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    I'm a wreck

    Thus the log on name.

    This BK has been a long-time coming. Haven't filed yet. Need moral support. I'm a wreck. I don't sleep at night, I worry all the time, I cry, A LOT.

    Last time I even cared to look the cc debt (unsecured, all of it) was around $64k. It wasn't that to start with. In fact, I don't even know what it was to start with, I gave up a long time ago, even trying to care.

    This all started for us, around 06 when the economy began it's tank, in the real estate market, and has continued tanking ever since, and only gotten worse. I know that for the longest, likely back in 2007 and then some, I hung on, with reduced income and did the best I could to stay one step ahead of all the minimums.

    But soon, one hiccup or another, as is always the case. I just gave up. What was the point. I no longer had the money to pay any of the creditors. Can't remember precisely what point in time, I threw in the towel on paying them. But I can tell you that I began getting phone calls, and that's how I've lived for a LONG TIME. Being chased, by CA's.

    Did I think I could ignore them forever? No, I'm not that stupid. I guess I was being pollyanna-ish and hoping the income situation would improve. It hasn't.

    What finally got my attention, was a summons from one of the creditors. I owe them $8k (and that's only one of em). No, it wasn't $8k to begin with, I don't really recall, somewhere likely around $5k, but now with interest upon interest upon more interest it was up to $8k. I don't have a hope or prayer of paying that, or any of the others. I called to see if they would work out a payment plan, and the oh-so-generous foreigner informed me that they would take a one-time settlement payment of $3800.

    Gee, how kind. If I had $38 I'd be, doing good. Much less $3800. In the end, they did go for a payment arrangement of $184 monthly. So that set me on the course, to calling all of the creditors, (there are,..........I now see, now that I'm no longer ignoring, 23 in all).

    BofA, wanted $250 monthly to keep from taking me to court, against a $13k balance. Several others demanded upwards of almost $200. And some of the others, were gracious enough to only accept a nominal $50, $35, $25, ..... as long as I would allow withdrawal from my ckg account monthly.

    So that's what I did. Ahh, but I never did get to all of the creditors, not all of them. Because you see, once all was said and done with respect to agreements with various creditors, I was signed on to the tune of $1200 (and a large chunk of that thru automatic debit from my ckg account monthly). There are still probably another 6 or 7 that I need to phone and make arrangements with. But you see, we are now into our 3rd month of this "arrangement" with the creditors I did manage to connect with, and I'm realizing, full-front-on, why it is that I fell into default to begin with.

    I DON'T HAVE THE INCOME THAT I USED TO HAVE WHEN ALL THIS DEBT WAS ORIGINALLY ACCRUED.

    And no, none of this debt was incurred by taking lavish vacations, haven't been on a vacation in years. Anywhere, not even across town. No big screen tv's, or fast sports cars, or sumptuous jewelry here. Nope. It was all accrued beginning around in 2006 when the economy began to take and our income was taking a major hit.

    No we're not in real estate. We own our own business, trades/construction related. Anything in the development/building industry has been in the tank and for a long time, and particularly in my state. One of the harder hit markets for real estate and job loss. Oh, but I guess, at some point in the past, hope sprang eternal. Hoped for a better day. As owners of our own business, we had always been thru lulls, slumps, but it always picked back up eventually. Not this time it hasn't. It's only gotten worse, a lot worse.

    I don't even know where to begin to even get a handle on all of this. I am like a robot, a sad robot. I go thru everyday just rote function. There is no more fun in my life, at all. Can't afford fun, what's that. Fun, that costs money. I don't have that. Fun for me, these days, is a get-together with my close family and for that I'm so eternally grateful, they all live close by. None can help financially, they're all in the same boat, unfortunately.

    I did consult with an atty, and of course, my head swims from what was said. He talked about Chapter 7, Chapter 13. From what I can gather, it looks as though our income would likely bring us to Chapter 13. And of course, that causes panic in me. We are self-employed. I live my life day-to-day, not knowing whether I'm going to make a mortgage payment this month, much less, being able to pay creditors. One thing to promise the sun and moon to creditors that are hounding you and deducting from your ckg account, you can always go close the account, if you run short (haven't had to do that, but this is only month 3, and we will likely have to do so this month, don't have the approximate $1200 needed for all the creditors to deduct their allotments).

    Quite another to say to a trustee of a Federal BK courts, "oh gee, ya know work has really been off this month, you know that $____________, I'm supposed to pay this month, towards my Chapter 13, I don't have it". Which is a very real possibility that we live, daily.

    We do own our own home, (can you tell my head is swimming with it all, I'm so defeated). But as best I can tell, likely upside down in it, by about $30k to $40k, in this real estate downturn, and no, no 2nd mtg, just a primary mtg. Don't really know. I know that homes in my area are for sale for about that price, but aren't selling. I can't tell you when a home has sold in this area. We would like to hang onto our home, and are current with our $1500 monthly mortgage. Somehow in all of this, and through MUCH sacrifice, of no social life, no new clothes, no going out to eat, no nothing at all, ever, either dh or myself, or our daughter, we have managed to keep the mortgage current, all throughout. I live in sheer terror though, that it won't continue. I do want to hang onto the house. I don't want to let it go into foreclosure. I have faith that property values will return, eventually. And so I don't want to let go of it. And besides that rent around here, isn't much cheaper. So why give up the home that I pay, about the same amount I'd have to pay, to live somewhere, and it would be "renting".

    I just feel so defeated. Like I described above, a sad robot. I feel so alone. I feel so sad, most of the time. I stay on the verge of tears almost all the time, and it doesn't take much to push me over that threshold. But I fight it, a LOT. Who wants to live with a sadsack. Yes, dh is living this too, but he has outlets (hobbies) that are very cheap, and he does get "out" and away from all this misery from time-to-time. Myself? My fault I haven't cultivated a hobby/escape from it all. I know that. But I haven't. I spent a whole lot of years being a SAHM, and was the bestest of the best at it. Kids are all but grown and gone, all but one. She's a 17 yo. I went and got a job, the only one I could find, a part-time job, outside the home. Doesn't pay squat, but it does provide our health insurance, which is a true blessing that so many don't have this day and age, and I'm so thankful for it. But it's all I can do to muster myself out the door on most days, and into that little part-time job, to go be participatory in life, when my whole world is crumbling around my feet. And that's exactly how it feels to me. How to pull one's self up by the boot straps and DO what needs doing. Get the required rec'ds together and drag one's self to a BK atty, and get the ball rolling? When you are just almost paralyzed with defeatism.

    Our cars are paid for. Daughter has a clunker of a 1995 Toyota. Dh has a 2003 p/up truck, that he utilizes to continue to try to eek out a living as a skilled-trades worker in this horrible economy. I have a 2004 GMC SUV. All paid for. Those are ALL that we own, that's it. No property, no stocks, no retirement, no savings, nothing. That's it.

    And we're both early 50's. Our lives are impossibly wrecked at this point.

    And it all seems so hopeless.

    #2
    I am not sure where to start. Let me say that nobody wanted to file BK, and we all stressed about the tough decisions we've made. In many ways, making the decision is the toughest part.

    That being said, your post mentions many times about your nerves. (wreck, panic, hopeless, etc...) Honestly, you might need to see a doctor to help you get through this. If you are feeling so overwhelmed (as it seems to me), you will be unable to process, digest and get through this mess that clearly needs to be cleaned up. Once you get a grip on the emotional side of this, then you can begin to make the decisions needed to clean it up.

    Perhaps BK is in your best interest, but getting through the panic of it all is the first step. Then make a list of questions, and revisit the attorney (or see another one).

    I wish you the best, and try to remember...take one day at a time. There is no point in stressing out about tomorrow. Deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

    :-)
    8-07-09-filed Chapter 7
    11-18-09-DISCHARGED!!

    Life is not what challenges you face, but how you face those challenges.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by areck View Post
      Quite another to say to a trustee of a Federal BK courts, "oh gee, ya know work has really been off this month, you know that $____________, I'm supposed to pay this month, towards my Chapter 13, I don't have it". Which is a very real possibility that we live, daily.
      Hi..please relax, there are a lot of people going thru the same thing. Just tell yourself "everything will be alright". I think your best bet is to file Chapter 13.

      I have heard that a trustee would allow you to skip payments under special circumstances, for example, a reduced income, or unexpected expense such as "medical bills" etc..etc.. you can verify that with the attorney you talked to!! Good Luck!

      Comment


        #4
        Don't feel so bad. All of us got into debt with the best of intentions of repayment of our debt. But, this horrible economy has reared it's ugly head and people are suffering. You are merely one of them. We all faced that agonizing decision you are facing now. The BK laws were put into place to give people a fresh start and you desperately need that fresh start. Look for a good attorney and see if you can file a Chapter 7 if you meet the means test. And stop feeling so bad about it. If our government can spend billions bailing the banks out, then why should you feel bad about using those same laws for your own personal "bail-out" ? I know I felt the same way, but I didn't create this economy, I was just trying to deal with it. Do what you have to do to survive.

        Comment


          #5
          Similar situation here. Started about two years ago. Had alot of small balances on cc's, but had a lot of them. Lost hours at work, wife changed jobs due to downsizing, no lavish living, just trying to make ends meet. Used cc's to pay for insurances, medical care and food for a family of four when the paychecks couldn't cover it anymore. Struggled for a year like this. Paycheck to paycheck. Liquidated all savings and one 401k just to keep up with the minimum jacked up payments on the stupid cc's. Then my credit lines were cut and credit score tanked. I coudn't get a loan for a cup of coffee. I was beating myself up and watching my family suffer for our financial short comings. This was not totally our fault. Yeah we shouldn't have got into the credit trap, but most middle class families do. Finally filed in July and breathed a sigh of relief. There was light at the end of the tunnel and it wasn't a freight train! I wasn't killing myself anymore to make ends meet. The debt we had would not have been paid for in two lifetimes only making minimum payments. My only regret is not filing sooner and sparing myself and family needless stress. If you are considering bk do it and do it now for your own health and peace of mind. It is financially a tool for you to use. Don't feel guilty or ashamed.
          Filed July 2009. Discharged 08/08/2014. Awaiting closing. We made it !!!! Woo-hoo!

          Comment


            #6
            our situation is similar to yours, self employed construction industry, fluctuating income, slump in business, using cards to cover basic living needs, always with the intention of turning it around, when business picked up. I also ran the whole gamut of emotion, sleepless nights, worry, self deprivation and tears.

            This Forum is a godsend! the best thing to do now is to spend some time here, read and educate yourself on what your options might be, and try to take the emotion out of it. If you need moral support, this is a great place. everyone here has been through the wringer in one way or another, and there are some very heartwarming stories about how much better their lives are now.

            this is a business decision, and you must do what is going to be the best thing for your own peace of mind, and your family's future. Your lives are NOT wrecked, and it is not hopeless. it is a temporary situation, and you can and will get out of it, one way or another.

            I have a consultation with an attorney tomorrow morning. I'm hoping to go for chapter 7.

            If ever you would like to correspond by private message with me you can. Our circumstances sound very similar, and we might be able to compare notes
            Marie

            Comment


              #7
              We all understand the pain and the panic believe me. And I understand the age issue, we are 60, so this is really tough. I think at night sometimes that we will never have the time to earn anything back and life is over with. But then I slap myself, after viewing this board, and realize that I CAN DO THIS. What you need to do it talke to more than one attorney until your sure of who to use. Then, take a strong sip of wine and put one foot in front of the other. Do something you love, like hiking or something to build yourself back up physically..... My plan is to out live them all on Wall street and making my way back up so I can live a little bit comfortable... lol

              Comment


                #8
                Hi there Areck,

                $64k in C'Cards? Hell, that's nothing, we have just over $100,000 And no, we have not been sued yet. I told them "go ahead, there's nothing to take".

                Bank of America.. hhmm we have a Mastercard with them with a $28,000 balance, they were the worst to deal with. Could not let us reduce payments, so they got nothing. They have sent our account to 3 collection agencies so far...

                This is NOT hopeless and your lives are far from ruined. You still have your home, 2 cars, your health. This is just a temporary money problem. Try to see BK as a tool for you to use to start again. It is your constitutional right to file BK. Big deal. In a few years you will be saying "why didn't I do it sooner?"

                You need to step in and take control of the situtation. Stop paying the creditors TODAY. Their threats of "taking you to court" are usually hollow. Tell then to go look up Zillow and check your house value and then check your credit report and see how much your mortgage is!! You have to remember their scare and bullying tactics are how they get people to pay up.

                PLEASE change your bank accounts asap. Tell the old bank you want all direct debits stopped then close it.

                Then seek out at least 3 BK attorneys and make appointments with them ASAP. Pick the one that lays it all out best for you, not the one that blows smoke up your @*#.

                Retain him/her and then call all your creditors back and tell them this "I need to let you know I have retained an attorney and have commenced Chapter 7 bankruptcy proceedings. All communication must now go through my attorney. His phone number is ... and his name is..... thank you and good bye." Do not go any further. You will not hear from them again. You do not have to tell them you are filing a 13, you do not need to tell them when you are filing. It is none of their business.

                Everyone has taken a huge hit financially in this economy. Everyone is hurting, even the ones that look fine from the outside.

                My ONLY regret is we didn't file a lot sooner. We have not paid $100,000 in CC debt since February 2009 and we have just retained an attorney and plan to file in January. Should have filed a LONG time ago and saved a lot of stress. Actually the only reason we are filing now is the creeps starting calling my DH work, which is a NO-NO..!! Filing just to stop the calls and now as revenge for them over stepping their bounds. Now they will get NOTHING.
                Stopped paying c. cards February 2009
                Retained attorney 11/5/09 - $100k in C.Card debt - $120000 per year income - Filed Feb 2010 - 341 Apr 2010 - No Asset Case/Report of No Dist Apr 2010 - Discharged June 2010
                Case went without a hitch!
                I HELD MY HEAD HIGH IN THAT COURTROOM AND NOW I AM MOVING ON!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Welcome areck! First, it is not the end of the world; one poster offers a suggestion I have, after going through all the emotional stuff myself several years ago; call your family doctor, get an apt. and advise him you are going through severe financial issues at the moment - whether you know it or know you are suffering from anxiety and/or depression from a major life event...It is nothing to be ashamed of and will help you cope and get your affairs in order.

                  Secondly, as hard as it is to do, you will need to come to terms with something because you will only get further in debt as time goes on. You need to get a handle on things in order to get this behind you because it doesn't solve itself.

                  As advised by others above, make a few more consultatoin appointments. Put together a COMPLETE listing of all your monthly payments, bills showing full amounts owing, sources of income, recent paystubs, listing of assets and copies of your most recent state and federal tax returns. Take all that with you. Depending on factors as to your income, debts, assets and state in which you reside, you will be more fully informed as to what you need to do to get back on track.

                  Best of luck to you and remember it is not the end of the world. I was in ssad shape myself in 2001 and 2002 trying not to file and all we did was get further in debt trying not to. Once you have more solid information on what you can and cannot do, you will feel better and know where to start.
                  _________________________________________
                  Filed 5 Year Chapter 13: April 2002
                  Early Buy-Out: April 2006
                  Discharge: August 2006

                  "A credit card is a snake in your pocket"

                  Comment


                    #10
                    [QUOTE=calgirl67;349829]Hi there Areck,


                    You need to step in and take control of the situtation. Stop paying the creditors TODAY. Their threats of "taking you to court" are usually hollow. Tell then to go look up Zillow and check your house value and then check your credit report and see how much your mortgage is!! You have to remember their scare and bullying tactics are how they get people to pay up.

                    PLEASE change your bank accounts asap. Tell the old bank you want all direct debits stopped then close it.

                    Then seek out at least 3 BK attorneys and make appointments with them ASAP. Pick the one that lays it all out best for you, not the one that blows smoke up your @*#.



                    I live in a state where they can garnish your wages. That's all I need. I'm already hanging on by a mere thread. I already had one creditor summon me, and I had 20 days to answer to the summons. I opted to make payment arrangements. Payment arrangements that I am now finding, I'm incapable of living up to. They already got the ball rolling, so to speak, towards a court matter on it. I don't know how long it would take them to get from that stage to the stage of an actual, in front of a judge, hearing, and a judgement and from that to a wage garnishment order.

                    And I don't presently have the money to file BK.

                    As to dealing with creditors and telling them of my mtg. vs. income. I had one them actually tell me to skip a couple of housepayments. Now yes, maybe they think I'm stupid for letting myself wrack up $64k in cc debt, but I'm not that stupid. And the same woman also told me (pulled out of thin air), that she sees that my house is worth $271k, and that I only owe $173k, maybe I could borrow against my house. HUH!??!?!?! I can't borrow enough money at this point to buy a jug of milk, much less tens of thousands to pay down cc debt, and against a house that is worth nowhere NEAR what she said. I'd like to know where she pulled that figure from. Idiot. That infuriated me.

                    That particular oh so pleasant person was a CA for a dept store. I think I owed just at $1k. I wouldn't agree to what they wanted, which was a payment of $100/mo, deducted from my acct. I was prepared to offer them $35/mo. She wouldn't budge. She said she was referring it to their legal dept. Next call I got was from some official sounding person in the pre-legal dept. (likely just up the hall from the other bimbo I just talked to days before). That person authorized a settlement of $384. Which I did manage to pay. And got a debt settlement letter.

                    I'm going to for the time-being, read and read here and read some more. Maybe I'll glean some encouragement and moral support.

                    Thanks to all who responded so kindly. I feel, already, a bit better. But as I'm sure all can relate, it comes in waves. The overwhelmingness of it all.

                    Comment

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