All The Single Ladies!

[MsSnickers]

Okay, single guys too...sorry heard that Beyonce song on the way home today and it stuck in my head. It also started me thinking.....

If you are single and currently going through a BK, at what point do you divulge that information to someone you are dating? Before I filed my bankruptcy (was still in the thinking it over stage), the man that I was in a long distance relationship with decided to bail on me. Claimed it freaked him out, but turns out there was more than that freaking him out so that was a convenient excuse.

Now that I am ready to head back out into the dating world (and now that I have already filed), I want to be upfront, but worrying about saying anything too soon. Anyone else have thoughts on this to share?

[BKDebby]

I've had the same boyfriend for awhile - 10 years - he wants to get married, I don't! He's a tightwad, I'm a spender. Which got me to this point. I hated to tell him, he thought I had my finances all under control for years! I did in a way, until 3 months ago when I quit paying my CC, my FICO was 780. I bought a new 2010 Toyota in June as part of my pre-bk planning. He knew then what I was going to do, but he stuck by me. In fact, he's all for it as he hates the way cc companies have been treating people since 2008 with the higher than hell interest rates and the way they treat us all now. He said "put the screws to them" - and I did.

[AngelinaCatHub]

Snick: You have NOOO idea how fortunate you are that the jerk bailed out. What a damned lame excuse to abandon.

Now, to business. You need not show "dirty laundry" until the right time. We ALLLL have dirty linen. Work the system and he who is worthy of you , would simply laugh and say, "so what?" That is what I would do and believe me, I had plenty of my own baggage, Mrs. had her share, and NONE of it mattered. That bad example that you mentioned is/was not at all anything to bring up and in the value of your heart, would not weigh at a grain of sand on a beach.

When that certain "right time" comes along, it will then be a non issue. Besides, by then, he will already know and you would never know how. Trust me, I'm a man and I know that like women, men have a certain feeling of fact. 'Hub.

[AngelinaCatHub]

OOOooops, I guess I messed up. I'm not a lady and I'm, not single. (but I know my stit)

[MsSnickers]

OOOooops, I guess I messed up. I'm not a lady and I'm, not single. (but I know my stit)

LOL, no all good! Thank you so much for your feedback. I guess I am a bit gun shy after what happened, but you are right.

[debee]

I agree with 'Hub. It won't matter to him when he's the right guy. His stuff won't matter to you either. If I was dating I would rather have someone bk than someone with a stack of bills. You're a clean slate and a fresh start. It's a good time to meet someone new.

[BKDebby]

MsSnickers (cute name BTW), the others are right. The guy who left you was a jerk anyway and you're better off without. I wouldn't bring up BK on a first date, wait until they get to know you - and you deserve not only a fresh start, but a new, decent guy!

If I didn't have my current DBF, I would probably wait until a relationship was starting to get serious.

And, with the economy the way it is now, one of these days there will probably be more people who have filed BK, than who haven't!

[HOMEBODY]

I dont think it would matter to the right man. 14 years ago I was dating someone who had to file for BK..it really didnt matter to me that he did...I still see him as a friend and his credit score is about 800, drives a nice car all paid and a nice Harley.

My last boyfriend would freak out if I knew I filed. We broke up a year ago and we have just started talking again. He is a very cheap person who never spends any money, has no bills, a very nice income and 3 million dollars in the bank. I would never tell that jerk any of my business...He is too moralistic. But he has a DUI and almost fatal accident...I would prefer to have a BK than to have a DUI and bad accident on me anytime.

My bestfriend just got married to the nicest guy..she filed BK almost 2 years ago and he didnt make a big deal about it..think he is glad she got rid of all that stress and those bills for their future. They bought their first home on his name only because of the BK but he immediately added her on the title.

The right man will love you for who you are.....

[MsSnickers]

I dont think it would matter to the right man. 14 years ago I was dating someone who had to file for BK..it really didnt matter to me that he did...I still see him as a friend and his credit score is about 800, drives a nice car all paid and a nice Harley.

My last boyfriend would freak out if I knew I filed. We broke up a year ago and we have just started talking again. He is a very cheap person who never spends any money, has no bills, a very nice income and 3 million dollars in the bank. I would never tell that jerk any of my business...He is too moralistic. But he has a DUI and almost fatal accident...I would prefer to have a BK than to have a DUI and bad accident on me anytime.

My bestfriend just got married to the nicest guy..she filed BK almost 2 years ago and he didnt make a big deal about it..think he is glad she got rid of all that stress and those bills for their future. They bought their first home on his name only because of the BK but he immediately added her on the title.

The right man will love you for who you are.....

Yes, I would imagine that to the right person it will not matter one bit!.

debee "You're a clean slate and a fresh start. It's a good time to meet someone new.".............That is an excellent way to think about it. : )

BKDebby "MsSnickers (cute name BTW)" Thank you! : )

Thank you all for your responses, the encouragement helps.

[stormy]

It was at my boyfriend's urging that I considered bankruptcy; he's a "cash only" guy. He'll use a credit card if he has to for a big purchase such as a washer but he pays it off usually within two billing cycles. He doesn't carry credit card debt; hell, he doesn't even use a debit card. He's very old school which is rather refreshing.

Sue

[oregonpilot]

WOW stormy. we could be twins living the same life. Cept i filed a few weeks later. (AND YOUR PROBABLY NOT AS OLD AS ME)
I kept my SECRET for quite a few years. S.O. was going along thinking i was doing great financially. What i did was take a 20k cash advance when i got divorced 10 yrs ago and put it in my savings, Back then i was earning WAY more than paying out in interest. (That balance was down to $900. when i filed)

He didn't know anything about my growing debt. We have gone on a few cruises since we've been together (9yrs) and i paid for my half with my credit cards. NOT telling him that i really couldn't afford it.
UNTIL almost 3 yrs ago when i broke a crown and it had to be pulled and had to get a bridge. All this to the tune of 5k. Thats when it ALL came out.
ALSO, my income's drastic drop accelerated the whole thing too.

Then this spring i broke another crown, next to the bridge, and ended having to have the bridge redone. (another $5700.) was still paying on the first time around.

He was shocked that i kept that from him all those yrs.
When I fessed up he was a bit miffed. He had put my name on all his stuff. House, checking, cars. He immediately took my name off all his stuff. That was almost 3 yrs ago.
ALSO, our deal was when we got together, was that i would pay half of all living expenses.

Thats where i was stressing the trustee's Q about name off stuff within 2 or 4 yrs. I was trying to keep my finances together for nearly 3 yrs.
Back then HE was the one suggesting BK. That was like a slap in the face. I KNEW I had it together.
He has wanted to get married for a few yrs. I just kept dodging the Q knowing that i didn't want him dragged into my finances.
NOW he knows why i kept that Q at bay.

Will be discharged in Dec and we decided to go to Vegas in JAN (1/11/11) and tie the knot.
He's been totally supportive (since he found out my dirty little secret) AND loves me anyway.
We have had those MONEY talks lately and says that i'm never going back to those days...RIGHT.

I am the luckiest granny (60 next yr) and i cherish every day i have with him.

[MsSnickers]

Will be discharged in Dec and we decided to go to Vegas in JAN (1/11/11) and tie the knot.
He's been totally supportive (since he found out my dirty little secret) AND loves me anyway.

Awww, Oregon, that is awesome.

[oregonpilot]

THANKS Snickers.

HE said...no more secrets now, right??

[stormy]

Congratulations Oregon, that's wonderful!!

I'm not THAT far behind you age wise, I'm 47 and a grandma too. In fact, I have a new grand-daughter due next month, that'll make 3 grandbabies for me.

[freedomnow7]

My boyfriend told me on our first date that he couldn't have any children. And, 2 1/2 years later we're still together. That's a "need to know" thing for me and for every, it's different. However, a bankruptcy is a legal way of saying, "I was broke and I couldn't pay my bills". Many people have been there, and emerged more successful than they've ever been. So, I would wait until you guys have been dating for a while, and let him get a feel for your spending habits and let him see how responsible you are with your money.

Then by the time you guys get serious (I mean, "put a ring on it", serious), then you can say, "Yes, I had to go bankrupt a few years ago and that led me to think about the crazy things that I did financially. When I finally saw the light I (insert your creditworthiness statement here---rebuilt my credit, started living on cash, learned to make better financial decisions, stopped spending frivolously, etc.) and I got my $*#& together. Now, I have this, this this and that, and have learned this this this and that. Filing that BK was the best thing that ever happened to me financially."