Kids and BR

[whatamess]

My kids are very paranoid for some reason. Every time someone is at the door or the phone rings they get paranoid it BOfa. One day the mail lady brougth a package and the older one thought the police were here to arrest me! Last night when I put them to bed they asked if we would starve and who would go to jail, me or daddy!!! I find this odd, as my husband and I have not talked about it to much except we have a debt we owe and cant buy much now and are broke. I guess the nasty messages on the phone have bothered them?
Has anyone else delt with this?
WAM

[Runnin on empty]

My kids are very paranoid for some reason. Every time someone is at the door or the phone rings they get paranoid it BOfa. One day the mail lady brougth a package and the older one thought the police were here to arrest me! Last night when I put them to bed they asked if we would starve and who would go to jail, me or daddy!!! I find this odd, as my husband and I have not talked about it to much except we have a debt we owe and cant buy much now and are broke. I guess the nasty messages on the phone have bothered them?
Has anyone else delt with this?
WAM

WAM, while I'm not speaking from experience (yet), I can say that since your children are old enough to understand that things are financially strained, they are old enough to be made aware of what can and cannot happen. Explain to them that nobody is going to jail. Tell them that while things will be tight for a while, everyone will be able to eat.

In my opinion, this is a perfect chance to start teaching not only yourselves, but your kids about living life frugally and making sure they save for a rainy day. I know I will be with our children. Mine aren't quite old enough to grasp the concepts, but they will learn that we must save for the things we want, and that need definitely outweighs want.

Just this morning, I figured out that if we stop buying some superfluous snack foods (including Diet Coke), we will cut out over $80 a month from our food budget. $80 is a lot of money for junk food! We've lived too high on the hog for too long. While I'm embarrassed that we've forced ourselves into BK, I'm so glad that it has happened while we're still young enough to change our ways, make sure we save for retirement, and show our kids what is truly important in this life, family and friends, not possessions and worthless trinkets.

Don't get me wrong, we're not going to move into the hills and wear clothing made of leaves and grass, but we surely need to re-evaluate our priorities through and through.

[DeadManCrawling]

I'm so glad that it has happened while we're still young enough to change our ways, make sure we save for retirement, and show our kids what is truly important in this life, family and friends, not possessions and worthless trinkets.

Don't get me wrong, we're not going to move into the hills and wear clothing made of leaves and grass, but we surely need to re-evaluate our priorities through and through.

Absolutely agree, one million percent.

[SinkingFast]

You kids may have over heard something. Either something said by another child at school. Or adults talking about something that happened to someone they know. Or maybe someone has said something directly to them. Or maybe it's something they saw on TV.

Could be your kids are piecing together what they know of your personal situation with the other situation they heard or saw that's terrifying them.

You need to sit down and have a chat with your kids. Find out where these super scarey fears are coming from. The "What If's" they've got running around in their heads.

Maybe explain to them a little more, in kiddie terms, about what's going on. Something along the lines of,........... You're working with someone. A person that specializes in these kinds of situation. He/She's gonna fix your problems for you and then things are gonna be all better.

[whatamess]

I did talk with them, but Im not sure how much an 8 & just turned 4 year old get. Hopefully they wont think anyone who comes to the door anymore is going to arrest us!!
Thanks for the input everyone. I hope my kids can learn good money skills, thats for sure.
I have cut back on junk food too, much to my kids dismay. Im trying to buy apples, grapes, raw veggies and dip for snacks and make home made ice tea for drinks. On Sat nights we can have soda and popcorn or a bag of chips for movie night. (free movies from library!!)
I do miss going to the theater!!!
WAM

[HenriettaHen]

WAM, can your kids hear the answering machine? They're all ears at that age, and although they probably don't understand the adult meaning of the calls, they may be absorbing the urgency of them, the tone of voice, etc.

Kids are sponges for all types of language cues. They know when something's up with Ma and Pa. The fact that they know what BofA is makes me think they have heard either phone messages or maybe you talking on the phone.

We ALWAYS listened to our parents on the phone, but knew to pretend not to be listening.

I wonder if there are any bedtime books about these things? That might help.

In the meantime, I'd turn the ringer OFF and the volume DOWN indefinitely. They might be getting scared that you aren't answering the phone when it rings.

Kids think up all kinds of scary stuff. They changed a light at our neighborhood park when I was a kid, and I could see the spillover from the new light from my bedroom. I was POSITIVE it was a UFO, and made my father take me there to prove it wasn't.

I was seven.

[brokeinmichigan]

We have intentionally kept it from our kids for just this reason. Kids have enough to worry about, without adding BK worries into the mix. Although our kids are older than yours, we still decided that we wouldn't burden them with this.

Interestingly, today stepson wanted to go open a checking account (so he could have a debit card) at his credit union. He is only 17, so needs a parent to go with him. Well, since we're in the midst of BK, neither DH nor I cared to have them run a credit check with stepson sitting there, just in case they had to deny us.

We talked with stepson about the dangers of having the "convenience" of the debit card, expecially in light of the fact that he's saving for a car. He's been a good saver, thus far. He has an ATM card, and we suggested that instead of getting a debit card, that is too tempting to use frequently, that he get his "allowance" that he sets for himself out at the beginning of the week, budget accordingly and when it's gone...it's gone.

We discussed "beefing up our CRs" and not wanting new inquiries on our CRs with him, etc.

He let it go, and for now, is going to just stick with his ATM.

Whew...dodged another bullet.

Hoping for brighter skies ahead...

[sickandtired8]

My kids are very paranoid for some reason. Every time someone is at the door or the phone rings they get paranoid it BOfa. One day the mail lady brougth a package and the older one thought the police were here to arrest me! Last night when I put them to bed they asked if we would starve and who would go to jail, me or daddy!!! I find this odd, as my husband and I have not talked about it to much except we have a debt we owe and cant buy much now and are broke. I guess the nasty messages on the phone have bothered them?
Has anyone else delt with this?
WAM

I would definately turn the ringer off and the volume down on the answering maching. I would talk to the 8 year old alone in very different terms than the 4 year old of course. They understand alot more than you think. I think if they are worried, it just goes to show how smart they really are. Knowledge is power, they both need a talk but at different levels. A good time to start lessons in savings would also show them the light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck! S&T

[lrprn]

We have intentionally kept it from our kids for just this reason. Kids have enough to worry about, without adding BK worries into the mix. Although our kids are older than yours, we still decided that we wouldn't burden them with this.

BOM, you need to do what you think is right for your kids in this situation. You know your kids better than anyone. However, just to bring in another viewpoint, there are life-long lessons about handling finances that your bk can teach your children as well.

I was a pediatric ICU nurse for 20 years and very familiar with parents trying to keep medical information from their kids who already had guessed something was seriously wrong but didn't want to worry their parents by asking mom or dad about it. Instead, they would ask us.

Knowing teens the way I do, I'm betting that your teens know a lot more about what's going on with your finances than you think - they just aren't asking you about it because it's obvious to them that you don't want to talk about it. So now they are silently worrying and not able to get any balancing information from you because you've placed the subject off-limits. In my experience, kids tend to worry even more when they are left to sort things out on their own with half-truths and misunderstood overheard information.

Bankruptcy can be explained to a child as young as 4 up through the teen years by presenting the information in a matter-of-fact way that the child can understand. The key is the child knowing that you have a plan to fix things. It's also good for kids to see that even parents sometimes have to learn a lesson the hard way too.

You can work together as a family to make things better. Most kids 10 and older are relieved to be able to talk about the family money problems openly and be a part of fixing them. Of course, they moan and groan about not being to spend what they may have been used to before, but at least they know why they can't. By including them , kids also get an up-close-and-personal look at what happens when you DON'T handle money well. That's a very valuable life lesson to imprint when your kids are 12 and beyond.

We decided to tell our older kids about our self-created financial problems and invited them into the planning to fix them. Both of them have thanked us repeatedly, and both of them swear that they will avoid our financial mistakes now because they've watched the consequences and how devastating they are. Not a bad piece of parenting, eh?

[chpxiii]

Children pick up on far more than adults/parents think they do. No matter how careful you think you might be, children know. They'll over hear something, listen in, eavesdrop, or even sense the general overal vibes of the household and parents.

Children are VERY VERY keen on the mood, feelings, and anxiousness/stress of their parents as they are far more open to what is really going on, rather than deny or explain it away - as adults learn to do as they grow up.

[BKOnce]

Bottom line of dealing with kids today ==>> Know when to speak, when to "white" lie, when to tell "black" truth, when to hide, when to cover, when to cry, when to laugh, when to praise, when to admonish, when to punish, etc..., at right time, right occasion, right location, right moment, right age, right mentality, ...etc..