Feel like a failure due to bk??

[$$only4ever]

[QUOTE=B12;112423] It is a business decision, plain and simple.QUOTE]

I agree 100% with you B-12. When I first filed, we felt like failures, (Until we filed, I never had been late on anything), but then after a while, I realized that it was and is a good business decision. Without filing, we never would been able to retire and god forbid, if something happened to one of us, it would take every dime of the insurance proceeds and I still would not have been out of debt.

Going forward, I now can take pride that I have made 28 payments to the trustee on time, my car payment which I paid outside of plan is paid ahead and the rest of my monthly bills, (utilities, rent, etc) are paid on time every month. Every year, we have also increased our 401K by 1% which I never would have been able to do had I not filed bankruptcy. Looking back to before I filed, I would say that I have accomplished alot!

[fedupw/ccdebt]

"Feel like a failure due to BK"...??

Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month..... I have never felt more like a loser, lower, more scared, disappointed, helpless, etc... get the thesaurus out and start looking up words.

It is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed (that is when I actually get any sleep). I can't concentrate on my job, my family, myself, nothing... I feel like I can't provide for my family, thus am a failure. Hard not to think that, isn't it?

I literally jump every time the phone rings, or when I check the mail. I keep waiting for the sheriff to pull up with a notice for me.

I know that I am not alone feeling like this... I just hope and pray that there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel. This has gone on longer than I had hoped due to expenses that have come up and delayed things for me. I can only hope that I can maintain some sense of my dignity thru all this and that it all ends soon.

[HeatherB]

"Feel like a failure due to BK"...??
It is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed (that is when I actually get any sleep). I can't concentrate on my job, my family, myself, nothing... I feel like I can't provide for my family, thus am a failure. Hard not to think that, isn't it?

I know that I am not alone feeling like this... I just hope and pray that there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel. This has gone on longer than I had hoped due to expenses that have come up and delayed things for me. I can only hope that I can maintain some sense of my dignity thru all this and that it all ends soon.

I felt like a failure for a long time before and after I filed. I didn't tell family and friends about it at first. Then I realized that the poison was actually the secret. I had to fully understand and accept my past mistakes and forgive those that contributed to my situation (husband had a drug addiction). It took me a good full year before I actually was able to do that. I didn't live in those years of 2003 to 2006. I was merely an empty shell. A slave to the creditors and to my husband. I was so wrapped up in it that I probably neglected my son emotionally. I imagine now that him having to see mom's multiple break downs and depression must have been hard. Thank goodness he was so little that he probably won't remember all this.

Now, though, things are good. I have successfullly implemented a budget that works well. I taught myself that money doesn't always mean happiness and that happiness comes from what you make of life (provided there is a roof over my head, some food on the table, and a car that runs... I'm good) and not what you have in life.

The most important thing to me right now is that my kids will grow up seeing me happy and enjoying the time we have together.

[jennyn]

I think it's a process. At first there is the guilt and embarrassment. Now, I am at the point where it really makes me angry. I take full responsibility for my stupid decisions that got me here but also, I blame the industries out there that LOVE to kick us when we are down. I think it is wrong for a cc co like cap one that approves a purchase that puts you over the limit by a couple dollars just so they could charge the extra $30. Add to that the late payment fees, I tried for so long to dig out but it was like everytime I took a step forward I was pushed two more back. The same w/banks. Something hits that causes the little debits to be nsf. Why couldn't they pay the 5 items for $15 each first and then the $100 item? Oh, then they couldn't collect the $175 in od fees. So much for my rant, sorry.

[Cassiopeia]

"Feel like a failure due to BK"...??

Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month..... I have never felt more like a loser, lower, more scared, disappointed, helpless, etc... get the thesaurus out and start looking up words.

It is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed (that is when I actually get any sleep). I can't concentrate on my job, my family, myself, nothing... I feel like I can't provide for my family, thus am a failure. Hard not to think that, isn't it?

I literally jump every time the phone rings, or when I check the mail. I keep waiting for the sheriff to pull up with a notice for me.

I know that I am not alone feeling like this... I just hope and pray that there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel. This has gone on longer than I had hoped due to expenses that have come up and delayed things for me. I can only hope that I can maintain some sense of my dignity thru all this and that it all ends soon.

Hey YOU need some {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}!

I take it you haven't filed yet. TRUST ME, things WILL get better for you. Read my earlier post on this thread, please.

I have yet to hear of anyone who was sorry they filed, and have yet to hear of anyone who wasn't very relieved afterwards. And ECSTATIC upon discharge.

Good luck to you. This too, shall pass. That's a promise.

[leftyf]

Another

Add David Crosby to the list.

[cathywhite4495]

chpxiii, if your loan is still with the federal loan, you might be able to get back on track. It doesn't seem like they can default you if you were in bk. Anyway, my mom didn't pay on her student loans for over 20 YEARS and was totally in default. She finally entered a payment agreement and after 6 months of paying on time, she was good enough with them that she could have taken out another loan if needed. They seem to be interested in helping anybody who's trying to pay. Good luck to you! You need to give yourself a huge pat on the back for not only making it through a 13, but paying it off EARLY! That's awesome!

[MajorMike]

sorry, but I disagree with you. I AM a loser!!! I knew I shouldn't have blown money on things and did it anyway. There are some here that have illnesses and hardship but there is NO excuse for just pissing it away. There should be a debtors prison for people like me. I should do the time. It's my own fault!

[LoserBoy]

I'm a loser too. I can't find a job in my field (or any field, really) despite being well educated and experienced. Do I have the plague and no one has the heart to tell me? Leprosy? I just don't get it. But here I am watching my dreams for a better life swirl lazily down the universe's giant white bowl.

They always told me "you can do anything you put your mind to". WRONG! What you can do is severely limited by what outside forces will let you do. I can't MAKE someone hire me. If I could, I'd already be working at Lowe's Corporate and would have had my picture in the Wall Street Journal by now. But that's another story.

[sickandtired8]

sorry, but I disagree with you. I AM a loser!!! I knew I shouldn't have blown money on things and did it anyway. There are some here that have illnesses and hardship but there is NO excuse for just pissing it away. There should be a debtors prison for people like me. I should do the time. It's my own fault!

Geez Mike....we are just trying to help. Help us to help you! YOu made mistakes as all of us have and beating yourself up is not helping ANYTHING! All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move on and not do it again. I dont think you should do time, what you are doing to yourself is payment enough. S&T

[leftyf]

Major, take a look at the executive compensation packages at Amex, Citibank, BOA, etc. and you might not feel the same way. I'm a "loser" myself, but I still get cash advance offers weekly from the same companies that I haven't paid in 6 months...I'm pretty dumb, but they're just plain stupid. I just got a credit card from Citi in the mail...and it's a new account? I'm not sure if this is some sort of trick, but I'm really confused about that. Don't they realize I don't pay interest and I haven't paid them anything in 180 days? One of the great things about this country is that there is so much capital available, the savers need to find a way to get decent returns...so they gamble on making loans to people like you and me. The scary part will be when the flood of bankruptcies starts and people actually do start living within their means. I think we're seeing the beginning of this right now with the so-called "sub-prime" crisis. Rambling, sorry.
Lefty

[BassBoy]

sorry, but I disagree with you. I AM a loser!!! I knew I shouldn't have blown money on things and did it anyway. There are some here that have illnesses and hardship but there is NO excuse for just pissing it away. There should be a debtors prison for people like me. I should do the time. It's my own fault!

I'm a loser too. I can't find a job in my field (or any field, really) despite being well educated and experienced. Do I have the plague and no one has the heart to tell me? Leprosy? I just don't get it. But here I am watching my dreams for a better life swirl lazily down the universe's giant white bowl.

They always told me "you can do anything you put your mind to". WRONG! What you can do is severely limited by what outside forces will let you do. I can't MAKE someone hire me. If I could, I'd already be working at Lowe's Corporate and would have had my picture in the Wall Street Journal by now. But that's another story.

You both need to stop beating yourselves up like this. It's really not going to do either of you any good. I'm sure most people in your predicament felt exactly the same, but you pick up pieces and move on. This isn't the end of the world!

[HeatherB]

I'm a loser too. I can't find a job in my field (or any field, really) despite being well educated and experienced. Do I have the plague and no one has the heart to tell me? Leprosy? I just don't get it. But here I am watching my dreams for a better life swirl lazily down the universe's giant white bowl.

IMHO, a loser doesn't even attempt to find a job. Sounds like you have tried. I try not to think about what I want to be as much as who I want to be. The thing is that you may look at yourself and think you are nothing, but to someone out there, you could be their everything and not even realize it.

[chpxiii]

chpxiii, if your loan is still with the federal loan, you might be able to get back on track. It doesn't seem like they can default you if you were in bk. Anyway, my mom didn't pay on her student loans for over 20 YEARS and was totally in default. She finally entered a payment agreement and after 6 months of paying on time, she was good enough with them that she could have taken out another loan if needed. They seem to be interested in helping anybody who's trying to pay. Good luck to you! You need to give yourself a huge pat on the back for not only making it through a 13, but paying it off EARLY! That's awesome!

Thank you, Cathy. I've been doing more research, and with lots of reassurance from this community and the boyfriend, I suspect you're right and that I will be ok.

I was not in default when I filed and so I think that will be a factor when I come out of bkcy. I'll update the board as this is information that could help someone else.

[B12]

Ok, no more food and drink for you people. The pity party is over! LOL

I, also, was disappointed in myself. It lasted one day. I was a business icon to my adult children. I was DEVASTATED when I told them. Big deal, I made some horrendous mistakes. I got over it.

Firstly, the lenders are not the blame for our BK. (checks are deducted as they come in, the bank does not choose which ones to pay first.)

Secondly, the BK system, no matter how marred, is your second chance.

Grab this second chance and run with it.

No one here is a loser, just by the fact that you are here and trying to educate yourself on the process. Approach the BK as you would any other goal. Your goal is financial relief!!! Set the goal, accomplish the day to day tasks, and in due time, the end will be here. You will have accomplished your goal. As with any other goal, do not get sidetracked.

Try to leave emotion out of it. Think, BUSINESS DECISION.

And....think about the day following your discharge. How happy are you going to be?

Here are the problems I have seen shared at this forum and the mantra that we should all be repeating over and over again.

Medical bills 25,000
Gambling debt 100,000
Luxury spending 40,000
Poor business decisions 80,000
New house 300,000
New car 35,000
BK Priceless