Emotions prior to filing Chapter 7

[rooster0330]

We are finally going to be filing in the next couple of weeks. It has been over 2 years since we stopped paying any credit cards, we have really had 3 years where the economy has basically destroyed us. Now, finally thankfully everything is turning around, and this is one of the very last things to get our freshstart. All that being said, I am nervous, scared, and frankly mortified that it came to this, before all this, bankruptcy wasn't even in my vocabulary.

Others that had difficulty with the whole concept, how did you come to terms with everything....

[frogger]

How do you come to terms with filing bankruptcy? You just man up, suck it up, hold your head up, and deal with it.

There is no magic "make it all better" bullet for this. BK should change you. How that change effects you is up to you and only you.

[tobee43]

rooster, i know it's been a tough road, an upward battle, with all the fears and tears. the unknown hitting you in the face and the pits in your stomach that just don't seem to go away. it took us a while, i think it's over 3 years or actually this all started actually 5 years ago, and we still at times feel someone is breathing down our necks....but guess what.....that's only the wind blowing and not the breath of a creditor!! it was by far the BEST decision we ever made, other than marrying and having kids. (although, maybe the kids shouldn't be on that list..LOL!!)

you will make it through this!!! i know it seems like it's forever, but it's almost over!!!!

and that's just froggers way of giving you a nice hug of encouragement..

well, i'm here to tell you, life is going to change and it's going to be great for you!

[disconapper]

Like the others said...it's an emotional rollercoaster...but I think you just might feel an immediate sense of relief after you file, another big gigantic sense of relief after your 341 and then it's just waiting. You have to look at it like a business decision.....what a great opportunity to have a fresh start, set the numbers back to "zero"...not much more one can ask for. This forum is a great outlet and an even better tool, just keep checking in here....

[keepsmiling]

Wow, you hung in there a long time! No lawsuits in all that time? We are hitting 10 months and I keep expecting something to show up in each day's mail. I sooo hear you and am right there with you. Been dragging this out for a long time, waiting to be ready and have money to pay the lawyer. Ours is going to be a tad tricky as we are self employed.

But what it boils down to is, what choice do we have? Short of winning the lottery, that is.... or raiding my 401k, which I actually was prepared to do before I found this forum. I will be forever grateful to everyone here for preventing that catastrophe.

[lillymarlene]

rooster, I used to think that "bankruptcy" was some type of swear word, not to be mentioned in polite company. :-) However, now I am 7/48 months into a chap 13. It is a big roller coaster of emotions, especially at first, you just feel how can this be happening!? (Even if you really know how it can be happening.) As others have pointed out what choice do you really have?

Though, it hasn't been that all long BK sure has changed me. Hopefully for the better. I'm so grateful for many things I have left in my life. I'm learning to be so much more patient, I can no longer instantly get everything I want. No credit cards! LOL ...and it can stay that way for awhile.

If you're lucky you probably have some family and friends you can talk to. Then there is this great forum.

[rooster0330]

We now just at almost 3 years received 2 lawsuits...I am really suprised!!! I had several huge credit cards, and they are charged off, as of now not sold off or anything, which I am surprised. The ones that sued one was about 1700. and the other for a little over 7000. (still can't figure out why this one did). But, it's been a long road, and there is a huge part of me that is relieved and huge part that is sad, that it came to this. But, I love ths forum, I have learned a ton and more importantly gotten a ton of support!

[sunshinepa]

I came to terms with it by looking at it as a "business decision". I stopped letting all the emotions control me and took the steps to get a decent life back. I am awaiting discharge and feel such a sense of relief. Each person deals differently but for the most part, everyone on this forum that filed seems to express relief.

Good luck, you will get through this!

[confusedinok]

We came to terms with it after really thinking about what this was doing to our future. We could barely make it each month with nothing left over. It was a fool's dream to think it was going to get any better. Life has a way of happening. Just when you think you're going to have some breathing room, BAM, the water line backs up, or the car breaks down, or your kids get VERY sick. Always something. There would be no chance of saving for the future if we don't do this now and we're not getting any younger.

[Resigned2BK]

How do you come to terms with filing bankruptcy? You just man up, suck it up, hold your head up, and deal with it.

There is no magic "make it all better" bullet for this. BK should change you. How that change effects you is up to you and only you.

Exactly. It's not the mistake or misfortune that defines us, it's how we handle it that does. BK is a business decision, plain and simple. And that's how I personally am treating it. My husband and I have been frugal the entire time with the important exception of his business. That's what accumulated the debt, the economy made it so income did not flow into the business anymore to help service the debt, we had to stop paying and face the reality that we will be bankrupt and lose our house sooner or later. We haven't let that affect our marriage. Am I pissed to have to do something when I was arguably not responsible for at least 85% of the debt? Sure. Will it ever help anything for me to tear up my mate over it? Hell no.

I look at this like a positive life experience. We are in this decision together, we are stronger for going through this together and not falling apart over it, and we'll finally get the fresh start we never had as a couple because there was a lot of debt even when we met. The house is just a house. Could easily lose it to an accidental fire, so there's no sense overly getting worked up over it. Think of all the people in Joplin and Tuscaloosa who lost their homes recently to tornadoes. They'll have to rebuild their lives, choose to rebuild or do something else for housing and move on, so not so different than many of us, we just do it with poorer credit.

[StartinOver]

I came to terms with it when I realized that our great nation's forefathers designed forgiveness into our country's very fabric when they designed bankruptcy to give folks a do over. Properly administered, Justice includes Mercy.

[Clabbergirl]

I agree with those that say this is a business decision, and especially with StartinOver - that 'justice includes mercy' thing. Look for the lessons that come from decisions you've made that encouraged a BK, as that is productive and proactive, but no need to beat yourself up emotionally over it. There may be friends or family that view it from a judgmental perspective, but then they haven't walked in your shoes. Remove your emotions from it and accept it as the business decision it is, and realize it's a decision anyone in your situation with any intelligence would make. It will get easier to handle as you get past each milestone - filing, the 341, and then the discharge. Wishing you well.