children in a relationship where the woman has one or more children (young or otherwise) at home. I've also seen genuine love for the children as well as the other person in the relationship.

So, to me, this means that people are different.

My friend, I have to disagree in a minor fashion. I cannot agree with JackBondLove in anyway in this thread.

Here is my long opinion. I married my childhood bride and for 23 years it was for life. Half of this was hell, but I had children. Once out of our house, I could not stand more. She did not divorce me, but I her. It is old fashioned but I allowed her to divorce me. Olde tyme stuff but for the woman's pride. Both my children wondered why I had not done the divorce ten years before.

I married a spinster who in our age was less physical and more on my mental plane. I never regretted this. I still love my former wife and never left due to animosity but to personal growth reasons. We grew apart.

Now, if my wife had children previously, it is my strong opinion, that if you love a person who has family, you not only are indebted to give your life to her/him, but you have married not only their past, but their children, and you god well best love those children as you have married them also. AND, treat them as your own, respect them as they have a real parent (for good or bad) but remember a sperm donor may make a father but never a Dad. Only my opinion. 'Hub

[justbeach03]

Interesting to see this post completely turned around by someone so very opinionated about single mothers, marriage, challenges of blended families, and divorce...who is a "heterosexual" (not that it matters) bachelor! So, in your opinion...what do you think of Ex husband's who DONT pay child support for 9 yrs, a single mother who starts 2 businesses by herself, has remarried and paid all the child expenses by herself until very recently unemployed due to business failure, and who now find themselves stressed about all the paperwork for BK and fighting to get child support paid?

Please don't bring up Divorce as an escape option, and then 2 posts later "It truly is a sad state of affairs that folks don't take the vow of marriage seriously anymore". (Sry- wish I knew how to "quote" replies). It's a little contradictory.

My husband loves BOTH our kids (mine and ours) and would do anything for them. He takes excellent care of my "product from another man", as you so elloquently named my child. And I feel we are both entitled to be stressed about the current situation. Once again, my OP was for input from others for support and clarification of what to expect. Not to feel belittled and given divorce statistic, by someone who's NEVER even been married.

[mountanddo]

Interesting to see this post completely turned around by someone so very opinionated about single mothers, marriage, challenges of blended families, and divorce...who is a "heterosexual" (not that it matters) bachelor! So, in your opinion...what do you think of Ex husband's who DONT pay child support for 9 yrs, a single mother who starts 2 businesses by herself, has remarried and paid all the child expenses by herself until very recently unemployed due to business failure, and who now find themselves stressed about all the paperwork for BK and fighting to get child support paid?

Please don't bring up Divorce as an escape option, and then 2 posts later "It truly is a sad state of affairs that folks don't take the vow of marriage seriously anymore". (Sry- wish I knew how to "quote" replies). It's a little contradictory.

My husband loves BOTH our kids (mine and ours) and would do anything for them. He takes excellent care of my "product from another man", as you so elloquently named my child. And I feel we are both entitled to be stressed about the current situation. Once again, my OP was for input from others for support and clarification of what to expect. Not to feel belittled and given divorce statistic, by someone who's NEVER even been married.

You go girl! Very well said.

[justbroke]

My friend, I have to disagree in a minor fashion. I cannot agree with JackBondLove in anyway in this thread.

I don't agree either. I offered an observation to try to clear the air from generalizations and defining "all" of a singular gender in a particular way.