Missing the first payments...

[JEM]

I really really thought I was ok with this--but by week's end we'll be missing our first payments and I've found myself being pretty "emotional" this week. Cranky, moody, sad, angry. The entire range of emotions.

I'm sure it's because it's the "first" payments we'll be missing--but wow, I thought I'd feel more relieved like I did when we resolved that this was the only option we had. The closer "going late" gets, the more anxious I feel.

Normal??

[klandsb]

Yea, it stinks but I actually felt GUILTY for not paying at first. Dont worry it goes away really quick ... I try and look at it as there fault I am in this mess... Say things to yourself like hey they gave me to much money in the first place, then they up'd my interest rates and yada ,yada. Get the picture !! Then to top it off the CEO's of the companies make more money in a year then I will make in a lifetime. The credit card companies are making a fortune off of people who do pay so dont feel guilty. At tax time they will write off your debt and probally get some really good tax break for doing so.. Hope my soapbox rant helped ya a little !!!

[Faust]

I getting to that point where I just can't make payments anymore even if I wanted. But I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. I have trouble breathing and I feel paniced. It's not a good feeling.

[doingpoorly]

I think it is totally normal. I know I went through it when I missed my first credit card payments and even though I am newly discharged I am still having anxious feelings about missing my first mortgage payment that will occur on the 1st of Dec. ( we had planned to reaffirm but they never sent the papers and we have since changed our mind ....they can have the house, I no longer want it ! )

[DeadManCrawling]

This is a normal reaction that I think most of us have been through. Time will make it better, and having a little more money to use on necessary items isn't bad, either.

I believe the worst thing you can do, though, is to answer the phone calls. You may have to answer once, just to confirm your name, so they don't call friends and family. You can usually get away with very clearly stating your name on your voicemail message.

But feelings of guilt and anxiety are normal. No one looks forward to taking that last step off a seemingly infinite cliff. But the fall is shorter than most of us think. And the relief is coming soon.

[marie]

I getting to that point where I just can't make payments anymore even if I wanted. But I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. I have trouble breathing and I feel paniced. It's not a good feeling.

I go through phases of panic, followed by phases of " what the heck - its only numbers on paper "

If I ever actually get to a 341 I think my heart will jump out of my chest.

on the 2 consultations I have had so far I have been tearful and upset to have to discuss how we got to where we are now.

[debtsucks]

I went through the same thing, until the phone calls started coming in, and then it went to getting REALLY annoyed, especially when you see the same number pop up on caller id about 15 times in a day. I also made sure that my voicemail stated mine and husbands first and last name clearly. From what I know and I am sure I will be corrected if I am wrong, that if the creditors knowingly have the correct contact number for you it is against the law for them to contact a third party. Hang in there. This will all pass.

[MSbklawyer]

I really really thought I was ok with this--but by week's end we'll be missing our first payments and I've found myself being pretty "emotional" this week. Cranky, moody, sad, angry. The entire range of emotions.

I'm sure it's because it's the "first" payments we'll be missing--but wow, I thought I'd feel more relieved like I did when we resolved that this was the only option we had. The closer "going late" gets, the more anxious I feel.

Normal??

Yes, perfectly normal. Despite what the credit card companies made their bought and paid for Senate believe when they passed this BAPCPA bill, most people do want to pay their obligations.

Look, your creditors don't give a damn whether you clear your obligations with them or not. If they did, they would stop the interest and penalties and lawyer fees and give you a chance to pay the principle back. What they want, really, is to put you on a treadmill where you run as fast as you can paying them back but never really reduce your balance. Modern day slavery.

Look at bankruptcy relief -- what little is left of it, as your way off the plantation.

[whipster1]

This is a business decision. Take the emotion away from it as well as you can. It was tough but after it is over you will kick yourself for not stopping the payments sooner.

Change the phone number now if you have not done so, or hook up the answering machine as stated above. You don't need to talk with anyone that wants your money.

[tkharvey]

Yes, very normal emotions. It went totally against our nature NOT to pay our bills. We were always diligent about paying on time. This stage you're in was the very worst for us. It will get much better, though, trust me! You will soon realize there is light at the end of the tunnel. Truly.

We went strictly cellular and took out our landline. I love the quietness of no harassing calls (and they never called my friends or family either). "Whipster" was right. This is a business decision. No one set out to purposely rip anyone off. My only regeret was not filing BK sooner.

[JEM]

Thanks everyone.

I think it's just amplified because I know the calls will be horrendous over the holidays.

I have a question about clearly stating our name on the answering machine in hopes to keep the calls at work or to family from happening.

My husband has a work required fax set up to our home phone, if we don't pick it up within a few rings, it automatically goes to the fax. He only needs the fax first thing in the morning. Should I have him turn the fax off--and let the answering machine pick it up during the day?

Our first creditor that we will be going late with is USAA--I don't know why this bugs me more than going late with our other creditors, but it does.
I was officially late on one of my CC payments to them today (I thought it was tomorrow), so I can assume the calls will start tomorrow.

The sad thing is...it's going to take us--according to my math--almost a full month to "catch back up"--even with us NOT paying any of our CC's. We just got that far behind. So it's not like next week we will "magically have money" for all of the necessities, it will still be tight for a few weeks.

[Faust]

I don't know about your fax issue but I hear you on being behind. Thanksgiving is at our house every year and I have just enough money to buy the food.

[DeadManCrawling]

MSBKLawyer makes the best point, and one I tell myself and my friends often:

This debt machine IS a treadmill. From birth to death, we are taught that we MUST have the best things money can buy. We are AMERICANS, by God. We DESERVE the best. We have EARNED it.

BUT, how the heck do we pay for it? CREDIT!!

Indoctrinated at a young age, our people walk into this morale-shredding, slave-making machine. We run on the treadmill, ever faster, trying to keep up with it. We are taught that THIS is the American Dream. No, it is a nightmare. We are taught that if we are responsible and ethical (that is, we pay off this endless cycle of debt), one day we will OWN OUR HOMES!!

Whoopee!

You, too, can own a McMansion like I do. Sign on the dotted line and give BoA the rest of your LIFE! Some day in 30-40 years, you will have paid 2 million for a house you thought you were buying for 500k. Only thing is, the interest payments are quadruple the principle. How the hell is this even legal? Whoever thought up this atrocity of an accounting method, and those who adhere to it, should be taken out to the wall and shot in the head. It truly is criminal.

No, your duty is to yourself and your family. If more of us woke up, threw off the shackles of BK stigma, and did right by our families, this might end.

But we have been taught, since oh so young, that good people pay their debts. Sadly, the companies on the other end of this unbalanced equation are not held to that standard and get a free ride (and tax money) while they strangle the people.

/rant

Sorry, didn't see that one coming, but it's true.

I feel for you and wish you and your family the best.

-dmc

[frogger]

MSBKLawyer makes the best point, and one I tell myself and my friends often:

This debt machine IS a treadmill. From birth to death, we are taught that we MUST have the best things money can buy. We are AMERICANS, by God. We DESERVE the best. We have EARNED it.

BUT, how the heck do we pay for it? CREDIT!!

Indoctrinated at a young age, our people walk into this morale-shredding, slave-making machine. We run on the treadmill, ever faster, trying to keep up with it. We are taught that THIS is the American Dream. No, it is a nightmare. We are taught that if we are responsible and ethical (that is, we pay off this endless cycle of debt), one day we will OWN OUR HOMES!!

Whoopee!

You, too, can own a McMansion like I do. Sign on the dotted line and give BoA the rest of your LIFE! Some day in 30-40 years, you will have paid 2 million for a house you thought you were buying for 500k. Only thing is, the interest payments are quadruple the principle. How the hell is this even legal? Whoever thought up this atrocity of an accounting method, and those who adhere to it, should be taken out to the wall and shot in the head. It truly is criminal.

No, your duty is to yourself and your family. If more of us woke up, threw off the shackles of BK stigma, and did right by our families, this might end.

But we have been taught, since oh so young, that good people pay their debts. Sadly, the companies on the other end of this unbalanced equation are not held to that standard and get a free ride (and tax money) while they strangle the people.

/rant

Sorry, didn't see that one coming, but it's true.

I feel for you and wish you and your family the best.

-dmc

That was a great post!

[walkthaplank]

After your first real collection agency call you'll lose any guilt you ever felt on the matter and probably trade that in on some anger at yourself for ever feeling the guilt. I would have been more than happy to slash our budget to nothing in order to pay off our debts, and had my creditors all agreed to that I would be doing that, but like MSBKlawyer says, they don't want you to pay it off, they just want you to pay forever.

I would start talking to BK lawyers now and get a plan in place. Good luck... lose the guilt!