Anyone not told family they filed bk?

[okiemom2008]

We are filing chpt. 7 bk in January. My husband has no problem telling his parents that we are but I am so against telling mine. They are control freaks and have not cut the cord with me although I have tried over and over.

The house we are going to be losing is 10 miles down the road from them...Not sure how it all works though..like if it is posted in the local paper.Also, we live 10 hours away from them now and are filing here.

I already have problems with my parents in our business and it is getting so bad I just ignore their calls most of the time.

Just wondering if anyone else did not tell anyone they were filing and did it actually work? If you did tell family members did you wait until it was final or just tell them before and how did you go about it? I am thinking that if they do find out I am just going to say " I don't want to discuss this with you..This is between dh and myself"

[Flamingo]

This has been discussed numerous times on here. Have you done a search of the forums? It all seems to come down that honesty is the best policy, at least in my opinion because bankruptcy is a life event and life events are difficult to hide. Plus it is not that uncommon anymore and so what if it occurs - just say you did your best under the circumstances but the situation has gotten beyond your control and your familiy needed help. If good, close family/friends cannot understand that, they are not really good, close family/friends. Plus remember that if you do not tell them and someone in your family/friend circle finds out and tells them and they do not know, it could make it more difficult for you that you did not tell them. You know your family better than anyone else.

[dealingsdone]

The first time we went BK 8 years ago, we did NOT tell my family. As far as I know they still don't know to this day. The family lived about 5 miles away.

[jktrading]

Why bother telling them about it unless you have to? I had to tell my Mom because of a joint bank account we had together. We had to get my Mom a new account with just her name and close the account with both of our names. I didn't want to make up some story. Just don't lie, and you'll be fine.

As a father of a 19 year old, I would completely understand why my son would want to keep a bankruptcy as quiet as possible.

[MNBK7guy]

I haven't told my family and do not plan to. I have always been looked at as the responsible one, the one that doesn't mess up and I don't want to deal with all that. What they don't know won't hurt them and it is really none of their business anyway. They weren't included on any accounts or any other facet of the paperwork process, so I will not be discussing it with them.

[exhausted]

I told my father (mother is deceased), but there wasn't much he could say. He filed for 13 back in 2005 before the law changed. Not only that, I was on his checking account for emergencies and what not. Even if he hadn't filed himself, I would have to have told him.

My husband told his parents, they were very understanding and have been very supportive. Our a/c went out on one of the hottest days of summer about 12 hours after we signed the BK papers. His parents were kind enough to pay for it... that is until we are discharged.

Both of my grandmothers and both of my husband's grandmothers are still living. Neither one of them know. No one on my dad's side knows. I told my aunt (mother's sister).

My e-friends on another forum know, but none of our IRL friends do. Even if they did somehow find out, I think they all have enough class not to say anything. My best friend from childhood doesn't know, but that's because we haven't talked in a while. However, next time we talk, I'll tell her because I know she would understand. Her and her husband filed not too long ago.

[epiphany]

I have not told my family. There is no reason they need to know.

There may come a day when I will tell my brother but only because he has made a generous offer which I have yet to accept and I feel that when and if I do accept the offer, it would only be right to let him know.

I have only told one close friend, and that was only because she was considering it herself so I knew she would understand. It was nice to have one person know but I pretty much went through it alone. I am okay with that.

ep

[chloe0724]

My family was very understanding and supportive, DH's family, was just plain mean. His Mom questioned our choices and started telling us why we were where we were. Thanks for the information =(

[applecake]

We told DH's brother only because he loaned us money and we had to tell him why we had to stop payments for a while. Other than that, we're not telling either sets of parents. And I'm also not telling my sister. That is really hard because I tell her EVERYTHING else. I just know that if I told my parents, they would hold it against DH and be mad at him for "doing this to their daughter"...and if I told my sister, she'd probably give me the judgmental treatment...I love her to death but she can be pretty cut-and-dried about most issues. Our decision not to tell DH's parents is up to him and he doesn't want to - probably because Dh's father was extremely successful, his brother is extremely successful....DH feels like the "screw-up" in his family as it is. I personally don't think that's true but I can understand why he would feel that way.

[BKOnce]

No need to worry. Nobody needs to be told anymore... The whole WORLD would be financially bankrupt soon... everyone will know soon... and Google, Blogs, forums, plus Pacer would find out who & whos on BK lists??

[syn]

Since it's my dad filing no immediate family knows accept me and my mom. I don't know if my dad plans on telling my uncle for Thanksgiving and he hasn't spoken to his brother who lives in Arizona. He spoke to my half brother recently and hasn't told him just that things were "bad". My best friend knows, a couple of my mom's friends know but that's about it.


It's ultimately up to you on who you tell. It's really no ones business accept yours.

[athomas]

DH and I told his mom, but not my parents. Finally during year 4 of our 60 mo. Ch. 13 plan I told my mom. It just felt like it was time, and the conversation just went that way. she was supportive and understanding. I think it was my shame that held me back for so long, more so than my fear of their reaction. I'm still not sure if my dad knows, although I would imagine he does. I can understand not wanting to tell...I had clients discussing my BK with my former boss at my last job (after seeing it in the paper). It was embarrassing, as people who don't understand things just seemed to revel in passing judgment on us. In all honesty, it has been a huge relief to just come clean.

[Gordon]

Didn't tell anyone! Except for discussing it on this board and my lawyer, nobody knows. I think my family would be disappointed in me and my mother would worry, so I will keep it to myself.