Who did you tell that you were filing bankruptcy?

[gettingnewstart]

I'm going to be filing Chapter 7 this week. I have been in debt since 15 years ago when I got my first CC in college. I graduated w/ CC and student loan debt. The last four years is has gotten out of control and I just don't see how I can pay it down. It's over 100k unsecured debt. No luxury items, no lavish living, just a snowball from 15 yrs ago and never being able to get out from it. My parents and siblings know I have debt. My siblings know the amount. My parents don't know, unless a sibling shared that info. My decision to seek counsel and file bankruptcy has been done while only confiding in one friend who is completely supportive of this life changing decision. Has anyone told their family that they filed/are filing bankruptcy? I know my parents are going to be worried, disappointed, etc. But I just don't know that I can hide the stress for the next 3-4 months.
I am already looking at ways to get on top of my finances. I love Suze Orman and I recently got "introduced" to Dave Ramsey, and I'm reading every financial book I can. I want 6 months emergency fund. I want a money market account. I get excited to think that I'll actually be able to start saving and planning for retirement. My parents have done things right financially and I was asking my mom questions about their finances... do they have a MMA, IRA's, savings, CDs, etc. She wasn't uncomfortable talking about what they had, but I know she was thinking, well, why the hell do you care? you have huge debt. I almost told her that I'm filing, and I want a new start and I want to do it right, which is paying cash for everything and saving and planning for retirement. But then I got scared.... Has anyone shared their situation w/ close family who never was in a situation like this? How did it go? did you wait until it was all said and done and cleared?

[miss puff]

Hi Gettingnewstart *waves* Welcome! My husband and I have not told anyone that we are filing. I will probably end up telling my sister as we are very close and she is not judgemental at all. My husbands family is another matter and we would hope that they would NEVER find out. They are all financially well off and view how successful you are on your bank account. It sounds like you and your mom might be close and she might surprise you and be very supportive. Good luck!

[lrprn]

It's great that you are proactively doing what you need to do to get your finances back on track permanently, GNS - way to go and welcome to the board!

Who did we tell? Frankly for months just thinking about what we were going to have to do (file Ch 13) made me blubber like a baby uncontrollably. At first the only people I told were my two closest friends and my direct boss (who had to know because our filing could impact the corporate credit card I use for business travel only - he's been a great support, btw). Once I could talk about filing and not instantly cry, I made the leap and told two of my sisters and my work team members (they were all worried about me because they noticed I was so sad and withdrawn - very unlike my normal self). All of them have been great - very supportive. My parents both passed away a few years ago so I didn't have to worry about that. My husband told his two closest work colleagues so they could recommend a reliable bk lawyer - that's it for him - he says he will never tell anyone in his family. Since our trustee accepts personal checks, we didn't have to deal with either of our HR departments so our employers at the corporate level aren't aware we filed. We don't intend to tell anyone else at this point - we're on a "need to know only" basis from here on out.

[keepmine]

I told my wife {kinda hard to keep something like that from a spouse} and my brother.

[JeepMom]

My family knows that we did. Some people in my social circle are starting to find out but that's because I'd rather help someone avoid making mistakes or help someone recover as quickly as I did.

Dh's parents/family do not know. They will never know. We moved in Dec because of a job change. The excuse for renting was we still owned our home and didn't know how long it would take to sell. It sold in 2 days. Who knew?!?!? So, now that we're 5 months out we attempt to get a mortgage and we got one. His parents will never know. Not getting a mortgage was our only fear about them finding out and well, we've taken care of that.

[anonymuse]

Dad was the first to mention it to me as an option after hearing something on a talk radio show. We vowed never to tell other family members (BK & Catholic church are not a good combo.) A couple of my best friends that live outside of the state.

That's all folks!

[gettingnewstart]

Thanks for the welcome!
I spent four hours this morning at Barnes and Nobles reading books about BK, life after BK, saving for emergency and retirement, etc. I am so scared to be going through this but at the same time this can be my new start and I can do things right this time. That is very exciting to me. And that is when I have trouble when talking to my mom. I am close w/ her, we talk a few times a day and when I sd I just left B&N she asked if I was reading real estate books there,.... i had to say that I was looking at money books. I think I will end up telling her....Maybe after the 341 mtg. Or maybe before if I just can't hold it in. I just don't know how she'll view that long term. Who knows, maybe she'll be relieved for me. No more drowning in debt and I'll still have my house and car and I'll be able to start doing things right; like how my parents did. Which makes me wonder, what happened to me? My sisters are savers, my parents are savers, did I miss the financial class for the family?

[NASCAR20FAN]

I have told no one... No one will know until it's over...

[krobin02]

I told my sister, coworkers, and friends. My friends all live 200 or more miles away so it's not a problem there. I have not nor will I ever tell my brother or parents. MY parents value a person based on their financial status (including their children) and wouldn't understand. My older brother would judge me like none other and then run to mommy and daddy to tell them what a screw up their daughter turned out to be. I don't feel the need for that so I have kept it extremely quiet.

[BassBoy]

We didn't tell a soul until after we were filed.........that's when changes would have begun (getting ready to move) and everyone would start asking questions. However, I did tell my 2 best friends because they have always been there for me and have always supported me. Heck, I needed someone to vent to or else I would have been like a volcano, ready to explode if I had to bottle it up.

[Anj]

me, husband and lawyer - that's it... it's a 13, so nothing is given back or lost - so life doesn't change on the outside...

[debtisbad]

You do not need to tell anyone, particularly parents. You have to remember that they are from a different generation and a different time. In their day, you went to work for one company, retired from there with a full pension and healthcare. My father worked for the same company for over 40 years. He has a huge pension, healthcare and all the bennies. We, of this generation do not, nor ever will have, that security. We live in a different world. We outsource, and insource or whatever flavor you want to call it. Companies buy and sell each other and do not bat an eyelash at letting individuals go. This would include individuals who have labored at the same company for years. No one gives a hoot anymore. So, I can almost guarantee you that parents probably WILL NOT understand. I'm 40's going back to college and my father thinks "what the he)) for!" But he is 70's in his beach house! Lord knows, I would not tell him in a million years. He would think I was a complete failure at life and probably disown me!

[fsugirl]

Parents, grandmother, 2 of my best friends in the world and that's it...NOT REALLY ANYBODY ELSES BUSINESS FOR THAT MATTER !

[danas15146]

I had to tell my boss because of the PRD and also had to file notice with the NASD because of my securities license. So really - anyone that wanted to check could find out easily.

As far as family - we only told my father-in-law. He is very non-judgemental. I don't want my parents to know because I am embarassed. I did mention that we were getting rid of credit cards and trying to pay down debt - but didn't mention the Chapter 13 plan. The rest of their family - not their beeswax! My kids are 6 & 8 so they only know that we are reducing spending and not wasting money on things we don't need. I figure that they don't need to know more than that.

Other than that - I have a couple of close friends that know. Not sure who hubby has told - as long as it's not my mom and step-dad I don't care who he tells.

Chapter 13 filed - 4/6/06
341 completed - 6/5/06
Awaiting confirmation


two payments down - 58 more to go.

[SinkingFast]

We've told our parents. And our siblings all know. Plus one other very trusted family member. As far as family goes, that's it.

I told a couple of very close friends because they were asking questions. They were wondering how in the world we were supporting 2 households for so long. Finally had to break out and confess we weren't supporting 2 households the last few months.

Nobody was surprised or shocked. Everyone has been very sympathetic and supportive.