Divorce and Bankruptcy

[gymbo]

I know this is a vague question, but I'm curious about how to handle a divorce and bk.

I am married, but it seems divorce is imminent.

Hub knows we are already financially in trouble and likely to file bk soon. Hub does not know I am pretty much looking for an emotional fresh start as well... although he knows there are serious issues, I don't think he realizes how serious they are. (communication is a key issue but I swear I have tried for 8 years)

I'm just wondering if divorce should come before bk or the other way around.

Truth is, I have stuck it out in this miserable relationship for so long because I was trying to work out the money issues, and if it's not possible with 2 incomes, it's going to be really really hard on one.

I have been focussing on life after bk ... and I think we would be OK if we were able to do a 7 - our house and cars would be exempt. That is so appealing - but to keep the lifestyle, I have to fix the marriage and I don't think I can.

Just solving the money problems does not solve the relationship problems. The thought of being a single Mom and renting again, and having bad credit, is so scary.

Should I file, stay married, and stick this out for a year or two and try to save up some money??? That seems like the most logical thing to do, but ... I don't know. Thoughts? And please don't tell me I'm a bad person.

(FYI - there has been no drama on eithor side in this marriage - no cheating, no physical or alcohol or drug abuse... just two very different people who don't talk and were a bad bad match from the beginning.)

[lrprn]

Divorce and bankruptcy often make a very uneasy mix. In most states, state divorce law usually makes it best to divorce first to show a clear division of property and financial responsibilities, then filing bk. In other states, the situation can be the exact opposite. And if you live in a community property state (do you?), then that complicates things even more.

If I were you, I would talk with a good local divorce lawyer and 2-3 experienced bankruptcy lawyers in your area to get a sense of which should come first in your situation - divorce or bankruptcy.

[Flowers]

talk to a divorce attorney first - - no need to let hubby know of this meeting , this is to make sure all is to your advantage.

[AngelinaCatHub]

talk to a divorce attorney first - - no need to let hubby know of this meeting , this is to make sure all is to your advantage.

Let me clarify, this is how it works in FL but you have to go by your own state's rules, you cannot file here unless you are a resident here.

[zimbra]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Gymbo. I have been there and done that (just recently). We filed Chapter 7 in January and I filed for divorce in February. I waited until after the 341 to file for divorce - not sure if that would make a difference, but that is how it worked. I think that it is very important to talk to at least 2-3 bankruptcy and divorce lawyers.

In my situation, the bankruptcy ball had already been rolled, but I knew I couldn't keep struggling and fighting against someone who had very different money views than I did, so I went for a complete fresh start. Most of our assets were surrendered - home, RV, financed auto which made the divorce a lot easier from that perspective. I kept most of the household items and he kept the paid for pickup and boat (I financed a used car to start rebuilding). I lived in the home until I saved enough money to strike out on my own. My bankruptcy was discharged the middle of April and the divorce was final the beginning of June.

Was it tough and scary? You bet, but I am much happier and "lighter" and so are my kids. There is still stress, but it is a much different and more manageable stress. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decisions you make.

[gymbo]

Thank you!

Thanks so much to everyone - especially Zimbra. I know what I need to do but doing it is hard. I was worried about what the responses would be.

I am in Wisconsin - it is a "no fault" divorce state and I'm not sure yet about community property.

I did see a divorce lawyer last summer - and he told me it would be $2500 if everything went off without a hitch. I have talked to my husband and he is totally opposed. So much for no hitches. The $2500 was the biggest barrier at the time - and still kind of is. I explained to my husband we could file ourselves and do it for almost no money and he said no way.

[filingin08]

Gymbo,

Financially speaking it may be to your betterment to file BK first. How bills were divided doesn't matter to a creditor.

My current husband and I are unable to make payments that he is responsible for via the divorce. Creditors are now calling the ex-wife seeking payment. If filed together, a chapter 7 would give you both a fresh start. If you wait until after divorce, you may need to file a chapter 13 in order to protect yourself from things he is unable to pay (and from him suing you to make him whole in the event he does pay things you were responsible for).

Definitely talk to several attys. Even if they don't offer free consults, better to shell out a few bucks now for piece of mind.

Best.
Kelly