Can a friend pay for my tuition before I file for bk?

[TheBajan]

Cin... you are not alone. We've all been that mess and even though I've already filed and things are smoother, I still find myself wondering when the next shoe will fall. I still start crying in the middle of doing ordinary, mundane tasks. My husband and I are in that age bracket that is very un-employable. I finally found a part time job 4 months ago after searching for 3 years. By part time I mean somewhere between 10 and 15 hours a week. My husband still spends a couple of hours every day after working trying to find a job that won't continue to cause his health to deteriorate. He hates the job he has but beggars can't be choosers and it took 2 years to find the job he's got. There is a light at the end of this. I just keep counting down... 32 more payments to go.

[pamkev]

Yes, I think that 99% of us have been there at some point or other in the process. I know that 'HUb and I have...

I agree and still do at times till this is all over with

[cin]

I'm sorry Angelina ... it's so hard, isn't it? I guess it's betrayal and helplessness and knowing the cards are stacked against you, and you didn't even know you were in the game .....

[AngelinaCat]

Have any of you been as much of an emotional mess as I am?

Yes, I think that 99% of us have been there at some point or other in the process. I know that 'HUb and I have...

[cin]

Hi Lilly, thank you for your words.. and so sorry you are going through the same nightmare. I am in Mass also -- we wrote earlier. I am paying a lot for insurance but it's good too ... not sure what will happen in the future, but today I am literally trying to take it easy. In my absolute panic (fight or flight), I thought that I should give away a shelter cat I got three months ago. (I have one cat and another who passed away 4 months ago). I was thinking that since I didn't know when and if I would lose my home, I should give up the new cat now, before I got more attached. A friend arranged for a girl to come take him ... I knew she would take care of him. I had him in the carrier in my living room, and started apologizing to him, broke down hysterically crying, and realized I couldn't do it. I shouldn't do it. He was just bonding with me (he was rescued from a ROOM with 12 cats and was just starting to trust me since he wasn't around people) ..... I realized that here I was, feeling like I got so screwed by people I trusted. And here I was, doing the same thing to the little guy. I apologized, let him out of the carrier, and promised I'd commit to giving him the best lie I can.

The woman who was taking him showed up, and I was STILL crying, trying to explain to her why I couldn't let him go. She understood of course, but what's up with me just CRYING and breaking down so much? I feel so weak. I feel so betrayed .. like you would if your mother said something incredibly cruel -- i feel gutted.

But I am keeping Gumby, the new cat, and he's bonded with my old 3-legged cat .... now if only someone would let me out of my cage ...

Have any of you been as much of an emotional mess as I am?

[lillymarlene]

cin, That's just awful. I know, I lost my business after 30 years. I'm now in my late 50's, and am surviving from online sales, and contributions from my boyfriend. A friend who lives in Florida also offered that if anything happens to my boyfriend, I could come stay with her. But I don't think this would work out since I now have health issues, COPD. I have good health insurance from being in this state, and my prescriptions would run over $1,500 per month alone.

[cin]

Angelina, thank you SO much or the kind words ... it really helps. My situation is identical to 'Hub's ... I am 53, and started working at a major Medical University around age 23. Back THEN, they were flush with money (one of the most expensive schools for M.D. training in the U.S.). My Chairman was an ex-radical hippy -- he's the one who blind-sided me,led me to his office, and I was fired by someone I never even met before. THEN they posted my job at 25K less ... I saw it on-line the day after I left. It's so hard not to be bitter; I feel a lot of betrayal and hurt, and that's what's holding me back today. It's been 2.5 months and I still cry if I try to say the sentence "I lost my job after 30 years..." Once I turn the corner on this (the betrayal and hurt), I will be able to think clearer. It's HORRIBLE to feel like a victim. The good news is I "might" have a decent case against them, but can't say more than that. It's just another one of those plates I have spinning in the air on a stick, bouncing off the unemployment, tuition, and bankruptcy plates .....

I can see that IF I can go to school, get rid of the under water condo, and start fresh doing something meaningful (at less salary of course), then MAYBE this will turn out to be a blessing. Right now it is more of a gang rape by a bunch of white rich corporate men who looked at me as nothing more than a number to be replaced by some young girl who will be me in another 30 years or so.

[AngelinaCat]

Cin, I truly do understand how you feel.

My dear 'Hub is still extremely bitter about the way AT&T (ATtack and Terminate) took over his beloved career company, NCR Corporation, and decimated it. When a 23 year old 'babe' walked into his group office one day and announced that everyone was through and the whole floor would would be gone in a month, 'Hub was devastated. That was in 1996. He was 52. He had been with the company since he was 19.

We learned to do other things, as you are now. Our BK came about as the result of foolish choices and circumstances well after that event.

What I am trying to say, is that we understand what you are feeling, and your grief processes. As I indicated, he is still bitter about the way he was treated.

Good wishes to you, and {{{HUGGSS}}}

[cin]

Drazil, you are SO right about no loyalty. I think they might have made a few mistakes on their rush to kick me to the curb to save that oh-so-important 25K, and believe me if I can screw them right back, you know I will. I have felt so betrayed, like catching a spouse in bed with another person ... 30 years is a long time.

The friend thing is really just a scenario and not someone I am dating ... of course I COULD say I was dating them, but it sounds like it would be kosher for someone else to write a check for my tuition and just say it was to help me .... I went out with an old friend a few nights ago and she told me I could move in with her if it came to it. I am so relieved. I have a hard time asking for help, so I haven't ... When she offered, I almost cried. God I've been so emotional ... I almost cried during a dog food commercial, thinking, oh noooo, a hungry dog ... (LOL I'm kidding, but that's almost NOT an exaggeration of how fragile I feel -- I can't imagine how hard filing bk will be. One step at a time I guess).

[Drazil65]

Hi Cin, I am so sorry for all the stress and you losing your employment after so long. I guess just another wake up call to many out there that no job is secure and there is no such thing as loyalty on the part of the employer now a days!

I thought I might ask about you about this friend of yours that you are dating, if someone is going to help you out with a sizable gift/loan because they love you and want the best for you, would this person let you go to the streets if all else failed? I guess I am asking because you said you do not have anywhere else to go. Sounds like this person cares alot for you. Good Luck!

[cin]

Lady in Red, BELIEVE me, if there is another way to get a vehicle, I will do that. My car is close to 13 years old. I will need reliable transportation to keep a job, to keep supporting myself, to keep off the street. That money will SAVE me from having no way to support myself .... I was homeless when I was in my early 20's and lived out of my car for awhile. Back then it was adventurous. Today, at age 53, I'd be suicidal. Then the 401K wouldn't mean anything ... I get your point, but I have quite a bit saved in my 401K and will STILL have well over 100K if I buy a car. I need a future. One that includes a life and a roof over my head.

[LadyInTheRed]

I think after school and bk, I will use my 401K to buy a car (mine is 12 years old and in my new career I will NEED one) ....

Please don't use your 401k to buy a car. Keep it for what is intended for: retirement. Find another way to buy a car.

[AngelinaCat]

If a "friend", or even someone I am "dating" writes out a check for 14K for tuition for me to go to a community college (after losing my job), would that be a problem? It wouldn't be going to ME, it's obviously so I can become re-employable in another area (lost job of 30 years, age 53) ... This would have to be paid NEXT July. I paid my mortgage through the end of August, and don't know what the best time frame to do this would be ....

If this is a GIFT from someone who loves me and wants me to have a better job future, would a trustee disqualify me from BK? Is it better to have this person do it six months before filing? After I file? I can't seem to find info on this. The only "gift" links I have found is when the person FILING bk gives someone else a gift.

Thanks! I am trying SO hard to figure out how to pay for school without losing unemployment (which won't start until mid October) ... I already know I can't take money from my 401K .... How the heck can I do this 10 month intensive course without losing unemployment or bk rights? UGGGGH!!!

Thanks to anyone that as any ideas on how I can make this work. I think after school and bk, I will use my 401K to buy a car (mine is 12 years old and in my new career I will NEED one) ....

This sounds like a very good plan. And when you are back on your feet financially, you can pay it back. Or if this is truly a gift, that is great. Congratulations.

[cin]

Thank you keep and Valle!

Keepmine, this is the PERFECT answer to how I can pay for tuition (15K) for a 10-month intensive program to be retrained .... and NOT lose unemployment .... and STILL be able to file bankruptcy without worrying about doing it at the perfect time ... juggling those three objectives has been impossible ... and this is the solution! YEAH!!!!!

Valle, I am hoping to stay here as long as possible. I am in Massachusetts, and don't there's no definite answer to how long I could stay here without paying. I have two loans from Sovereign Bank. First mortgage is regular, second one is called a "Soft Second" held by Mass Housing Partnership. It is 80/20, so I didn't have to ay PMI as a first time buyer, at 5.125%. The soft second mortgage payment increases each year. Started at 40/month, currently at 65, and will increase to 250/month in 3 years. I've known for the past two years that I would be screwed once that happens ... I guess losing my job in June makes the decision much easier.

I wonder if it takes longer for a bank to evict someone in my situation ... two loans, a CONDO with no equity (versus a house), I am -45K according to last tax bill, but -70 if I look at condo next door who put theirs up for sale, couldn't sell, and are renting it out. Any thoughts on this? I kind of "think" they won't be in a rush to get this place back.

Also, I plan on paying the 306/month condo fee throughout the entire process -- I hope that's a good decision. I assume I won't have to pay the town taxes if I am not paying the mortgage, but I haven't looked into that yet.

Thanks! Wow, this might be my FIRST real "hope" as far as school goes. Getting an LPN license will mean I can move ANYWHERE and not be tied to a big city o make a decent wage in an office-type work situation. And I think I'd be a hell of a lot happier helping people ....

[ValleYum]

We filed bk in December 2010 and we are still in our house. Time is running out but we will make 2 years without a payment (we made our last payment in September 2010). We did try for a mod but they only reduced our payment by $200 so we declined their mod offer. For less than the modification amount they offered we can rent and not worry about the repairs, maintenance and HOA. We may try a SS since they offer a relocation allowance... we shall see!