A Financial Crisis has not changed anybody.

[Bandit]

I understand some of the other responses, however when parents are going through financial crisis and the adult children are still at home spending, eating, using electricity, using the television, watching the cable etc....personally speaking, since it is not a secret and everybody living in this household realizes that we have to be on a budget, then I feel that all parties involved should participate in the process.

I would feel the same to a degree, but I would be the only one who could put my foot down or explain to them.
So what do you want your adult children living at home to do? Help out by pitching in what they can with the bills?
If they are adult enough to hold down full time jobs and pay for car insurance, that is not too much to ask.

As far as participating in the entire process of BK, I do not think I can agree with that because that seems like it is their BK (unless they are going to apply for BK with you also) when I am sure they will have their own financial crisis to deal with at some point.

Is it more like, you want them to understand the process of BK with you so they learn something valuable and change by not having to go through one of their own?

Do you feel like your children are just not there for you at this hard time? or like they do not care?
You want them to change, yes? How do you want them to change?

You do not have to answer the questions if you do not want to. I am just trying to be understanding is all, 6ftladycop.

I always pitched in on groceries and rent while still at home because that is how we did things as a family.
I just learned that my father went through a BK when I was still living at home and I did not have a clue that he did it. That is how much he kept it from us kids all these years because he always felt ashamed and he told me he did not want his children to be ashamed of him and that is why he never told us. Now that I am most likely facing one (20 years later), I understand what he went through and we are both relating to each other. At that time of his BK, I would have never understood any of it no matter how much he would have tried to make me go through the process of his BK.

You can't just change someone like unzipping their head, taking out what you don't like and putting in what you like then zip their head back up and poof everyone is changed.

If you are specifically speaking of change concerning the process of budgeting due to the BK then I totally agree with you because the children are living with you and that to me is just common courtesy and respect.

If you are speaking of change through and due to the actual BK and participating in the BK process itself, I don't see how that is possible because the children are not involved in the BK itself.
They are NEVER going to fully understand/change until they have to go through it themselves. That is probably when you will notice the complete change you are desiring.

[6ftladycop]

Its funny some of the people on this forum even act as if we should work harder to pay these bills back. I am just a little upset right now read chapter 7 forum and you will see on one of my most recent post why. lol

I was afraid to say it out loud and glad someone else did, but its funny....I kinda felt that way also. 85 percent of those here are basically posting so that we can all talk and vent and get some good advice, but there are those that seem as if they would like for us to start paying some of the money back we owe....at least judging from some post...one would get that impression....I could be wrong, but I always go with gut feelings when I read something and some folks are just not so nice.....just my 2 cents.

[redwritingmom]

Other peoples' money is other peoples' business. Just as we don't like the feeling that some might look at us and judge what we purchased (that must have aided our fall into BK), let's offer the same grace to others.

Since everyone deals with money, everyone has an opinion about how it should or should not be managed. It's really nobody's business.

It feels yucky to see others having no problems with money (especially when they seem like lesser people) but rest assured, noboby leaves this earth without some ding in their lives. Let's try to offer grace in the areas that are working for them. It will only tear YOU up to be mad about what they are spending and why.