Ever feel guilty?

[pmed8]

Guilty?

Nope not for a single second.


Guilty about not feeling Guilty............................................


Pmed8

[turnedleaf]

1.) Do you have money saved for potential layoff--say 6 months to a year's worth of family living expenses?

2.) Have you got money saved to pay for a year's worth of health insurance, in the even that you guys lose your insurance coverage. Individually purchased insurance is much higher than insurance received through employment. (This would be in addition to #1.)

3.) Have you got adequate long-term disability insurance, in case you or your family member gets injured on the job in a serious way and can't work for years?

4.) Have you got a half million or more in your 401K plan? Depending on what age you retire, your standard of living and how long you live, we could easily "need" $2 million or in our 401K's to have a really secure retirement. You there yet?.

DH is a career military officer. Unless he does something stupid enough to get himself KICKED OUT of the military, numbers 1,2 and 3 are set. With injury, illness, accident, we are fine. If he was killed, I would never need to work again. Sadly, in todays military climate, they make sure that families are protected that way.

If he got out today, he would get $2500 a month just in retirement pay, in addition to healthcare and all other military benefits. We do not have 500,000 in 401K, but our retirement is funded. Then again, its a long way off.

I totally understand that there are always ways to do better, and be better. But I am not delusional about being "OK" either. We are OK.

[b_girl]

I'm going through the filing process now and not a second goes by that I don't feel guilty. BK isn't an easy thing, at least for my soul. There are some creditors like most of my credit cards that have screwed me up the ######, those I couldn't care less about, but there are many that I wish I could have paid for.

I think we all live with that kind of guilt, because none of us takes bankruptcy lightly. We all intended to re-pay our lenders, it just became impossible. Don't let the guilt consume you, enjoy your fresh start and use it wisely.

[Gabriel_S]

I'm going through the filing process now and not a second goes by that I don't feel guilty. BK isn't an easy thing, at least for my soul. There are some creditors like most of my credit cards that have screwed me up the ######, those I couldn't care less about, but there are many that I wish I could have paid for.

[No Gravy]

LOL....Ya know, I don't blame her because we *did* owe her the money, plain and simple. I can't fault her for that. What I DO fault her on is the nasty 4 page letter. Just because we owed her money doesn't give her the right to "talk smack" about us, KWIM?

Yeah, that's the part I would have taken exception to, also. They play games like that in my family, too. It's called "I'll give you the money, but that means I have the right to treat you like dirt."

I refuse to play any more

Ah well, it's over with now and now we don't speak. Perfect for me.

See? A silver lining!

[Dirk Squarejaw]

If it was simply my debt and poor spending that got me to this point, I would feel worse about what I am doing. Although I did have poor spending habits, I had my finances under control from 2005-early 2007. I traded down in cars and started paying off other debt and my credit score hovered between 700-740. I was doing fine, IMHO.

Fast forward to Feb 2007 and my wife at the time met a man at her new job that promised her the world. We split up and I ended up with most of our secured debt and a good amount of unsecured debt in the divorce. I started living off of my credit cards to make ends meet and fell into a financial downward spiral which lead to my bankruptcy.

She spent 6-8 months of her life getting beaten to a pulp by Mr. Wonderful, lost all of "our" friends, was put under heavy watch (and stress) at her job due to her relationship and has been in therapy for about 6 months. The other day she called me after I had filed asking me to sign a release on the title of her car that I had co-signed on so that she could trade it in. My lawyer said "DO NOT SIGN" so now she is stuck with the car that she drove to work during a snow emergency to see Mr. Wonderful and wrecked. Its never been right since it was fixed.

She probably won't like the outcome of this bankruptcy either.

Karma's a *****……and no I don't feel a bit guilty about it. She put me in a major financial bind and this is my "Get out of Jail Free"-card.

[ssdsco]

I feel like I robbed a bank....BoA, Citi, HSBC for over $200k.

[Stilltheone]

Are you sure we're not related? I'm so sorry. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work.

LOL....Ya know, I don't blame her because we *did* owe her the money, plain and simple. I can't fault her for that. What I DO fault her on is the nasty 4 page letter. Just because we owed her money doesn't give her the right to "talk smack" about us, KWIM?

What put her over the edge was when we pulled up in our Cadillac Escalade, yet we owed her money. That was the straw that broke the camels' back, so to speak.....it broke her AND US. LOL

Ah well, it's over with now and now we don't speak. Perfect for me.

[Phillymanhere]

TurnedLeaf,

I appreciate the sense of responsibility you have and I certainly appreciate your sadness over having defaulted on your little local credit union. (Of course, your little local credit union probably has some kind of insurance in cases like this and they have probably filed for it and gotten some money for your defalt).

But here's the big picture. You really don't need to feel guilty because life is really hard at times. If you're having an easy moment now, you can enjoy it because there will be many many times in your life (in all of our lives) when things are too hard for no reason.

Furthermore, I say you may not be as well off as you think.

1.) Do you have money saved for potential layoff--say 6 months to a year's worth of family living expenses?

2.) Have you got money saved to pay for a year's worth of health insurance, in the even that you guys lose your insurance coverage. Individually purchased insurance is much higher than insurance received through employment. (This would be in addition to #1.)

3.) Have you got adequate long-term disability insurance, in case you or your family member gets injured on the job in a serious way and can't work for years?

4.) Have you got a half million or more in your 401K plan? Depending on what age you retire, your standard of living and how long you live, we could easily "need" $2 million or in our 401K's to have a really secure retirement. You there yet?

I say take the "ease" of your situation and use it to get ahead of the curve by addressing all four of the above situations. Unless you have completed #1, #2, #3 AND #4, you don't have it easy. You're just thinking you have it easy because you're blocking out a number of things facing you. Which unfortunately is what people facing bk tend to do, underestimate the expenses facing us.

Good luck.

[No Gravy]

I am not stating all this to side with anyone cause Lord knows I have experienced having a ton of debt to deal with and no money to pay...but it was my fault, not the creditor's fault, that put me in that place. Lots of folks don't like to hear that it's so true.

There is a lot of truth to that statement

[No Gravy]

And to the OP: I never felt guilty when I decided to file BK. I saw creditors raise my finance charge because I was late on a different cards which had nothing to do with them. I too had an account with a local credit union (who services my employer) and I tried to work it out with them but they turned nasty.

I think creditors get greedy and add to the situation that drives many of us to filing BK by their "loan shark" tactics. Before I was late on *any* account several accounts suddenly went from 9% to 29%, 36%, and in one case 38.9%.

Unless I won the lottery and could pay in one gigantic lump sum, I could never have paid it off. Never. Then again, I'm sure that's what they were hoping.

[No Gravy]

Yeah, it was a tough spot. She loaned it to us back in '04 and made us sign papers in Dec 07...right before we filed. Had she not made us sign papers, we wouldn't have had to include her, technically.

When she made us sign a contract, she also included a 4 page letter, telling my husband how horrible he was, what a disappointment he was....It was pretty heartbreaking for him to read...that $1500 made such an impact on his mother, that she felt the need to write such terrible things about us.

She hasn't seen us or her grandkids for almost a year. She calls my husband at work every now and then. She wasn't really "into the grandkid" thing, so I don't think she particularly cares about them....which is fine by me. Our kids have my parents, who go above and beyond what they need.

Still, it's sad because I know my husband would like for his mom to see our kids...and she could care less, it seems.

I don't have certain creditors that I feel bad about, but certain *purchases*....Like we charged our downpayment for our car back in November ($800)....we charged a trip to Disney over Christmas, we bought furniture in December that no one's come after...

Are you sure we're not related? I'm so sorry. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work.

[No Gravy]

In our society, I think it's normal to feel like a failure...but don't. To recognize that something isn't working (i.e., your finances) and to take steps to rebuild/reorganize is both smart and necessary for your and your family's survival. Your welfare is more important than any lendor's. Remember, they have a lot more resources than you do. If you can recognize some mistakes you made in the past which led to bankruptcy, then learn from them and go on. Don't judge yourself harshly...there are enough people out there who will do that for you.

Thank you for your kind words Your last line made me giggle, because when I read it I thought "Yep...my family will!"

The reasons I'm feeling like a failure right now involves them. They don't seem to get it that I can't afford what I used to, or that I don't have money right now to do what they thing I should do.

My dad died in January, and his memorial service is in 2 weeks, 2 states away. His wish was to be cremated and his ashes scattered in a specific place in New Mexico, a place that is only accessible this time of year.

I don't have the money to go. In the past, I've always just "made things happen", no matter the cost. Things are different now, *I* am different now. To say that's not being met with any level of understanding whatsoever would be an understatement.

[Cali]

I wouldn't have signed anything if I were treated that badly. That is so sad.

[Stilltheone]

Yeah, it was a tough spot. She loaned it to us back in '04 and made us sign papers in Dec 07...right before we filed. Had she not made us sign papers, we wouldn't have had to include her, technically.

When she made us sign a contract, she also included a 4 page letter, telling my husband how horrible he was, what a disappointment he was....It was pretty heartbreaking for him to read...that $1500 made such an impact on his mother, that she felt the need to write such terrible things about us.

She hasn't seen us or her grandkids for almost a year. She calls my husband at work every now and then. She wasn't really "into the grandkid" thing, so I don't think she particularly cares about them....which is fine by me. Our kids have my parents, who go above and beyond what they need.

Still, it's sad because I know my husband would like for his mom to see our kids...and she could care less, it seems.

I don't have certain creditors that I feel bad about, but certain *purchases*....Like we charged our downpayment for our car back in November ($800)....we charged a trip to Disney over Christmas, we bought furniture in December that no one's come after...