Could my ex-husband use my bk against me?

[bustedinboulder]

Hi Everyone, I am new to this forum and new to bk...preparing to file Ch. 7 at the end of this month (or early March.) My deepest fear (hopefully irrational) is that my ex-husband will somehow try and take the kids away from me...I have 2 kids (ages 6 & 9) and we share joint custody. I think it's really a deep fear that I can't provide for my kids, but the irony is that I'll be better able to after I file and get discharged.

I have my kids half time and receive some child support right now. I had to close my business in December '07 and am currently unemployed. I am a very 'hands-on' mom and volunteer at their school, etc.

Just wondering if anyone else had these fears...

[FreshLikeADaisy]

BustedInBoulder, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I can't really address the ex-husband or child custody issues (I have no dog in that race ) but I can tell you that unless you notify your husband of your bk in your filing, or someone else you notify in turn tells him, chances are VERY good he won't ever know about it unless he has a PI digging for info on you. Most people don't have the $$$ to keep that up for very long, actually.

So I guess it really comes down to how thoroughly you both separated your finances when you divorced. If you still have even one acct held jointly -- mortgage, credit card, anything -- he will end up knowing about it because that creditor will come after him for payment. Also, if you discuss it with friends and family, he will probably end up hearing about it eventually. To me, it's not so much that the bk itself is public record, but the level of detail included in the public filing that tends to give me pause. But if your divorce was relatively recent, he already knows your debt situation anyway, I would imagine, so his use for that level of detail would be limited.

I don't know how the family courts are where you are located, but it seems to me that it would be hard to wrestle custody away from an ex based SOLELY upon a bk. If there's more to it and the bk is just the cherry on top, that's a whole 'nother story. But a bk alone, no. And as far as supporting the kids goes... isn't that what child support is for?

These are just my thoughts, anyway. Good luck to you!!!

[bustedinboulder]

Just worrying...

Thank you Daisy for the kind reply. No, there aren't any other details that I'm hiding re. losing my kids - it's just my most primal fear and so that's where I go when I think about declaring BK. I was hoping to hear from folks who are divorced and share custody of their kids that would say "this is not an issue at all."

I guess I just feel bad that I am not able to provide for my kids in the way that I want to right now (food/clothes/home - yes) no extra money right now and I really hoped they would never feel the "pinch" - boo hoo.

[scottsnewlight]

If i may say, bankruptcy should have no effects on your custody of your children, I'm sure one of the reason your going though with the bankruptcy is so you can proved for you children in the long run, so you can give them food/clothes/home, i could never see a judge or court giving the children to the other parent because of bankruptcy, i been through a divorce myself, , lol , you would have to be a very bad mother to lose your kids, real bad, don't be a shame, ask for help if you need through government programs, stay strong and just keeping loving your children, i have no custody of my children at all, , lol , long story there, but one of the main reason i filled and so i have money to put on there future instead of giving it to others. Just my thoughts.

[LifeNLemons]

I had the exact same thoughts for a long time. And then one day, it sank in. My ex was the reason for me filing BK. HE wasn't paying the joint mortgage on the house he lives in. HE wasn't paying the joint truck payment of the truck he drives. And HE doesn't meet his child support obligation. And really the one thing that led me to BK was having my wages garnished for a debt he owed, only he stays willfully unemployed, so they couldn't garnish him. I have 3 kids to feed, clothe and provide for, so filing BK has been the best thing that's happened to me and my kids. We're still broke, but no one's afraid to answer the phone anymore.

I think you need to look at your BK as a positive thing. You've finally realized that despite your best effort, you couldn't continue to burden your family with the stress of whatever debt you were under.

I wouldn't worry so much about custody. I think judges look more at the fact that you're keeping a roof over your kids' heads and they are fed, clothed, clean, and in a stable environment.

[bustedinboulder]

Change in Attitude

Thanks for all the replies - it really helps to know there are others out there. It also makes me realize that I am doing the best that I can - and I do need to change my attitude about the bk - endings can be beginnings too...

[CindyLou]

I agree that it will not have any effect on the custody of your children. But I want to address the fact that your ex-husband will probably be notified of your BK. On the forms it asks if you have been married to anyone in the last 7 years. If the answer is yes, then you have to name that person and give their address. They are then added to your creditor matrix and notified of the BK.

At least that's how mine was done....

[magyar123]

I agree that it will not have any effect on the custody of your children. But I want to address the fact that your ex-husband will probably be notified of your BK. On the forms it asks if you have been married to anyone in the last 7 years. If the answer is yes, then you have to name that person and give their address. They are then added to your creditor matrix and notified of the BK.

At least that's how mine was done....

When did this happen? I filed bankruptcy in July 2004. It was in October 2003 when my ex and I divorced. Nobody ever contacted her about my filing.