So embarrassed to even post here - but...
Seems I've managed to completely screw up my life, since my husband died 4+ years ago. I'm 54 years old, on disabled-widows' SSDI -- plus I get a small Survivor Annuity monthly, because my late husband was a federal employee. I know that Social Security income is exempt, and from what I can tell, so is my survivor benefit.
Problem I have -- partially due to my own stupidity, and largely due to several prolonged manic episodes caused by my doc giving me SSRI's alone for my severe bipolar disorder --- anyway, I find myself in the most humiliating place I've ever been, owing almost $12,000 total in credit card debts & one small loan (that I took out at one point, allegedly to get rid of the credit card debt at that time! then 6 months later, another bad manic episode & whammy - even more debt....)
April of this year, I dropped off my meds, and "came to my senses", as it were, coming down hard from the manic phase -- and looking at the trainwreck of my life in sheer horror. I have NEVER been so reckless & irresponsible in my life. I've done dumb things, yeah -- but not THIS bad!!! I look back & it's as if I'm looking back at a different person altogether... but anyway, I'm left to deal with the mess now...
Since then, I've been struggling along, making the minimum payments on the credit cards, and making sure I was never late -- my payment record is 100% on time, but I'm not getting ahead at all. I've been keeping records of my total debt for a while - and if I manage to knock a hundred or so off of the total amount, then some unexpected expense comes up that forces me to add a bit back onto one of the cards. Bottom line - I'm on the treadmill from hell and can't seem to make any leeway...
Total income --- $1435 a month ($992 SSDI, $446 survivor benefit) That is my entire complete income.
Expenses/Assets --I own a smaller 1984 mobile home - it's 30 years old, in need of some actual flooring repairs and other less important cosmetic issues, & it is located on a leased lot in a small average 55+ park. Current lot rent is $399 a month (normal for Florida)
Other monthly necessary expenses --- power avg. 200 a month (mostly due to very old inefficient ac/heating system), internet access $59 a month (just internet, no cable TV at all), health insurance $132 a month, car insurance $40 a month, water app. $20 a month, phone (for both emergency cell & landline) app $20 a month. So total of basic necessary expenses is app. $870 a month.
That leaves app. $565 a month to cover food, household goods, clothes, gas, car maintenance, etc etc. Many of which I haven't spent anything on in recent months. And of course, the stupid debt that I've acquired!!!! Under "normal" circumstances, the $565 would be just fine! That's why I'm so shocked & humiliated by this - I don't need a lot, I don't need fancy stuff - I generally live somewhat frugally & simply! BUT since I was crazy enough to run up all this debt, now I find myself trying to squeek by with only about 180 a month, to cover food, household supplies, gas & everything else outside of the routine rent/utility/insurance bills...and even being frugal, that just doesn't really quite cut it....something extra always seems to come up I even put my internet bill & car insurance bill onto one of my credit cards, to free up a tiny bit of extra money -- the charge would go on the card, and by paying the minimum payment on the card, I'd pretty much even out on it... but even at that, I'm still struggling just to keep up...
My only regular "luxury" expenditures are a Netflix subscription ($8.69 a month) and I do smoke (but I make my own cigarettes - so between the empty cigarette tubes & the tobacco, it costs me app. $8 a carton, so maybe $24 a month - I know, still a horrible vice, but something I just can't manage to quit, at least not right now...) That's really the only ongoing "non-necessary" expenses I have right now. Last month, I spent $8 on a set of e-books & felt guilty as hell for the rest of the week about spending any money at all on a 'non-essential'.
I have 7 credit accounts with balances altogether (one is less than $200 - but the rest are $1500-2200) and I have a $1750 balance on an unsecured personal loan. Right at $11,679 altogether as of last week's 'balance sheet'.
Two accounts recently went up on their minimums, due to promotional periods expiring - another card is due to go up next month. All of them are rather high interest -- ranging from 18 - 24% After that card goes up next month, between the credit cards & loan, the *minimum* payments every month will be just under $400.
(I know -- I was the worst idiot in the universe to ever get credit cards in the first place!!!!!)
Anyway - these past months, I've been paying the minimums & trying to throw an extra $5 or $10 at a card, if I could... but I've been skimping on groceries as tightly as I humanly can (last month, I think I spent right at $87 for the entire month on actual food items) --- my car needs some work done on it & I haven't done any of that -- I haven't bought clothes at all - though being at home, I don't need much. I really need to go to the doctor for a few things - but haven't done that either, because I can't really afford the co-pays, not with paying those credit cards.
The past two months, I've hardly even left my home at all, other than necessary errands -- I filled up my car on July 29, it had just a hair under half a tank still left in it yesterday when I went to the grocery store.
So - bottom line -- I'm not actually BEHIND on anything -- at least not yet! No collection agencies, no lawsuits, etc, because I have paid the bills on time every month.
But that's been at the expense of letting almost everything else in my life get put aside - and scraping the barrel as bare as possible. I'm getting more & more depressed all the time - to the point of going to sleep at night, and seriously hoping every night, that I do not wake up in the morning. I NEED to find a good psych doctor in this area - get in for regular therapy AND get some proper medications - but again, even with insurance, there are co-pays for every visit, so that's something else that's been put on hold, since the credit cards eat up my money every month. I am just not the type to ignore a due-date on a bill though! I have never done that in my life & I DID run up these bills, so I'm responsible for paying them!
After once again, looking at my little 'balance sheet' a couple weeks ago -- and yet again, seeing that I'm not making any real progress towards getting out of debt at all --- I decided that, like it or not, bankruptcy probably is my only feasible option. I can't keep scrimping on food, car repairs, etc like this forever, and I need both the mental health doctor care, and to get to a doc about some physical problems as well....
The median for a 1-person household in Florida is just under $42k, so I am well well under that ($17k+).
My only assets, so to speak, are my home, which isn't worth much at all obviously & easily covered under FL's generous exemption -- so I'm not worried about that at all.
My car, a 2005 Ford Taurus - looks pretty good cosmetically & it IS running OK, but it needs a new A/C, and needs some other repair work - has some leaks, etc... The different valuation sites give it a value of anywhere $1300 - $2200, so I'm not sure just what it is *really* worth. Florida only gives a $1000 vehicle exemption - would the trustee be likely to take my car away? If he did, I'd just have to get by without one for a while - but I like this car & I'd like to keep it if I could....
A few "smaller" items --- my husband bought us a 42" flat-screen TV when he was still alive - it's 5+ years old now. Also, I still have both of my husband's power wheelchairs -- neither one is operable right now. One was already broke down & he got the replacement chair but kept the old one for parts - the 'newer' one has some tears in the arms, needs new batteries, and isn't working right now either. BUT - I know powerchairs can be worth a little bit of money, even used -- if I were to list these out there for sale, I'd possibly be able to get $200-300 for each of them, for parts alone, I'd guess? The TV, I don't know -- maybe $150?
So - those 3 items eat up a large part of the $1000 'household goods' exemption. Even though most of what I have is just routine cheap junk -- $5 here, $20 here, $12 here -- it all adds up.
*IF* my *TOTAL* belongings did add up over $1000 --- can I specify precisely WHICH items I want to claim exemption on? Or - if I'm $400 over the $1000 limit, does the trustee get to pick & choose whatever he wants, to get that $400? That is one area I wasn't clear on, from reading about filing. I know my husband's wheelchairs don't actually do me any good -- and a TV is a TV -- but those were my HUSBAND'S chairs -- and he picked out the TV for us... I'd give up all my furniture, my clothing, etc etc etc - before I'd give up HIS things..... it may sound dumb, but I just can't bear the thought of losing HIS items... I've lost HIM, I don't want to lose what few items I have that were specifically his....
ANYWAY -- I'm considering trying to file PRO SE. Of course, I'd get some books, and study a lot more before I do --- but IF I were to try to save up enough for an attorney -- I'd have to stop paying on all my accounts & it would still take me months & months to get enough saved up. I THINK, my case would be simple enough that I could do it myself?? It's going to be tough just scraping up the $300+ filing fee! I've got about $120 right now, that I've hung onto for 'emergency' over the past couple months -- I think I can maybe come up with a few little odds & ends to sell to get another $100 or so -- anyway, if I try hard enough, I should be able to have the filing fee within another 2 months I think....
There is no "free legal aid" here in my county, that can help. There is a legal aid in Orlando, which covers about a dozen counties in that area of the state - they are just north of me & don't extend to my county---- then there is legal aid in Tampa, which covers about a dozen counties west of me - but again, NOT my county. In Lakeland, which is in my county, there is a legal clinic for low-income people -- BUT they do NOT deal with bankruptcy, unless it involves home foreclosures. So, as far as I can tell, from hunting & hunting - there is no legal-aid, no reduced-fee, or pro bono legal service I can avail myself of.
So - it seems my only choices are to go pro se ---- or to go approximately 6 months or more without paying the bills - and having all the stress connected with that... I know pro se would be stressful as well, but not nearly as much as 6 months of bill collections, etc
Sorry to be so lengthy - I just wanted to give a full accounting of my situation, so if anyone was kind enough to respond, you'd be able to make an informed opinion of me....
Any thoughts, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated. Or just tell me to shoot myself & put myself out of my misery, because I'm such a stupid failure!
Seems I've managed to completely screw up my life, since my husband died 4+ years ago. I'm 54 years old, on disabled-widows' SSDI -- plus I get a small Survivor Annuity monthly, because my late husband was a federal employee. I know that Social Security income is exempt, and from what I can tell, so is my survivor benefit.
Problem I have -- partially due to my own stupidity, and largely due to several prolonged manic episodes caused by my doc giving me SSRI's alone for my severe bipolar disorder --- anyway, I find myself in the most humiliating place I've ever been, owing almost $12,000 total in credit card debts & one small loan (that I took out at one point, allegedly to get rid of the credit card debt at that time! then 6 months later, another bad manic episode & whammy - even more debt....)
April of this year, I dropped off my meds, and "came to my senses", as it were, coming down hard from the manic phase -- and looking at the trainwreck of my life in sheer horror. I have NEVER been so reckless & irresponsible in my life. I've done dumb things, yeah -- but not THIS bad!!! I look back & it's as if I'm looking back at a different person altogether... but anyway, I'm left to deal with the mess now...
Since then, I've been struggling along, making the minimum payments on the credit cards, and making sure I was never late -- my payment record is 100% on time, but I'm not getting ahead at all. I've been keeping records of my total debt for a while - and if I manage to knock a hundred or so off of the total amount, then some unexpected expense comes up that forces me to add a bit back onto one of the cards. Bottom line - I'm on the treadmill from hell and can't seem to make any leeway...
Total income --- $1435 a month ($992 SSDI, $446 survivor benefit) That is my entire complete income.
Expenses/Assets --I own a smaller 1984 mobile home - it's 30 years old, in need of some actual flooring repairs and other less important cosmetic issues, & it is located on a leased lot in a small average 55+ park. Current lot rent is $399 a month (normal for Florida)
Other monthly necessary expenses --- power avg. 200 a month (mostly due to very old inefficient ac/heating system), internet access $59 a month (just internet, no cable TV at all), health insurance $132 a month, car insurance $40 a month, water app. $20 a month, phone (for both emergency cell & landline) app $20 a month. So total of basic necessary expenses is app. $870 a month.
That leaves app. $565 a month to cover food, household goods, clothes, gas, car maintenance, etc etc. Many of which I haven't spent anything on in recent months. And of course, the stupid debt that I've acquired!!!! Under "normal" circumstances, the $565 would be just fine! That's why I'm so shocked & humiliated by this - I don't need a lot, I don't need fancy stuff - I generally live somewhat frugally & simply! BUT since I was crazy enough to run up all this debt, now I find myself trying to squeek by with only about 180 a month, to cover food, household supplies, gas & everything else outside of the routine rent/utility/insurance bills...and even being frugal, that just doesn't really quite cut it....something extra always seems to come up I even put my internet bill & car insurance bill onto one of my credit cards, to free up a tiny bit of extra money -- the charge would go on the card, and by paying the minimum payment on the card, I'd pretty much even out on it... but even at that, I'm still struggling just to keep up...
My only regular "luxury" expenditures are a Netflix subscription ($8.69 a month) and I do smoke (but I make my own cigarettes - so between the empty cigarette tubes & the tobacco, it costs me app. $8 a carton, so maybe $24 a month - I know, still a horrible vice, but something I just can't manage to quit, at least not right now...) That's really the only ongoing "non-necessary" expenses I have right now. Last month, I spent $8 on a set of e-books & felt guilty as hell for the rest of the week about spending any money at all on a 'non-essential'.
I have 7 credit accounts with balances altogether (one is less than $200 - but the rest are $1500-2200) and I have a $1750 balance on an unsecured personal loan. Right at $11,679 altogether as of last week's 'balance sheet'.
Two accounts recently went up on their minimums, due to promotional periods expiring - another card is due to go up next month. All of them are rather high interest -- ranging from 18 - 24% After that card goes up next month, between the credit cards & loan, the *minimum* payments every month will be just under $400.
(I know -- I was the worst idiot in the universe to ever get credit cards in the first place!!!!!)
Anyway - these past months, I've been paying the minimums & trying to throw an extra $5 or $10 at a card, if I could... but I've been skimping on groceries as tightly as I humanly can (last month, I think I spent right at $87 for the entire month on actual food items) --- my car needs some work done on it & I haven't done any of that -- I haven't bought clothes at all - though being at home, I don't need much. I really need to go to the doctor for a few things - but haven't done that either, because I can't really afford the co-pays, not with paying those credit cards.
The past two months, I've hardly even left my home at all, other than necessary errands -- I filled up my car on July 29, it had just a hair under half a tank still left in it yesterday when I went to the grocery store.
So - bottom line -- I'm not actually BEHIND on anything -- at least not yet! No collection agencies, no lawsuits, etc, because I have paid the bills on time every month.
But that's been at the expense of letting almost everything else in my life get put aside - and scraping the barrel as bare as possible. I'm getting more & more depressed all the time - to the point of going to sleep at night, and seriously hoping every night, that I do not wake up in the morning. I NEED to find a good psych doctor in this area - get in for regular therapy AND get some proper medications - but again, even with insurance, there are co-pays for every visit, so that's something else that's been put on hold, since the credit cards eat up my money every month. I am just not the type to ignore a due-date on a bill though! I have never done that in my life & I DID run up these bills, so I'm responsible for paying them!
After once again, looking at my little 'balance sheet' a couple weeks ago -- and yet again, seeing that I'm not making any real progress towards getting out of debt at all --- I decided that, like it or not, bankruptcy probably is my only feasible option. I can't keep scrimping on food, car repairs, etc like this forever, and I need both the mental health doctor care, and to get to a doc about some physical problems as well....
The median for a 1-person household in Florida is just under $42k, so I am well well under that ($17k+).
My only assets, so to speak, are my home, which isn't worth much at all obviously & easily covered under FL's generous exemption -- so I'm not worried about that at all.
My car, a 2005 Ford Taurus - looks pretty good cosmetically & it IS running OK, but it needs a new A/C, and needs some other repair work - has some leaks, etc... The different valuation sites give it a value of anywhere $1300 - $2200, so I'm not sure just what it is *really* worth. Florida only gives a $1000 vehicle exemption - would the trustee be likely to take my car away? If he did, I'd just have to get by without one for a while - but I like this car & I'd like to keep it if I could....
A few "smaller" items --- my husband bought us a 42" flat-screen TV when he was still alive - it's 5+ years old now. Also, I still have both of my husband's power wheelchairs -- neither one is operable right now. One was already broke down & he got the replacement chair but kept the old one for parts - the 'newer' one has some tears in the arms, needs new batteries, and isn't working right now either. BUT - I know powerchairs can be worth a little bit of money, even used -- if I were to list these out there for sale, I'd possibly be able to get $200-300 for each of them, for parts alone, I'd guess? The TV, I don't know -- maybe $150?
So - those 3 items eat up a large part of the $1000 'household goods' exemption. Even though most of what I have is just routine cheap junk -- $5 here, $20 here, $12 here -- it all adds up.
*IF* my *TOTAL* belongings did add up over $1000 --- can I specify precisely WHICH items I want to claim exemption on? Or - if I'm $400 over the $1000 limit, does the trustee get to pick & choose whatever he wants, to get that $400? That is one area I wasn't clear on, from reading about filing. I know my husband's wheelchairs don't actually do me any good -- and a TV is a TV -- but those were my HUSBAND'S chairs -- and he picked out the TV for us... I'd give up all my furniture, my clothing, etc etc etc - before I'd give up HIS things..... it may sound dumb, but I just can't bear the thought of losing HIS items... I've lost HIM, I don't want to lose what few items I have that were specifically his....
ANYWAY -- I'm considering trying to file PRO SE. Of course, I'd get some books, and study a lot more before I do --- but IF I were to try to save up enough for an attorney -- I'd have to stop paying on all my accounts & it would still take me months & months to get enough saved up. I THINK, my case would be simple enough that I could do it myself?? It's going to be tough just scraping up the $300+ filing fee! I've got about $120 right now, that I've hung onto for 'emergency' over the past couple months -- I think I can maybe come up with a few little odds & ends to sell to get another $100 or so -- anyway, if I try hard enough, I should be able to have the filing fee within another 2 months I think....
There is no "free legal aid" here in my county, that can help. There is a legal aid in Orlando, which covers about a dozen counties in that area of the state - they are just north of me & don't extend to my county---- then there is legal aid in Tampa, which covers about a dozen counties west of me - but again, NOT my county. In Lakeland, which is in my county, there is a legal clinic for low-income people -- BUT they do NOT deal with bankruptcy, unless it involves home foreclosures. So, as far as I can tell, from hunting & hunting - there is no legal-aid, no reduced-fee, or pro bono legal service I can avail myself of.
So - it seems my only choices are to go pro se ---- or to go approximately 6 months or more without paying the bills - and having all the stress connected with that... I know pro se would be stressful as well, but not nearly as much as 6 months of bill collections, etc
Sorry to be so lengthy - I just wanted to give a full accounting of my situation, so if anyone was kind enough to respond, you'd be able to make an informed opinion of me....
Any thoughts, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated. Or just tell me to shoot myself & put myself out of my misery, because I'm such a stupid failure!
Comment