Ever feel guilty?

[soleprop]

ouch that's a tough one. i don't blame you for your stand on it at all, but i bet she grudges over it for a lonnnng time.

[Stilltheone]

The only person I feel *guilty* about is my mother in law. She loaned us $1500 for the downpayment of our house and we included her in our bankruptcy. We chose not to pay it back to her because there were some things said to us BEFORE we filed that really hurt us, deep down. Had those things not been said to us, we would probably pay her back, but we're choosing not to.

[soleprop]

i'm paying back one of mine. he was included because he had to be, but in my mind i know that if anyone is going to get money i sweat and stress for, it will be him. he invested in me/my business with absolutely no schemes to get a return off of it. he's what lending should be about.

[Flamingo]

If you do feel guilty about filing BK on a certain creditor, ie your local credit union, department store etc., you can still pay them back. There is no law against that. If that would make your conscience feel better, then save up what you owed them or even a small portion and give it to them. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.

MNBK7guy - I saw some responses to your posting above and most people feel "burned" by some creditors but I totally know where you are coming from. There could creditors listed in your filing that are not the "big banks" or big creditors but smaller creditors or, as you say, your credit union, that you have maybe had a credit card with or have been with for some time and feel bad about the whole thing. In fact, in the letter we received from our attorney after our discharge, it was stated that if you want to pay back on your own any debts that were discharged in BK, that is your option and you can do it. It's when they try to collect after discharge is when there is a problem, but you volunteering to pay anyone back is totally up to the former debtor. If one really has the interest in paying back certain creditors after discharge and they are better off at a certain time after filing and want to do so, that is totally up to them and can be done. Remember, there are folks out there that stiff it to creditors also just as folks say creditors stiff it to them. The numerous postings on this site over the years about people wanting to run up their credit cards to the limit and then file just proves that point. They do not intend to pay the amounts back so they are in plain words stiffing creditors but to them that's OK because since they were late for payments or could not pay bills and interest rates/fees went up, they are not at fault - it's the creditors fault. All one has to do is read the contract signed at the time the credit card or loan was taken out - terms were agreed to as to what can occur when certain events occur.

I am not stating all this to side with anyone cause Lord knows I have experienced having a ton of debt to deal with and no money to pay...but it was my fault, not the creditor's fault, that put me in that place. Lots of folks don't like to hear that it's so true.

[epiphany]

Ya know, growing up, my Dad would constantly fret about bills. We never went without but we were never were given anything extravegant. I went to an all girls private high school (they did splurge on my education) where there were many rich girls who were afforded all the luxuries, including cars that they would immediately go out and wrap around a tree. Their Daddys would replace those with vehicles of equal or greater value.

I had my first dabble with credit at the age of 18 (way too young for most if you ask me). And it was like Xmas every day. I never thought about the long road. All I knew is that I could get XYZ when I wanted it.

My parents used credit cards but it wasn't until about 10 years ago that I discovered that they paid them off in full each month. They are and always have been (except for their mortgage which has long since been paid for) completely debt free. I wish they had taught me this growing up but I'm guessing that they thought I knew it or would glean it.

And to the OP: I never felt guilty when I decided to file BK. I saw creditors raise my finance charge because I was late on a different cards which had nothing to do with them. I too had an account with a local credit union (who services my employer) and I tried to work it out with them but they turned nasty.

I felt some shame filing BK but no guilt. The shame has pretty much passed. I'm good with it and enjoying have so many less bills to pay.

ep

[Cali]

You would be amazed at how many people actually do pay some creditors back.

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?

[shabam]

You can start with Bank of America!

I owe quite a bit to those guys. Do they run you through the ringer or something?

If we know who the bastard lenders are, we can "plan" to send our debt their way..

[b_girl]

You're making perfect sense to me. I have similar feelings, and I haven't yet filed! I feel guilty for not living up to my obligations to certain (but not all) creditors, and I feel like I'm a failure to my family.

In our society, I think it's normal to feel like a failure...but don't. To recognize that something isn't working (i.e., your finances) and to take steps to rebuild/reorganize is both smart and necessary for your and your family's survival. Your welfare is more important than any lendor's. Remember, they have a lot more resources than you do. If you can recognize some mistakes you made in the past which led to bankruptcy, then learn from them and go on. Don't judge yourself harshly...there are enough people out there who will do that for you.

[Debster222]

We should start a bastard creditor list.

You can start with Bank of America!

[No Gravy]

Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt.

I feel like writing that on a picket sign and picketing a few creditors' businesses...

[No Gravy]

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

You're making perfect sense to me. I have similar feelings, and I haven't yet filed! I feel guilty for not living up to my obligations to certain (but not all) creditors, and I feel like I'm a failure to my family.

[shabam]

We were discharged yesterday () and thats wonderful. It really is. We had a very, very simple case, no asset or objections. The hardest part of the whole thing was filling out the forms. Our credit has remained surprisingly good and we were approved today for a car loan up to $45000 at 8.75% (obviously, not using even half of it...).

We are easily making it now, and my DH is just beside himself with joy.

I feel awful. I feel guilty, like this should have been so much harder or that we should have been "punished" more. I wish I could say that the need for BK wasnt our fault, but it was. We were stupid and lived like Kings when we couldnt afford it. And now, its all gone. All that overindulgence has been sucked up by the creditors. And for some creditors I dont care. But some I feel terrible about, like my little home town credit union etc. I know we did the right thing, and that we had no other choice, but I still feel like I SHOULDNT be able to enjoy myself because of filing bankruptcy.

Is this making sense to anyone else? Its weird, and its driving my husband crazy that I am not brimming with excitement like he is.

Congratulations on the double good news..

Quick question. Was the car finance pre-approved or was it approved at the dealership? The reason I ask is because I have been seeing a few cases where the dealer says some is approved only to turn around a few days or weeks later and demand more money or a new contract at a higher rate.

I understand where you are coming from. Some of the creditors are really nice. Others are ruthless.

We should start a bastard creditor list.

[MajorMike]

Are you kidding? These bloodsucking credit card companies are making a fortune off people like us! I'm glad to be sticking it to them a little ( even though I'm paying a percentage back )....they don't give a rat's AZZ about us!!!

[justplaintired]

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over. Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt. Often that interest rate jump is on a card in which a person paid on time and never went over the limit. An article in the paper the other day said that credit card companies call those customers WHO PAY THEIR BILL OFF EVERY MONTH, "deadbeats."

How facinating is that? They look at those who pay off what they charge as loosers! They only love the "revolvers" who never pay off a cent of the original loan. People who can be bleed dry of every hard-earned dollar.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?

I had to reply, I couldn't have said it better myself! That is exactly what put us here!!!! I firmly hope and pray someday cc companies will get what they have coming! I recently read on here that cc companies are to blame for alot of the foreclosures, people paying cc and letting the mortgage payment run late. 70% of consumers would rather be late on their mortgage then a cc?!?!?!? Amazing! and horrifying to me!

[hnhlvr]

If you do feel guilty about filing BK on a certain creditor, ie your local credit union, department store etc., you can still pay them back. There is no law against that. If that would make your conscience feel better, then save up what you owed them or even a small portion and give it to them. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.

Okay, so you are a secret undercover agent for one of the banks???

It's a joke that a person would pay back a bank after being entirely screwed over. Once an interest rate jumps to 28.9%, there is no way an average person can pay back their debt. Often that interest rate jump is on a card in which a person paid on time and never went over the limit. An article in the paper the other day said that credit card companies call those customers WHO PAY THEIR BILL OFF EVERY MONTH, "deadbeats."

How facinating is that? They look at those who pay off what they charge as loosers! They only love the "revolvers" who never pay off a cent of the original loan. People who can be bleed dry of every hard-earned dollar.

Why should anyone feel obligated to pay banks back out of guilt? Would any bank REALLY appreciate the gesture? Possibly send a thank you card?