Anyone divorce first then do BK?

[JJCA]

Probably not the right place/forum for this...but since I imagine many BK's & divorces happen at same/similar times..thought I would ask for 'others experiences'...

Ultimately, I would like to get a divorce, get rid of CC debt, walk away from or give home to hubby or have him buy me out somehow...and truly get a fresh start in life!!! I thought I was going to do BK first, then do divorce & maybe home buy out (if that were to be possible somehow) Now it appears everything is a big MESS. Need to wait to file BK (to spend down resources & better plan ahead), which means have to wait on divorce, especially if there is any chance of possibly having hubby 'buy me out' of home (he would borrow money from a friend of his for this), because I have learned here any divorce settlement would go to BK estate if I do that first...but waiting on BK could mean being sued by CC companies..UGH! What a flippin' mess!

BK then Divorce = get sued by CC companies, lose resources hoped to be for 'fresh start', probably lose house to foreclosure...(plus who know what all else..)

Divorce then BK = lose any chance at a buy out by hubby for house, (since $$ would just go to BK estate) and can't hold off on BK long enough to wait out using resources first, yet would not be enough to pay off CC debt and still could end up being sued by CC companies...(again, plus who know what all else..)

Either way I need a new place to live & money to live on, and either way it looks like I will not end up with neither!

Looks like a lose/lose situation no matter how I slice it. Good thing I am not the suicidal type!

Anyone "divorce & then declare BK'"...How did it go? I am in CA, community property state. All debts are "joint".

~JJ

[SunshineGal]

Hi JJCA,

You should set up a few free consults with attorney's, they'll be able to give you a better idea of the CA exemptions and whether it will benefit you to file married or single.

Good luck, divorce and bk is hard enough on its own, I can't imagine going through both together.

[IamOld]

Seems I'll be there with you - my dear spouse just sent me a long email detailing all my faults and why everything in the world is my fault. I love the emails - that the spouse drops on me...oh well - just makes the rest of the day better.


I'll tell you all - I'm hanging on by a very thin and narrow thread...

[OhioFiler]

Seems I'll be there with you - my dear spouse just sent me a long email detailing all my faults and why everything in the world is my fault. I love the emails - that the spouse drops on me...oh well - just makes the rest of the day better.


I'll tell you all - I'm hanging on by a very thin and narrow thread...

You should seek counsel with someone you trust. Certainly, you have a friend, family member or clergy member you can speak with for direction. Best to you.

[OhioFiler]

Probably not the right place/forum for this...but since I imagine many BK's & divorces happen at same/similar times..thought I would ask for 'others experiences'...

Ultimately, I would like to get a divorce, get rid of CC debt, walk away from or give home to hubby or have him buy me out somehow...and truly get a fresh start in life!!! I thought I was going to do BK first, then do divorce & maybe home buy out (if that were to be possible somehow) Now it appears everything is a big MESS. Need to wait to file BK (to spend down resources & better plan ahead), which means have to wait on divorce, especially if there is any chance of possibly having hubby 'buy me out' of home (he would borrow money from a friend of his for this), because I have learned here any divorce settlement would go to BK estate if I do that first...but waiting on BK could mean being sued by CC companies..UGH! What a flippin' mess!

BK then Divorce = get sued by CC companies, lose resources hoped to be for 'fresh start', probably lose house to foreclosure...(plus who know what all else..)

Divorce then BK = lose any chance at a buy out by hubby for house, (since $$ would just go to BK estate) and can't hold off on BK long enough to wait out using resources first, yet would not be enough to pay off CC debt and still could end up being sued by CC companies...(again, plus who know what all else..)

Either way I need a new place to live & money to live on, and either way it looks like I will not end up with neither!

Looks like a lose/lose situation no matter how I slice it. Good thing I am not the suicidal type!

Anyone "divorce & then declare BK'"...How did it go? I am in CA, community property state. All debts are "joint".

~JJ

I stopped paying credit cards in February 2009 and only once have I been sued and still have not filed bankruptcy. That case ended up being dismissed with prejudice at the request of the creditor's attorney because I was willing to fight them. Don't be so sure you'll be sued any time soon. You can always delay a final court action several months even if they file.

[BrokeinMD]

Iam, please hang in there...Good advice from Ohio filer, and I'll add let your doctor know, too. BK is very stressful, from the thinking about it before, and through the process. Marital problems make it 10x worse. Don't be afraid to ask for something to help cope if you need it, as stress tears up the body. Take care of yourself!

[ruttie]

Been married 36+ years and am awaiting to file BK 7 hopefully by the end of this month. After the discharge, will be filing for divorce,. We are told by our Bk attorney that we cannot file for DV because the BK will cancel out the DV.This has been a long time coming, and having assets have only prolonged the nightmare. The best thing we could do, is lose it all and hopefully get a fresh start without each other. Have been selling furniture to keep paying for the vehicles , insurance and utilities. haven't had an income & at this point we need to spend down some money that we obtained with a vehicle title loan. We would have never owned our home anyways, with the way the property values have plummeted here. We have to live together under the same roof for financial reasons & just trying to make the best of a bad situation. Some days are better than others, but we can only hope for a better future for us both, just not with each other. We hope to stay good friends, with 2 children and 2 grandkids, hopefully this will be enough to keep us in friendly terms. We have agreed on keeping items, like housewares, TVs, any furniture we haven't sold & vehicles. Life is too short to keep staying together just because what else can we do or because nobody wants to give up anything or what will people think, screw it, they aren't any happier or even worse than me. Hopefully with Gods help, we will get through this all, because maybe he has a plan for us other than what we have been living.

[SacMan]

yep divorced then bk 2000.... that way the debt is divided assets separated... then bk - ...

one issue is the cash you get from the sale of the house, or payment to you..

one thing to do is to open a account to cash the check.. cash it out and close the account.. open a new one.. just a thought..

[SacMan]

wait 6 months and file..

[JJCA]

Thanks for the replies.

Ruttie: You sound JUST like me! Almost same exact situation!! We have been together 25 years, we have 3 sons (youngest is now 18) and a grandson. I have not been 'fulfilled' in many, many years. Can't say 'not happy' because that is not exactly it. It's not a horrible marriage, but not good either. I have feared leaving (many for financial reasons but also for fear I was making a mistake) for SO long. Fear can be paralyzing! I could stay, but can't see the point in that anymore. We both need to recognize what is & release each other to find happiness elsewhere. Also have to stay under same roof for now & trying to make the best of a bad situation. Time to get rid of the debt & get a true fresh start. It is particularly hard for me as I can't work due to health reasons, and so supporting myself will be super tough. But like you say - maybe there is a better life, a better plan out there waiting for us! Life is too short to not enjoy it! Maybe we can stay in touch through this journey.

[IamOld]

A million thanks - and thank you for listening.

[IamOld]

JJCA - we're in teh same boat - although I suspect that you and my spouse share the opposed gender than me :-)

She says the same thing - yet, yesterday, she sends me a long email - talk about kicking you when you're down. Oh well. what will be will be.

[stormy]

Divorce was final in January 2010; filed bankruptcy in August.

Oh yeah, been there and bought the t-shirt (used cash of course!)

[ruttie]

we were told to do the divorce first at this point, otherwise we would have to file seperately later & double the cost. Right now, with our income being barely nil, is perfect timing. My hubby has a 5th wheel toyhauler that he plans on living in, i have seasonal relatives, that I plan on staying with temporarily until I see whats up with my life. Our construction business ahd to file BK 7 in 2009, & it went downhill since that. We don't hate each other, we still tell each other we love you, but more like friends. The intimacy & passion is gone. He deserves to find someone to make him happy, men are so about sex. I am not looking to finding someone to take care of me, I care take care of myself. So tired of being told what to do, when to do it, cook dinner everynight and all the old school duties that go along with it. This time around its about me.. I still have my looks, great personality,humor, could tend to lose 15 lbs. but couldn't we all. I never seem to be happy with my self image, maybe because I have not been happy with me or my life for along time. Money and stuff can make you happy but it cannot buy you happiness.
This time I will be in control of my life. Hang in there, it has to get better

[BananaCabana]

We are in Florida but I believe they treat marital assets in FL very similarly to CA. Joint assets/debt; made to split evenly if we don't agree on who gets what.

I am in a similar situation. Our marriage is over and I am ready to move on without my spouse. We have five children and the kids and I living on my income alone is a very scary thought. I am not sure I can do it and support all the children. We have been seperated before and my husband did not follow through with child support then, even though he made a lot more than I did and was only supporting himself. Left me with the all the bills including a mortgage but did not leave his paycheck or even a portion of it. I have been told it will take 6-9 months before a child support order may go through to garnish his wages when the time comes.

Today, we are living under the same roof and he has not taken off with his salary (it is direct deposited). Once he does, I may be hurting big time and I will proceed with all filings immediately. Right now we are trying to be smart and do what is financially the best. One big blow-up could change that.

To get to the question of the OP--my (our) BK lawyer has advised we do the BK first and then the divorce because we will have to pay for two BK's if we are no longer married. Wipe all (most) debt out with the BK first then split what is left in as uncontested of a divorce as possible. Then we will walk away with as fresh a start as we can. Except possibly with me worried about getting the childsupport in a timely fashion which could have consequences with the home we rent and/or the van we are making payments on. Obviously, with six of us I will need both the house and the van. Trying to see what I can do to lower or get rid of the two years left on my vehicle but not sure how feasible it will be without losing too much in a "trade". I will get to go from an old van to an older one.....