Trying to understand this....

[mrskal]

First off, I will say this, this post is not against anyone or anything, just trying to see what people think.

There have been several posts lately with the holidays coming up about gifting. If a person is going through or will need to go through a bankruptcy, where do they get all this money to spend? It is so tight for us it is not even funny, and all I care about now is trying to get through and start saving. I am not flaming anyone, or care how they got to the point of BK, as we all have different situations. I had cut our cable about 8 months ago, I was going to get it again when I move, but since I am so broke, I dont think I really need it. I would rather have that 80-90 a month to save. I cut my expenive phone plan from $130ish a month to $50 a month. Looking forward to saving that extra too. I plan on spending $25 on my 19 year old for Christmas and not buy for anyone else. I guess that is just me, but does'nt everyone want to just get ahead after having to go through this whole mess of BK? Why spend so much on other people?
Some may say that they have less expenses on things that I have and they dont, like pets, but to me my pets are my kids, good thing I dont have to gift to them I guess. I do however have a committment to them and need to feed them and take care of their health, which so far has not cost me too much. Still, on the other hand, if I did not have those pets, I would not be spening that money on Christmas gifts, it would go into savings.
Just trying to understand it all. I just don't grasp that mentallity.

[Lockeout]

Christmas is the biggest perpetrator of senseless commercialism in the Western world, and I've never understood why some people feel the NEED to spend, spend, spend on this corporate-mandated holiday.
I doubt anyone even thinks about it, it's just programmed in at this point.

[discouraged]

It's time to get inventive. I am planning on a collage of pictures for my son since his ex won't give him any of them. It will actually be a collage and an album of his daughter from birth until now. That is the true spirit of Christmas, I belive - gifts from the heart and not from the stores.

[mrskal]

That is a great idea discouraged! Love it!

[nokia123]

I agree with lockeout.

[tyson24]

Different strokes for different folks I guess. I have little ones and grew up with the wonder of Christmas gifts. I would not deny them the same because I was both foolish and unlucky with job loss, economy etc. I would starve before not giving them a Christmas. But that is just me.

[BROKEDED]

We haven't "done" Christmas for about 7 years now. My wife's side of the family consisted of about 15 people, my parents and my dad's side counted for another 10. For just a thoughtless $20 gift meant we still spent AT LEAST $500.00 and countless hours trying to find something that meant something for each person but in the end just buying something to wrap. That didn't count the private Christmas get together with immediate family where we used to probably spend another $1000. Probably spent another $100 in bows, bags and wrapping paper. All of that was without even getting something for my wife or her something for me.

The straw that broke the camels back was the year that we got my brother and sister-in-law a pricey DVD player and several "just out" DVDs. After years of getting crap gifts I got to where I just asked for local gift cards when I was asked what I wanted. This particular year I got a t-shirt (in December) and a keychain that were both clearly the free gifts from cologne gift sets which were not part of my gift. I don't remember what we got my parent-in-laws but it was of similar thought and value and I remember one of my gifts being a Faux leather wrapped plastic DVD rolodex!?!?!? WTF? I looked this up online and found that it was actually a $50 gift. Seriously?

I realized that we were all wasting our time and money buying gifts that were not liked or appreciated by each other. SO, next year when the subject of Christmas came up we proudly announced that we would not be participating. "We're not buying you anything so don't buy us anything. We don't want any hurt feelings." Nobody believed us but we persisted to tell them that we were not buying gifts. Christmas rolled around and we received gifts from everyone and no one received gifts from us. It was quite awkward and I have to admit a little embarrassing but we stuck to our guns and said, "We tried to tell you." This included the kids in the family also. That was something else that rubbed us wrong the year before. The kids in the family tore into all their gifts like maniacs and throwing them to the side as fast as they saw what was inside. They never looked to see who they were from or really cared. You could tell it made a few people besides us a little ashamed that Christmas had come to that.

When the next Christmas rolled around we were asked again to participate figuring we had gotten the Scrooge out of our system but we said no again. A funny thing happened that Christmas. NO ONE got us a gift except for our parents. We still protested those but they have since dwindled off to just knick knacks. LOL

We told everyone, "Look, let's just get together and have a good Christmas meal and have a good time." Our families still exchange gifts with each other but the excess has been noticeably reduced over the years. We have since had a daughter so we DO get her gifts to put under the tree but they are fairly inexpensive and things she needs. She's just 1-1/2 years old so we still have control over the whole Christmas overload experience...for now.

[free2breathe]

Some ideas for affordable Christmas:

Draw names. We had a very large extended family, and it was ridiculous to hope any of us could buy for everyone. It was uncomfortable for those who couldn't to accept gifts from those who could. Our solution was to draw names sometime in the fall and set a reasonable limit on the gift expense (usually $40).

Making homemade gifts is always a great alternative to buying expensive gifts. One year my niece, who was struggling as a young, single mother, looked up poems online that suited each of us. She hand wrote them on construction paper, decorated them with fun little baubles, and presented them to us from her and her son. It was one of the most meaningful presents I ever received.

Get the kids into the spirit of giving, instead of receiving. Senior homes, local stores, etc. usually have gift trees. My daughter's favorite memory was getting one from a local store with gift request from seniors. She bought the woman a nice, but inexpensive pair of house slippers. She gave up getting a present under the tree for herself so we could buy this gift for someone she didn't know. She remembers that Christmas with much fondness.

Spend time at the holidays serving dinner to the homeless. The shelters all need help around the holidays.

These are just some ways that I can think of to de-commercialize Christmas a bit and focus on the real reason for the season.

I don't begrudge anyone wanting to put a few special presents under the tree for their children. I'll be doing so with my youngest. She won't have a bunch of things under there that we can't afford, but she will find a couple packages with her name on them. We've decided not to spend on each other this year, or on the 6 grown children we have between us. And you know, I think it's going to be a magical Christmas!

[BKlooker]

Are you a good cook/baker? i discovered years ago that baking for people works better than buying them things if you are good at it. A batch of well-made cookies that spreads over 2 cookie tins and 2 couples/4 people only costs about 5-7 bucks, assuming store-label baking supplies.

Also, if you can get past the 'stigma' factor, the dollar store can be a fun place come Christmas time, especially for things to give people who you aren't as close with but still feel obligated to get them something. They have neat little "gift sets" which are perfect for kids, and often more fun for the value than spending 4 times as much at other places. A couple of my friends just had babies...I've seen Disney/Seasame street labeled blankets, baby's socks, cute dresses, etc. for only 2-3 bucks a piece! No one will know you didn't get it at Target and spend $15 on it.

I am in the same boat as you...i am filing within about 1 month, so i have will be doing all my spending after Dec 13th, but still need to keep it sensible in case the Trustee asks for the 1 month before filing statements. I've read other people on here that say spending some money on Xmas is of course expected and won't be overly questioned, just don't have a field day and buy anything over the top. Also, keep receipts.

I come from a larger family as well, and my parent's had always 'delivered' for us big time on Xmas as long as i can remember, but they are much more well off than I am, but the urge to spend big is always there for me. But someone suggested a picture collage....my cousin recently passed away suddenly at age 35 of a heart attack (he and i were extremely close). I have a box of pictures...I think i might try to round up as many of him and that side of my family as i can and make that for them. I know his mother would cherish it, and it won't cost anything but some cheap craft supplies. Great idea!

[mrskal]

I like where this thread is going! Thanks!

[debee]

My kids are little and I skimp in other places in order to have gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. I actually had to give up two pets & it totally broke my heart. I still cry over that and it's been two years. We have also gone through periods of eating very very very cheap. That was harder on my husband. No cable. My cellphone is 10 years old and my plan is too. When the cable stops working, I have to dig around ebay for one. But my monthly bill is only $25. I cut the front of my hair and my husband cuts the back. It doesn't look that good. I guess we have all had to make really hard choices. I'm glad this thread is about trying to accept differences.

[clevelandmom]

If I take my financial difficulties, my BK, and my husband's unemployment out of the equation, I STILL hate the fact that Christmas has become so commercialized. Maybe we BK filers are going to be the LEADERS in putting Christmas back to where it should be in our own families. And maybe if it starts with us, it will dwindle down to the others. We won't be buying a lot of Christmas presents because we simply can't. And it's not like we can just go put gifts on credit cards. We simply have no means to do it. I personally see nothing wrong with sharing a couple gallons of Sangria with the family and giving $10 gift certificates to a few kids. Okay, I hope you're laughing at the couple gallons part. That will be just for ME! LOL

[Panacea]

I'm hoping for a Christmas miracle this year!


I've already warned my daughter (who has a B-day coming up also), that the "well" is dry. I will do my best at trying to make it a special time, but the gifts we not be there. Being a teen, its tough on her to see our previous life come to a stop, but she's seen a few "positives" also. I'm around more. Since the overtime stopped, I'm available for her to talk, and as all teens want...to be her chauffeur! I actually am able to "parent" now. The house is more calm, more disciplined, and I no longer here "You just don't care Mom". OOOOH! I cared, just didn't have the time to deal with it.

I'm hoping our Christmas gift is the gift of life! The gift of a fresh start financially, mentally, and emotionally. My gift will be seeing my daughter grow up, and being able to participate in it, not just the occasional "Great job!" or quick jump to a conclusion because I've got to work. I'm hoping her gift will be a Mom who can take time to listen and digest what she's saying, help when I can, back off when I should, and be the shoulder she can cry on when she needs. I want us both to be able to look back at this Christmas and realize that what seemed to be the most difficult time in our lives, was actually the biggest blessing and gift we could've asked for.

Thats all...

[Dee]

Between my family and my husband's family, we were spending way too much on Christmas over the years. At one point we decided to only buy gifts for the kids (under 18), but more and more babies came into the family, so we cut that down to 16 and under. For the adults, we all drew names. But after last Christmas, we decided we were done. We moved out of state last year and shipped the gifts we bought to our families. The shipping alone was ridiculous and, in some cases, was just as expensive as the gifts! And we did all of this with my husband being unemployed! My husband and I didn't even get anything for each other. So this year we have already told everyone that we are not buying anyone anything, other than our son, and we do not want anyone sending us gifts. For our son, I have already picked up some art books that were clearanced (he likes to draw) and will get him some inexpensive artist supplies (probably about $20 worth). We will probably also get him one Wii game. And that's it. He is used to us spending as much as $500-600 on him at Christmas, but he is old enough to understand that money is tight. And if he wasn't old enough to understand that, then he would be too young to understand how much we spend anyway. As for feeling guilty about not sending gifts to our families...nope, not gonna go there. They are all perfectly aware that my husband has been unemployed for over a year. I am not going to worry about how to afford gas for my car or pay the electric bill just because of spending too much on Christmas.

[Pandora]

I know how you feel mskal - its hard. Hubby and I haven't given each other gifts in 19 years out of our 21 years together - we always bought our children first, followed by young neices and nephews, then mom's and dad's, then siblings. However it became so expensive that we cut out siblings entirely by all agreeing we would just buy for the kids and parents, everyone agreed and set amounts to spend on neices / nephews (no more than $10-20 per kid depending on who made more $ between the siblings) - which was usually just given as cash or a gift card. Combined it ended up per child anywhere between $50 - 100 if you threw all the cash/cards from everyone together, thats alot for a child to spend on something they want.

I do a few things that help in alleviating how much we spend - and here they are:

1. Shop all year long for bday and Christmas - hitting the clearance sections first, followed by sale's next. I shop for both my children this way - when summer clearance hits in late fall (like now) I buy those items I know will fit our daughter (fully grown ) - those $45 jeans she loves and cannot afford are now $4-10 usually on clearance, and I can buy her 2 pairs. For my son, since he's still growing, I will buy the next size up for the following year as I know he will fit into it by then. I do the same when winter is over and everything goes on clearance - stocking up for next year. Just went Christmas shopping the other day, spent $50 on clothing for both my kids, and saved over $300 - getting at least 3 complete outfits for each child - and this was at KOHL's.

2. Shop online! Look for PROMO CODES as they will save you money and usually more savings than what you could get if you went to the store. I rarely go out to shop for clothing because the savings are greater for me online - I dont have to spend any gas or fight crowds - and can take my time - all behind my desk . For those that dont know what a "Promo code" is - say for instance you went to JCPENNY online - open up another window and in the GOOGLE SEARCH area - type in "jcpenny promo code" - then start looking through the different sites that have them. In most instances there are always promo codes - for any type of store you buy from - all you have to do is find them. Average savings is 20-25% off and/or free shipping - or both, and many stores will now let you use 2 promo codes together, so you could get the % off and free shipping as well .

3. Make homemade goodies! I love doing this and friends love getting them. Nothing like fresh baked goods! Or - you can get canning jars and make "jar gifts" for someone else to bake from. Just layer all the dry ingredients, and in the instructions on how to make it, they should only have to add items like eggs or milk. Homemade coco is awesome to get - and last year I did homemade flavored oils and liquors (ever have homemade green apple vodka?) YUM! This year we have oodles of homemade wine from berries we picked last year, and we will be bottling very soon.

4. One of my all time favorites is to set a limit - say $10 - and you cannot go above that amount. You can choose to draw names or do it for each person. The fun part is that you have to pick up small gifts (Dollar stores work great for this) and in each item you choose, you have to describe what part of the item represents the person receiving it. (This is fun to do as a scavenger hunt in a mall as well for older children). So lets say your daughter has a bubbly personality - what fun little item could represent that trait? Well bubbles of course! Then you'd write a little tag on each item you purchase explaining why you bought it ("This item reminds me of you because you have such a bubbly personality"). It takes some creative thinking but its so much fun to do! For my brother, I got a pair of silly glasses and put tape in between the lenses on the nose piece because my brother can be suck a dork sometimes LOL! We're all in our 40's and its so much fun to do - and my brother got me back when I turned 40 (I'm the baby) - so much fun pulling out Prep-H and denture cream The laughter and times shared will result in many memories years down the road (btw - he has his glasses on his desk).

This is also great for older children's b-day parties, we did this very thing (scavenger hunt) when our daughter turned 16, told the girls they didnt have to bring any gifts as we would be giving them $10 each (there were 5 girls - and our daughter didnt get any money) because they would be buying her items in the scavenger hunt. We made up things for them to do along the way, like they had to get pictures of the little stuffed animal I gave them with XX amount of people (strangers) and pick who got to adopt the critter (complete with homemade adoption papers!) but the picture had to show they actually adopted it out. They had to get bags from certain stores, signed by all employees, each get a cookie from a certain store, etc. There were a ton of things we made them do in addition to each picking out items that represented our daughter - including they had to sing (and have a person record on the cell phone) a Christmas carol in the middle of the mall! LOL The only catch was they all had to bring me the receipts and any monies left over at the end. I think in total we spent about $60 total for her birthday as we made the cake and for decorations, I went to the dollar store and got streamers, ended with a sleepover. They had a blast and each girl (and their parents) loved it so much, they did it for their birthdays as well when their time came. Just make sure you let the kids' parents know what you're planning so its okay - if younger children, then have a friend/parent/older sibling accompany each child.

So - there are a few tips from me and what we do in our house! You have to be creative thats for sure.