Noticing the effects of Foreclosure on kids

[BK2008]

My house is in foreclosure, and we will be out of it sometime next month and living with my sister in another state for various reasons.

What makes me sad about losing the home is:

Kids are established in schools, with teachers they like, friends they have made. There is a routine to their day to day life right now. A new school in a different state means starting all over again.

The kids have friends all over the neighborhood, the type you spend-the-night with, or visit. Everybody seems to know everybody, they're outside all over the street. Going to live in an apartment, in a busy city, this is no longer going to happen.

Giving up our two cats, because they can't go with us. I made arrangements to relinquish them to a shelter (where we originally got them). My sweetie cat, I am going to miss so much. I was in tears as I made that appointment to turn them in. My kids know we can't keep them, but I don't think it has sunk in yet. This is going to be a disaster that day. I am dreading it.

I love my sister, but living in an apartment...I haven't done that since I was in my early 20's, and that is going to be a hard adjustment for me. It's not my home, most of my personal belongings are going into storage (pictures, etc).
I sold most of my furniture, don't want to move it and have to pay storage on a large space. Sharing space with another adult, I haven't done it in years. More adjustment to come.

All of this because, I lost my job and couldn't hold on to the house.

I'm feeling rather lousy these days, knowing this is coming up soon. I'm seeing all of the losses, but none of what I might be gaining.

Has anybody else noticed the effect on people in your family??

[BK2008]

PS: My 7 yo son just gave me $1.00 worth of change so we can 'keep the house'.

[JRScott]

I've not been in your situation but I feel for you.

Try to stay strong and keep faith.

[TEW]

Hey BK
Don't take this all on yourself. sounds like a lot of things happened that weren't in your control.
lots of us in the same boat from the way things are looking you maybe better off with out the house.
it's always been my belief that things happen for a resin. every time something has happened to me when i look back I seem to always be in a better place.
talk about feeling lousy I remember the night I was up all night trying to figure out how i was going to pay the bills
what I was going to have to let go until the screamed. that wasn't that long ago and NOW I think I am in a much better place then I was back then.
good luck and cheer up

[lillaimof2kids]

I just want to say I'm sorry you and your children have to go thru this!! I wish you the best of luck in the future!

[Flamingo]

I have not been in your situation but know that change in any way, shape or form is difficult to deal with. Our comfortable spot is taken away and we have to adjust to an entirely new spot. I am sorry as to your situation and having to go through all that and having to give up all you have to give up. There are many people now in your situation or similar situations. Try to treat what is to come as a new adventure and start and take it from there as best as you can and take one day at a time and make the best of what you have to work with at the time. You are lucky to have your sister to help you out. Best of luck to you!

[allavdj]

A bit of a side note, but kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Try to explain as best you can whats going on and why. Keeping them out of the dark will go a long ways in helping them understand and go along with whats happening in the family. Try to keep it positive and make an adventure out of it, if you are negative your kids will be negative...if you are positive, your kids will be positive. Kids feed off us and our emotions and learn how to react to situations based on how we react.

[BKOnce]

Great! When/If your children, if any, would file their own BKs later... they (too) would ignore and hide their issue/matter/emotions/effects from you (too)... & don't say that I didn't warn you first.. (Pacer would help.. LOL)

[BK2008]

A bit of a side note, but kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Try to explain as best you can whats going on and why. Keeping them out of the dark will go a long ways in helping them understand and go along with whats happening in the family. Try to keep it positive and make an adventure out of it, if you are negative your kids will be negative...if you are positive, your kids will be positive. Kids feed off us and our emotions and learn how to react to situations based on how we react.

My kids are well aware that I do not have a job, or money.
I do not hide the facts of life, nor am I putting a super positive spin on this whole thing, although I am not representing it as the end of the world either. I think it's more beneficial for them to know that things happen, whether it's through no fault of our own or not, and you just have to pick up the pieces and fix what you can.

Thanks for all the good thoughts, I feel better today, probably because I just had a idea I am going to present to the lender to see if it flies. I also had another thought that should work well in the event I do move out of state and what kind of work I want to do (vs what I HAVE to do) and start my career over again.

[BK2008]

Great! When/If your children, if any, would file their own BKs later... they (too) would ignore and hide their issue/matter/emotions/effects from you (too)... & don't say that I didn't warn you first.. (Pacer would help.. LOL)

???? Was this for me??

Nowhere did I ever say I was 'hiding' anything. Merely commented on the things I/we would miss.

But of course, 6 blocks from the ocean is also enticing to them See, positive, positive!

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Younger children are better at adjusting than adults & Teens. They roll with the flow. As sad as it may sound your children could end up being better because you went through this.They will eventually see the frugal parent. They will understand that nothing is set in stone and can be taken away.

You know what.. They have their parent...That is what's important. They will have a roof over their head. You may now have a little disposable cash to take them out to do something special. When you get your own place they will be even happier. Try not to let pride get in the way of you and your family being happy. My prayers are with you and your family.

[jandrl2001]

Probably the hardest thing for me was to tell my 3 kids (16,13, and 11 yrs.) we were going to lose the house and file bankruptcy. My 16 year old just sat there and cried and i hugged her and cried with her. But we unified as a family like we never had before. I tell them the house is special to us (bought it as it was in construction stage and watched it go from a frame to a house) that it is only a house, a material thing that can be replaced!

Good luck with them and hopefully they will just roll with the flow and enjoy the new adventure of a new place!! Hope this helps, i know how you are feeling right now!

[banca rotta]

I have never been in your position as far as losing my home, but I feel for you. This may actually make your kids that much stronger and probably very successful in the future. They will never forget this and will do everything there is to prevent it from happening t them.
I remember my family's financial hardships from childhood all too well. It didn't prevent me from getting here but it did make me a better person.

Good luck to you all!

[robivi3]

Banca, I can relate to family financial hardships. I did become stronger as a person. I saw my Dad and us go from a 36 room, one acre home on Flamigo Drive on Miami Beach to a two bedroom apt in Fountainbleau (near Sweetwater) in the mid 70's. we were happier in the apt than we had been in years.