Losing Friends in Bankruptcy

[deepin]

Riding the rollercoaster of emotions leading up to filing in the next few weeks ...

Going through a stage where I have convinced myself - that my wife and I will lose most of our friends over our bankruptcy.

Can anyone share their experiences regarding friendships?

[StartingOver08]

If they do not remain friends during your temporary financial hardship, then they were never your friends.

[dingdong]

You won't lose any friends, unless your friends are superficial weenies who don't deserve you as a friend in the first place.

I told most of my co-workers who make up the bulk of my friendships and they couldn't give a patooty that I filed.

In fact they were very impressed that I did it myself and are always asking "how is your BK going?". One of my friends is asking for advice on filing himself.

I think the whole BK stigma thing is really a huge manifestation in the filers mind. You can talk yourself into feeling bad about it, but in reality it is a business/family decision.

BK aint what it used to be! ( stigma wise) And besides, I think I look pretty hot wearing nothing but a barrel around my bod!


IF someone came up to you and stated they filed BK, would you judge them and think they are deadbeat losers or would you think --hey they are going through some tough times, hope things get better for them.

It is not a Scarlet letter, and besides, who is going to know unless you tell them or if your area publishes in the paper and some very bored person happens to read the legal notices?

Don't worry about it, there are much more important things to worry about than someone you know finding out you filed.

And besides, you have all of us "friends" here in BK forum to keep you busy and lend you an ear. We are not going to drop you because you filed!

[LuciluS]

We haven't even filed Yet (was going to be Dec. 08, but Attorney was wrong in some areas). However, I've told several of our church members including our Pastor.

They have been so supportive. Our church has a food pantry and a clothing store. All of them have told us if we need food, clothes, bedding etc. just go into the locations and get what we need. We've not done so, because once we quit paying our Credit Cards we are squeezing by each month.

I haven't told my 89 yr. old father as he is a worry wart and he and my stepmom are not in the best of health. I'm sure, when we do file, they will see it in the State newspaper. At least, we will have filed and can explain to him, it was a business decision Hubby and I had to make and did not want to borrow any money from him.

I lost a lot of friends many years ago when I left my first husband of 32 1/2 yrs. of marriage. It didn't take me long to realize they weren't my friends to begin with as I am much happier, back in a wonderful church family and Gee, several of them have divorced since then.

Losing Friends is the least of your worries. When they find out, just say it was a Business Decision that Had To Be Done. Dingdong hit on the nail. With the economy like it is, the 'Stigma' of Bankruptcy is not what it used to be.

And Yes, you have this Forum to ask questions, research and VENT if you need to. This forum has been a GodSend for me as I am the one dealing with all the paperwork involved. Hubby makes the money and I handle the paperwork.

So, please don't worry about losing Friends. They weren't your friends to begin with if they are not there to support you in 'time of need'.

Luci

[keepmine]

Keep your personal life to yourself. The only one who knows I filed is my wife.
None else needs to know at this point in my life.

[WorkingItOut]

While I agree that if they reject you after filing BK then they were never friends, I don't see why you need to tell them anything anyway. I haven't told a soul other than my parents and brother. Not one friend or distant relative knows.

[OhioFiler]

Deepin,

Your post concerns me. I hope your mental health is okay. You may need to pursue counseling if you are dealing with such low esteem issues. Please talk with someone you trust or pay your doctor a visit.

[LuciluS]

OhioFiler brings up a good Point and is only concerned.

I remember last September when I finally realized I couldn't keep paying all of our debts. I faxed our Income and Expenses to a Credit Counseling Agency. The next day, we had a telephone conversation and he said see a Lawyer as soon as possible.

So, met with a Attorney two days later and he said definitely a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. I didn't even know what a Chapter 7 was. I came home and cried for days. My husband happen to find this forum and I began researching day and night. I'm disabled so have the time. I joined and started asking questions.

My GP did put me on an Anti-Depressant as I was unable to sleep; however, only took them for 7 days as Druggist told me the Anti-D could cause strokes because I take morphine 3 times a day.

Don't feel 'to proud' to discuss this with your doctor if you or your significant other are having health problems, mental or physical, and get a prescription just to get you through the process.

Join in on the discussions in this forum. It sure has helped my Mental State just knowing We aren't 'Bad People'. We have humongous medical bills and our monthly prescriptions are $450 a month and that is with medical/prescription insurance.

Luci

[deepin]

Ohiofiler

I appreciate your concern.

We are considering counseling.

[dingdong]

Try to focus on your post BK life and being debt free instead of what lead up to the BK.

You are going to be ok.

In a few short months all of this is going to be behind you. Sure your credit will suck for a while, but you are going to learn to live within your means and really what is important is your family/food and a roof over your head. All that other crap we buy just isn't important.


Are you healthy, are your kids healthy ( if you have some) can you feed them and keep them safe?

IF so, you are doing a great job at surviving and things are going to get better.

BK is just a little blip on the radar screen of your life. Focus on the good stuff in your life.

[Flamingo]

Riding the rollercoaster of emotions leading up to filing in the next few weeks ...

Going through a stage where I have convinced myself - that my wife and I will lose most of our friends over our bankruptcy.

Can anyone share their experiences regarding friendships?

Deepin - what you are feeling is totally normal. You will NOT lose good friends by going through a BK. If you lose any friends at all, it is those who looked at you as a financial source and when the spigot stops, they go away. Or if you cannot go out as much due to lack of funds, they just stop coming around. Friends like that you don't need. Good friends will bring over the movies, popcorn or board games or organize dinners where all can get together and carry on good times and friendship. Turn the tables and think what you would think/feel if it was your good friends going through this and not you. That will give you some idea.

[Flowers]

deepin - maybe you need better sleep. Possibly consider a sleep medication from your GP.

I know I lost friends in a divorce, but that is another matter.
During the BK I was always tight on funds, and was unable to go out or hang out like I used to with some friends. Maybe that is what you mean?
Anyway, i hope things go better for you and that you and your wife will get thru this. I know you will.

You've got a great bunch of folks here who are willing to listen and sort thru any questions or concerns you might have.

[spearmint]

I don't care if I lose friends when I file. If I do, they weren't worth it anyway. However, I doubt that I will lose any as they either understand or are in the same boat themselves.

[floridian]

as the old saying goes," the best revenge is to live well...... because if you dont it will just prove to them they were right about you"!

[BigJohn]

We have a business and since we have filed, nothing changed but then we didn't tell anybody but my mother and my sister. The way I look at it, it isn't anybody's business.