follow up to "what do you tell people"...another question

[applecake]

We have only told DH's brother. Other than that, we are not planning on telling anyone. My question is this:

What happens when/if our names get in the paper?

We live in a small town and it's not unlikely that our names might wind up in it when we file. Has this happened to anyone here...and how was it? What did people say to you?

[magyar123]

If anyone asks or comments on it just say "So what? I am debt free now. Are you?" And leave it at that.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Applecake, almost to the word I have heard this before. It is a business decision only and it is no one’s business but yours. I like ‘Magyars’ answer. BTW it is nothing to be ashamed of. You are fortunate as to beat the avalanche about to break due to our economic times. ‘Hub

[Chrisi18]

I live in a small town as well, and once one person in this town knows whats going on the rest of the town will know soon too. Esp. my neighbors that live across the street, I know when they see us moving they will come over and ask whats going on, but ... I figure once I tell them, it will most likely make them just as uncomfortable about the situation as I will be. It's a small price to pay for getting out of this mess. Once I move I will never have to see them again.

[BROKENN]

I have to say that this was such a relief to me that I didn't care! You are not a criminal!!

Actually, I ended up being quite surprised. I got more concern and help than I had in years!

My family understood and offered tons of help. My friends chipped in too! And told us how much they care for us. Some neighbors were nosy and arrogant but they also never had been nice to begin with! One neighbor told my DH that we were the nicest neighbors they had ever had

[Cali]

Our lives really didn't change that much, so we didn't feel the need to tell anyone anything.
When the SUV was gone everyone thought it was a lease, since I had it for 3 yrs.

[Never_Again]

Pretty much all that I have "lost" is a vehicle and a travel trailer. I have sold a couple of things as well. We should look pretty much "normal" to everyone.

Names are not published in the paper where I live. However, I do have one neighbor in particular that has seemed a bit too nosy about everything. We had a yard sale (normal thing to do when you have accumulated too much stuff,) and then had a vehicle up for sale. He came over and asked my wife, "What is going on? Are you liquidating everything? Is everything OK?"

There are plenty of people who are downsizing and liquidating things just in an attempt to get out of debt. It shouldn't seem all that unusual to someone. Some people are just busybodies, and need to get their own life.

Still, I am glad that our paper does not publish this info anymore...

[applecake]

I agree, it's a small price to pay. We're unloading $97K of bone-crushing, soul-strangling debt! Compared to the pain of living in bondage to that for the NEXT 7 years (or more), the pain of having our "secret" exposed is really nothing.

My family is the hard part for me. Since this is largely due to DH's business failing, I know my parents will hold it against him and it will make things very strained. I know they're just looking out for me, but this is as much my decision as it is his. Actually, I'm the one who brought it up as an option. My sister is a hard-core Dave Ramsey fan and I'm 99% sure she would see us doing this as a character flaw of some kind. I'm pretty close with my family and it's hard because I don't want to disappoint them.

If this were someone else asking ME for advice, I'd say, "who cares what they think?" But when it's personal, it's hard to think that way. Nevertheless, we each live our own lives and have to do what's best for our own families. For my family, this is the way to go. It breaks my heart that we can't send our 5yo to ballet lessons that she wants so much. It's scary to me that we don't have a penny of savings in case of an emergency. It makes me furious that over the last 7 years, we've paid roughly $70K on a $15K second mortgage....you know what the balance on that is today? $15K. That loan company has been more than paid back. I woke up and smelled the coffee that we are NEVER GOING TO GET OUT FROM UNDER THIS if we don't darn well say "enough is enough."

Getting off my personal soapbox now...

This forum is a lifesaver for me.

[cupcake]

Well, I completely understand because I have told only a few people: a few close friends and my employer. Unfortunately, though, because I work in the legal field and because we get the legal news that publishes all of the BK filings, my entire office will eventually figure it out.

Even though I'm four months into my six month wait before filing, I am still ashamed and I dread the day when people start finding out in a couple months. I think it would be incredibly tacky and rude for someone to approach me if they found out but I know a lot of people who are exactly that. Regardless, I got myself into this mess so its only right that I pay the price for it. Yes, I understand that it is a business decision, but I will still be judged.

[dunno]

Hub said:

. You are fortunate as to beat the avalanche about to break due to our economic times.

I cannot begin to tell you how often I have thought that to myself in the past several weeks!

[dunno]

crap - I wish that Google Ad had shown up in some other post - looks weird.

[Flamingo]

We have only told DH's brother. Other than that, we are not planning on telling anyone. My question is this:

What happens when/if our names get in the paper?

We live in a small town and it's not unlikely that our names might wind up in it when we file. Has this happened to anyone here...and how was it? What did people say to you?

Applecake - BK info in the newspaper as been discussed on here numerous times. Know that some papers print the information on a periodic basis as to BK filings and some don't. If they appear in your area paper (county in which you live), there is a good chance your names will appear under the CHapter you filed. Our paper also lists the amounts of assets and debts and the town in which the filers reside. Yes, it is an awful thing but unfortunately it is public information and allowed to be published (like marriage licenses, births, arrests, etc., etc.). Some papers print the information prominently in certain areas (ours is in our weekly Business Section right on the stock page). Note that our names never appeared probably because our Chapter 13 was put in for modification at our 341 hearing and somehow got out of being published. I watched for months afterwards but it never appeared. However, if/when yours does, don't worry about it. Most people don't read/look at that information. If someone approaches you about it, just be honest and say the business went under as many are doing and there was no other way out. Between the job losses and closing businesses, people more than ever understand BK and why it is done and how it occurs for many other reasons besides someone going crazy with credit cards.

No one understand you more than family and when a situation occurs in which a family is close, everyone puts the wagons in a circle and works it out. Family/friends for us during that time were godsends and were there at times of need - they saw us fall and were there to help get us back on our feet, emotionally and sometimes financially if we needed something we could not purchase.

The main thing from BK is to learn from the experiences of going through it and line up your life from that point on to prevent it from occurring again. This is a buy it now world or you need to have one more or one better than your neighbor world and many people will start changing their lives and habits after this economy...there are more things in life than material things....

[Mary Irene]

Best thing to do to get them to go away is to say "Yes, we are filing for bankruptcy. We may need to borrow some money from you." Trust me, they'll never talk to you again.

[hopeforus]

ugh this is something I am running into only because we have decided really quickly to up and move to Ohio to join my husband. The plan was to stay here till summer and try to sell the house then. But that won't happen. My son's van driver today asked about our house and the market and I just sounded stupid when I said "I don't know". So I just said we were giving up the house. No one really blinks really. I think with us having been jobless for a year... people understand that our expenses were survival based anyway.

I do dread moving day. Which will be in a couple weeks. Our neighbors have no idea we are going anywhere yet. So they will see us moving... come ask questions... and I guess I get to tell them that we are bringing down the house values even more for them. Yay! Ugh.

Oh well. We won't be living here to see any paper announcements or anything even.

[WoodSprite]

Applecake (and others), for what it's worth, if you live in a very small town and your BK court is in another city, the listing may appear in the city's paper rather than your local rag. That's what happened with me. We live in a tiny rural hamlet outside a fairly major college town. Even that town doesn't publish the BK listings, since there's no BK court there - the listings are published in a big city newspaper 65 miles away from where we live.