What a bunch of jerks !

[NanaOf11]

OMG PacificBlue, I needed that!! Thanks

[BNKRPTinNC]

PacificBlue,

Two side splitters in two days. Keep em coming.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks all, as you can tell I kind of a smartass. Here's how the call went today but my wife was home this time. I think they heard her laughing in the back ground. (this is actual the conversation).

Phone ring
Me: "hello"
Auto computer: "Please hold the line for an important message about one of your accounts".
Me: It hit me there and then how to play this one: "hello, hello"
Person came on: "Hello this is blah, blah, blah, calling in regards to your blah...
Me: (I cut her off) "hello"
Person: "hello this is blah, blah (like she was reading off a card, saying the same thing)
Me: (I cut her off again). "Hello, please be advised I am hearing impaired. Speak slowly, clear, and directly into the phone".
Person: "H-e-l-l-o'?
Me: "I'm sorry, you will have to speak up, I'm hearing impaired".
Person: "Are You Able To Hear Anything"?
Me: "I can hear when you speak slowly and into the phone yes".
Person: "I-S (W-I-F-E'S N-A-M-E) T-H-E-R-E"?
Me: "No my (wife's name) is not here, I'm her husband may I help you"?
Person: "I'm calling from (bank that holds one of our cards) to make arrangements for a past due account". (in a normal voice and fast paced).
Me: "This is her husband may I help you"?
Person:"T-H-I-S A-C-C-O-U-N-T I-S P-A-S-T D-U-E"
Me: "Thank you, her appointment's at two, whats this appointment for? I'm writing this down, so please.... .
Person: (This time she cut me off and you can feel the frustration) "N-O! T-H-E (bank card) ACCOUNT IS PAST DUE, AND WE NEED TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR A PAYMENT TODAY"? (I picture her sitting in a cubical annoying her co-workers, or at least getting their attention).
Me: "I'm sorry, this isn't fun for me either, please be patience. I'm hearing impaired and you must speak slow, and clear".
Person: (Even louder then before, and you could tell she was losing her consecration): "I-S Y-O-U-R W-I-F-E T-H-E-R-E"?
Me: "I already told you my wife's not here, I'm hearing impaired not blind, please don't make fun of me".
Person: (She blew (yeah blew) loudly into the phone and said): "CAN YOU MAKE A PAYMENT TODAY?".
Me: "yes"
Person: I hear her take a deep breath: "WHEN".
Me: "What did I win, is this about my wife's appointment, or something I won"?
Person: "Mr (my last name) This is not a joking matter, we are attempting to collect on a past due amount or we are going to send it to collections".
Me: "Why wont you speak so I can hear you, I told you I'm hearing impaired and your are making this conversation difficult and upsetting to me. Would you like to speak to my wife"?
Person: "YES" (you could hear the excitement in her voice like she hit 777 on a slot machine).
Me: (now, this is where I kind of I laughed a little, and I think she may have heard me) "Shes not here right now, but I can take a message".
Click......... phone went dead.. she hung up.

Less then a min later phone rings.
Me:"Hello"
Person: (its a man this time): Your making matters worst for yourself (and quoted something about harassing them) and said this conversation is being recorded".
Me: "Hello, please be advised I am hearing impaired speak slowly, clear, and directly into the phone. Is this is the same person that called a min ago"?.
Person: "if you want to keep up this serenade, fine you can speak to our law firm as we are handing this over to them now".
Me: "listen, I know you are saying something, but I just can not hear you. Are you aware that harassing some one that is hearing impaired on the phone is illegal, and we record all our calls?"
Person: (now he speaks up). "WHAT IS THE MEDICAL CONDITION WHY YOU CAN"T HEAR"? (he about blew my ear out he was so loud).
Me: "I can hear when you speak slowly and into the phone thank you. Why do you want to know my condition, who are you"?.
Person: "IM CALLING FROM (bank name) AND THIS IS OUR LAST ATTEMPT TO MAKE AN OFFER NOT TO SEND IT TO COLLECTIONS".
Me: "I'm sorry What was the 2nd part of your question"?
Person: THIS IS (BANK NAME) now he is losing his consecration)
Me: "oh, I'm sorry your from (bank name)".
Person: "yes".
Me: "hello?"
Person: "YES".
Me: "okay, what is it you want?"
Person: (loud, but in a lower tone) "We need a payment and quoted a dollar amount"?
Me: "hello?"
Person: (I knew this was going to be loud, so I held the phone away from my ear) WE NEED A PAYMENT FOR THE AMOUNT OF $XXXXX"
Me: (you can just imagine everyone in the office looking at him) "yes"
Person: "is there a western union/bill pay close by you".
Me: (I have no clue what that is, so I just said..) "hello"?
Person: "IS THERE A... NEVER MIND, WE ARE SENDING THIS TO COLLECTIONS".
Me:" You know, I have tried to be nice, and explain to you I'm hearing impaired, yet you continue to harass me. I'm filing a complaint and using this taped phone conversation as proof".
Person: "I'M SORRY THIS IS UPSETTING TO ME AS WELL".
Me: "It's too late for apologizes, you have upset me and are harassing me".
Person: (this guy was back peddling like he was going over a waterfall in a canoe). "I PUT DOWN FOR THIS ACCOUNT ALL CORRESPONDENCE WILL BE DONE VIA MAIL (under his voice, but I still heard him say.. "assuming you can read" OR ONLY SPEAK WITH (MY WIFES NAME) WOULD THAT BE OKAY"? (is this guy an idiot? I told him I was recording the conversation, and he makes a "assuming you can read" statement)
Me:"If you wanted to speak with my wife, you should have just asked. There was no need to carry on like you did. So, would you like to speak with my wife?".
Person: (in a very happy voice he said) "SO SHE IS THERE"?
Me: "No, but I can take a message for her".
Person: "thank you, good by".
Click:............

[ned2010]

LOL @ pacific blue. i love it!

What I wanna know is, was the chick's name REALLY Merchurka???????

Yes it was, and she really flew off the handle when I would not agree with her to change my monthly payment on her so-called Its your lucky day Ned, I got a deal for you. She kept shouting and carrying on and then she got her supervisor.

[lindsay2181]

LOL @ pacific blue. i love it!

What I wanna know is, was the chick's name REALLY Merchurka???????

[bkpain]

Thanks! I needed that! Too funny!

[OhioFiler]

Having fun with the collectors can be a great sport! Too many people are afraid and intimidated by these morons and their tactics. The truth is we have complete control of the process if we choose to utilize the control.

[ForumReader]

I read the entire thread and it certainly made me laugh! Sure needed that after having a particularly bad and stressful week this week.

[frogger]

My favorite thing to do now for salesmen/collectors/whoever is tell them that I will get whoever they are calling for. Just hang on...

It's amazing how long some of them will wait for someone to come back. If they're still there after 5 minutes or so, I tell them to keep waiting. They're coming... be patient.

[debt86]

I wonder about Barclays, Juniper and Discover in the posts here it sounds alot of predatory lending similar to Payday loans almost, the interest and payments increase actually alot of cc's. I do know when I was late on my Walmart cc they didn't charge me a late fee after I explained my situation when I had made a late payment to them on my own actually they were nice about it and they did not increase my payment nor interest. I know thats rare. All over this forum I've read alot of horror stories about barclays,juniper,discover,chase, citi seem really extreme terrible.

[badkarma]

Love it too funny

[toomanycards]

i just copied and pasted into email and sent to a few friends...they will get a kick out of it...thanks for the laughs.

[Widdle]

I posted this in collections, but thought it would fly here too..

Phone ring: "hello"
Person: "hello, is (my wifes name) there"
Me: "No, (and I glance at my clock, it's 11:20) she will be home at 11:00"
Person: (slight pause) "11:00 this morning"?
Me: "That is correct".
Person:"it's 11:22 now, she is late".
Me: "exactly"
Person: "is she normally late"?
Me: "Nope".
Person: "she is late this time".
Me: "No, she called and told me she was running behind".
Person: (slight pause) "Then she wont be home at 11:00, when will she"?
Me: "You are correct".
Person (slight pause) "Could you have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "I'm her husband maybe I can help you".
Person: "I'm calling about her past due account"
Me: "oh, then you will want to talk with me on that matter".
Person: "she is the card holder I need to speak with her. Are you authorized to speak for her".
Me: "As far as you know I am".
Person: "Is there any information you can give me as to when this account will be brought up to current"?
Me: "of course".
Person: (slight pause again). "When would that be".
Me: "Yesterday".
Person: "Your account was brought up to current yesterday"?
Me: "that is correct".
Person: "I'm not showing it's current".
Me: "Are you looking at the statement now"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "and it's past due"?
Person: "yes".
Me: "Oh, I got the accounts mixed up, I'm not good with numbers, you will want to speak with my wife, she will be home at 11:00".
Person (another long pause) "Please have her call us at xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "was that xxxxxxxxY"?
Person: "no it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "xxxxxxyxxxx"
Person: "no, it's xxxxxxxxxxx".
Me: "oh, sorry I was hearing xxxxxxyxxxx, I'm not good with numbers you know".
Person: "Do you have the correct number now"?
Me:" yes it's xxxxxyxxxy"
Person: "Do you have an answering machine".
Me: "yes".
Person: "I will call back and leave the number on it".
Me: "But I'm here, and will answer the phone".
Person: "Don't answer and I will leave the message".
Me: "Um, okay".
Person: "good bye".
Me: "good bye".
Five mins later the phone rings...
Me: "hello".
Person: "you weren't suppose to answer, I'm leaving the number on your answering machine".
Me: "Oh, I didn't know it was you, thought maybe it was my wife she's late you know".
Person: "Yes I know. Does she have a cell phone she can be reached at"?
Me: "yes".
Person: "May I have that number"?
Me: "Sure Press 1 and hit send"
Person: "Sorry?".
Me: "Oh, I mean I press 1 on my cell phone and send and it's her number".
Person: "Do you know the actual number?".
Me: "No, just the speed dial".
Person: "Do you have your cell phone with you".
Me: "yes".
Person: "can you bring up that number"?
Me: "it's on the charger"
Person: "I will call back this evening"
Me: "we are going out this evening".
Person: "then I will leave the call back number on your machine".
Me: "You can call back now, I wont answer this time".
Person: "thank you, good bye".
Me: "your wel..." phone went dead, she hung up before I finished.
less then one min later.. Phone rings..
Me: "hello".
"click". they hung up

I really look forward to these calls. I'm a stay at home husband and need the entertainment....

I'm printing this and giving it to my brother!!!

[debt86]

LOL This entire thread is so funny !! it made my day!!!

[Kansas1960]

I think next time she calls you should ask her out for a date. Tell her she sounds really nice and you are looking for someone to spend some time with.