This whole marriage thing...

[Minnymouth]

Tin,

How's it going now???? Peace in the household??? Dinner dates??? Gradually adjusting to the new married life???

See you found a new job to help with some of the stress relief.......

Keep us posted......

[AMISLANDER]

Listen...

...I can't even talk to my boyfriend first thing in the morning/and/or on the way when I drop him off at work...you have never met a more grouchy, insulting, person...(but you know with men, that's cause they're upset about something....or their place in the world)...I don't know...I never fought with my xhusband...my boyfriend & do have fights but we work "through" them instead of around them...and if he brought on the problem, he will apologize...but I have to give him that space in which to do it...it's the NC of the day time...(no contact)....he was an *ss this morning but finally called me at quarter to 4 this afternoon, all apologetic...

What do I know...just better to let it go...leave...when the frustrations mount up because, believe me, I could unleash a flury of obnoxiousnous but it would be very hurtfull and it wouldn't make anything better except me letting my meaness out when he's the one that started the incident...so today, I kept a lid on it....

[tinroofrusted]

I personally think the comittment of marriage is a beautiful thing. Despite the rediculously high divorce rate of today!

I completely agree.

But I also think that there are people out there, who should never marry, and who should never have children; they are just so obviously not suited for that lifestyle, but they try to do it anyway, and it's a disaster.

[HRx]

I personally think the comittment of marriage is a beautiful thing. Despite the rediculously high divorce rate of today!

[Credit Hater]

I hope things are going better for you Tin. I didn't know what to say when I first read your post, so I waited to see if things improved. It takes two, thats for sure and you have already made a HUGE step in saying your job is stressing you out and maybe thats affecting your mood towards him. A new marriage seems to me it could be kind of stressful too, not exactly in a bad way, but just the changes and adjustments to living and sharing with another person. Only time can help getting through the adjustments....of course communication helps too, so be sure to say whats on your mind and tell him to do the same. Holding things in only makes it harder to talk about as time passes.

[Minnymouth]

Has to be hard on your spouse working for dear old Dad........ parents always treat you like a kid (and really don't mean too - but they forget)........

If you say anything about his job or against his job - your talking about dear old Dad - bad mistake......

That's something he will have to deal with or find another that is more fullfilling for him.......

Some people can carry on the family tradition, some can't.......

Glad your talking and trying to work things out....... and a quiet dinner date is often the best time....... just you and him.......

By the way, girlfriend, get out the flannel sheets and down comforter, slide in "butt naked" and believe me you will NEVER KNOW its cold in Michigan in the winter......LOL

Minny

[anonymuse]

Tin, we really appreciate you sticking around so long to lend your knowledge and advice since most BKers leave after their discharge.

[tinroofrusted]

Also Tin, make sure you both are sleeping in the same bed, preferably naked! I agree to not use sex as a weapon, however, men are physical creatures and maybe he can't be all wordy with how he is feeling, he might be able to physically show you that he still wants you, just is having a hard time with something. It's hard to get over feelings of rejection so really encourage him back in your bed if he's not already.

You have some great advice here. I will think of you often and hope you find a new job that makes you happier. It's amazing how a bad job can bring you down. Good luck hun.

it is way too cold now to be sleeping naked! ;) We are talking mid-October in Michigan!

On the other hand, we had a nice dinner last night, and we did talk about a few things. I think it would help too, if he were to get out from under working for his Daddy, and actually get a job that he could accomplish something at, and feel good about himself! That's part of his problem also.

BTW- My BK has been over and done with for 2 years!!! I have finally hit that two year mark, and am excited about that. Hard to believe I have been here almost that long too.

You guys are great though!

[miss puff]

Keep going on those dates, keep talking, and definitely keep a sense of humor.

Also Tin, make sure you both are sleeping in the same bed, preferably naked! I agree to not use sex as a weapon, however, men are physical creatures and maybe he can't be all wordy with how he is feeling, he might be able to physically show you that he still wants you, just is having a hard time with something. It's hard to get over feelings of rejection so really encourage him back in your bed if he's not already.

You have some great advice here. I will think of you often and hope you find a new job that makes you happier. It's amazing how a bad job can bring you down. Good luck hun.

[jane taylor]

Tin, I can so relate to being miserable at work. I can't imagine being newly wed AND miserable at my job. At work we all have to "behave" and then when we get home we tend to take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most. It is hard after living with someone almost 20 years, much less little over a month. Throw in BK and you really have a wild ride.

Keep going on those dates, keep talking, and definitely keep a sense of humor.

Good luck job hunting and am praying for a peaceful evening for y'all.

jane

[anonymuse]

If you're not aware of Tin's current history (having BK and very recently wed--with very frustrating wedding arrangements), please be sensitive with your comments (as you should anywhere on the boards.) People come here for information, but also support. That's what makes these boards different from most.

Keep your head up, Tin!

There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, so don't try to achieve the impossible. Take it one step at a time and start with communicating. Glad to hear you went out on a date! His or your idea?

[jane taylor]

Hey, Tin!

So sorry that things are still not going well, but glad you guys were able to go out on a date.

My husband isn't a talker either and sometimes he doesn't seem to have any drive to do anything around the house, etc. (He is very motivated and organized at work, but at the house says he has to "feel" like doing something! Huh! I'm a mom, wish I could just wait to "feel" like doing something!) When he does do something; however, he does an outstanding job. We are as different as daylight and dark on the surface, but when it comes down to what REALLY matters like spirituality, morality, etc., we are so similar. (Oh yeah, and football )

Hang in there, but boy do I know it is tough. There are days when I want to get my grandmother's black cast iron skillet after him --just kidding of course!!!!

[tinroofrusted]

I intend on taking my vows quite seriously.

To everyone else, thanks for the prayers and support. I am believing in a miracle and hoping for a change. I am also beginning to think that part of it may be ME. I am so miserable at my job, I am sure I am taking it home, and am a complete ***** to live with at times, and I can't blame him for not wanting to be around me. So the job search is officially on... I can't be this miserable, and if that's what's causing this, it's not worth my marriage, or my misery.

Keep the thoughts coming.

We DID have a nice date night this weekend, so that kept me going and boosted me up a little bit!

[edwards2]

tin...your post really hit home for me...at least the first time I was married. In my case, however, I knew it was a mistake BEFORE I did it. I was so miserable and stayed in it for 2 years trying to make a lost cause work. Looking back on it I think I married him because we had gone together a few years and in my young mind I thought those years would have been wasted had we not getting married...stupid...of course but you learn from your mistakes. My second husband is the polar opposite of my first...thank goodness. tin...only you know whether your marriage is a keeper. It may be too early to tell but on the other hand we hope our honeymoon lasts a few months. If two people live together before marriage I can see where the "newness" may have already worn off. I lived with my first husband before marriage...rather he moved in with me...same thing I know...he was cheap even back then but I did not with my second husband. Maybe a coincidence at least it worked for me. I know you are upset and concerned but whatever you do keep the lines of communication open. Men are not comfortable with spilling their guts so try and understand if all of your Dr. Phil questions dont get answered. My husband is not a talker - thank goodness because I never stop - and it was really hard for me to adjust to fighting virtually solo. We have been married 20 years this year and of course we have had a number of crises...but we have survived and you will too no matter what you decide. My best friend told me one time I needed to quit expecting things to be perfect...I have tried to follow her advice. Sorry you are feeling down so soon...I will keep you in my prayers.

[tradewiz50]

Edited by Moderator