Not a rhetorical question

[PacificBlue]

Seeing a lawyer at 4:00 today we hope is "the one". (who will champion our case for us well enough to sustain life. We are about 10k over the means test). However, After reading my eyes out on this site and across the web about BK laws, we fall nothing short of being at the mercy of the BK court for Oregon.

One of my oncologist gave us great news yesterday on my 6 month bone scan. clean, no new shadows. However, they did find "something" else that I have to go back in for more tests on. It's a never ending roller coaster that has your stomach in knots, sleepless nights, fatigue, anxiety, cold sweats, and on and on and on.

Being financially challenged at the same time, yet being over the means test is adding stress I really do not need. I'm tired and I'm scared, yet fighting with every ounce of my being there is to try and balance it all out.

I need to give this over to an attorney I can put some hope in that he knows how the laws will work in my favor. But it's really up to the BK court if my expenses are justified in the end. My expenses for this cancer I'm fighting are high, for prescribe and non prescribe medical and medical supplies not covered under insurance. I'm told this cancer is going to get me, but not with out a long hard fight from me.

Isn't strange to know how a BK court could actually be handing out a death sentence by rejecting the expenses? What does anyone's life mean to them? What would anyone pay for one more day on this earth to watch a fav tv show, to play one more game with grand kids, to say good night one more time to their wife, to walk their dogs one more time through the park, to enjoy one more sun set, eat one more candy bar... what's it worth? Is it that 10K over?

[forgotten]

If it makes you feel any better medical expenses are allways allowed no matter how high as long as you can prove it is what you actually spend.

If those expenses go up a modifcation due to increased medical expenses also should not be difficult.

I am putting $5k/year in to my flexible speding account and have another $200/mo above and beyond that for medical expenses. There were no issues.

Best of luck to you, I wish you the best!

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Forgotten. We are trying to put the maximum amount away we can for this issue. It's not only the current, but the projected expenses of this ugliness. We hope the Oregon BK court can agree on this matter, as it's not something I'm willing to "lay down and die over" now and in the future if I have no money left over for treatment that could mean life or death.

When it comes to be we are before the court and if they wont allow my legitimate expenses on this issue, (current and projected) and it becomes a fight for life, every local, and distance news station and news paper across the nation that will listen will know.

[Michigan1951]

Stay here, and keep talking it out. Pray, and never give up. Your story is sad, but you seem like a fighter!! I am not going to say good luck. That's not enough right now to me. I will pray for you. Others may join me..............

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Michigain1951.

Two and half years ago when we first heard the words "it's cancer" I started praying, and have not stopped once. I was cancer free for 14 months after the surgery, radiation treatments and medical meds. I still had to go in every 3 months for tests, as I was told it will come back (60% chance), and it would be bad.

We were paying bills, enjoying life and incomes letters from our CC companies. (Like everyone else, we are no different there) Raised our mim payments past what we could afford. (NO medical was put on the cards, and we stopped using them months ago anyway).

That same month my 3 month scan for cancer showed a spike, 30 days later it had doubled, 30 days later it had doubled again. It had came back, and it was even stronger this time. We were still paying all bills but going down fast. We tried for 4 months to keep up, but it came down to this month. December something had to change. Either the CC bills were going to get paid, or I was going to get the medical supplies and medicine we needed. With a gut pulling ache we bought my medical supplies, and put the bills aside.

I don't expect a free lunch, or ever wanted one. (don't think they would taste the same to me if I didn't earn it) This is a different situation. I'm not asking for our money for HOB, or Cable TV, or even to dine out fancy and free. I'm asking that I be allowed to focus on my health, and devote disposable income (isn't that a strange word.. "disposable income") to fighting for life. To help ease the burden that's going to hit my wife sooner or later.

She is the bread winner in our family, and has to push even when she isn't feeling 100%. I try to not be such a pain to her. Anyone who is helping someone with cancer is a saint. There are times when I don't tell her, or ask her for something. I try not to worry her anymore then the load she is already carrying.

[PacificBlue]

Well, I had to mention "free lunch" in that last post. I skipped breakfast this morning (was a little nauseous from my meds). I made a cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch, and yummy did it look good. I took one bite and the phone rings...

It was my oncologist I seen yesterday. She said Have you eaten anything today? Nope, just on my first bite. She said "NO, don't eat! I have you scheduled for 3:30 tomorrow for your test to see what is going on". (what showed up yesterday on the scan). Only drink clear liquids for the rest of the day, and tomorrow as well. She said I need to come to the hospital right now and pick up the premeds for tomorrow.

See, that's the sort of thing you don't plan for, but is a necessity for life with cancer. The Oncology dept is at the hospital across town. That's an extra trip meaning gas spent I didn't plan for, and thank God she is giving me the premeds, or that would be another expense.

[JEM]

I pray you get some good news after tomorrow's tests.

I can't imagine the stress you are under, not only dealing with health issues, but also bankruptcy at the same time.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks JEM. There are just days when it all comes crashing down at the same time. The up's and downs of trying to do the right thing, trying to do the best thing, and trying to live as normal life as possible, is difficult to say the least.

Where I don't feel as bad as I thought we would is towards the CC companies. I don't blame them for our mess, just adding such expenses and rates when we have never even been late on a payment. (Not to mention, the timing couldn't have been any worst, as that's the same time the cancer came back).

Talking with the lawyer yesterday made us feel a lot better. We believe he (one out of 10 we spoke with) will aid us through this. We got our packet from him and will fill in all the blanks and meet again next week or so. The stress relief of that helps, but it's not over, til its over we know.

He said, there are hardship cases and we certainly qualify for it. Just running the numbers (and what he included) on a rough is very livable if we go a 13. But... a 7 isn't totally out of the question. When we get more precise on our numbers next week we will know.

He did say, a retainer is due when we come back with our paper work. I said, and it will be paid AFTER viewing our expenses and giving us the numbers. I offered to pay for that hour, or how ever long it takes, and he said no, after is fine.

Hungry in the pacific northwest. (after my 3:30 test today, I'm going to the first Carl's Jr I see and get the biggest hamburger on the menu, and yeah.. I want fries with that!

[forgotten]

I have an idea to throw out there...

See if you can get your lawyer to argue extenuating circumstances to allow you in to a 7. Is it likely you may not be able to work the next 5 years, or that your medical expenses are so high and variable that it is more than likely every penny of your current DMI will go toward future medical payments in the next 5 years?

Worst case you loose the argument and convert to a 13. That may get you more legal fees however.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Forgotten.

We did kind of touch on that yesterday. My wife is the bread winner in our family, and it sort of ties together. If I become more sicker, then she has to take time off work to help in care it becomes a loss of income due to the circumstances. (there are times when I think if I had a health insurance policy I would........... ... well never mind.) It hurts me to know she is suffering through all this, and could end up alone with everything to deal with.

Facts are your 2nd round with cancer are sometimes double the cost of what the first round was. (depends on many factors). The longer you are battling it, the more it cost. I want to beat it, I want to win the war, not just the battles.

My battle scars are life long, and the side effects will last til I'm not longer here. The extra expense per month alone (even if it had not come back) are pushing over $400 a month that insurance does not cover.

I know we are not the only couple in the world to experience such a life changing event (or a single person). When we are in the waiting room at the cancer treatment center waiting my turn, the room is always full. (about 200 chairs in the waiting room). You see the faces of these people and the different levels of their situation. It's heart breaking and devastating to see, let alone be a part of. (I'm getting off the subject now so I will stop).

[SunshineGal]

Hi PacificBlue,

I just wanted to tell you your post really touched me. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

[PacificBlue]

Thank you SunShineGal!

My wife tells me I carry on to much and I really missed my calling in life. (she always has a "you should have been a ______. depending what I'm carrying on about). It's a standard joke with us.

While at the attorneys yesterday the biggest surprise was (after giving him all the info about are case and the cancer) when he asked if I would allow him to pray for me. I said something like, lets pray together. ("when ever two or more of you are gathered in his name").

When your doctors tell you your days are numbered, and show you a scale what to expect and when, and the "no known cure" you have to turn it over to a higher power. (if you believe you are doomed you are). When I pray, I mostly pray that my wife be able to handle anything thing that is in store for me. (and my children, both the 2 legged ones and our three 4 legged ones).

Of course I ask for longer life, and better health, but... some times it doesn't go that way. What makes me feel better and maybe a more realistic approach to it is, simply asking that the ones I leave behind are okay.

[LALADY]

Hi PacBlue. I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers, too. May your attorney be the best that money can hire so that you can focus on what is truly important--your health and the future welfare of your family including your pets. God bless you.

[PacificBlue]

Thank you LALADY and may God bless you too!

It truly looks as though the lawyer we are handing our paper work into next week will be the one that will do the best for us. Where we were told by nine others what we want is the impossible mission, this one told us he looks forward to getting us what we need. It maybe a battle and may have to go before a judge, but at least he is willing to give it his all.

I don't fear going before a judge with my case. It maybe a little extra stress, but asking for the right to receive ALL the medical attention I need to live a longer life, shouldn't be an impossible mission.

[forgotten]

Where we were told by nine others what we want is the impossible mission, this one told us he looks forward to getting us what we need. It maybe a battle and may have to go before a judge, but at least he is willing to give it his all.

I am so glad to hear that. I hope you can get this financial stress off your back so you can concentrate on the much more important health issues.