Forum Rules (Everyone Must Read!!!) (updated: 04/28/2015)

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Had a fight with the lady

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  • Had a fight with the lady

    I been happy- that it looks like I will get 2 credit cards- for a total of $1500 line. (not married) but she is flipping out and said I will end up right where I started.

    Here is the thing- I have nothing much in an emergency- so if the tire on the car blow out- then what?

    She said I have to "live with in your means".

    RANT_ woman want to CONTROL men. WOMAN want to change a man. She also does not like how I handle my medications, doesn't want me to look at porn, and so on.

    We live 2 doors away- she can see when my lights are on- if I went to bed early or late- then why?

    Separate households.

    I told her I do not want to beg anyone to borrow money if there is an emergency. I have 2 weaknesses on spending- one is collectable coins on ebay. I can stop that. The other is I like to party- and on that- a credit card is of little use in my area- so it would have to be a cash advance. I do not need to party that badly- to take out a cash advance.

    I can picture- tho the car breaking down- or a broken pipe- or something to put $400 on that credit card- but even if it all went crazy- is $2000 in debt the end of the world?

    I hate that she tries to control me. I told her that.

    If her controlling doesnt ease off- I am going to have to put some distance in the friendship.
    Discharged- pro se- chapter 7~!

  • #2
    It doesn't sound like there's much of a friendship to end...


    • #3
      If she is controlling and won't lay off, you should end the unhealthy relationship.

      But, she's right about the credit cards. You should build an emergency savings. A credit card should not be used as an emergency fund. If you want to use the cards to build credit by charging things that you already have cash to pay for and you have the discipline not to charge more than you can pay off each month, that would be different.

      Originally posted by anykey View Post
      RANT_ woman want to CONTROL men. WOMAN want to change a man.
      That's a pretty sexist statement. Have you really never heard of a man trying to control or change a woman? It happens all the time. This is a human flaw, not a male or female trait.

      There is a difference between being concerned and offering advice and being controlling. With the credit cards and medications, might she just be expressing concern regarding your financial and medical well being and giving advice? That is what somebody does when they care about you. Listen to the advice, acknowledge it and even thank her for it. That doesn't mean you have to follow the advice. If she keeps pushing after you say "thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine", or throws a fit when you won't take her advice, then she is being controlling.

      Originally posted by anykey View Post
      doesn't want me to look at porn, and so on.
      I think it is okay for her to tell you she doesn't like you to look at porn (let her express her feelings) and ask you not to look at it while she is there. If you are not willing to stop looking at porn to make her happy, I suggest you tell her that you are sorry it bothers her, but that you aren't going to stop looking at porn when she isn't around. It is then up to her to decide whether she is okay dating a man who looks at porn. It is up to you to decide whether you are okay having a girlfriend who doesn't want to watch porn with you.

      Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to say she isn't trying to control you. There is no way for me to tell from this perspective. I'm just offering some food for thought. Life is short. Don't stay in a relationship you are not happy in.
      LadyInTheRed is in the black!
      Filed Chap 13 April 2010. Discharged May 2015.
      $143,000 in debt discharged for $36,500, including attorneys fees. Money well spent!


      • #4
        I don't normally go around telling people how to live their lives, but you posted this in a open forum so I assume this is to be expected.

        You should learn to live within your means. $1,500 isn't much of a credit line. Save that money instead. In another thread, you said the cards charged "reasonable fees" which I interpret as being annual fees and processing fees. That money could have gone to an emergency fund instead.

        Porn is an issue in many relationships. Some partners just can't handle their man looking at it. I know, I was married to one in the past. My suggestion is to be honest and tell you you like to look at it sometimes and don't want to hide it. If she can accept you looking at porn within very honest and open parameters, then good for y'all. If not, you two need to split up.

        The control complaint is juvenile IMHO. She has fundamental issues with the way you live your life and is wanting you to change. Don't like her way and can't come to a compromise together? Break it off.

        The "I spend money because I like to party" statement is more difficult and I'm not going to get into that one in too much detail. I will just say that you don't seem to me like you want to change, so why don't you tell her so? She will then have to decide whether she is willing to accept your ways.

        Beyond this squabble, I think you need to look at your choices. Things are going to come up that you will have to pay for. A tire will blow out. Your water heater will need to be replaced. Your plan, as of right now, is to use credit. Credit that you are paying "reasonable fees" for. Do you see how others will look at this and say you are setting yourself up to be in debt again? How you are going to be in the same debt nightmare I assume you were in pre-BK?

        Good luck in the decisions you make.
        Chapter 7, above median, no asset. Discharged with no UST involvement.


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