Has Money/Bankruptcy affected your marriage?

[ccsjoe]

We are in the early stages of BK. Talked to a lawyer, have the money, set up second meeting when you turn the paperwork in. I feel that the blame game is starting with my wife and I. I feel she is indirectly blaming me. I don't understand it. She makes more than me, and she wants to get seperate checking accounts after BK. We have had the same account since before we were married, almost 11 years ago. I trust her and she trusts me. I do not live lavishly or spend money on foolish things. I know who is "feeding" these thoughts into her head, but will not say. She brought this up to me last night, and it feels like I got kicked in the stomach. We are supposed to go camping this weekend, but, I really am not into it. We have not talked to each other since last night. I feel that if she gets seperate checking account, it will drive wedge deeper between us. Thanks for reading, and comments and advice are appreciated.

Don't let it build up, try to talk about it, defuse it. We allowed ours to build and it was a huge mistake. We are openly talking about how we feel and it is working wonders.

[researchnerd]

I feel that if she gets seperate checking account, it will drive wedge deeper between us. Thanks for reading, and comments and advice are appreciated.

This really does not have to be an issue. If your wife earns her own money, why should she not have her own bank account?

Here's how we do it, and it's worked for us for years: DH has his own account, I have my own account, and we have a joint account to pay household bills from. When we had two incomes, we totaled up the household expenses and we each contributed half that amount (plus a little extra) into the joint account. We also had a joint savings that we each contributed to. Whatever we spent from what was left in each of our individual accounts was up to us - nobody had to ask permission to make a purchase. Now that I am the sole wage-earner, I transfer the total amount of the household bills into the joint account and still pay the bills from there. This is my faith in action -- I know that at some point DH will find another job and begin contributing again.

Whatever your situation, be sure to keep communication wide open. I have been in previous relationships where money was a huge issue, but despite the fact that we're in this crappy situation now, DH and I haven't had one argument about it. I believe this is because we communicate like adults, no passive-aggressive stuff and no blame, and we both try to remember to be thankful for what we do still have (each other). The situation is what it is. It's more constructive to unite and work together towards the future than to waste even five minutes on resentment and blame.

[overhead14]

Thanks everyone, much appreciated advice.

[tobee43]

I vowed years ago not to argue with my spouse about money. I knew that there would be plenty of other things to "grow" through and from others' experience learned that it was just one of those things that can really tear a good relationship apart.

well....during our pre and post BK stages...we formulated a

CASH for SPOUSES campaign...

the CASH part of that campaign quickly turned in to TRASH....and it was a tough go...even for us after 40 years.

it wasn't so much the money issue, but just the stress, of job loss, illness, losing our house...all the sad terrible things.

we are talking again...we held hands a few weeks ago...but not on purpose...we forgot for just one second that we were stressed out!