This whole marriage thing...

[JusticeForAll]

Oh yeah, can SO relate to this one!

My first husband did the EXACT same thing. Literally, the next day after we were married, HE turned me into his MOTHER!

When we were leaving our honeymoon resort and boarding the plane, I knew right then and there I had made a HUGE mistake.

One year later, we were living under the same roof, but had completely separate lives.

Two years into the marriage, we got divorced! What a relief that was.

I call that my "starter" marriage. (some people buy starter homes, i had a starter marriage )

2nd hubby is awesome.........13 years and feel like a newlywed!

I hope and pray that this will work out for you Tinroofrusted! GAWD, I wouldn't wish a bad marriage on my worst enemy. But I DON'T think you're there yet!!!!

Minny's advice is sound!!!

Wish you the best Tinroofrusted, really I do

[brokemommy]

I'll be darn there she is right after I wrote that, and as I predicted a great answer. I enjoyed reading it myself for my own situation. Good response Minny well done.


Like this part;

"All the little quirks and nasty habits that irritate you now, you never noticed (or ignored) before you married. Before you married your relationship was built on attraction, passion, and willingness to "please" the other person......
Now its built on "living with each other every day"...... BIG DIFFERENCE....."

[Minnymouth]

Well Tin, I see the honeymoon is now over!!!

And yes, some people do change the day they get married....... Some turn into monsters, some turn into "I own you" people, and some turn into a peson full of "questions all the time"........ the "real person inside of each of us" starts showing after the wedding.......

Often after people get married the man says "your no longer working", "where have you been", "what have you been doing all day"?, "I have a piece of paper that says I OWN YOU", ETC...... Some men turn into "control freaks"! Some turn violent and abusive.....

The woman starts with "pick you clothes up", "where have you been", NO, your not going out with the boys - your married now", "I'm not going around your mother - I don't like her", etc...... Some women turn into real nags!!

All the little quirks and nasty habits that irritate you now, you never noticed (or ignored) before you married. Before you married your relationship was built on attraction, passion, and willingness to "please" the other person......
Now its built on "living with each other every day"...... BIG DIFFERENCE.....

Try sitting down and talking to your new spouse (control you redheaded temper) and tell him how you are really feeling right now...... don't let it go!! Also take the time to "listen" to him.

If he is not willing to "talk" - THEN you are going to have some SERIOUS PROBLEMSin the future.....

You should still be in honeymoon status...... if it is changing already, it will probably get worse in the future....

If your present relationship gets worse in the next 3 months, it is not going to IMPROVE over the years......

Best to make changes sooner, than later.....

Every new couple have their "little problems" they have to work out.... if their not they turn into "big problems" later.... and keep growing.

When you all talk, ask him to make a list of what he "expects out of you" as a wife, and you do the same regarding him as a "husband"...... Compare your list and see where changes or things need to be "discussed".....

Remember LOVE only goes so far....... and often between Love and Hate is a "thin line".......

Good luck, I hope things can be worked out for you and yours......

If you need to vent - we are here to help............ if you need to cry - we'll cry with you......

The only thing worse than a "bad divorce" is a "bad marriage".......

Listen to your heart, BUT ALSO LISTEN TO YOUR MIND................

Minny

[brokemommy]

You know who could say something positive, motivational and talk in a
upbeat way---------------Minny!!

Minny needs to say something here, I have had pm's from her, she has great people skills I would like to hear a response from her.

I do feel bad about the trouble so early on. Do you really think it is you, or are you the outlet for his something bothering him? How could he be that upset with you after you just got back from a honeymoon.

Best wishes, I anxiously await a minny response on this.

Take care
BM

[miss puff]

He's also sleeping on the couch already, and I can't for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong.

aawww, hun, virtual hug your way. Hopefully whatever is on his mind he will tell you and you two can work it out. Good luck

[tinroofrusted]

Not knowing anything about you:



Ever heard of this:

The first time you get married its's usually for Love, the second time is for money, and the third for companionship.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and DISCUSS things. Try not to argue, think logically not emotionally.

Good Luck, Catchmeifyoucan

I've tried to get him to sit down since we came back from Florida... it's a no go. He always has something bigger, better, or more important to do.

He's also sleeping on the couch already, and I can't for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong.

[CATCHMEIFYOUCAN]

Quit While Your Ahead

Not knowing anything about you:

Things ain't gonna change, that's my opinion.

I ended up being in a relationship for 5 years. I "saw things" in the beginining of the relationship but figured, things will change over time. Nope! They only got worst. I should of "quit while I was ahead." But, everyone is different and have different needs. If your needs aren't being met - how long are you willing to put up with it? You deserve better.

Now I'm in a different and wonderful relationship of 9 years. I've been working 2 full time jobs all the while and we are still together. We are not a "needy," lovey-dovey type couple, dependent on ones company (obviously). People ask me "you two hardly spend time with each other," how do you do it?! I don't know. It depends on your needs - wants .. all that stuff.

Ever heard of this:

The first time you get married its's usually for Love, the second time is for money, and the third for companionship.

Why don't you sit down with your partner and DISCUSS things. Try not to argue, think logically not emotionally.

Good Luck, Catchmeifyoucan

[tinroofrusted]

Is not what I was hoping for.

It's as if overnight he's completely changed into this snarling, snappy monster, and quite frankly, I am sick of it already.

I hate my job right now, and I am starting to hate him.....

Any suggestions before I completely lose it?